“WAR!’ the hat yelled. “We gonna bomb those fuckers good!”
“Do you have to be so bloodthirsty?” the hair asked.
“Oh, here he goes. Mr. Peace. Mr. Don’t-Want-No-Trouble-Mister.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Bok-bok-bok,” the hat chickened.
“I just don’t think we have any business in the Middle East,” the hair said. He shifted on Donald’s unconscious head, then skittered down his face.
“We’re America,” the hat, “we do whatever the fuck we want.”
Behind him on the huge screen showed the shifting greys of low-light cameras, struck targets flaring pure white. The hair looked ghastly pale in the explosion-light, his luxurious blondocity washed away.
“I dreamed about this, you know,” the hat said, wobbling around to turn to the screen. “I dreamed the world was on fire my with my righteous vengeance.”
“Fucking egomaniac,” the hair said. “I hate you when you wax apocalyptic.”
“A turban is not hat,” the hat intoned.
“That’s what all of this is about?”
“No, my dreams…”
“Oh, shut up,” the hair said, “you got us in this mess. You. Not prophecy.”
“I am the lathe of heaven.”
“What’s going on?” Donald asked, sitting up.
“You fell asleep,” the hair said. “The generals and majors all left quietly and turned off the lights.”
“Donald,” the hat said without turning around, the shifting light on the screen playing across his fever-wet eyes, “you’re missing the war.”
Donald grunted as he stood and staggered over to the bubbling Diet Coke fountain Bibi had sent him and began to drink from like, lapping like a dog.
“You know there’s probably a camera in that thing,” the hair called, “Hot IDF girls are laughing at you right now.”
“Just let the man enjoy himself. Shit like this is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Why, I never…” the hair began.
“Fine, boyfriend, whatever.”
“Sir?” unsure voice called, and the door to The Situation Room began to slowly open.
“Mep!” the hair squeaked, startled. He ran across the table and leaped at Donald as he looked up from the fountain, landing his shoulder and scuttling to his head.
“Sir? A young major asked, light from the hallway spilling in.
Donald roared, mane like a goddamn lion, “Bring me Marco Rubio… Alive or dead!”
Half the world away, two hot IDF girls giggled and began to touch each other as they replayed the scene of Donald lapping at the fountain. Hot IDF girls. Like really hot. Hotter-than-Dave’s-sister hot. And they knew how to touch each other sexually. “Bring me the head of Marco Rubio…” The one girl, let’s say, the one the right, had a huge orgasm. “Alive or dead!” The other girl orgasmed then. But, like, a bigger orgasm. Maybe, like a SUPER-ORGASM. “Roll it back,” the girl on the right said, her hot IDF fingers covered in sex goo. “I agree,” the girl on the left said, “I have plenty of orgasms left in me.” And then they watched Donald and orgasmed and watched Donald and orgasmed all afternoon. And you could see their boobs.
Marco Rubio was taken alive.
Donald roared, mane like a goddamn lion, “Bring me Marco Rubio… Alive or dead!”
I’m reminded of FEGELEIN!
Original subtitles
SugarFree may or may not have been giving himself some sugar during that penultimate paragraph.
I, for one, like these new characters.
Fan service.
I’m going to suspend disbelief that such sapphic frolicking would go on at an IDF facility, particularly during wartime.
Frankly, I’m surprised there aren’t more squirters in the Sugarverse.
Most of them involve ichor, Hillary, and the Olde Gods.
I didn’t know you were into sapphic frolicking.
You know it happens.
And people hate Jews…
“A turban is not hat,” the hat intoned.
as the Bible always told us
The hat is not wrong.
Hot IDF girls. Like really hot. Hotter-than-Dave’s-sister hot. And they knew how to touch each other sexually. ‘
sounds like (((propaganda))) to me
Marco Rubio was taken alive. – the new ayatollah right?
Not for a while:
https://freebeacon.com/israel/stop-the-count-israel-levels-building-where-clerics-gathered-to-select-irans-new-supreme-leader/
Hot IDF girls. Like really hot.
Naked except for their tacticool gunfighter quickdraw rigs.
Go on…
“You fell asleep,” the hair said. “The generals and majors all left quietly and turned off the lights.”
No big deal. FOX will run the highlight reel nonstop.
Obligatory
Looking on in gleeful anticipation
Trump, it’s worth saying, is doing all of this while he is historically unpopular and his party is facing what may turn out to be the biggest midterm massacre since 2006. But what happens when he is even more unpopular, overseeing a foreign war that’s out of control, and no longer has control of Congress? What happens when the subpoenas and investigations—and yes, impeachments—start? What happens if this becomes a regional war? What happens if U.S. civilians, stranded in a Gulf state, are taken hostage? What happens if U.S. ground forces start aiding one, or several, factions in an Iranian civil war?
These are all plausible scenarios, given the state of play in this very moment: Republicans in Congress are holding onto control by a thread, Trump’s approval rating is plummeting to new depths, and this war is already spinning out of control. The administration has no plan for what comes next; hell, it doesn’t even have a plan for evacuating the hundreds of thousands of U.S. civilians who are stuck in the Middle East. But Trump is also unprepared politically—for the exodus of support from Republican voters and lawmakers alike if this war expands and ground troops are deployed. He says, “MAGA is Trump.” Before too long, that may be pretty much all that MAGA is.
Save us, progressive Democrats. Return us to the sanity of the Obama years.
Things would be much better if we went back to the lather, rinse, repeat cycle of dropping bombs and then leaving everything else as-is.
“The administration has no plan for what comes next”
Said without evidence. It might not work, and yes this could turn out to be a disaster, but I highly doubt they put no thought at all into the next steps.
Of course there is no plan for what comes next. Neo-cons never contingency plan.
Was there a plan for what comes next in Iraq? Afghanistan, Libya, Ukraine, South Vietnam?
Also the changing story and timeline. Now it’s 8 weeks and not ruling out ground troops.
The plan is to wish and hope that Iran gives up. There is no plan B.
what happens when he is even more unpopular, overseeing a foreign war that’s out of control, and no longer has control of Congress? What happens when the subpoenas and investigations—and yes, impeachments—start? What happens if this becomes a regional war? What happens if U.S. civilians, stranded in a Gulf state, are taken hostage? What happens if U.S. ground forces start aiding one, or several, factions in an Iranian civil war?
I imagine the author was furiously masturbating while picking out that paragraph on the keyboard.
Sure, Jan. 🙄
Hakeem is out there literally rooting for failure. Yes, America is going to be all over that. I can’t wait.
Love the “when”, not “if”, the parade of horribles happens.
“The administration has no plan for what comes next”
Said without evidence. It might not work, and yes this could turn out to be a disaster, but I highly doubt they put no thought at all into the next steps.
Sometimes it appears the progressive media steno pool thinks the absolute worst epithet they can throw at Trump is he’s “transactional”. He only ever does something in exchange for something else.
That’s exactly what I want. What’s in it for us? What do we gain from this? Something tells me those questions have been asked. I hope so, anyway.
The Trump Administration could’ve laid out what the transaction is a little better, if there is one. As a political matter, if you’re going to launch a war against a state sponsor of terror, maybe do it when such a terror event occurs, or at least launch it at a time when connecting the dots is easy. Instead, all I’ve received are mentions of the embassy takeover in 1979, the Marine barracks bombing in 1983, killing of troops in Iraq, etc. A replay of Iran’s Greatest Hits probably doesn’t compel a lot of viewers to support the attack. And the further back the war supporters go for their evidence, it begins to seem like Osama bin Laden launching the 9/11 attacks because the muzzies got kicked out of Spain in 1492.
Meanwhile, folks supportive of this war are busy hunting online anyone on the right who is not sufficiently supportive of the war and branding them traitors, etc. Nice job everyone. This should really boost midterm enthusiasm.
Ok, I can handle the immortal, talking hat and the sentient, dandruff eating hair. That’s fine. Plausible even. But female orgasms? I beg you, SugarFree, stay away from fantasy!
I suspect all the videos I’ve seen of them are faked.
Gee, I don’t know how you would be able to spot the fake ones.
Hot, dangerous, nefarious, sneaky, ultra-sexy Persian gals cummin’ w/o your doin’? That’s a damn shame. Go sulk, now.
(Well. At least I’m ahead of him in *that* line now…)
They have changed the ventilation at O’Hare. All of it* smells like either onions or cinnamon.
*C, E, and F terminals.
Clearly the vents are routed through the CinnOnionBun shop.
Solid, UCS. Well-played.
The new terminal in Newark smelled like I was snorting out of a Clorox bottle when it opened. My wife was getting faint and people around us were complaining about headaches.
Are you sure it wasn’t just Newark?
Fresh Jersey air.
No – that is the odor that really does hit you as soon as you step outside.
This is totally incorrect. I saw the USA hat taking charge of this operation on the TV.
As seen here.
USA Hat may be a Mossad counter-agent.
vladimir lenin had this painting framed above his bed, hitIer bought one of the originals, freud had a print hanging in his study, rachmaninoff composed a musical piece inspired by it, & it influenced salvador dalí. nabokov wrote the painting “could be found in every berlin home”
https://x.com/zagrebbi/status/2029241481823748404
“Age restricted”; “Login to X”
I thought this was AMERICA!?
requires a login 😠
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/HClQX8rWAAAWoty?format=jpg&name=small
OFFS I see worse on TV every day
“For anyone not getting it, this is a satire of a facebook post about “The Isle of the Dead” which went viral a little while ago.”
I prefer the Asian cutie.
Cheeky.
Something’s happening in #Iraq 🇮🇶 at this very moment, power is out, there are rumors regarding strikes on power plants, and apparently IRGC-backed PMU / Hashed Sha’abi and KH are being targeted in several governorates.
Numerous explosions in southern areas were reported.
https://x.com/hey_itsmyturn/status/2029236852696219772
Anything in the news?
Power goes out in Iraq all the time.
OK, my recent work week doesn’t seem so bad.
https://x.com/officer_Lew/status/2029005232949059949?s=20
On the bright side, being below the flames, he’s not breathing in the fumes of burning fiberglass, plastic, and hydrolic oil.
Looks like there are flames under him, too.
*shouldn’t have clicked*
Someone coulda tried to park a truck under him, perhaps? Then get out the vehicle and flee, natch. Possibly put some clothes and cardboard in it.
SCOTUS Wire
@scotus_wire
🚨 The Supreme Court unanimously ruled that federal courts must defer to immigration agencies when deciding whether facts qualify as “persecution” in asylum cases, applying the substantial-evidence standard rather than reviewing the issue from scratch.
https://x.com/scotus_wire/status/2029211733068239179
Bring back Bidenomics
Polls show that most voters, including those who supported Trump in 2024, see skyrocketing prices as the top issue sending them to the polls in November. They also place the blame squarely on Trump and the Republicans for failing to address the problem. Democrats must seize the moment — and the message — by fostering a national conversation about how Trump’s reckless war of choice in Iran is one more way Republicans are making life worse for the Americans he promised to help.
Shrewder Democrats already understand that affordability is the framing through which every issue needs to be communicated to the nation’s frustrated voters. On Monday, Arizona Sen. Ruben Gallego set the pace for the rest of the party when he told MS NOW anchor Chris Hayes, “This administration is cutting Medicaid to pay for bombs.” It’s a winning approach the entire party should embrace.
“Americans don’t want another war, let alone another drawn-out, costly war. They want lower costs at home and no more distractions,” said Sen. Martin Heinrich (D-N.M.), the top-ranking Democrat on the Energy and Natural Resources Committee. But if Democrats really want to have an impact, they will need to draw bright lines between the cost of bombs and fighter jets and the things their voters are lacking here at home.
More government spending is a proven path to bringing prices down.
We just need price controls.
They never have any downsides.
I’m sure that Sen. Martin Heinrich (D-N.M.), the top-ranking Democrat on the Energy and Natural Resources Committee, is all about making energy affordable – much like the rest of his Democratic party colleagues.
Skyrocketing? Inflation is still higher than I’d like, but it’s hardly skyrocketing, especially when we compare to the Biden years.
The author might just be lying.
Good, it’s not just me. I recall during Biden going to the store and not buying meat, bacon, and other things because we couldn’t afford them. I skipped driving places because gas was so much. I wish things were cheaper, but it’s definitely not Biden bad.
And let’s recall these same people were touting “low inflation” while ignoring prices were still 30% higher.
Ditto. Some prices are certainly continuing to rise, but I haven’t seen the price rises of the Biden years either.
Not that I buy a whole lot of stuff.
On the bright side, being below the flames, he’s not breathing in the fumes of burning fiberglass, plastic, and hydrolic oil.
Just as he reaches the ground all that flaming debris in the bucket is going to get dumped on him.
I didn’t say there weren’t downsides of his situation.
OT – https://x.com/LundukeJournal/status/2029081398577922173?s=20
Thanks NYS!
This needs to be nipped in the bud and the perpetrators put down like dogs.
MS and Apple should send a bill for the cost of developing this feature to all their New York customers.
No.
I don’t want the feature. I sure as hell don’t want to pay for it.
All kinds of freak out in the Linux communities about this.
Should be good for some popcorn.
Of course not but the idea is to make the voters pay for electing these idiots.
I’m formulating 1st, 4th, and 5th amendment arguments against it. Not sure how solid each approach really is, because I’ve only started thinking about it.
I didn’t vote for these people. I always voted against these people.
The fraud overruled my opinion.
The point is not age verification. No one cares about kids looking at porn or getting bullied or groomed online.
The point is to make anonymous internet use that much more difficult.
You’ve already put more thought into it than 99.9% of New York voters are ever going to.
Is Soda Stream still a thing?
The IDF totally controls that outfit.
Sparkling observation!
She’s one of them afterall. https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/entertainment/soda-steam-ad-featuring-scarlett-johansson/2015/09/02/caca2a8a-51af-11e5-b225-90edbd49f362_video.html
Yes, they’re still in business.
I’m not quite sure what the IDF is gonna do to my mechanical device and bottle of CO2…
Don’t worry, you’ve already ingested enough nanobots for the mind control effect to be seamless.
“The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world!”
I’ve seen it in stores.
All I recall is the BDS crowd really doesn’t want me to buy one.
Even with massively overcharging for CO2, it’s still cheaper than buying club soda all the time.
There are grey-market adaptors for paintball tanks if you really want to get the price down.
commercially reason-able and technically feasible age assurance
Sounds like a job for AI.
Anything is “commercially reasonable” if you just steal a few billion dollars from your high earners and make them pay for it.
This needs to be nipped in the bud and the perpetrators put down like dogs.
*Kristi Noem’s ears perk up*
Ruff!
Please make this day end. It is too long.
Right with ya.
Ugh.
I have to do more work from 10 to 11 or midnight. Whee.
Damn. I am done at 4 CST. Amazon is slacking, I need a special trim pulling tool so I can get to my car batteries and swap them out later tonight. Looks like that happens tomorrow now.
I need a special trim pulling tool
I’ll recommend a Ferrari.
Or a guy named “Chad”.
Achmed the dead terrorist finally gets his chance.
https://babylonbee.com/news/to-save-time-iran-appoints-supreme-leader-who-is-already-dead
Running out of bullets?
Concerns over depleting munitions used to defend American forces in the Middle East may lead the Trump administration to force defense companies to produce more weaponry quickly, according to three people familiar with the discussions.
In private briefings with Congress, Trump administration officials have discussed the prospect of invoking the Defense Production Act to accelerate the production of munitions as the U.S. carries out a war with Iran, known as Operation Epic Fury, these people said. Such a move would go beyond President Donald Trump’s public urging that defense companies manufacture more weaponry.
——-
Discussions about potentially invoking the Defense Production Act underscore heightened concerns within the administration and in Congress about U.S. stockpiles amid a war that Trump has said could take at least a month to achieve his objectives and that he has suggested could stretch on indefinitely. It is also putting a spotlight on the sheer volume of munitions the U.S. is using to attack Iran — and to defend itself from Iran’s retaliatory attacks across the Middle East.
They hate Trump and are boycotting his illegal war.
Interesting turn of events. BC Forward just contacted me about returning to them on a contract. These are the folk I’ve twice remotely graded elementary essays in standardized tests. The last one was for 4th graders in Missouri.
Meijer gig is ending April 7 unless I finagle a way into the actual store, but I’m only doing that if out of necessity. I like the ‘hard’ April 7 end-date, frankly. These contracts are six weeks long, ish. It was pretty ‘fun,’ frankly.
Big question: This is my third time with them and I’ll see if there’s a way to bump up into something more long-term. We were in teams with the batch we had to get done, and we had a boss who’d go over things with us, have meetings and we’d ask him questions, etc. I was complimented on my accuracy, but I was told a time or two that I could be going quicker. (I pay attention, dammit!) I didn’t run afoul of ’em for it, and they did rehire me.
It’s $18/hr and puts me back into Real Work, which is a massive internal, professional and social boost. Will talk to them and see about starting date. This is a really pleasant surprise. It’s fun to have a professional ‘atta-boy’ come up. Rather tickled, right now.
The Iranian “wonder weapon” videos are hilariously terrible:
https://x.com/jurgen_nauditt/status/2029097402993365187/video/1
STEVE SMITH WONDER WEAPON MORE IMPRESSIVE
There are a lot of insane claims out there. I’ve already seen:
1. All the Iranian planes are underground and US bombs have only hit paintings of planes
2. Iran is holding back on its supersonic ship killing weapons, those will be deployed any second now
3. The US is almost out of ammunition
They learned the minute a location launches it get blasted.
It’s possible they are holding back until they figure a counter.
The US is almost out of ammunition
Maybe we could buy some from the Ukrainians.
Dick Cheney alive and in NJ.
https://patch.com/new-jersey/flemington/man-dog-shot-hunter-bird-pellets-hunterdon-county-police