It’s a very special weekend. I held WebDom and lObOt in my cupped hands, cried out, “Fly my little birds, fly! You’re free!” and flung them in the air. And they flew out to a wonderful house renovation project nearby where they’ll paint, plaster, polish, repair, and raise ill-mannered cats, well-mannered children, and frightened chickens. So I am again alone, an Empty Nester, my entire house now a Man Cave. Time to make some French press coffee and put Dream Theater on my stereo with the volume up all the way.

Birthdays today include a guy who did everything except sex toys; the French guy who, unlike Mike, actually did something useful; a pioneer in his craft who did it perfectly; a woman who wanted to be alone; a guy who was not Sephardic; the greatest female voice artist; the other guy whom Oswald didn’t shoot; a pitcher with the longest kick and stretch I’ve ever seen (and delivered the finest pitching performance in MLB history); a guy whom I’d like to introduce to my ex-wife; a sure-fire guarantee that a movie would be funny; a guy who will always be my president, and I hope yours; an accomplished guy who might actually have been a half-decent president and actually WAS racially attacked; a guy who outdid Theisman; Heroic Mulatto’s spirit animal; a brilliant actor who made us love evil; Mr. One Nut himself; and my favorite rapper.

Let’s move- to Links.

 

Normally I hate autoplay, but do watch the video, the interviews are unintentionally hilarious.

 

This race perfectly encapsulates why Team Red is going to lose badly in the next two elections. This guy has fewer brain cells left than Gabby Giffords and he’s still kicking their asses.

 

“Maintaining this binary in youth sports reinforces the idea that boys are inherently bigger, faster, and stronger than girls in a competitive setting—a notion that’s been challenged by scientists for years.”

 

I approve of this new trend. Makes getting into someone’s pants faster and easier.

 

Just so you know what idiots we have as governor and state assembly.

 

Let’s be honest: who gives a fuck?

 

Russia Russia Russia Russia. The Left loves them some McCarthyism.

 

The Old Guy actually saw Haddix pitch. And it’s Harvey’s birthday and this is a fun little song commemorating the most triumphant and tragic pitching feat in baseball history.