Thursday Afternoon Liinks

by | May 14, 2026 | I Am Lame | 103 comments

What’s up, y’all. Another beautiful thursday afternoon here. I took today and tomorrow off work, didn’t tell anyone but my boss, and spent today doing all this shit around the house that takes 20 minutes to an hour when I’m alone and focused, but a hell of a lot longer when my helpers are “helping”. It was nice. Shit got done, no one said my name 800 times an hour, it was very Zen. Tomorrow is ADS day. I ain’t doin’ shit. Feels like forever since I’ve had one of those. I just keep telling myself “one more year”. When the little one is five, we’ll be exiting the “somebody needs me all the time” phase. And I’m going to get checked and make sure the swimmers still have no way to exit the warmup area.

For now, you get links…

Remember folks, don’t steal advocate for suicide. The government hates competition.

This should make you guys along the industrial rivers laugh. Sunscreen made from e. coli? Those were the years the rivers weren’t dirty enough to burn!

I wouldn’t say we’re missing her, Steve.

Look at this fuckin’ tool of The State. Thank you for saving us from, checks notes, 100 illegal sandwiches.

Oldies time, this was just under 30 years ago. Fuck.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

103 Comments

  1. Pat

    Tomorrow is ADS day.

    I can’t see spending a whole day aiming down sight, but you do you.

    • R.J.

      I thought that meant a day to celebrate interesting TV and radio ads.

      • Gender Traitor

        That would take what? An hour, tops?

    • Tonio

      I think it means Ain’t Doing Shit in this context?

  2. Pat

    The UK’s internet regulator fined the forum’s US-based operator £950,000 because the site, which “presents a material risk of significant harm”, can still be accessed in the UK despite British laws criminalising encouraging or assisting suicide.

    I think I see the problem.

  3. The Other Kevin

    didn’t tell anyone but my boss

    I got in trouble for that recently. Mrs. TOK was out of town and I took a sick day. I got a lot of stuff done and still had time for a nap. When she found out she was all “Why didn’t you take a day off when I was around?” Well you see honey…

    • Brett L

      Exactly. I’ll be in trouble if caught. “We could have done something together.” Really? You were going to de ice the freezer vents with me?

      • The Other Kevin

        What did I do that day? I covered teaching her class at the gym, bought us a new (used) dryer, did payroll, had a rare coffee date with my middle daughter. Often on a day to myself I’ll clean the bathrooms and the tile floors.

        I don’t know why I felt the need to tell her. I won’t be doing that next time.

  4. Rat on a train

    No sandwich is illegal on Stollen bread.

    • The Other Kevin

      Look at you hamming it up rye here.

      • Fourscore

        Don’t be cutting corners

      • Pat

        These puns are so cheesy, Swiss should be here any moment.

    • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

      No sandwich is illegal on Stollen bread.

      THAT is fookin’ art right there, ROAT.

    • Grumbletarian

      I see folks are on a roll already.

    • Aloysious

      I can’t mustard the ability to even comprehend the nerve to say ‘illegal’ sandwich.

      It’s quite the pickle.

    • Shpip

      You Know Who will be here any moment now, and he won’t let this slider.

      • Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

        I hope he doesn’t banh mi.

      • Rat on a train

        Swiss is not a Munster

  5. Sensei

    Look at this fuckin’ tool of The State. Thank you for saving us from, checks notes, 100 illegal sandwiches.

    Now carp, gypsy moths, stink bugs…

  6. rhywun

    she “missed all 10 votes on Wednesday in the House,” bringing the total to 43 consecutive missed votes over the last four weeks

    Oh heavens, no. How will the country function without all those surely necessary decisions.

    • R.J.

      36 of the 43 were probably just attempts to impeach Trump again.

    • Tonio

      All kidding aside, this is a problem. Not that *we* are missing her votes, but the House should have rules requiring members who miss a certain number of consecutive votes without prior notice (ie, vacation) or documented illness, should be automatically suspended. Also, this deprives the member’s constituents of representation; there needs to be a mechanism to make it easy to demand proof of life, an explanation, and to recall their rep.

  7. The Bearded Hobbit

    30 years? 90% of my music library is 50-60 years old.

    • Brett L

      Still adjusting to the best years of my life being mostly in the last century

      • Ted S.

        1946, actually.

    • Fourscore

      Oldies are from the ’50 and ’60s

      • Evan from Evansville

        Correct. However, “well. It’s an oldie where I come from.”

    • juris imprudent

      Was pondering that it’s getting close to 20 years ago when Van Morrison did the Astral Weeks live concert – on the 40th anniversary of the release.

  8. Pat

    I wouldn’t say we’re missing her, Steve.

    If I dropped dead tomorrow, my manager would be filling out the write up for No Call-No Show by Saturday, and when I didn’t clock in or return their call, they’d be sending out a termination notice to our Chat Managers email group and stopping my checks.

    • R.J.

      Would your manager send somebody to your house to reclaim the red stapler by walking around your dead body?

      • Pat

        No need, we’re BYOD. No company equipment.

      • DrOtto

        When I worked for Domino’s I was robbed on the job of a total of $38, $12 of it was in cash and $26 in checks made payable to Domino’s. After dealing with police and bosses, I was sent home for the day (I was day shift and it was an afternoon robbery). Shortly after I got home, my supervisor called and told me I had to pay back anything over $20. I politely told him to stop by my house I would deposit the money where the sun don’t shine. His supervisor called me back shortly after that and apologized and told me to take the following day off after that and that he would smooth it over.

  9. Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    I wouldn’t say we’re missing her, Steve.

    I imagine if I took 4 weeks off from work without telling anyone, I wouldn’t have a job to come back to.

    • Fourscore

      I once told my old army boss that I got 60 days leave (vacation) every year. When he asked me how I managed that I told him I got 30 days of mine and 30 days of his. He wasn’t amused.

      • Threedoor

        Beautiful.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    no one said my name 800 times an hour

    “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

    • Threedoor

      I got “dad, dad, want me to flip a coin and see if you’re going to make me breakfast” this morning.

      Heads he wins tails I lose.

  11. Evan from Evansville

    Tool = *evan’s self-frumpy face*

  12. Shpip

    Florida 24 voters deserve to know if their 83-year-old, eight-term representative is capable of carrying on until she’s 85 before her ninth term ends.

    Wilson’s always been the Emmett Kelly of the clown car that comprises the reps from Florida’s designated darkie districts.

    I can only assume that she’s in a cooler somewhere and her staff are playing Weekend at Bernie’s for a couple months to keep the paychecks coming in.

  13. Evan from Evansville

    Dammit. Tool.
    Wish I had gotten into them, back in the day. Never even listened. Certainly not album-length listen. From all sources, you’ve got to actually dive deep and *listen* actually ‘get’ Tool. By all accounts, really amazing musicians, though style is its own thing, but I have zero, zero clue. I had a chance with a lovely, delightfully cute British girl in Korea. We’d hang out in her apt, one over from where mine used to be. I taught her how to get through the tiny window opening on that 18th floor. It had a ‘path’ big enough to walk on for utilities, and such.

    We’d just go out to have smokes. And the view. She was *really* into Tool. I made an exceptionally dumb ‘naive youth’ move, though nothing over the nasty line, but we still hung out and played pool after I touched her knee while we were hanging out, listening to music, *sitting in her bed!* She’s remarkably cute and I’m positive she never hears the end of it, so I kinda understand.

    I do have some pics of us getting out of that window to smoke overlooking Daejeon. Fond memories. Damn, I loved that apt. Best showers ever.

    We still chat once a year or so. She was in Mongolia for a while, and lived in a monastery-like place somewhere, before coming back to Britain, where she’s at now. *beckons her spirit w a wink and a tap on my pack of Camels*

    • The Other Kevin

      I graduated HS in 1990, and met Mrs. TOK in 1997. In between I spent many hours in my parents’ basement with my oils, creating many of the paintings that are on my wall right now. It was some of my best work. I’ve never been able to dedicate that kind of time to my art since.

      While I was painting, I’d drink Mt. Dew and play CD’s all the way through, including the first two Tool CD’s. At about 2am I’d just crash. It was a magical time.

    • Nephilium

      I saw Tool back in 94/95. One of the most brutal pits I’ve ever been in.

      • Threedoor

        Those were the best kind of shows.

  14. The Other Kevin

    I had an interesting turn of events today. My team’s last tournament in MN is at the end of this month. Over the weekend I told my coach my car situation has not changed, so I was out. I was resigned to the idea my season was over.

    Today he texted asking if there was “any, any” way I could play. We’re fielding 2 teams and the lower one has only 5 skaters. Physically I could definitely make it, I just need to figure out how to get to just one practice in the next 2 weeks, get a ride to meet the team van when we leave, and get a ride home at the end. I’m working the phones and trying to figure it out.

  15. Pat

    Israeli rape dogs? The New York Times is barking mad

    Was it a coincidence? Yesterday, the most comprehensive independent report so far into the sexual violence carried out by Hamas and other Palestinians on 7 October 2023 and afterwards was published. Based on more than 430 filmed interviews with survivors and witnesses, more than 10,000 photographs and videos taken by the perpetrators, and evidence from the scenes, it laid bare the depths of the savagery meted out on that day.
    […]
    At the same time, the New York Times, formerly America’s most respected title, published an inflammatory column with the headline ‘The Silence That Meets the Rape of Palestinians’, by two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Nick Kristof, who, like many of his colleagues, has a long track record of antipathy towards the Jewish State (once, for example, he shared a post comparing a pro-Israel group to ‘pigs’). The column received immediate scrutiny and was quickly branded an example of ‘grotesque journalistic malpractice’.
    […]
    The central and most ludicrous allegation, and the one that has understandably attracted most attention, is that Israeli forces somehow trained dogs to rape Palestinian detainees. This assertion, which obviously lacks credible evidence, has been repeated by the likes of Shaiel Ben-Ephraim, an Israelophobic firebrand academic who left the University of California, Los Angeles, after he was accused of repeated sexual harassment of minors.
     
    Euro-Med included the dogs shtick – without forensic evidence or independently verifiable corroboration – in a report in 2024, after which it was picked up by Al Jazeera. In April, it was repeated in a second Euro-Med paper and amplified by that distinguished online outlet, Middle East Eye, before being seized upon by the left-wing agitator Owen Jones, who included it on his Substack. Francesca Albanese, the swivel-eyed Israelophobe employed by the United Nations, repeated it, followed by Kristof at the New York Times. In an illustration of the feedback loop of bullshit, Owen Jones has now posted a Substack article entitled ‘New York Times confirms Israel using dogs to rape’.

    A story like that’s gotta be true!

    • Sensei

      Saw a headline they were being sued by Israel over this. I’d like to know what party is actually suing them…

      • Ted S.

        Shpip’s avatar?

    • The Other Kevin

      Here we are with another episode of “Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes truth”.

      • Nephilium

        “Donald Trump raped Hamas with some very fine men!”

    • rhywun

      the worst thing about all this is the fact that the mainstream media are throwing away their own credibility

      That happened a long, long time ago.

      What I don’t get is that surely there are some possible criticisms of Israel that could be debated there, but instead they leap to the most ridiculous, libelous nonsense – stuff that would probably make a Columbia grad student blush. It only makes sense as evidence of uncontrollable antisemitism there but if you call them out on it they’re all “oh no we’re just questioning Israel blah blah blah”. Yeah, right.

      • EvilSheldon

        Apparently making matzo with the blood of Goyim children just isn’t salacious enough…

    • Threedoor

      That’s no dog!
      It’s Steve Smith!

  16. The Late P Brooks

    I watched Jack Reacher last night. It’s trite and formulaic, but it’s pretty well done. Except that fucking incredibly stupid car chase.

    • DrOtto

      As car chases go in modern movies, it could have been worse. The extent they lean on CGI these days makes them mostly unwatchable to me.

  17. Rat on a train

    Did anyone catch the hearing on the Fairfax DA?

  18. trshmnstr

    So, uh, what’s the verdict? Did Tulsi have the MKULTRA and JFK files stolen out of her office by the CIA?

    • rhywun

      Looks like the message went out to walk it back and I expect we will hear nothing further of the matter again.

  19. Aloysious

    I love that picture of Vinnie Jones.

    I’ll paraphrase AC/DC, “He’s Got You by the Balls”.

  20. Aloysious

    Great music choice, Brett.

    • Pat

      “Here’s a bunch of technology to poorly replicate the functionality that biology equipped you with from birth, that’ll be $500”

  21. Threedoor

    30 years ago.

    Damn.

    I saw them late that summer on ASUs campus.

    Fantastic show. No idea where the blood on my T shirt came from.

  22. Shpip

    You don’t say?

    Admissions staff at Yale University’s medical school “used racial proxies” and “intentionally selected applicants based on their race” to the benefit of black and Hispanic students, despite a Supreme Court ruling that affirmative action is illegal, according to a new report from the Department of Justice.

    “We’re Ivy League academics, and therefore very clever. The law will never catch on to us.”

    • Pat

      Ironically enough given my job, I’m not a car guy. But one of our upper mangers used to be a finance manager for a large dealership group in Florida. When I was training for our Virtual Retailing platform he put us through some basic courses on back end stuff, F&I, dealership lingo, finance types and terminology, etc. While he was doing a presentation on financing older vehicles he casually mentioned that if you want to drive a Land Rover you should lease it, because they build them to last through that 3 year/45k lease range and then they start going to shit, and finance companies price their interest rates accordingly.

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        One always hears that, but I have a 2007 RR sport with 250K miles that still runs acceptably. I do have to put in a new air pressure reservoir tomorrow. Most of the problems with that RR are due to rust from the NJ winter road salt. Some things like soft brake lines are “time limited items” if you have odd brake wear, just replace the flex lines, but I had the same failure in the 2006 F350. Went through 4 sets of rear calipers before we figured out it was the flex lines.

        My other 2017 RR is having a wheel bearing replaced because the magnetic tone ring separated from the bearing and ate the ABS sensor. That one has 120K miles on it. The euro repair shop says the BMWs and other ABS systems just randomly shed their tone rings. Otherwise just tires, brake pads, oil changes and regular filter maintenance.

        So, I have had reasonable luck with used 50K mile Land Rovers, and driving them for the next 10 years.

      • Sensei

        Let me talk to you about our early 2000 LR3…

      • DrOtto

        You’re one of the lucky ones then. I have yet to do a pre-purchase on one that hasn’t had at least 2 major issues bandaged up in an attempt to make them appear saleable. The amount of deferred maintenance on most luxury brands is incredible.

      • rhywun

        Ironically enough given my job, I’m not a car guy.

        #meneither but JLR is a client of ours so I would rather see them giving us more business rather than less. 🫤

      • Dr Mossy Lawn

        I think the problems really spiral for the unknowing 3rd owner… 1st owner has the warranty, and is maintained by the dealer. #2 thought they got a good deal and don’t do any required or recommended maintenance, or cheap out. Then the 3rd owner gets all of the problems.

        I also misspoke, the 2017 also had a ACE hydraulic leak that I replaced the pipes last week. There is a 20 point procedure to bleed the lines afterwards, and I couldn’t get my code tool to engage the manual bleed mode. I have never had a pump hydraulic system that needed to be manually bled, you just usually run the cylinder end to end a bunch of times and the air gets pushed back to the reservoir. I just topped up the fluid and watched the pressure, it self bled in under 2 hours of driving. Then I convinced the official JLR code tool to activate automatic bleeding, but there was no change, it was already done.

        There are a bunch of minor issues.. torn boot, some random canbus errors, but not major issues.

      • Threedoor

        Go early enough and the RR may have a TH400 in it and an engine built off of a Buick lisence. Those parts are good.

      • Sensei

        With the LR3 we had random check engine lights.

        First trip to dealer firmware update.

        Second trip wire harness.

        Third trip with shop master tech + two weeks + call to tech line + starter = success.

        What else, two fuel tanks, new fuel pump, clogged sunroof drains x 2, two compressors + original for the air suspension, dead battery within 18 months of new ownership.

        And that’s just from memory. We bought it for traveling over Christmas and in the six years we owned it we had rental for 3 of them. We joked the car was Jewish.

        My Jeep JK was better made. Still liked the LR, but it was the least reliable I’ve ever owned out of BMW, Audi, Ford, Jeep, Tesla, Acura and Honda. Not even close.

  23. Sean

    I’m so fucking tired of hearing all these god damn commies talking about “fighting Trump”.

    Fuck them all. Limp dick Democrats and their pro crime agendas.

    • rhywun

      Spartacus!

      It can’t be a coincidence that every single one of them is utterly repulsive.

    • Threedoor

      I wish they would actually fight instead of cosplay.

      • R.J.

        I am really hoping they start fighting themselves more often. That will be the end game.

  24. R.J.

    Loin Girders, please come to the white courtesy phone:
    “The Visitors” is playing tonight!
    I hope to comment from the new Snarkatorium in the garage tonight.

    • Threedoor

      So you did put up a TV

      • R.J.

        There was one there the other night. An ancient 7 inch Tyler TV, which I managed to get attached to a Roku.

  25. JaimeRoberto feckful & gruntled

    Good news and bad news. My company stock had been going through the roof. The bad news is I got laid off. The other good news is that I got about 9 months of severance. Maybe it’s time to retire. Lots to think about when I’m in Italy over the next few weeks

    • R.J.

      Good for you Jamie. Wife nearly got laid off today. Take a break and consider doing something else. Might be the best thing that ever happened to you.

    • Sensei

      Wow. Six months seems to the standard max for most in NYC regardless of tenure.

      That’s the good, sorry about the news. If I got that deal I’m of the age I’d retire. Finding a full time similar job at 60 is almost impossible.

      Good luck!

      • R.J.

        Don’t remind me.

      • JaimeRoberto feckful & gruntled

        I’ll be 59 in a couple weeks, so finding a job with similar pay might not be feasible especially with all the layoffs in Silicon Valley lately. It might be time start pouring wine at the winery where my wife works, but then I’d have to talk to people.

      • Threedoor

        You would have to talk to people. Drunk people.

      • Ted S.

        As OMWC for help on how to talk to drunk people.

    • Threedoor

      Hopefully it’s a blessing.
      Nine months of severance is pretty awesome.

    • DEG

      Sorry about the layoff.

      Nine months is pretty good.

      • Fourscore

        It seems there is quite a few Glibs in that same age group, 50’s. The economy that we’re heard so much biggly news about appears to be slowing down, if Glibs are any indicator.

        Good luck to all, hope for the best.

      • rhywun

        Just turned 57. If I’m canned (again) I might just retire too. Cruise to 59.5 and then tap my 401K.

      • Threedoor

        I was hoping to make it to 60 Rhy, told the wife I was done earlier than that. Going to double down on the savings, we save about 2/3 of after tax income. I’m sure we can pump that up another 10% or so. My body is coming apart faster than I had bargained for.

Submit a Comment