Black Dynamite (On XUMO)
Quote honestly I had forgotten this Monday was a new official holiday for my company, so I was unprepared for the additional leisure time. In celebration of Martin Luther King day, I decided only one movie would be appropriate: Black Dynamite. Now we aren’t on TUBI today. No, we are taking the short bus right over the The Man’s doorstep and going to XUMO, deep in the heart of Charter/Comcast territory. Thankfully XUMO got the hint and does not require a log in like TUBI, so I was okay with using their service.
Black Dynamite was a concept, then a movie, then a series. The writer/star is Michael Jai White, and the director/assistant screenplay writer was Scott Sanders. This movie came together beautifully, and for a while it was a big hit, it even got some mainstream cultural cred going for a while. But, all good things come to an end and Michael Jai White has not taken the writing reins in a major film since. This is a damn shame. He has done a ton of acting, and co-wrote Outlaw Johnny Black but he has not revisited that creative well that produced Black Dynamite. If Michael were with me now, I would tell him to stop acting in other people’s films and start writing by himself, just his ideas. That is when he makes excellent entertainment.
So what is this about? From IMDB:
This is the story of 1970s African-American action legend Black Dynamite. The Man killed his brother, pumped heroin into local orphanages, and flooded the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor. Black Dynamite was the one hero willing to fight The Man all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House.
I don’t want to spoil anything if you haven’t seen this other than to say part of the plot is The Man selling Malt Liquor that shrinks black penises, which is an inspired piece of comedy. Honestly the whole film is inspired, hence the rating of over 7 on IMDB, which really does not happen much.
So watch! Or don’t! Everything is voluntary! Next week, we will have a film from my large stack of older films. It’s been Slim Pickens for newer films so far this year. Also with TUBI pulling movies left and right it makes it hard to announce the schedule far in advance. Let’s see how stable XUMO is…
Bonus Content!
In commemoration of the defunding of PBS, I wanted to play this Libertarian PBS parody by some of the better contributors to TOS.
Anaconda Malt Liquor….pop the top and the panties drop
“The Man killed his brother, pumped heroin into local orphanages, and flooded the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor.”
Which one of you is this?
I’ve been far too busy for such things.
See, R.J, if you had more orphans, you’d no longer be so busy.
Shameful.
<==
It takes a lot of orphans to make this look good.
OMWC. It has to be one of (((them))).
Old people?
Nunchakus!!!!
I got rid of mine when I tossed my karate belts.
Well, you couldn’t have hit yourself in the nuts.
Back of the head is still an option.
I see you are experienced in the art of nunchaku.
It’s not Nun Chaku, she’s Sister Mary Augustinia now.
I adore this film. It is really hard to tell it was made in 2009 instead of 1972. It was a perfect moment in comedy film.
I love this f***ing movie! This is a fantastic send up of blaxplotation movies.
Next up… Undercover Brother
BTW, Black Dynamite was once an orphan.
He was also Spawn.
Yes! He’s a prolific actor. I just think his calling is writing.
“your momma would turn over in her grave if she were here to see this now”
Great writing.
It’s SHAKESPEARE, not SHAKE-SHIT!
I was being complimentary….there’s a lot of little lines like that
“can I get some hot sauce for my donut?”
I am just playing. No anger.
I am liking XUMO for the short ad breaks.
Hilarious. Babylon Bee strikes again.
https://babylonbee.com/news/pam-bondi-says-she-has-finally-figured-out-what-doj-stands-for
The Rudy Ray Moore impersonation is on point.
“The Man selling Malt Liquor that shrinks black penises…” That IS fucking funny. I was writing about ‘watching’ this with my slightly insane but entertaining roommate in Bloomington, but I was thinking of the wrong flick. I was thinking of Dolemite!
Dolomite: “The film focuses on a professional comedian, pimp, and nightclub owner. He serves a prison sentence after being framed by dirty cops, but he is released by the governor and tasked with dealing with his hometown’s illegal drug trade. *He uses his prostitutes as a private army, since they are kung fu-trained martial artists.*”
That last bit alone. (Why wouldn’t they be? And why WOULDN’T ya use ’em?!)
Dolemite was Rudy Ray Moore, who is parodied in this picture. And very well, I might add. I think he had passed on by the time this film came out.
I previously showed “Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil’s Son in Law” which to me was Rudy’s best film. I thank streaming services for making his films easily available.
“The action comedy movie Black Dynamite (2009) parodies Dolemite and other blaxploitation films.” I knew I was in the ballpark of having seen this. And apparently Eddie Murphy played RR Moore in ‘Dolemite Is My Name,’ out in ’19.
He did! It was Eddie Murphy’s love letter to Rudy to act in that.
That wasn’t meant to even be copied, let alone pasted. Huh.
I love that movie.
“I’m declaring war on anyone who sells drugs to our community.”
“But Black Dynamite, I sell drugs in the community.”
There was a Black Dynamite cartoon, which I think was a spin-off of The Boondocks. This clip posits that Michael Jackson was a human-alien hybrid:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzFUvy8YnqE
Yes, that actually lasted for years. 20 episodes.
I think I’m going to have a brain aneurysm or a stroke.
Not sure it’d be that bad if it finishes the job.
How’s everybody doing?
Good. How is the dog situation going?
Everybody’s still alive?
The little fucker is probably the only one who isn’t stressed the fuck out. For better or worse he is a happy son-of-a-bitch 98% of the time. I honestly envy his complete lack of fucks to give.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Subtle_Art_of_Not_Giving_a_Fuck
***
life’s struggles often give it more meaning, which, he argues, is a better approach than constantly trying to be happy.
***
It’s an interesting remix of stoicism and Daoism.
Be like the lotus flower that blooms out of mud.
Boy, so do I.
I’m honestly used to not being happy. I kind of just accept that I probably never will be happy outside very rare (like once in a decade) moments. That’s just me. I can count with a couple fingers the number of times I’ve felt actual joy I’d say.
But I’ll take not being under constant stress.
Took me a sec to parse that. What’s up?
I’m in an odd level of limbo within limbo itself. Waiting on my Monday interview with Indianapolis Metro PD as a transcriptionist, and Voca hasn’t heard back from the nearby place, which is likely better but absolutely no details on what the gigs even are yet. He says if he’s gonna hit ’em up if they don’t by the end of this week.
Likely better? Nearby and isn’t working child abuse/sex crimes. Gotta admit, is inherently interesting, in it’s own fucked up way.
But.. I have heard nothing of substance from Allied Solutions on anything, and that cat may as well be dead inside the box? Me no know.
Trying to get hooked up with an MD psych to get ADHD shit. That’d be tremendously helpful. Squirrel. (But seriously.)
Just drink a lot of coffee. Same effect as ADHD drugs.
Coffee’s a scam.
My doctor suggested I cut down on coffee – I drink two cups a day, max.
I know she means well but 🙄.
I’m still in the camp that ADHD is nothing that can’t be cured with a slap upside the head or a good old fashioned ass woopin’.
Probably why I don’t have kids.
I have the same opinion on ADHD and I have kids.
I do enjoy the smell of coffee. I don’t even dislike the taste. But, meh. Unsweetened ice tea FTW. I also drink something like 6-8 Coke Zeros a day. Cursory research shows that’s about two cups of coffee.
Kids, particularly boys, being stripped of the time/place to run around, is a massive cause of the ‘suddenly everyone has ADHD’ kick.
My spell with ’em were divine, like an on/off switch, (again) wondering “Is this how ‘normal people feel *all* the time?” Placebos are real and powerful, so no discount there, and I’ll also happily take its addition as well, and they were a really good fit. They’re also anti-convulsants, so kinda made for me, but noooo… (insert WoD boilerplate ‘we’ all know).
Children are kept bottled up and it’s no good for ’em.
6-8 Coke Zeros a day
I think I see where the problem is…
Sholanda: My momma said my daddy’s name was Black Dynamite.
Brickwilla: So did my momma!
Black Dynamite: Err, uhh, hush up little girls. A lot of cats have that name.
***
Of the 92.2 million adults ages 55 and older in 2018, 15.2 million (16.5%) are childless, defined here as having no biological children.
***
https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2021/12/no-kids-no-care-childlessness-among-older-americans.html
I was surprised it’s that high. I guess I’m in good company.
“Fuck you, cut statisticing”
Fuck me. Replying to comments in a ded thred. More alcohol, garçon.
How many illegal immigrants are in the school system?
KINGSTON, N.Y. — The school board unanimously adopted a resolution against what they described as U.S. President Donald Trump’s brutal immigration enforcement campaign against the immigrant community and citizens.
Under the resolution, district grounds, buses, and events would be declared a Safe Zone that is subject to protocols for “non-local” law enforcement.
(As always, the full article may or may not be paywalled.)
Virtue. Signalled.
That is a spectacular bit of propaganda. I mean, it seems perfectly reasonable. Donald is Hitler. He is evil. He is attacking legal immigrants and citizens. I mean, resist, right??
JFC.
Or you don’t want to lose those seats and the sweet sweet cash that comes with it.
Yeah, a school board claiming to care about anything other than butts in seats is rich.
It’s just the small-scale version of what is really behind all of this. Money, graft, warm bodies, House seats, power.
And in related news: You work for ICE? How dare you run for school board!
MAHOPAC – A Mahopac School Board member and an assemblyman are vigorously supporting Christopher Harrigan after a group calling itself People’s Immigrant Coalition demanded that he resign from the school board because he works for the (U.S.) Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
As always, a group calling itself “People’s [X]” is not really of or for the people.
A link that goes to the top of the page? Look who’s in the pocket of Big Libertarian.
It’s Friday! Yay!
🥳🍻☀️
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbD_kBJc_gI
🎶🎶
Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., Grumble, and Roat!
I brought my work laptop home last night and confirmed that I can log into the office VPN and get at the applications I’d need if Snowmageddon forces us to close our branches Monday and work remotely. Yay. 😐
Good morning, GT and fellow turkeys and Gliblets.
My sister’s 50th birthday is today, and I will be picking up her cake tomorrow morning before the real bad weather starts. Central TX is expecting 1/4″ of ice due to Snowpocalypse 2026. I might take the opportunity to find an empty parking lot Sunday morning and practice skid recovery.
It’s my dad’s birthday today, although he’s quite a bit older than 50.
Happy Birthday, Sister Grumble and Father Ted’S.!
Morning, GT.
I oveslept so I skipped my usual pre-commute commenting to shorten my routine. Made it to the office before work started, so I’m back on track
52?
Good morning, U! Hope you were still able to procure a nutritious breakfast and sufficient caffeination!
Well, I broke down to temptation and got a small bag of cheddar and sour cream potato chips to go with my breakfast salad. Those 35g of carbs are going to haunt me.
🥔👻👻
Well, with the cheddar and sour cream, it’s mostly dairy, right? 😜
😀
…
I don’t think it works that way
🙁
Almost all of our password-related stuff is down at work. Lovely.
Keycloak likes to take naps.
We have to log in to a second desktop to do actual work. I can log in to that and do work, but not stuff like the time clock or Teams.
I can do that from the first desktop, but having to switch desktops constantly wouldn’t do.
I’m building a bread and milk fort in case the storm collapses civilization.
I went shopping yesterday to beat the cold. Should be OK until late next week.
Do you have enough bread, eggs, and milk for all the French toast you need to make it through the storm?
same here.
The keystone to the left’s plan for their thousand year reign is to flood the country with 3rd war;ld serfs.
No one would dare throw out those doe-eyed ‘migrants’, would they?
They can throw all of the tantrums they want, yes. Yes we will .
What we need to do is stop fucking around with the idiots in the street and go after the money.
It looks like Soros is trying to buy himself a president…that smarmy prick Newsome.
Too many carbs. I’ve got eggs, cheese, and meat for omelettes.
We will be in Vegas just before storm hits. Then back right after it leaves. So I will be shoveling soon after we land.
We bought no milk, no bread. Our hopes and prayers that we survive
You survived the shutdown better than other GovSec workers.
Good morning all!
It’s Friday. This is a good thing.
Morning!
Unless Disney is slipping in its normal narrative, Star Wars cartoons continue to outshine everything else in the IP
Better Call Maul
Couldnt resist that title as it was top comment.
I felt that way about Transformers One, the animated film that came out and got buried in favor of more crappy live action films.
Mornin’ all!
Currently 3* and falling. Expected low -14. I’m too old for this sh*t.
Good morning, Beau! Yeah, that cold is brutal, but are you going to miss the worst of the snow?
Is Britley Ritz following in the footsteps of Jamie? I just caught her bit about the storm, and either she’s drunk, mad, or both.
I’ll try to pay attention if she’s still doing the weather updates on the radio by the time I get in the car to go to work.
So GT is going to be putting on Ms. Ritz?
suh’ fam
yo whats goody
Just a day filled with cold rain. Still, it’s a Friday. Very pleased this week is ending.
For a week that didnt have much for me, Im tired and ready to get home. Plus Im still getting over the ‘vid.
Icepocalypse. Yaaahhh!
I hope things don’t go too crazy for everyone. My son bought himself a bearded dragon so now we have another reason to pray for no power loss.
My wife had it pretty rough this week with the foster kid and the sleep deprivation he’s caused. Plus the typical headaches from CPS/ foster agency
It’s a cool -29 as I sit here but no wind (chill) to speak of. 4 days without getting above the zero mark. Tomorrow may be cooler.Life goes on.
/Throws another stick of wood in the stove…
Oh-oh, need more money
https://www.npr.org/2026/01/23/nx-s1-5684971/winter-storm-ice-texas-new-england-climate-science
Today’s weather doesn’t even rate as unusual. We went to school on days like this, on the bus for us country kids. Only blizzards disturbed the routine
morning all.
Yes, we are expecting the ice storm…I stocked up on everything so all we have to do is hunker down and eat. Now I have discovered that the kids have stolen all of my AA and AAA b batteries for their stupid video game thingies. Goddammit.
Also, they have been playing with my flashlights which have all disappeared. Shit. The only one I can find is the one they dropped and broke.
I am too old for this shit.