In 2011 I was challenged by others in my Air Force Civil Engineering unit to a team building activity. After 20 minutes of droll debate we decided the government was going to pay us for a day off at The Incline in nearby Manitou Springs, CO. Its a hiking trail converted from a railway in 1907. Technically, it was on private property at the time but nobody pays attention to that. Its like the beach, you can’t just like…own the beach, man (sarc). 28 year old me was not last, and finished the 3/4 mile trail with a 2000’ elevation change in about an hour. What did I do to celebrate at the end?

When I got to the top of the mountain I shouted, “DRAGO.”

This is my review of Boulevard Rum Barrel Aged Pecan Pie Imperial Brown:

Rocky IV begins where Rocky III leaves off with Rocky once again retaining the Heavyweight Belt with the help of his friend, Apollo Creed. Meanwhile a Soviet Army Captain named Ivan Drago arrives in the US as part of a diplomatic envoy, who’s trainer and wife publicly challenge any American fighter to a bout with Drago. Anybody can fight him, really. Are there no volunteers to step in the ring with the 6’5”, 240 lbs Soviet champion? He just wants to prove himself amongst the best fighters in the wor—

Oh here we go, former heavyweight champion Apollo Creed will come out of retirement to volunteer! He does so out of boredom, and we later find out a sense patriotism since this is clearly about “us vs. them.” Unfortunately, Apollo didn’t take the exhibition fight all to seriously, clearly putting more effort into his entrance into the arena. Drago subjects him to probably one of the more brutal displays of violence against black bodies ever put on screen, and kills Apollo while he was on his feet.

If he dies, he dies. (Sorry, this was too obvious for the article title)

Rocky then agrees to an exhibition fight with Drago. Unfortunately, he must do so in Moscow, as Drago received death threats from what I assume is Black Lives Matter. Rocky will not only be fighting pro bono, he must also foot the bill for travel and accommodations at his training camp in …Siberia…all while being monitored by the Soviet government. Drago on the other hand had the best training center, equipment, and implied steroids that could be procured by what we assumed was a 1980’s communist society on par with our own. Hollywood is indeed run by fools and pedophiles. The entire spectacle with absolutely nothing on the line would be broadcast worldwide on Xmas Day!

Rocky arrives to a crowd booing him under the watchful eye of the Soviet politburo. Somehow Rocky manages to win over the crowd, Gorbechev himself, and still win by knockout against a 6’5”, 240lbs behemoth. He kind of had to; no way was he going to win by decision.

Is this really an Xmas movie? Yes, because the Die Hard haters want to tell me Lethal Weapon is an Xmas movie because it takes place on Xmas. Never mind the fact that unlike Die Hard all of the events in this movie can take place any other time of the year. The fact that it was Xmas being integral to the plot of Die Hard doesn’t factor in at all with these people. I’m just using their asshole logic. Can it be made today? Absolutely, they’re still making sequels to the Rocky franchise and even have a spinoff featuring Apollo’s illegitimate son as the main character. Although now that I think about it, the timelines for the spinoff make it difficult to suspend disbelief, because for Apollo to spawn Adonis Creed before he died, Adonis would have to be in his mid to late 30’s when his movie began…

This one certainly wins the award for longest beer name of the year. Brown ales have a tendency to be on the malty end with littke hops to back it up and this one is no different. Does this mean I need to reach for the white girl beer alarm? No. There’s enough character here from the rum barrel finish that the only real complaint I have is that it reminds me of Whaler’s Rum—remember that stuff from college you used as a panty dropper at parties? That stuff worked great as a mixer didn’t it!? Maybe I should reach for the white girl beer alarm. All I will say, is there is a reason I never drank Whaler’s straight, so YMMV. Boulevard Rum Barrel Aged Pecan Pie Imperial Brown: 2.2/5 13.5% abv