Sasquatch Sunset
Genre – I don’t know, RJ Picked it.
Movie Total Runtime – 1 Hour 28 Minutes plus ads, ads, ads, and more ads.
Spoilers – Yes
So whatever this movie is starts with temperate redwood rainforests and some small figures I suppose are non-human hominids crossing far from the camera. I have no idea what I’m in for. This is the second go-round for trying to get this crossover off the ground, I hope the video host doesn’t turn against us again. This one was RJ’s pick. I had chosen from the potential candidates the first time around, so it’s only fair.
After the title drop, we get a close up of our sasquatches munching on plants. They don’t exactly have much in the way of dinner conversation. Or after-dinner conversation. But, I’ve had evenings like that with my family, so I’m not one to judge. We enter into spring with a pair trying to increase the population count. For beings that live in the wild in temperate rainforests and presumably have a long gestation period, being large mammals, this is a poor choice of times to start. Ideally you want the young to be born closer to spring so that they have all summer to grow and build up strength to survive their first winter. Evidently, other pack members agree, as they don’t appear to approve of the behavior.
We get another “are you sure this is spring?” shot of a deer with full antlers. Some cervids do retain their antlers year round, but these fellows aren’t from that small set of sepcies. Given the thick winter coats on the deer, the title card proclaiming “spring” must have been delivered from an antipodian locale. The foliage they begin ripping down also looks more late year rather than springlike as they assemble some form of shelter.
Why am I arguing with a title card so much? Because I can’t tell our sasquatches apart all that well. Call me speciesist, but they all look alike to me. They beat up on trees and listen for a response that never comes. I’m suspecting, given the title, that this may be the last band of them. We get some more domestic scenes as one of them tries to count the stars. However, the sasquatch number system appears to run out between 5 and 10, as he keeps losing count.
The Hendersons dismantle the shelter they just made and go back to wandering, not bringing any of the resources with them. Instead, they forage along the way. I’m beginning to see why their numbers are running out. They live like migratory gorillas. They lose a fight with a turtle and an Ad interrupts me. Fortunately, I can mute the audio at least. I hate ads. They’re always annoying and never for anything I care about. I don’t need insurance, or a ambulance-chasing lawyer, or a patio. I won’t remark every ad break. If only they weren’t so intensively peppered through the runtime. I’m trying to figure out the ecology of these creatures without any available guidance.
We return to find our dyscalculic squatch trying to count the eggs in a bird nest he found. He does less well than with the stars, losing count at three. We see more social disfunction that makes me wonder if these squatches are carrying around genetic defects resultant from their small population and probable inbreeding. They behave less like advanced apes and more like mentally handicapped humans. That is – several maladapted to their circumstances. As questions of how many genetic abnormalities the band is carrying come to mind, we see evidence that the earlier activies have resulted in a pregnancy.
My assessment of mental handicap is furthered as they demonstrate a lack of understanding of edible versus inedible plants, not recognizing one species of berry until one of their number discovers it can be eaten, and another intentionally gorging on obviously rotten berries begetting sickness. A healthy population native to the region would have already know these things and passed it along well before the adulthood of the surviving members. An argument leads to schism, and driving of one of the members from the band. The exile eats an obviously suspicious mushroom and has a… negative reaction.
Tripping on shrooms and vomiting from their toxicity, the exile makes the brilliant decision to attempt to SMITH a Mountain Lion.
The rest of the troop does try to call the exile back, evidently haven gotten over the original schism. One of the remaining troop displays signs of mental illness by talking to their own hand, but the result actually leads them to where the Puma is feeding on the exile’s corpse. I guess the SMITHing didn’t go so well. Somehow the soil in this redwood forest is soft enough to dig a full size grave by hand as the band buries the exile. If they’d at least used sticks, I’d have believed it. The survivors conduct their funerary rites and move on. From the cognitive difficulties the band has shown I can only assume that squatch culture had previously been more highly developed and degenerated as the species dwindled.
The title card finally declares it to be Summer.
We’re halfway through and there’s been no obvious artifacts of human habitation encountered. However, after the turtle fight, they did mock using the turtled-up turtle like a phone. There’s no indicator that previous squatches had phones, and I think it more likely that the band was imitating the behavior they observed in humans. Unless proven otherwise, I am going to assume this is close to modern day. Our mentally handicapped inbreds go rock fishing, where they chuck rocks at the water until one of them miraculously holds up a fish. In another case of “the title cards are lying” they extract what looks to be roe from the fish. Given the pink interior when they do eat the meat, it appears to be some breed of salmon or trout. A spawning female would only be around from September to November depending on species.
Am I treating this as a nature documentary for comedic effect? Well, I can’t say I’m succeeding at the comedy. It’s just that I don’t want to issue the same complaints I had about One Million Years BC in the dialog department. Another confirmation that there is something wrong with these squatches comes from indicators that they don’t seem to understand what pregnancy is. Not an issue you’d get in a healthy population.
Halfway through we have confirmation that this is modern times and humans exist. We have a X spray painted on a tree in red, indicating intent to cut that one down. We don’t see the humans, but nothing else makes those kinds of marks. Our inbred band boggles at it in confusion. They soon find a road. Probably the one the loggers used. It causes even more confusion even though it’s unpaved, so the surface is not terribly dissimilar to that of ground they’ve already crossed, just more clear of vegetation. Something must spark in their improperly formed minds as they freak at the way it stretches in both directions. Repeatedly. Each way. Either that, or they’re extreme libertarians and the very idea of Roadz is an affront to them.
More signs of human activity comes with the discovery of a cut log that got away and floated down river. Dyscalculic tries to count the rings and keeps failing. The frustration this causes tells me he knows there are more numbers, but his brain is failing him. Dyscalculic rages at the rings, jumping on the log, slipping, and dislodging the log such that he gets pinned in the water. Pregnant squatch tries to roll the log off dyscalculic, but dislodging it further causes it to roll downstream and push him under. The squatches are unable to rectify the situation before he drowns.
The band is down to a duo, who wake the next day to find the current has freed the corpse of Dyscalculic, and he’s hosting a murder of crows. Retrieving the remains, they hold another funeral. Our Antipodian title card says it is now Fall. Watch, we’ll have new buds emerging from the snow when I hit play.
In a shock twist, the autumnal setting proceeds apace as the leaves are turning colors. I guess if you film it all at one time of the year, eventually the title card will be accurate. Our duo of decidedly unbright relatives finds a campsite set up by someone who does not know bears live in the pacific northwest. Their food coolers are all on the ground, and I wonder how they got all this in there, as there’s no sign of a vehicle having come along. Anyway, the two investigate the human stuff, finding items they don’t understand and a crapload of candies and other junk food. They manage to hit play on a boombox with “Tony’s Mix” tape in it. Can’t be sure Tony was the one who set up the camp. The random hearts tells me it might be the boyfriend of the person who set up camp. Anyway, the casette tape and portable boom box says “90s” to me.
The noise confuses the squatches who sit there, brained locked up at this development until the music makes pregnant female rage and start smashing the camp. Smallest male joins in. until each gets distracted again. All this excitement leads the unborn squatch to want to join in, and pregnant female goes into labor. Mountain lion looks on as the squatches try to prepare a spot. Newborn squatch lands on its head but begins vicalizing and moving anyway. I’m not sure they are using that part of their anatomy anyway. Mountain lion, of courst, is drawn to the scene. Mama squatch distracts it with the fakest looking placenta prop I’ve ever seen.
As the squatches flee, the title card declares it winter. There is actually snow, and my opening about why you don’t want to gestate over summer comes back as I wonder how they’re going to keep newborn squatch from freezing. Smallest male feeds snow to the hand he talks to before they stumble on to someone’s chicken coop. From the way mama squatch handles the baby. They abduct the chicken, carrying it off alive. Smallest male almost gets the chicken killed by a bear trap, but a snapped one containing old bones lets mama squatch figure out what it is and set it off without getting either the chicken or his hand friend caught in it.
We’ve got ten minutes left and three squatches left. Newborn squatch nearly croaks due to the cold, but they somehow shake it back alive. Normally, shaking a baby has the opposite effect. This reprieve may only be temporary as there are signs of a wildfire coming to provide our climactic encounter. The squatches try to signal other squatches, but have no more success in the matter than previous attempts. Apparently the budget couldn’t handle actually having the fire catch up, so Smallest Male and Mama Squatch carry Baby Squatch to a logging camp, or mine, or small town. Maybe a local history museum given the rows of antique hardware on display. They mistake a carved wooden sasquatch for a real one and try to communicate.
It takes them an awkwardly long time to figure it out. The wide shot shows they’ve reached the willow creek-china flat museum. I guess my “Local museum” guess was close enough. The ending credits roll with the squatches still awkwardly trying to communicate with anything that would answer.
I’m going to stick with “Mock Nature Documentary”, since there’s nothing else I can classify this as. And I’m not violating my “No research” policy now, I’ve finished the runtime. Credit to whoever created the costumes and props for this. They and the camera operator did a fantastic job. Except for the fake placenta prop. But the contrast did highlight the work done on everything else. As for the story… it has a story but no plot, being a series of things that happened to nonverbal mentally handicapped inbred squatches as they run out the clock on a functionally extinct species. Whether you find it more humorous or more tragic depends on you. For me, it was like watching a bug in a jar – detatched and analytical.
Though you guys should be able to see it back in Thursday’s post if you wanted to watch ads every ten minutes of runtime. How did I ever manage broadcast television?
What the heck did I
justwatch?Well, sometimes movies aren’t true. The producers make up a lot of stuff.
😲🤯
“Cocaine is a helluva drug,”
“Bitch set me up”
I believe you’re one of them samsquantches. You just wrote a lengthy piece on what you *did* just watch. And now you don’t remember. This is how their civilization eroded. ‘Individuals’ like you. But your typing seems to have improved. I approve of using your finger to scratch our “just” in this query. Shows rather developed sentience. Misplaced, methinks.
I’d say you really did just watch a mock documentary. Ya just watched it in a small room with many, many mirrors placed in it. All of yourself projected into infinity. Perhaps a divine, spiritual moment. Yet you get distracted, disgusted by a placenta. Don’t waste such a delicacy.
Not counting those enclosed in optical devices, I have one mirror in my house.
Yes, and that mirror’s your perception. Think about it.
*Taps noggin’.
Have you checked your meds lately?
Through the lens of your constellation of mirrors, UCS. Rings crimson and sheep.
*Taps again*
Yep, Ev’s Stoned.
Ah ha! I’m pretty sure I get this reference, despite the fact that I’m pretty sure I avoided actually having to watch it back in the day! (::refrains from looking it up to maintain the avoidance::)
I never watched the show. And Technically the Hendersons were human in the series.
I was only familiar with the movie, I had to verify it was also a show on IMDB. It came out during my early 20s. I didn’t have much time for TV in my early 20s.
Never saw either.
*tap tap tap*
The movie was my senior year of HS.
The TV series was my final busy years of college.
We saw it in the theatre.
Wait. It was a TV show?
I swore that was a movie.
Fantastic! I especially enjoyed the reference to The Hendersons.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It is extremely rare for me to sit down and pay full attention to something on the TV – mostly it’s background noise and the occasional breaks don’t bother me.
Ads really, really bother me.
Personal injury lawyer and big pharma ads are a constant unwanted hate watch. I immediately change the channel when I can be bothered to look at the TV.
That is probably 90% of the commercials nowadays. The rest are BLUE CHEW, DAWG!
I’m going to make a list of all those meds that I need to talk to my doctor about, that I may need. There are meds that you don’t have any symptoms for that you may need. Better check with the doctor.
I had to go online to find out what Blue Chew was, before I knew if I needed it. Seems like I need it but now forgot why.
Best I’ve seen: Sublocade and Valmar side effects include “coma and death.”
Well then. Uh. Huh. Just how bad do I need this shit, doc?
I like the anti-depressants that make you more depressed.
Going out of town bothers me greatly because of this. I don’t see any TV ads at home. Only during live sporting events, of which I really only watch the MLB playoffs/WS. But when I go out of town I get a sad when I realize I’ll have to suffer commercials.
I need to start bring my Apple TV with me.
I actually tapped out during the summer so I appreciate knowing what our dopes got up to after I left.
they’re extreme libertarians and the very idea of Roadz is an affront to them.
🙂
How did I ever manage broadcast television?
Change the channel is what my family did when commercials came on.
We had 3 broadcast stations when I was young. 1 PBS station.
My brother and I were the remote control. And just like Archie Bunker, when dad came in “You’re in my chair- get up”. He would plop down, smoke, drink beer, and bitch about politics as he watched CBS with Walter Kronkite. Which close with Paul Harvey.
#GoodDay
Five kids in the house. One couch and two armchairs. We spent most of the time on the floor in front of the console TV.
I still prefer the floor.
Hayek died?! Goddamn. I always liked that woman. I almost wish I believed in a god so I could pray it gave her soul peace and happiness. Truly, hearing about that fucking sucks. Bless you, dear. If there’s a just afterlife you deserve to be there.
STEVE SMITH NOT DYSCALCULIC. HIM VERY CALCULIC. NEXT HIKER HIM CATCH, HIM CALCULIC GOODER AND HARDER.
Lol, STEVE SMITH is a ‘tard.
STEVE SMITH HAVE HALF-BROTHER STOOPID SMITH. HIM TOO DUMB TO BLEND IN, AND BY “BLEND IN” MEAN…
Boggling Sasquatches would make a good title for a short story.
Or a PNW Garage Band.
Brewing Sasquatchs.
Sounds like one of those made for drive-in movies where the quality of what was on the screen didn’t matter compared to the “quality ” you were getting in the back seat.
Drive-ins are almost dead as is that ’57 Chevy hardtop that went with them. The local drive in didn’t have individual speakers, sound came from the screen area.
You had to keep the windows down to hear, the fogging truck went through the theater before the movie, to retard the mosquitoes. There was one long continuous
bench in front, younger kids liked to go up there and their teenage brothers/sisters were happy to see them go there as well.
When I was growing up, the sound came through the radio.
I have one of the speakers from the drive in at Grangeville Idaho.
My dad, em liberated it.
I aim to use “dyscalculic” at least twice this week.
20 times a month, according to health experts. And in this situation, I’m not going to argue with the health experts.
Robot Chicken addresses Harry and the Hendersons
That was perfect, thank you!
Bravo. Well played sir.
I just got the captcha check for the first time.
Unfortunately, it did not show me a picture of the Jan6 protest and ask me to check all the boxes with an FBI agent.
too easy
So it just wanted you to check the paid SPLC agitators?
If there are any powers that be lurking about, I have something pending.
So, you know, I got that going for me. Which is nice.
Gunga galunga
One day I’ll tell all of you the tale of how I taught a Sasquatch I called Bill to First. And let me tell you, my seconders, First he did.
I’ll just leave this here.
https://www.uranusgeneralstore.com/uranus-apparel/make-uranus-great-again-hat-navy/
Don’t need it, my anus has never not been great.
And it never will be with an attitude like that.
Don’t sell yourself short. You have a fantastic anus.
I didn’t know that green aliens even HAD an anus, let alone that you wanted ass… istance making it great again.
The things I learn.
Shooting at the Bloomington, IN: “Witnesses told 13News the sound they heard was gunfire that sent crowds scattering in every direction. The area was packed with people celebrating Little 500 when a fight broke out between two women…
“Two women fighting … I didn’t think too much of it,” another witness said. “I figured the police would get to it. But then, I saw a girl reach toward her pants leg and start firing. By then, I was already running the other way.”
Others nearby said the situation escalated quickly.”
Ha! I shouldn’t laugh, but I can picture it. No one dead, AFAIK, but 9 wounded including a minor.
=====
In other news, Indiana’s up to something: Gov. Braun signed: “Senate Enrolled Act 88 requires schools to teach the “success sequence” of obtaining a high school diploma, securing full time employment and waiting until marriage to begin having children, a sequence which research shows has a 97% success rate of avoiding poverty.”
I don’t trust schools to actually teach anything like that, or to get teachers who actually, sincerely teach kids that ‘trad life’ is or can be a really good idea, but it’s something.
“obtaining a high school diploma, securing full time employment and waiting until marriage to begin having children”
One of these things is not like the others.
Was thinking the same thing. I get the sentiment, though; could be IN code for ‘don’t have welfare babies,’ which I agree with. (It shouldn’t be a *plan.*)
Put it under Basic Financial Planning in middle school math. I’ll say again, Indiana’s not a terribly run state. Fiscally, it’s among the best.
All three are pretty good recommendations in my book.
I’ve been incubating The First That Shall Change Everything for years now. I’m in no rush. It needs the right chi at the right time as a vessel for my egg and seed.
I’ll bite – which is it?
@Bro: Agreed, but I don’t like the idea of schools ‘teaching’ (turns to ‘suggesting’) kids how to start a family. Currently, the ‘suggesting’ leans towards ‘Gov care for all, and fight for your right for more gov $!’
How is it any different from a school to teach kids to get a full time job to make a living?
Maybe remove the marriage part, though society has been pretty all in on encouraging marriage for a long fucking time now. Let’s make it be in a committed relationship. Having a partner to help raise children even if you are financially secure is important.
Hell, I’ll go a step further than I know they will and say having a man and woman performing the role of mother and father is pretty important.
We have this very expensive education system in this country, and it basically teaches nothing well. It’s designed to create good little consumers who obey. It does that well enough. It’s pretend make-work for unionized batshit liberal white women. If it’s going to exist, try to instill some sense of how to be a good citizen with it.
I covered that in my first reply to Hyp.
Rhy, I was thinking of the school diploma, I’d wager taking that away but leaving Employment and waiting to have kids still gives one a very good chance of avoiding poverty, take out either of the other two and leave in Diploma and one is bound to fail. Hell, I’ll wager the full time job part is doing 80% of the lifting.
Poking around local Reddit which often gives an idea of what the extreme radical far left is thinking and topic #2 was, surprise, opposition to a proposed data center.
All I can really get is “big business bad” and “noise impacts lake shore owners” (the little people are hurt hard with that one 🙄) and “utilities skyrocket” which has nothing to do with the state requirements for green new deal bullshit. 🙄
No disagreement, no “but…”. JFC I hate it here.
I’m a little disappointed no one has resurrected the EMF
Causes cancer/depression/something bad
“I’m a little disappointed no one has resurrected the EMF”
That’d be unbelievable. Oh. (Not that one.)
That doesn’t feed The Narrative.
If you move down here, I’ll come over every once in a while to shit on your front porch to make you feel like home. Promise.
NIMY-ism exists everywhere, though. The old boomers I’m surrounded by and who dominate the political landscape here aint much better. They shut down a bridge that thousands of people used everyday to get to work for months. The reason? To build a bike lane so wealthy seasonal snowbirds and ride across it (just have to dodge the occasional needle or crackpipe while they’re at it). No environmental angle to it. It’s not even something I imagine the tourists would enjoy. It’s a crowded fucking bridge that people already walked across and left trash everywhere.
That one really pissed me off for its absurdity. Some dopey little fuck born with a silver spoon in his mouth on the city council and the boomers in his ear telling him this is what good governments do.
I mean, I’m not saying it’s as bad as living in a blue city in NY (or that city), but I’m going to guess that the local boomers would shut this down too.
In a way it’s a fair turnabout. The first paved roads were built with bikes in mind (at the time the ones with the huge front wheels). Automobiles took them over.
But I am very much against dedicated bike lanes. They’re fatal accidents waiting to happen. And they’re strictly for recreational riders, I can’t remember the last time I saw someone actually biking to work.
There was no hiding that this was purely about recreational riders.
Pretty much everyone besides the ones who have a bunch of DUI’s owns a car. Certainly everyone who actually matters. It’s a very busy bridge.
There’s some real gems on Facebook. This race grifter has a unique approach, I’ll give him that.
He pretends that he’s there to help white people. He’s not trying to guilt them into anything. Claims they are the victims in this system and have been lied to as well. Basically describes white cultural norms such as being on time and conflict avoidance as white supremacy in a meme at the end of his post.
Someone in the comment section:
“Can you share your research that led you to this conclusion?”
His reponse:
1) I am an educator who has a class scheduled for today at 2 pm, EST.
2) I do not live in a white body, like you do. The power dynamic is in effect at all times in this racial caste system.
3) I have an hourly consulting fee that you can pay in order to get the answer to your question(s.)
True truth teller.
Objectivity is also one of the things listed as a characteristic of white supremacy. How did the kangz manage to build the pyramids without objectivity of any kind? Truly marvels. The whole levitating rocks with their minds thing must be true after all.
Surprisingly, this line of thought is constructed in such a way that it is impossible for whitey to argue with it or to ever redeem himself.
This may be one of the dumber attempts to defend the backwardness of Africa I have ever seen.
I think I’m figuring out the basics of the Facebook algorithm. Whatever it is that I comment in, it cycles between pro and anti-content on that thing. You aren’t so much in an echo chamber based on your views as much as they’re just feeding you whatever they think you’ll engage with, and they know people engage with shit that angers them as well as what they agree with.
Good morning, everybody!
Tedses.
Well, it is 2:50 pm in India and I have been offline for the past few days. I come here to read up on the latest shenanigans in the Glib-verse only to see that sweet, sweet Hayek has left us. I only knew her from posts here, a few back and forths in comments, but she truly had a sharp wit and keen mind. Rest in peace, Juleigh.
доброе утро
🪆🇷🇺🍶
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omj81DcG-hw
🎶🎶
You’re drinking kefir?
добрая утка
suh’ fam
whats goody
/been awake since 0315
Good mornin’ Glibs
Good Morning World!
I want to be inclusive but I know UCS will remind that it’s not morning yet everywhere.
A fitting song for today though
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjFoQxjgbrs
It’s not raining here.
Morning, Fourscore
I hope you got a good breakfast and made it into the office OK.
Nope.
I’m snug in my chair in my living room. It’s a remote monday.
🎶It’s just another Remote Monday🎶
It doesn’t work so well without the alliteration.
Good morning to all and sundry!
Good morning, NA, Ted’S., U, 4(20), JI, homey, Roat, and Sean, and good afternoon, Necron!
This is harder to do when I sleep in.
Morning, GT.
How are you today?
I overslept.
😑
Uh oh! Did you log in reasonably close to on time?
I did. I logged in before I started commenting here.
Morning all:
I am going to try to attend Hayek’s service in Duncan OK.
If you plan to attend, would you email me please?
Robodruid100@gmail.com
I will mention this on Monday morning post as well
Thank you
Good morning, ‘bodru. How are things with you and yours?
I am going to see if I can make this work. I didn’t know Juleigh as well as the rest of you but I liked her n awful lot, and she’s a fellow Oklahoman/Rennie. Even if she did go to that inferior school in Stillwater.
AM Links are forthcoming…
👍
Thank you, Tonio. 🙂