“Cracky?” Hunter called, “Where are you, buddy?”
“I’m in here! I’m in here!” Cracky cried.
Hunter sauntered into the Presidential Post-Apocalypse Lounge, the first attempt at installing a nuclear fallout shelter in the White House. It was a dismal space, yellowed walls and brown scratchy furniture. Crates of pickled eggs and canned water lined one wall.
“I hate my new office, Cracky,” Hunter said, flopping onto the lead-lined couch.
“It’s not so bad,” Cracky chirped from the tactical coffee table. “It’s cozy and private and the exhaust fan vents out the roof!”
“P-PAL,” Hunter said. “It’s called the P-PAL.”
“But no one bothers us down here,” Cracky said. “We can spend all the time together we want. And no nosy Secret Service agent will find me like my friend Gram Baggie.”
“I would never let that happen to you, Cracky. Don’t you know you’re my best friend?”
“Aw. You’re my best friend!”
Hunter reached over to the coffee table and pried off a chunk of Cracky. He screwed the crack rock into a glass stem and reached under the couch for his culinary torch. The torch flared and the rock glowed. Cracky sighed with pleasure.
“Sweet,” Hunter said in a choked voice, and coughed out a gray cloud of smoke and dead epithelial cells.
“You made me out of the freshest crack in all of Anacostia!” Cracky said happily.
Hunter hit the rock again, the glass stem heating to burn his lips. The hot stem fell out of his mouth and rolled off his chest onto the burnt umber shag carpet gone stiff with years of intern sex juices.
“Hunter?” Cracky asked. “Am I awake?”
“I don’t know,” Hunter mumbled. “Maybe?” He reached over and took Cracky, hugging him to the hollow of his chest.
“I just sometimes don’t feel all that really real,” Cracky said. “I mean, what happens to me when you finally smoke all of me?”
“I’ll go out and buy some more, lots more,” Hunter whispered. “I’ll remake you.”
“But would that still be me?” Cracky asked.
“Of course you will be you,” Hunter said. “Who else would you be?”
“I feel like I might be Theseus’ ship,” Cracky said sadly.
“I don’t know what that means,” Hunter said, and nodded off.
Adorable.
“I feel like I might be Theseus’ ship,” Cracky said sadly.
I was waiting for that.
Yup.
Or possibly a discussion about the transporter system on Star Trek.
Well, we already know that it murders the individual and produces a photocopy. Else you would never get duplicates.
Which makes me wonder why anyone would ever use one.
“Well, I’ve lived long enough, time to let my clone take over!”
Also, why would anyone ever age? Why not have the ‘transporter’ just keep spitting out copies of 20-something you.
Because if it spat out the 20-somethings with the memories of the 20-something, people would realize what’s really happening, so they update the pattern to avoid admitting their shenanigans.
I’m not edumacated enough to know that question had a name already.
It was said by some old dead white guy thousands of years ago, no need to know about it.
The Greeks aren’t white. they’re kinda olive.
And oily?
Yes, yes they are.
So say we all.
Huzzah!
Big credit to this guy for the Cracky graphic. He just absolutely nailed it.
Totes adorbs.
Makes me want to get one of my own!
*checks Glibs merch for Cracky plush toy*
Big credit to both of you. Fantastic story, fantastic illustration.
Theseus’s ship. This series is so educational.
So many gems…
“my friend Gram Baggie”
“coughed out a gray cloud of smoke and dead epithelial cells”
“the burnt umber shag carpet gone stiff with years of intern sex juices”
And Theseus’ ship!
Touching.
Cracky!
Almost as cute as STEVE SMITH.
Dafuq has happened to me that this seems so wholesome?
You’ve been groomed by SF.
It’s a trap. He’s lulling us into a false sense of security. Next week will be full of Velcro and other horrors.
I really don’t plan these out. I take what the universe gives me and give it back to you.
Now I know we’re fucked.
And by “universe” he means “White House security feeds”.
It’s like a Hallmark Channel episode.
Perfection.
These SF universes would be a hit on Adult Swim at 2am back in the early 2000s
Actually all the animated stuff from CPRM and the storyboard stuff that is here would be 90s Internet hall of fame.
And I love the illustration.
Yeah, the illustration just brings the awesome to the next level.
I saw Intern Sex Juices at ACL Fest.
You went on an ACL tear?
I think they were on the WaMu stage right after Die Antwoord
https://youtu.be/AIXUgtNC4Kc
I can see it in my mind’s eye. From the moment Gerald Ford had it installed to today.
That’s a lot of intern spooge.
So, in a matter of days, Animal makes me sympathize with Nazi Vampires and Sugar Free makes me sympathize with a crack rock. I’m so confused.
Best I’ve got in the pipeline for a trifecta is a drunk priest-magistrate.
I can’t help but feel I’m not living up to the standards of this site.
You’ve been spending all your time playing God with plastic!
The rest of the MadCat is printing as we speak.
I’m at the office, so hopefully it can run uninterrupted and unsupervised.
Damn 18-24 hour prints… 🙁
. . . uninterrupted and unsupervised.
Imagine your surprise when you come home to a full-size, fully-operational MadCat.
“I didn’t know it could do that . . . “
I would not complain – provided I could drive it.
I don’t think clan neurohelmets work on stravags.
I’m sure I could manage to think simply enough for it to mistake me for a cannister. At least until I patch the software.
I saw that movie!
I think the Subaru Ad Execs have been reading Sugar Free.
It’s spelled “unts-unts-unts”
uhn tiss tuhn tiss uhn tiss baby
Subaru Whore Theatre?
“I heard it can carry two lesbians. In it’s belly.”
Maybe they pivoted to making ones I can’t do anything with. I mean, it’s already a horror story. [swiss eye narrowing]
New lead singer, same old song
“The world needs accurate trustworthy news now more than ever and we’ve never had more ways of meeting that need at home and abroad,” Thompson said. “Where others see disruption, I see opportunity. I can’t wait to roll up my sleeves and get down to work with my new colleagues to build a successful future for CNN.”
The appointment of Thompson, a seasoned media executive who is widely credited with rescuing The Times during a turbulent period in the newspaper’s history, comes at a momentous time for CNN, with the network facing a slew of significant challenges. How those challenges are addressed will define the future of the news network.
Most notably, CNN faces an existential threat to its business model due to the rapid contraction of traditional linear television, where it generates the bulk of its revenue. Thompson faced a similar challenge during his time at The Times when the newspaper’s longtime print business collapsed as audiences migrated online and readers canceled their hard-copy newspaper subscriptions. At the Times, Thompson successfully transformed the newspaper into a digital powerhouse.
CNN also continues to grapple with a thorny political environment. Former President Donald Trump, who made the news network a top target in his first term, is seeking the White House again in 2024 while also facing multiple criminal indictments — all of which effectively guarantees that newsrooms will be forced to swim through a polluted river of mis-and-disinformation, along with smears from Trump and his allies.
Our primary mission is to obsessively smear and vilify Donald Trump.
Yeah, those smears are so unfair, why in the world would they think CNN was biased against them? 🙄
Damn 18-24 hour prints
That seems like an awfully long time. Is that based on complexity and/or quality settings?
Sort of both. It’s Linear distance of travel for the print head. Higher quality print settings produce more layers, thus longer distance of travel to draw it all. More complex patters will have more solid edges and thus have less simple infill regions.
Printing a life-size copy of UnCivilServant for placement in front of his work computer camera is a long-term project.
There was a time, when I couldn’t read SF’s work.
Now, I look forward to Wednesdays.
I groomed you, bro.
Mean while, in local news:
https://www.fox29.com/news/trio-busted-for-manufacturing-selling-ghost-guns-and-silencers-in-montgomery-county-da
Not sure how that holds up under Bruen, since guns weren’t required to have serial numbers until 1968.
Maybe SCOTUS will weigh in after they’ve sat in isolation cells for a few years.
They can get them on the transfers and the suppressors easy.
AFAIK, any homemade pistol would need to be marked with a serial and transferred via FFL (barring limited family transfers).
Again, under Bruen they would need to show a historical tradition of such requirements. Which of course does not exist.
They will be convicted under current law. Then then can appeal up to SCOTUS. Years from now they will emerge from prison as broken men.
An anthropomorphic crack rock – genius.
I sense another set up – get ready for the next one.
Will a Cracky plushy toy be available in the Glibs Store any time soon?
We’re actually investigating this. Stay tuned.
Tucker just went there.
https://twitter.com/bennyjohnson/status/1696882854766973158
Not that I disagree but that’ll only come, from a deep state source anyway but it could always be a random nut, if the cases and the legal disqual shenanigans don’t manage to keep him from running. They’ve upped the ante to the point that if he wins THEY’ll go to prison.
Yes. They went past the point of no return a while ago. Stupid fucks.
It may be a nut; it won’t be random.
Yep. Followed up with a Jack Ruby clone.
^This. At this point I am quite certain the FBI and the other 3-letter agencies have an inventory of unstable kooks that they can spin up and aim as needed.
And it pisses me off that only a few years ago I would have considered anyone saying this a conspiracy-theory nutcase.
“I’ve never been as worried as I am about where this is going”
I think I posted that basic sentiment a few weeks ago.
They killed Kennedy for less.
I’m actually surprised that there wasn’t an assassination attempt when he was President the way the media gets people so worked up about him.
Maybe people are more self aware than we give them credit for and the vast majority of the anger in most is performative.
LOL.
Sounds like you’ve been hanging around Cracky.
Worse, I was a psychology major.
Their problem is that they have no plausible deniability anymore, nor any goodwill by half the country.
Even if Trump gets hit by lightning, people are going to blame the CIA for it.
Even if they do it, what does it matter? What is anyone going to do about it?
Nobody knows. We’re in uncharted waters here.
And way more threatening than in 2016. Back then he was just a loose cannon who wouldn’t follow orders.
Now… he knows where all the bodies are buried. There is no way they will let him win again.
I wish I had a pal like Cracky. Maybe I should take up the habit.
The problem with a friend like Cracky is that he’ll be gone when you need him the most.
I know that no one cares about plain old wordle, but I need to post:
Wordle 802 1/6
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
first time ever
I assumed there’d be some 1s today.
LOL yup
Wordle 802 1/6
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
According to WordleBot, 13.5% of Wordlers got a 1 today.
Correction; 4%.
It had to roll around sooner or later.
Yeah. I use STARE. Closest I’ve been is 4 green…can’t remember if the word was STATE or SPARE or SNARE or…
My second word is STERN
#meeto
As far as the potential for an assassination attempt on Trump goes, the unceasing media/establishmentarian demonization certainly seems to be specifically intended to induce some random lefty world-saver to snap and take a whack at him.
The establishment wants to “smash the system”.
Chaos, riots, race riots, famine, assassinations… it’s all good.
That’s how they achieve plausible deniability. They set up the conditions (aka brainwash people) and step back and watch people act on their own. This is how election shenanigans worked, and I think it’s how all these indictments are working.
Meanwhile, in Haiti
World is definitely getting spicy.
wut?
I… got nuthin’.
Chelsea must be getting married again.
They’re also trying to get the UN in there. Because there isn’t enough rape and disease already, apparently.
If yall get together, you CAN have your Cracky plush! Probably just don’t tell them about the crack part.
“Plushie sugar cube” should do it.
How do we disguise a STEVE SMITH PENIS plushie?
Plushie? I figured latex, no?
Uh, it’s a melting snowball… yeah, thats it!
We’ll call it a pet rock.
lol
This is very close. Needs different eyes.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1459486710/destress-cube-plushie-creature-unscented
Hunter’s Pet. It’s a salt lick, I swear.
Strike Two!
https://twitter.com/stillgray/status/1696938496479633776
What the hell’s wrong with him? Parkinsonism maybe?
My guess – mini-strokes. The old guy is having strokes in front of live cameras and no one has the stones to get him to a hospital ASAP.
It is neglect and abuse.
It is. Another alternative is that Satan is just out of camera range, holding up pictures of Mitch’s soon-to-be new living quarters.
Please speak up! Your quiet voice caused him to listen extra hard for an extended period of time.
I’m not concerned about his health. Although I think if a government grifter can’t do head, shoulders, knees and toes every morning they should be instantly let go.
Weimar Germany, or collapsing Roman Republic?
Por que no los dos?
Seems more Rome-like to me.
Neither. Daniel 2.
His GOP senate colleagues need to intervene. That will highlight Joe’s and Dianne’s incompetence even more.
Maybe problem is that he would be replaced by a Democrat.
Yes. Beshear would get the appointment.
*watches*
Good grief retire already.
I think the answer to the posed question is going to be “No.”
*adjusts tin-foil on windows* The elite are pushing McConnell out having these episodes knowing the obedient media will replace talks of Biden’s failing health with McConnells, even might be “encouraging” it
Maybe people are more self aware than we give them credit for and the vast majority of the anger in most is performative.
You know what they say. It only takes one.
Tucker predicts hot war.
A whole, heapin’ helping of black pills.
neah
Don’t underestimate the desperation in DC
The neocons have been living for this moment for decades. They’re not just going to let go.
Oh yes. And nothing is better for a shitty economy than war.
Don’t underestimate the hatred the idiot Trotskyists who run our foreign policy have for Russia. That such a war is completely unwinnable (they won’t even bother setting out objectives) and may result in a nuclear exchange is irrelevant to them.
Is he under a heat lamp?
Hot from all the nuclear detonations.
When Ukraine falls or surrenders there will be a huge urge to throw good money after bad and put US troops on the ground, maybe with a fig leaf of it being a joint NATO operation. It won’t take much after that.
The combination of Trump circling them like a shark and also losing a war in a major economic downturn is not good.
They’ll take us all down with them.
Why will the rich elites, on all sides ,pull down the house? Don’t they want to enjoy their ill-gotten gains?
I’m more inclined to trust the rich elites on Wall Street than DC.
And I think you see some of that with JP Morgan pushing back on the insanity. They don’t want WW3.
But the elites in DC are another thing entirely.
Romanian ZB-30 LMG: Improving the Already-Excellent ZB-26
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjjFCoiQWoM
a rare video Forgotten Weapons with romanian in it
Florida Man strikes again
Maybe Los Angelenos can teach Florida Man how to deal with a hurricane.
Meanwhile, in our glorious clean energy future
Orsted A/S shares plunged the most on record after the renewable energy company warned of impairments of as much as 16 billion Danish kroner ($2.3 billion) to its US portfolio because of supply chain issues and soaring interest rates.
The drop — as much as 25% — was the steepest since the company’s 2016 initial public offering and erased the equivalent of more than $8 billion in market value. It’s a further blow to the offshore wind industry struggling with soaring materials costs.
The company’s Ocean Wind 1, Sunrise Wind, and Revolution Wind projects in the US are being hurt by supplier delays, which could lead to writedowns of up to 5 billion kroner, it said late Tuesday. High interest rates could also add another 5 billion.
In addition, the developer is still in talks with federal stakeholders to qualify for additional tax credits, which haven’t progressed as expected. If unsuccessful, it could lead to impairments of as much as 6 billion kroner.
Another little bump in the road to free unlimited energy.
I’m not saying it’s
alienscommies…Tim Pool:
“They want to shut down your fossil fuels without giving you an alternative because the real answer, the real reason they’re doing this is probably communism.”
The real answer is that man has sinned and must be punished, and the Elect will rule over us for our own good.
There is no alternative because the goal was always less consumption. Lower standard of living, more people dying, people having fewer children, that’s all part of it.
The people in charge of health and energy policies all hate you and want you dead.
In the case of Granholm, I think she’s just a moron.
She’s a sock puppet.
Not the first White House Cracky?
https://twitter.com/TheChiefNerd/status/1696842931372429744
I had forgotten about that.
No wonder the agencies were pleased with Barry. They had plenty of blackmail material on him.
It also highlights the nature of the media. They would have turned on a dime to talk about Barry’s coke-infused buttfucking episodes if they had been told to do so by the CIA.
He’s on the down-low
Why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?
I read his account back when it first came out, and wasn’t convinced at all. He did take a polygraph, but he failed it.
Barry’s letters to his girlfriend fantasizing about sex with men put a different light on it.
But his head had the shape of a liar. And measurements of his face showed that he also had a criminal nature.
I share your skepticism about polygraphs, but it was mentioned by Tucker to bolster the guy’s claim.
Souring on clean energy
The federal government for the first time on Tuesday opened two areas in the Gulf of Mexico off the Texas coast to build wind farms. Groups representing supply chain businesses hailed the chance for the new offshore leases to create more work. Clean power advocates cheered the opportunity for more renewable energy to be generated.
But not a single firm bid on the leases.
Companies reached by The Texas Tribune that expressed early interest didn’t explain exactly why they declined to pursue them. Shell and Equinor said they looked forward to considering future opportunities in the Gulf. Mainstream Renewable Power said it was scaling back its U.S. offshore work in favor of projects in Europe and Asia.
A ripple of surprise among offshore wind advocates gave way to finger-pointing at Texas’ antagonistic political climate.
During this year’s legislative session, Texas lawmakers proposed a bill that would have strictly regulated renewable energy projects. It didn’t pass but it raised concerns that Texas — which is the top state for wind energy nationally — was souring on clean energy. Politicians instead passed a law aimed at incentivizing companies to build more natural gas-fueled power plants.
Why? How?
How odd, I thought that extensive regulation is the grease that keeps the economic engines turning. No?
“clean”
Stop. That.
Will there be a new character named “Parmy” in this series?
Hunter stopped freebasing cheese years ago.
The full Tucker / Carolla interview. Without ads or stuff edited.for YouTube.
https://rumble.com/v3davqo-tucker-talks-to-adam-carolla-we-are-speeding-towards-assassination.html
Tucker’s trip to Europe seems to have sobered him. He’s not pulling any punches now.
How, exactly, would I explain a cracky plushie toy to my wife? The mind boggles.
The family that freebases together stays together?
Richard Pryor approves this message
Hunt for Red October remake?
I hadn’t heard about this accident.
Not surprised. It was in China.
/Cue Queen’s ‘You’re my best friend’.