Unwatched S02 E01 – Police Academy

by | Jan 18, 2026 | Media, Opinion, Reviews | 166 comments

Genre – Comedy Film
Movie Total Runtime – 1 Hours 36 Minutes
Spoilers – Yes

Technically, I may have seen this movie before. I remember some scenes, but not enough to say what happened. That falls under Rule C, so I can still review it. The premise is spelled out in the opening text. New Mayor has decided to drop any requirements for admission to the Police Academy. This allows our cast of misfits to gain admittance to someplace they’d never earn a spot by fitness for purpose. We know this isn’t a matter of diversity, because of the characters already on the force. Captain Reed is Black, and Sergeant Callahan is a woman, so the department has admitted both demographics for a while despite the chief’s rant in his first scene. So, our misfits only got in because of the elimination of all fitness standards.

I know it’s supposed to be a comedy, but my firearms safety hackles get raised several times. In the surprise going away party for the high-strung security guard, he has his finger on the trigger before opening a door, then fires in the dark without identifying what was in his line of fire. I know it’s supposed to be a gag about how unsuited this guy is to be armed. I just couldn’t laugh at it. This comes back when they are at the police range and the comedy fat guy negligently discharges a shotgun then sweeps the crowd as he turns around in confusion. At any gun range that shotgun would have been out of his hands and he’d have been back on the bus before you can say “Safety Violation.” Unsafe handling jokes just suck all the humor out of the situation.

I did laugh a few times, but not nearly as much as the filmmakers intended. This does present the biggest problem when reviewing comedies. Humor is subjective. And a lot of the humor in this movie comes from pranks played by the designated protagonist on other characters. Pranks are not funny. Ever. I don’t like the designated protagonist. He’s an asshole who is the cause of all of his own problems. Towards the end of the movie he does start helping other characters with their problems, but it doesn’t counterbalance the ill will built up over 2/3rds of the runtime. Most of the misfits have their own small character arcs, but at no time do I trust most of these people with a position of authority. I was never given a reason to root for any of these misfits, other than any ingrained biases I might have had.

I’m not going to harp on the humor any more.

So what else is there to talk about to fill out the word count?

I guess I could talk about the misfits. In no particular order, we have the whispering woman – short, chubby, unable to make it through the obstacle course, unable to speak assertively – I’m not sure what her motivation for joining the police force was. She does manage to raise her voice at the end of the movie, and roll onto the wall that had thwarted her on the obstacle course. So I suppose we’re intended to take that as improvement? We have no indication if she’s got any brains since she never demonstrates one way or another, and she still has trouble with the bare minimum after her progress.

We have the comedy fat guy, who has much the same difficulties as the whispering woman, and the same arc, which really doesn’t distinguish him except for being fatter.

We have Hightower, who is the exceedingly tall guy. His difficulties come from his temper, his superhuman strength, and his size. His temper gets him kicked out of the academy, but he’s let back in for saving the Lieutenant at the end.

We have the comedically accident prone guy who has no arc and is there to cause slapstick.

We have the Lothario who puts on a fake Latino accent to seduce women but ends up in a henpecked relationship with Sergeant Callahan. Not sure what the joke was with this guy, must have missed it.

We have the rich girl, who doesn’t have an arc because she exists to be the designated romantic interest for the designated protagonist, despite the lack of any real chemistry between the two.

We have the designated protagonist, who is the cause of all of his own problems. I may have said that before, but it’s worth repeating. It’s clear he isn’t stupid and could have found himself a productive vocation before being forced into the academy by Captain Reed, but simply self-sabotaged repeatedly. Too prideful to get on the first rung of the ladder in whatever path through life he actually wanted, if he bothered to pick one. I have no sympathy for the man. His cruelty to random strangers such as the comedy fat guy early on firmly set me against him for the remainder of the movie. A “Prank” of intentionally sending the guy to the wrong place to stir up a commotion in the self-serving effort to get thrown out is still cruel.

We have the high-strung gun nut. As I mentioned, he is not the sort of person who should be around firearms. His reckless disregard for human life in pursuit of the big boom makes him a danger to himself and others. He has no arc.

We have the lackeys who always operate as a double act and assist the lieutenant in trying to get the misfits to quit. They exist to be humiliated by the designated protagonist.

That’s all of the misfits. We also have the lieutenant, who serves as primary antagonist. There is the commandant, who is borderline mentally handicapped. And Sergeant Callahan, who is a German caricature without the accent.

In all, I was kinda disappointed. This was supposed to be a classic comedy.

About The Author

UnCivilServant

UnCivilServant

A premature curmudgeon and IT drone at a government agency with a well known dislike of many things popular among the Commentariat. Also fails at shilling Books

166 Comments

  1. R C Dean

    Never had any desire to watch it. The kind of humor they were peddling doesn’t appeal to me.

  2. Evan from Evansville

    I’ve also never seen it. The whisperer and fatty have arcs! They do get better! Yaaaay, indeed. Don’t be dismissive!

    “(The protagonist) could have found himself a productive vocation before being forced into the academy… ” I ‘enjoy’ that being a cop is seen as being so low on the totem. Not sure how to change that, but yikes. I can’t otherwise imagine someone actually *wanting* to be an LEO. Other than openly wanting to empower and extend his assholery.

    (Reminds me: My uncle worked in prisons for a long time, but would have to check in what capacity. I wanna think it was education, in some capacity. Huh.)

    re pranks: I hate ’em, too. Jackass? Tarantino’s right, it’s fucking brilliant. But ONLY when they do shit to themselves. That’s fucking amazing in so many ways. ‘Do whatcha want Steve-O, and I’ll pay ya damn well, but keep it to yourself,’ is my take.

    There’s a followed and strict rule that no bday songs are to occur for me in public. Private is ok cuz if it includes nephews.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Rankings: 6.7/10 on imdb; 41% on metacritic; 58% on rotton tomatoes.

      But Google users? “87% liked this movie!”

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Google users are the general population, and therefore functionally retarded.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I was editing and then deleted a preface of ‘this shows how dumb the audience is, or to be optimistic, shows how many people find happiness in the smallest and simplest of things.’

        The latter makes me happier, but I remember to never forget the all-encompassing reality of how dumb the average person is. (I’m an average person most of the time. Represent.)

  3. Chipping Pioneer

    Does Trump’s EO allow for OT football comments during the first 30 minutes of a Sunday afternoon post?

    Because neither of these teams look like they want to win.

    • UnCivilServant

      On one hand, I’m a free speech absolutist.

      On the other hand, I still like engagement with what I wrote.

      I’m not going to force people to stay on topic – I just get a little sad once the topic has moved on. 😔

      • Chipping Pioneer

        See below for on topic.

        These days I can only keep one topic in my head at a time. I blame the algorithm.

      • DEG

        I was a kid when saw “Police Academy”. I don’t remember which ones I saw it so long ago. I have nothing to add, so I went off topic right away.

    • rhywun

      Three for four so far this weekend on the teams I rooted for losing. Can Chicago make it four?

      • rhywun

        *sigh*

        If only I was a gambler.

  4. R.J.

    “Humor is subjective “

    In this case, only the person who wrote that thought it was funny. All of the Police Academy series, follow up movies, etc… just took the concept to hell in a handbasket.

    • UnCivilServant

      There are upcoming reviews for Police Academy 2 and 3…

      • R.J.

        I salute your perseverance.

      • rhywun

        Dear God you watched more than one of these?!

      • UnCivilServant

        Rhy – I bought 3 movie edition from the Blockbuster Bargain Bin in Bend Oregon when I was there (along with a two pack of Blues Brothers).

      • Threedoor

        I did the same thing Rhy.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Flag on the field: “It grossed $8.5 million in its opening weekend and more than $149 million worldwide, against a budget of $4.8 million…”

      Doubling the budget the first weekend is pretty nice. Also reminds me of Big Explosion movies and shit like Avatar that look good and exciting, slapstick is understandable and funny overseas. (Never seen any Avatar flicks.) They certainly cared back then about the money, but I’m not sure they were producing things kinda specifically for that those days. Kinda like how China is never the villain, and nor are Arabs, AFAIK.

  5. Chipping Pioneer

    For some reason Michael Winslow started showing up on my YouTube feed last week. Weird.

    Also videos with a young Jennifer Connelly. I strongly approve of this algorithmic output.

    • UnCivilServant

      I left out commentary on the beach party scene in this movie, since my memory was that it lasted longer. Maybe it was my age when I first saw it. I hope nobody went and edited down the runtime.

    • Threedoor

      She came up on a thread here in the last month pension remember corectly.

  6. Gender Traitor

    I get the impression that the average episode of Hill Street Blues, ostensibly a drama, (maybe a “dramedy?”) might have been funnier than this movie.

    • UnCivilServant

      I haven’t seen an episode of that show in ages.

      I’ve barely seen any, but I know I saw some, but not more than a handful.

  7. Chipping Pioneer

    I still don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself.

    • UnCivilServant

      Because I have 54 more to go. Some of them are bound to be good.

  8. DEG

    Architectural Digest profiles five people (three on the left, one conservative, and one libertarian) that moved due to politics:

    Over the past decade, Brakey grew disheartened as he watched out-of-staters move to southern Maine, and felt that the state was “lurching very aggressively in a more progressive direction.” After COVID, when Maine and many other nearby states enacted policies around masking, vaccines, and social distancing, Brakey saw New Hampshire as his out, or as he calls it, “the only state in New England moving in a direction of freedom.” He was particularly interested in the Free State Project, a movement to establish a voting bloc large enough to have a significant political impact. “It seemed to me to be the only Libertarian strategy working in the country,” he says.

    • rhywun

      Gets a look at the lead pic, laughs, closes tab.

      JFC these people are tedious. LOOK AT ME AND MY LUXURY BELIEFS! APPROVE!!

    • Threedoor

      Idaho is flooded with people fleeing the left coast. They tend to be a little bit more conservative than the average Boise resident but very progie compared to the rest of Idaho.

      They will bring us closer to where Washington state sadly.

      • rhywun

        As is, self-sorting is eventually going to turn the entire country into California. The only real solution is to consistently confirm judges to the Supreme Court who actually support the Constitution.

      • Gustave Lytton

        It would help if both politicians and the general public supported the constitution also.

    • Threedoor

      And what does this have to do with architecture?

      • rhywun

        Everything is politics now. Especially the correct politics.

        I used to read that in my architecture school days when it was actually about architecture. Those days are over.

      • DEG

        Nothing as far as I can tell.

        I found out about the article through an FSP newsletter.

    • UnCivilServant

      That’s an awfully long article on such a short topic.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Is there an equivalent term to “chubby chaser”?

      • Evan from Evansville

        Pudgy picker-upper.

    • Tres Cool

      After my divorce I dated a midget for a bit. I was sad when we split up….I was nuts over her.

      But I got tired of her asking for money. She was always a little short.

      • R.J.

        *Golf clap

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        Wait, you dated Kevin Hart?

      • Tres Cool

        Her name was Bridgette.

  9. groat scotum

    I want her buried with the family. We have a little graveyard on our land up here. My sister’s leaning toward cremation. I think we all should be here. Maybe that’s macabre. I know it’s nothing to do with me. But we belong together.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Maybe after a little thought she’ll lean in your direction. I don’t know how I’d respond if it happened to me, certainly.

    • Sensei

      Is it possible to bury the ashes there?

      My condolences. I just went to funeral of my wife’s friend yesterday. She would have turned 56 on Friday. That was awful, but I can’t imagine somebody that young.

      • Fourscore

        I went to a funeral a couple years ago. Larry was cremated. Larry was a well known stay at home beer drinker, nice guy, funny but didn’t want to give up the beer. Anyway, we’re at the cemetery, preacher says a few words and Larry’s little box of ashes gets set into the concrete box. His wife says, “Wait a minute”, she opens her bag, gets a can of beer and puts it in the hole with Larry. She said something like, “So you won’t get thirsty on the trip”. The crowd of about 50 roared laughing, it was perfect, light-hearted and we all went somewhere to eat church food.

      • Evan from Evansville

        @4×20: +Round of applause for his wife. That’s, in every sense, wonderfully special.

    • Mojeaux

      I’m very sorry about your loss, Groat.

      • Gustave Lytton

        Same, my condolences. And I for onealways welcome your appearance here. Island of misfit toys and all, the breadth of people give Glibs its vibrancy and community.

  10. rhywun

    Guessing the protagonist is Guttenberg? He’s a sure sign that a terrible movie is coming.

    • UnCivilServant

      Took me a moment, my mind went to the German print maker.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        The phrase “Book ’em” works either way.

      • UnCivilServant

        I wanted to make a joke about illuminating, but debated how obvious the wordplay would be.

        I ended up putting too much work into the details.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Guttenberg in the ‘80s was just the Tom Hanks fallback when the studio didn’t have a Tom Hanks budget. Also, he sucked at acting. That being said, the first two Police Academy movies were very stupid but solid.

      • rhywun

        L’il Rhywun had not much memory of him beyond the terrible acting and a nice bod.

    • Rat on a train

      I liked The Boys from Brazil.

    • Grummun

      Cue “Stonecutters” song from The Simpsons:

      “Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?”

  11. Spudalicious

    This game is dumb.

  12. Aloysious

    Police Academy suffered from the lack of Bobcat Goldthwait and his peculiar form of humour.

    • The Other Kevin

      I did enjoy the second one quite a bit.

  13. Gender Traitor

    Despite never seeing any of the movies, I’d heard enough about them to wonder, “Wasn’t this the movie series with the actor who could make all those sound effects with his voice?” An internet search confirmed that…but I gather you didn’t find that particular aspect of the movie worth a mention, at least not for this particular film. 😐

    • UnCivilServant

      That character did not contribute anything of note to the story, or comedy.

      • Derpetologist

        You continue to baffle me. Out of curiosity, what was the last movie that made you laugh? Or the last novel you enjoyed?

      • UnCivilServant

        You’re asking the wrong questions. It implies you have drawn a conclusion based upon less than all of the information readily available.

        This series is called “The Unwatched” because it consists of content that I own but have not watched. Most of them are left on the shelf because they fail to entice me to view them on their onw merits – I look and am unenthused at best. This means that the works I picked up and enjoyed are already excluded from the sample, and we’re likely to see more negative reviews, simply because the sample has already been selected for the materials I’m less drawn to. (there’s a link to the first article that describes ways I end up owning these things without intention of watching). So there is an unknown data set of materials I did buy and have watched where the materials I liked are more concentrated.

        I am not going to detail these, and just leave you to wonder.

      • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

        “we’re likely to see more negative reviews”

        Keep them up. They are entertaining.

        I have to mention though I speak as someone who has not been to a movie theater in decades nor watched TV or seen movies on littler screens. Hell, I don’t even like to watch or listen to podcasts, it requires too much attention. Science and history documentaries, on the other hand . .

    • rhywun

      That is the only thing I remember about this movie. I guess I have been present in a room where other people were watching this but I have never actively watched it myself.

  14. Evan from Evansville

    That is a large, large flag.

    No NFL credence here, but I’ve got a team to root for in Chicago over fucking LA. (Cubs and Mom’s from there. And LA sucks.) Good for home teams to have the cold advantage over the warm-weathered.

    • rhywun

      Sorry. I’m rooting for Chicago which means they’ll lose.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I’ve never gambled on sports, no interest. But here’s my legitimate strategy: I’d bet AGAINST the Cubs. That way, if they win.. I win! And if they lose.. I win! This especially works if you’re using your house or yacht as collateral on your bet.

        (I have bet $2 or $5 on horse races on two or three occasions. Dad’d make $2 bets for me at Ellis Park growing up and we’ve gone back, to carry the ‘tradition. I’ve played poker house games, but I’ve never played any game at a casino.)

    • creech

      Every team, now that Texans are out, is from a Blue state.

  15. The Other Kevin

    In junior high I thought this movie was hilarious. I have not seen it in years. Apparently it did not age well.

    • UnCivilServant

      I can see a middle schooler’s sense of humor fitting better than mine.

    • Muzzled Woodchipper

      I loved all of the Police Academies when I was a kid. Laughs for days.

    • The Hyperbole

      Yeah, my friends and I must have been the target demographic as well, I remember watching this and the sequel many time, we thought they were hi-larious!

  16. Derpetologist

    Disliking Police Academy movies and Steve Gutenberg, that I can understand. But the sound effects guy (Michael Winslow, I think)? C’mon, he did the same bit in Spaceballs, and a good time was had by all.

    I think he even did self parody in Futurama:

    Other things UCS dislikes: Sherlock Holmes, Asimov, Vonnegut, Heinlein

    I mean, if you hate Heinlein, you should try Harry Harrison because his novel Bill the Galactic Hero gives all the space marine tropes the belt to ass treatment.

    • UnCivilServant

      Now you’re arguing in bad faith and making shit up.

      Statement “That character did not contribute anything of note to the story, or comedy.” – Derpy Reads “I hate the actor and his work in all things.”

      You remember Holmes but forget Christie.

      You want a book recommendation – I’ll give you two – “In Memory Yet Green” and “In Joy Still Felt”.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I believe you said you read “Cat’s Cradle” and didn’t care for it. I strongly recommend Slaughterhouse 5 and am kinda surprised ya haven’t read it. (Not surprised that you don’t read things or what you choose to read, but that ‘Cradle’ was your first. To be fair, when grading himself against himself, those two are the only A+s he gives himself.

        I love his AP style, where things are clearly laid out.. but then the last sentence, still in style, is beautifully mind-blowing. I *really* enjoyed his memoir.

      • Derpetologist

        Did you read those books and enjoy them? I suspect not.

        I can’t see you reading the autobiography of an author whose books you dislike.

      • UnCivilServant

        Did you read those books and enjoy them? I suspect not.

        Then you are both wrong and too wedded to your conclusions to accept information contra to it.

        Have a nice evening.

      • Derpetologist

        I asked for the last novel you enjoyed, and you give me 2 autobiographies by the same guy (an author you dislike).

        Am I really the one being obtuse here?

      • UnCivilServant

        I intentionally declined to tell you. I’ve decided to let you remain misguided.

        Fiction I like to read are part of the private persona that I keep offline.

      • Ted S.

        Then you are both wrong and too wedded to your conclusions to accept information contra to it.

        It took you this long to figure that out about Derpy?

      • UnCivilServant

        @Ted – I tend to be an optimist.

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        I will be honest, Evan, Slaughterhouse 5 was one of the worst book I have read. Now, that is me, and my taste is my own. Indeed, lots of people love that book, but I thought it was a cop out. Don’t like Catch-22 for the same reasons.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I don’t mind if people don’t like anything, really, perhaps other than oxygen. (Depends.) But even if one doesn’t like the aliens, time travel, and yep, all that and more in Slaughterhouse, but getting to his stories about the firebombing and what he witnessed when he was a POW there is worth the read, IMO.

        The sci-fi aspects may be odd, but I gather that is partly as a coping method to write about the horrible shit he experienced, while keeping sane when rethinking about said shit over and over. Adds some mental distance.

      • rhywun

        @ZWAK

        I had to read them both in school and chose never to read them again. No impression on me whatsoever.

        I suspect they’re hippie bait – the teachers were all hippies and hippie-adjacent in the 70s and 80s.

      • UnCivilServant

        hippie bait

        You’ve just reminded by of Johnathan Livingston Seagull.

        *thousand yard stare*

        An eternity in a two hour class period. How did they make such a short book so long?

      • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

        More proto-hippie, as they were in WWII, and started writing in the fifties.

        A lot of it was that the humor didn’t mesh with mine, and I thought both pulled their punches, what could be really strong critiques of war, by using absurdism.

      • rhywun

        proto-hippie

        Yeah, I did not intend to imply the authors were hippies themselves. Rather that hippies read them and chose to inflict them on later generations like mine.

        Johnathan Livingston Seagull

        lol

        Not the first nor the last book I simply refused to read for English class.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Ha! Speaking of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which I’ve never heard of: “[The book] has however been very poorly received by the birding community, where it is regarded as sentimental anthropomorphic nonsense; Bill Oddie was particularly scathing, writing “I mean, no half-serious birdwatcher could enjoy (let alone write!) a book called, with such offensive imprecision, Jonathan Livingston-Seagull … I mean, you write me Jonathan Livingston-Second Winter Lesser Black-backed Gull and I might get off on it.”

        Oh, Bill Oddie! I love how Clarkson makes fun of you so. People are always so-so *serious.* That is a problem for our species, particularly when prosperous enough to have free time to begin with. Oddie at least got a chuckle outta me.

        Still, there’s rarely anything to gain by being negative about stuff. Why bother? Stoic quality of mine? I don’t have to search far; there’s always a speck of something to enjoy about something. (Go the MST3k route. I’m glad strangers can’t hear my anonymous thoughts.) UCS follows this path, and I strongly, strongly approve. *fist bump*

      • Raven Nation

        Bill Oddie as part of The Goodies – brilliant.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Tying into last thread: “In 1986, Winslow presented the Best Sound Effects Editing Oscar to Charles L. Campbell and Robert Rutledge for their work on Back to the Future.”

      *taps nose* Think about it.

    • Aloysious

      Speaking of Harry Harrison, his books about The Stainless Steel Rat are a good, humorous read. Definitely aimed at the younger reader, but still.

      Can. Not. Imagine them being made into a movie for the modern audience.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve read two of the stainless steel rat books. One where he shot his own foot off, and one with filthy space commies. Or some simulacrum of filthy space commies. I just know their supposed economic system was nonsensical and unsustainable. I think the two were directly adjacent chronologically as they’d stitched a giant chicken foot to him by the start of the second due to the shortage of spare parts which had led to the decision in the first.

        I do not remember much of anything else from the books.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        I think it was Bill the Galactic Hero that shot his foot off.

        The filthy space Commies were from a Stainless Steel Rat book. IIRC it was one of the later prequels about the main guy as a teenager being mentored by some other thief.

      • UnCivilServant

        He may have, but I’ve never read any of those books.

        The second one I read they were trying to lure other soldiers from the Rat’s unit to desert, so It was no a prequel.

      • UnCivilServant

        Looking at the wikipedia summary of the series I realize my impression is skewed by the fact that I managed to read the only ones where he was stuck in a military in a warzone and it does not reflect the rest of the series.

      • Derpetologist

        “Looking at the wikipedia summary of the series I realize my impression is skewed by the fact that I managed to read the only ones where he was stuck in a military in a warzone and it does not reflect the rest of the series.”

        Harry Harrison was a WW2 vet, not a Vietnam vet. However, he wrote many books during the Vietnam years.

      • Derpetologist

        In Bill the Galactic Hero, before he shoots his foot off, he loses an arm and ends up with 2 left arms.

        It’s amusing because he starts out fighting 7-inch-tall lizards and finishes his first tour fighting small, moldy salamander creatures which nonetheless fight tenaciously in the swamps of their planetary empire.

      • SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

        I read Harrison’s Deathworld series. Fun reading with some sociological content.

    • Derpetologist

      I liked the seagull book because it was different from what I usually read or was assigned. Variety is the spice of life. There are bunch of hippy books that are popular on the Peace Corps circuit, and I read some of them when I was in.

      The statistics show that most people don’t like to read, which leaves schools with the conundrum of what to assign. Brevity tends to win out over other factors. I remember being assigned both The Red Pony and The Yearling and disliking both. On the other hand, I appreciated being assigned Animal Farm, Fahrenheit 451, Heart of Darkness, and others.

      At this point, I’m tempted to say the best solution is to close down the schools and just give every kid a pad device loaded with books and educational games. That would be much cheaper at least.

      I was never a big fan of doorstopper novels, but I’ve read a few. Nonfiction was always more interesting. I don’t understand why anyone tries to write combat without reading Hunter, the autobiography of a guy who was a game warden in Kenya.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._A._Hunter

      In a similar way, I thought Star Wars was cool until I learned about WW2 around the age of 7.

  17. Derpetologist

    I was thinking the other day that it’s rare for people to watch movies that were made more than 10 years before they were born. That creates a kind of collective amnesia that allows for remakes and reboots.

    It’s interesting to read plot summaries of movies made before 1920 and see how various ideas get recycled.

    There are only 7 basic plots and 36 dramatic situations.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thirty-Six_Dramatic_Situations

    • Ted S.

      I can’t recall if anybody posted this story earlier in the week.

    • Bobbo

      Oops, stay in your lane folks,

    • rhywun

      Fortunately all the NYC Subway trains are slow as molasses these days but yeah shit does happen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • one true athena

      I was on one of those trains back in October during my trip to Spain. Yikes. I guess you just never know.

    • slumbrew

      End Time Headlines is a ministry founded, owned, and operated by Ricky Scaparo, established in 2010 to equip believers and inform discerning individuals about the “Signs and Seasons” of the times in which we live. Ricky authors original articles and curates news from mainstream sources, carefully selecting topics, verifying information, and utilizing artificial intelligence tools to ensure content is both timely and accurate. Every piece is personally reviewed and edited by Ricky to align with the ministry’s mission of providing a prophetic perspective on current events.

      If you can’t trust Ricky to tell you the truth, who can you trust?

    • Aloysious

      You should land in front of them, walk down the ramp, and announce, “I am the Lord. I’m sorry, but there’s been a mistake.”

  18. Derpetologist

    As for comedies, I like the Monty Python movies a lot since they actually made me laugh. Office Space and The Blues Brothers are great too.

    There aren’t too many authors that have made me laugh, but Vonnegut is one of them, along with Twain. His The Sirens of Titan is a great sci fi parody.

    Here’s a link to a graduation speech he made and a mocking obituary of him from Fox News:

    https://speakola.com/grad/kurt-vonnegut-bennington-college-1970

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SiVasR2Gzo

    • Evan from Evansville

      Agreed on all, though shockingly, I’ve never seen Blues Brothers. Twain was hilarious. I also love Best in Show, Spinal Tap and am apparently criminal for not having seen Waiting for Guffman. (Mighty Wind was ok, IIRC.) I think Monty Python and the Guest/Levy team changed comedy more post-war than any other groups I can think of. Early Simpsons crew. Seinfeld /David.

      Life of Brian is my fave of theirs. Not trying to go back to him, but Vonnegut wrote a ‘soldiers shit themselves’ scene in S-Five and writes about what they say. One soldier says (I forget the exact joke) and Vonnegut breaks the 4th Wall: “That was me. That was I. That was the author of this book.” Always gets a chuckle.

      Two short phrases I go to to make me laugh: “Springtime for Hitler” is gold but “Lick My Love Pump” the name of the legit pretty “combination of Mozart and Bach, a Moch piece “from Spinal Tap are my go-tos.

      If a gal will lick my love pump as we watch Springtime for Hitler… well. I imagine we’ll bloom together.

      • Derpetologist

        The scene was in the POW train. When they get in view of Dresden, young Vonnegut says “Oz” because he thinks it looks like the skyline of Oz from the 1938 movie.

        I went to Dresden in 2003 in part to test my German ability and also to walk where Vonnegut had been. I wanted to hit up Prague too while I was there, didn’t make it. There’s no bleak like former East Germany bleak, though I did meet some cool people in the youth hostel.

      • J. Frank Parnell

        You need to see Waiting for Guffman right away. Not as good as Spinal Tap but better than Best in Show IMO.

        “Medicine man not go near Dances with Stumpy!”

  19. slumbrew

    Holy smokes, Bears taking it to the wire.

    • The Gunslinger

      Good play call on 4th and 4 to have the QB run backwards 30 yards and then throw a fadeaway dime to the TE in the end zone.

      • Brochettaward

        Feel fairly comfortable saying that Williams had no fucking idea where or to whom he was throwing that ball, but people will blow him for an eternity for that play.

      • slumbrew

        Why Josh McDaniels doesn’t draw up those sorts of innovative plays is a mystery.

      • Brochettaward

        There’s physical talent involved with Williams doing what he did there and it’s why he was the top pick in the first place. He has the tools.

        But unless the Bears just practice QB scramble drills where the WR is supposed to hit that spot, I don’t think he was even looking and the WR was well past the point where he was running any sort of actual route. The Steelers used to do that when Roethlisberger was a young QB to some extent practicing when plays broke down and how WR’s were to behave.

      • juris imprudent

        DJ Moore in OT – you weren’t really throwing that ball to me?

  20. Evan from Evansville

    I can do that but I don’t wanna.

  21. Grumbletarian

    Holy shit the Bears keep managing fourth quarter heroics.

  22. Grumbletarian

    The Rams kicker wears number 92. SMH.

  23. Brochettaward

    I saw some questions on the dog situation. If Moj is around, yes the other person was the one with the bright idea to not just get a dog, but a puppy and particularly this puppy (which they didn’t realize was a pitbull despite me telling them he was, not that it matters at this point – shelter also falsely labeled him an American bulldog).

    And as paying someone to walk or exercise him, that’s not quite the issue. He’s not alone very much especially at this point. He peed when alone for 30 minutes the other day after the “incident” with asshole and when he broke out of the kennel. Was alone for 4 hours today and nothing. Perfectly behaved (kennel is zip tied back together and apparently Butters proof now). He’s walked constantly when I’m home because this dog legit shits more than any creature I’ve ever met. Like 6 times a fucking day. Which is whatever to me, though the other person doesn’t want to deal with that either and will lie about whether he’s gone or not even when I don’t bother to ask. And no, i’ve never bitched at them for it because it’s not worth my time. But lying about it repeatedly as if I don’t know the dog and his behaviors at this point is absurd. He let’s me know in his own way when he needs to go out.

    This dog has shown no violence towards anyone but asshole and it was about a week after they admitted they smacked them and gestured like they were going to do it again when angry (for no real good reason) when the first issue arose on that front.

    • slumbrew

      That sucks, man.

      A dog is not a lifestyle accessory. They’re not for everyone. Especially not puppies.

      Sucks that you saw this all coming and it happened anyway.

      • rhywun

        They’re not for everyone.

        All the junkies around here have one – and they all have that same junkyard dog look to my untrained eyes.

        I give them a very wide berth when they approach. I’ve seen them in action – a lot snarls and barks at everyone and everything nearby.

      • Brochettaward

        I know what I kind of have to do here from a technical standpoint. The situation isn’t complex or hard to figure out, but it doesn’t make the decision easy for me. I’ve always had strong feelings on dogs and the commitment you make when you get one which is part of the reason I avoided doing it in the first place. They are work, but once you make the decision to get one to me that should be it. But I also don’t want to fuck the dog up.

      • Brochettaward

        *Part* of the issue is the dog’s temperament, but I’m not blaming him by saying that. Some dogs just run and try to hide and would only bite as a last resort. This dog aint taking no shit and I respect that.

      • Tres Cool

        Have you expounded to the doge, and anyone else in earshot, your firsting skills? That should put them in line.
        Or do you only do that schtick here?

    • Mojeaux

      Sorry, Bro. That’s a helluva pickle. 😵‍💫

    • Derpetologist

      It’s a meaningless debate full of histrionics, much like the way children argue.

      “My dad could beat up your dad!”

    • Evan from Evansville

      Meh. I like watching our polite soldier training. It’s fundamentally exciting. And people *do* like to bitch and play favorites and nostalgize about everything and everyone. it’s fundamentally human. (I also loath that shit. Easily ignored.)

      We do well for making ours fairly non-violent and voluntary (after childhood?) and folk pay for talent. I’d certainly be at gladiatorial games. I’d like to think I wouldn’t enjoy prisoners slaughtered and the rare ‘feed to lions’ bits, but I’m sure I wouldn’t know better. I’d munch on my bread!

      • Evan from Evansville

        I enjoy that too and is certainly more dangerous, I would agree more “courage.” But standing in the box against Randy Johnson wasn’t a picnic. And I’m not watching sports to be “impressed,” though it certainly can be impressive.

        I enjoy watching competition, in general. Not even a yearly thing, but I’ve watched darts, pool and much more and enjoyed it. It’s a fundamental part of being human and I enjoy it. Dancing is, too, but I detest it for all sorts of silly, but real to me reasons. *shrug*

  24. Evan from Evansville

    LONDON (AP) — A heckler yelled “leave Greenland alone!” while Vanessa Williams sang “The Star-Spangled Banner” before tipoff of an NBA game in London between the Memphis Grizzlies and the Orlando Magic on Sunday.
    ————
    So childish. It really is pathetic. And to what aim, other than the dreams of getting 15secs of fame? Ah. There ya go. How special, she is.

    • rhywun

      Make Danish Colonialism Cool Again 🙄

    • Ted S.

      Heckle Mr. Kier Starmer during God Save the King and see what happens.

  25. Mojeaux

    Re the 80s frat boy teenage boy sex humor movies of the 80s. I saw a thing about Real Genius, you know those factoid vids. That was supposed to be one too, but then Martha Coolidge got her hands on it. The sex jokes are still there because that’s what they wanted, but she pushed them off to the side and made a really smart movie. Say what you want, but in a competition of all those movies (particularly Weird Science), Real Genius is the only one that held up, INCLUDING the sex jokes. The rest are just sad and cringe.

    • rhywun

      I saw it for the first time recently – I think you’re on to something.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      Come on, Revenge of the Nerds with the rape but not rape rape scene and Porkys with the good old standard high school pranks still hold up. I mean who among us hasn’t stuck our dick through a hole in the wall? If you can manage to turn your brain off that genre from that time and place are still funny on rewatch (except Ski School, the worst teen sex movie ever made).

      • The Hyperbole

        Trying to follow the masterpiece “Hot Dog The movie”, “Ski School” never had a chance

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Is it the Citizen Kane of skiing based teen party movie romps? I don’t think I’ve seen that one.

      • The Hyperbole

        Some may prefer “Better Off Dead” , Sure it starred Americas greatest living actor, and was funnier, more quotable, etc…But HDTM was more ski-oriented and had nudity.

    • Ted S.

      Minotaur Milkers as a teen sex comedy, with women in the empowering roles!

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Just stay away from edging when it comes to a means of empowerment when it comes to Minotaurs, from what I understand it pisses them off to no end.

    • Stinky Wizzleteats

      The manager said Fall Out Boy sucks.

    • UnCivilServant

      Managers no longer respond to customer complaints. Instead, we have a canned statement.

      Ahem.

      “Suck it up, think what you’re told to think, live in the pod, eat the bugs, don’t question us.”

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, Stinky, U, ChipP, Ted’S., and Teh Hype1

  26. Chipping Pioneer

    UP AND AT ZEM!!!

  27. UnCivilServant

    Trash has been taken to the curb, even though I’m 90% convinced that the garbagemen won’t be picking up today due to the holiday and will pick up tomorrow. But in case of that 10% I don’t want it sitting around my house.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      Your neighbourhood raccoons thank you for your service.

      • Ted S.

        UCS doesn’t live in a neighbourhood.

      • Sean

        How do you know Ted? He might even have a sweater with elbow patches.