So after my adventures in Buffalo, I went down to Baltimore last weekend to visit my mom. When I got there, we had a problem. She’s in a “progressive memory care” facility because of her Alzheimer’s. They called us. “We had a little problem here…” It turns out she tried to shiv one of the other inmates. With a butter knife. A guy in a wheelchair. Now, to be fair, she felt threatened and warned him off; “Stay back or you’ll be staring at your intestines in your lap!” And apparently, this was the second such incident between her and this guy, not that she remembered the first one. After some discussion, we were able to convince them not to kick her out, but she went from gen pop to lockdown. Not that she noticed, but still.

How was YOUR week?

Birthdays usually come after the intro, and today is no exception. And they include a hero of mine and likely yours; a guy whose name will forever be linked to New Jersey; a guy who presaged Humbert Humbert’s desire to sleep with 12 year old girls; a guy whose persona I have attempted to adopt; a guy who inspired the best supporting character on Seinfeld;  an SF writer who was a bit more visionary than most about the possibilities of cyberspace; a guy who really only had one song in him, and a vastly overrated one at that; Elizabeth Warren’s spirit animal; a totally humorless midget; and a woman who has absolutely mastered the art of racial grift.

I hear the sound of “Farmer In The Dell” being whistled. “Grandma comin’.” Let’s Link before she comes calling.

 

This reminds me of my last visit to Taco Time.

 

They misspelled “hope.”

 

“Culinary racism.” So many idiots, so few bullets.

 

What do you mean “we,” white man?

 

So much for that next grant.

 

MIGA.

 

Enjoy your new shackles, Chuckie.

 

Old Guy Music is a fun and unexpected cover.