Wednesday Afternoon Links

by | May 13, 2026 | Daily Links | 116 comments

I feel like everyone must sigh when they see they get Brett links instead of SF links on Wednesday. Whether it is with relief or disappointment depends on you, I guess. I saw many springs last weekend. Just water gushing out of holes everywhere. Cold water. I’m getting too old for cold water. I like the bathwater temperatures of the Gulf of America in summer.

Let’s see what we gots for links today…

Woman’s front porch becomes alligator arena. I wonder if you can turn the hose on ’em like dogs. Not enough to try, but I do wonder.

I respect anyone who can blow a .366 average on a breathalyzer. Respect isn’t the right word. Its quite an impressive feat.

Bro-science is always ahead of published science.

Russian submarine reactors can even sink ships they aren’t powering.

About The Author

Brett L

Brett L

Brett set out to find America, the real America, the America of strip malls and serial killers, of butthole waxing and kelp smoothies, of cocaine and maggots. He sought it in the most American part of America—Florida: swamp gas and fever dreams, where love arrives on a rickety boat and leaves when it doesn't have the money for its fourth abortion. Oh, where has Brett gone? He’s drinking at the neck of America’s wang, chewing its foreskin and working its shaft. Brett is becoming legend. Brett can never die. Brett can never die. Brett is America, facedown in his own patriotic puke: the red his blood, the white his stomach lining, and the cold, cold blue his gas station slushie, spiked with coconut rum and tetracycline.

116 Comments

  1. DEG

    KPRC 2 obtained the Houston Police Department report from that prior case through a public records request. In that report, officers said Wyatt’s breathalyzer results were between .365 and .367

    On two glasses of wine. Well, she didn’t say how big they were.

    • rhywun

      Do they make magnum-sized glasses?

      • DEG

        In some places

        More importantly, it’s a place where guzzling wine by the half litre is the norm, rather than cause for calling the cops.

      • rhywun

        I remember from Oktoberfest there were fairly drunk people everywhere but nobody was belligerent in any way. Kids were trained properly at it there.

      • DEG

        I’ve been to Oktoberfest twice. I haven’t been to Bad Dürkkheim.

        I agree. Lots of drunks at Oktoberfest but virtually no belligerence.

      • Nephilium

        At that volume, they’re called carboys.

      • Fourscore

        Rhy, the magnum sized are called the mediums.

        Ask for a large if you’re only having one

  2. Furthest Blue pistoffnick (370HSSV)

    …water gushing out of holes everywhere.

    I’ve only heard about those kinds of parties.

    • Fourscore

      I must have left too early

    • Tres Cool

      Shoulda stuck your dick in the mashed potatoes.

      • Timeloose

        I see what you did there the b-boys did as well.

  3. Fourscore

    Ain’t now alligators on my machine, no-shows.

  4. The Late P Brooks

    I just had sausage and eggs. I should be good to the end of the week, anyway.

  5. Raven Nation

    Oh look, in the 9th minute of 4 supposed minutes of injury time, Celtic are awarded a penalty. What a shock.

    • robc

      Hearts will have to pull off the draw.

      When is the last time one of Celtic/Rangers didnt win the league?

      • robc

        Answering my own question, Aberdeen in 1984 and 1985 when Sir Alex Ferguson was their manager.

        He might have been pretty good at his job.

      • Raven Nation

        1985: Aberdeen, second in a row and third in four years. Manager was some due named Alex Ferguson.

      • rhywun

        Was just gonna say Celtic must be getting Fergie-time.

  6. Ted S.

    I respect anyone who can blow a .366 average on a breathalyzer.

    Amazingly not a Sconnie.

    • Threedoor

      Or a float plane pilot.

  7. The Late P Brooks

    Lefty on lefty

    AOC’s stance also drew criticism from Glenn Greenwald, an eclectic leftist who is absolutely against the Democratic establishment and the Trump administration on foreign policy hawkishness. Greenwald wrote on Substack that AOC is “an unprincipled, craven, partisan apparatchik.”

    Greenwald continues:

    “Anyone who is actually serious and genuine in their purported anti-war convictions and in their determination to end U.S. financing of Israel — as opposed to someone who likes to parade as such for self-esteem, branding benefits, and admiration — would immediately and eagerly work with anyone to build a majority against these destructive war-promoting and militaristic policies. But AOC made a point of announcing that she would never work with MTG on issues relating to Israel and war, despite the fact, or, more so, because of it, that MTG has displayed more courage and principle on that issue than AOC ever would.”

    “AOC lied to protect her party’s leaders as they financed Israel’s war, whereas MTG loudly denounced her party’s leaders as they continue to do so, being forced out of Congress as a result, the same risk taken by Rep. Thomas Massie.”

    ——-

    She also made a remark about the American Revolution being a revolution against the billionaire class, which emphatically it is not — it was a rebellion against the government due to excessive taxation, which is something AOC favors. But I digress.

    Principles are for chumps.

    • Gustave Lytton

      MTG was forced out of Congress? Last I checked she chose both not to run again and resigned (quit) early.

  8. The Late P Brooks

    Look, clearly AOC has endeared herself to a certain element of the progressive left. There are big progressive accounts who are dedicated boosters of hers, like Mehdi Hasan, who is constantly white-knighting AOC. He wrote in response to this controversy:

    “The number of lies being told about @aoc – her politics, her views, her record – on this website this weekend is insane. Some self-proclaimed leftists want to undermine and taint the most viable and popular potential leftist candidate for president in 2028. Also insane.”

    By all means, put up another screeching harpy to be your candidate. It has worked so well for you in the past.

    • rhywun

      Amazing how many rich leftists are out there pushing leftist candidates who main desire is enriching themselves and making the rest of us poor. Who can possibly resist?

  9. Tres Cool

    0.366 and she thought she was in heaven?
    I’m not going to brag, but on 1 occasion years ago, Tres had a 0.34 BAC from a real blood sample. People didnt know I was even drunk.

    • DrOtto

      That’s a fine line between intoxication and alcohol poisoning.

      • Tres Cool

        And I was told by many medical professionals that I was right on that line.

      • Gdragon

        “I’m not going to brag…”
        ‐—–‐——

        Were you using Donald’s definition of that verb 😉

    • Evan from Evansville

      In those days, I had some .4s. Don’t know if that was blood or breath. I don’t recall that bit.

      I do recall *not* thinking I was in heaven. I’da remembered that.

    • Toxteth O'Grady

      What were the occasions that merited measurement?

      • Evan from Evansville

        For me, I don’t recall. My bro told me about that one, cuz I was out with him ‘for’ it. I’ve awakened several times in ERs without knowledge of how I got there. I mean, I got the gist of it, I suppose.

        Not always, but usually I drank myself there, in some capacity or fashion.

  10. R.J.

    In the new Snarkatorium in the garage. I have an actual shop chair, and the Mighty GETAC S400 is back off the bench, running updated Linux. I even have a fan.

      • Sean

        👍

      • The Hyperbole

        That is one of the saddest pegboards I’ve ever seen.

      • Evan from Evansville

        That best be an electric bug zapping ‘fan’ by that drill.

      • R.J.

        I’m working on the pegboard next. Lost most of the hooks in the move

      • Fourscore

        I don’t see the refrig and TV. The shop isn’t quite finished, I guess.

      • R.J.

        No. It’s low priority to do anything except store tools. Making the Snarkatorium was a surprise bonus this week with some spare time.

    • ZWAK, doktor of BRAIN SCIENCE!

      If you have to designate an orphan as a “fan”, you might need to rethink a couple thinks.

      Just sayin’

      • R.J.

        Orphan did come out, but is not the fan.

    • R.J.

      Yeah, gator link is busted

    • Threedoor

      Low bar for “antisemitism”

  11. Threedoor

    Steve Smith runs a Snap-On truck.

  12. Evan from Evansville

    Parents are back from Cleveland and seeing the INDIANS twice. Chase DeLauter is my uncle’s step-grandson and that side of the family *does* know him. They didn’t get to ‘meet’ him, but he played right in one and DH’d in the other. He’s significantly cooled off, as expected from his impressive first couple weeks in The Show.

    So I had Monday afternoon to just now, Wednesday, with just me and 15yo Peabody. He’s very chill, but damn. A plodding, meandering pup on walks, particularly at night.

    If things go according to most recent projection, I have ten working days left on this contract.
    🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

    • Threedoor

      The contract.
      Is it a temp job?

      • Evan from Evansville

        Yeah, test scoring 8th grade essays for Missouri. Started April 20 and the original finishing ‘estimate’ was June 20, which I knew was ~2 weeks longer than it would really be.

        Now, they’re ‘projecting’ May 27 as our final day.
        🤔🤔🤔

      • rhywun

        🤯

      • Evan from Evansville

        “Remove the Keeper From the Nut”

        I am the Keeper of the Nut, and I shan’t remove myself.

    • Fourscore

      Keep on trucking.

      As I met a truck in Austin, TX one of his duals came off and was coming down the road towards me. I was in the left lane and right before it was going to hit me head on I made the decision to swerve to the right, regardless if there was another car or not and let the tire hit me behind the driver (me).

      The tire wobbled away from me, no car in the right lane, my decision was the right one. I almost got religion.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Those wheels had a damn personal grudge against that streetlight. Aim, focus, determination.

      And fucking stuck the landing! Very nice.

    • Chafed

      Whoa!

    • DEG

      My most memorable Connecticut driving experience was one night on I-84 approaching Hartford in heavy traffic watching a smoking tire bounce down the highway. Folks just casually moved aside to let the tire through as if this was a normal occurence.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        Bob and my mother were nearly brained in Amarillo a couple of years ago. If the tire had hit the windshield and not the sunroof…

    • rhywun

      I was hoping to see him smoking a cigar.

    • Fourscore

      Looks nice enough. His paternal skills seem to be lacking. He should be catching mice and bringing them to the new mother. Raising 6 kids(kits) alone has got to be tough

      • UnCivilServant

        3Door’s generous welfare payments to the mother and kits makes it more rational to not get involved.

      • Threedoor

        Have you met my dads wife’s daughter and her ex UCS?

      • UnCivilServant

        No, but I’m sure I’ve known plenty of people like them.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Oooh, your ‘relation’ has an ex-UCS?!

        I wonder how it ended… but no doubt, that’s where, when and how he honed his kit-gloves ability.
        (He is rather purrsuasive with ’em.)

        *angry footsteps march out of the news studio* That’s it. I’m not working like this. I’m outta here. Call the other guy, I don’t care.
        *slams door*

    • Chafed

      Handsome boy

  13. Aloysious

    There’s something awfuwwy scwewy going on awound here.
    /Elmer Fudd.

    Hopefully everyone has their feet up and are enjoying a tasty beverage.

    • rhywun

      enjoying a tasty beverage

      ✔️

    • Threedoor

      Feet on an ottoman, butt on a heating pad, just finished a nice dry cider.

    • Chafed

      I just got home from work. Sadly, I don’t have rhywun’s commute.

      • rhywun

        I will miss WFH but I aim to live close to the office when I move soon – 10 or 20 mins. tops.

        Another missive went out this week – now they’re going to track our days in the office. Sigh.

      • Evan from Evansville

        I may win this one. My commute from bed to work, the very desk in my office?

        Seven feet. No stairs, elevator, nadda. It’s a gloriously stress-free gig.

    • Evan from Evansville

      (I agree with Fudd… a bit drafty in here. Almost daffy…)

      Got a fun (I hope) draft in. Wanna give it a fresh go-over and add a few pics, but it’s 95% there. Accidentally (on purpose?), it continues my little project about the odds-and-endy vocational tour I’ve been on. And I’ll certainly be adding one about my current test scoring and the goings-on with 8th graders in Missouri.

    • Gender Traitor

      Went to the local minor league baseball game. It was freakin’ cold, so we left at the 7th inning stretch before the score got even more lopsided against us. 🥶 😣

  14. Tres Cool

    I dont care what you people say.
    Papa John’s pizza has its place.

    • Chafed

      I won’t argue. I like their pizza.

    • Evan from Evansville

      Their pizza’s fine, but their golden glory *was* their garlic butter sauce. That was a key selling point. It no longer exists as it once did. That, and there are far more, better options nearby, I haven’t had it since I discovered they changed their damn ‘recipe’ for it.

      Oh, the things that vex me.

      • Threedoor

        The bread is different too.

    • Sean

      Put down the carbs, Tres.

    • The Hyperbole

      Sound doesn’t work for me, Ill have to look for that elsewhere.

  15. Gustave Lytton

    YouTube offered up a MyPillow guy disposition. What a fucking dipshit clown. First rule of being in a hole…

  16. Ted S.

    This is what anonymous posting is for:

    Lloyd looking into police chief’s purported racy social media posts

    Editor’s note: The following story includes images that might disturb some readers.

    LLOYD, N.Y. – The town’s labor attorney has been tapped to investigate a series of photos posted on Police Chief James Janso’s personal Facebook page that appear to show him in a variety of penis costumes.

    Screenshots of the sexually suggestive posts date back to 2025 and appear to have been shared by Janso only to his Facebook friends. They were recently emailed anonymously to the Freeman and town board members.

    I hope the slideshow at the top shows up for all of you and you aren’t paywalled.

    • Sean

      Quite the dickhead.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., GL, and Teh Hype!

      • Gender Traitor

        Good morning, U. How are you today?

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve been fighting to regain a normal sleep schedule. Not sure if it’s working. This morning I was decanting almonds from a “resealable” bulk bag (that won’t close) into a can when I saw something small and brown on the back of my hand. My brain went “Flea!” rather than the more probable (and true) answer of “flake of Almond skin”. The last time I’ve even seen fleas in person I was in college and they were on a cat.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        I might have feared bedbugs.

        Hayyy, GT!

  17. Ted S.

    Fröhliche Christihimmelfahrt!

    • Rat on a train

      I will be fahrting later.

      • Toxteth O'Grady

        A defunct Benz shop here had an Ausfahrt sign.

  18. DEG

    Mornin’

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, DEG. How are you today?

      • DEG

        Sleepy. It’s raining. I have guys repairing the chimney on my house. They’re supposed to be here early. I didn’t get up early enough to go to the gym and still be here when they arrive.

      • DEG

        How is Tranquility Base?

      • Gender Traitor

        Tranquility Base has been lovely…when it’s been warm enough to go out there.

    • UnCivilServant

      Every person associated with the CIA needs to be prosecuted under RICO for Treason.

      Executions and life sentences all around!

    • Ted S.

      Did you read the responses?

      • UnCivilServant

        Only a sucker with an account can read responses.

      • Ted S.

        So people make shit up, outrage post it, and people continue to act like it’s true even after the retraction is printed….

      • Sean

        Fake news then?

        Huh.

      • UnCivilServant

        Ted – That’s no reason not to purge the CIA. They’ve committed more than enough Treason elsewhere.

    • R C Dean

      What authority does the CIA have to raid and seize documents from anyone in the US?

      • UnCivilServant

        None whatsoever. It’s treason – executions all around.

    • Not Adahn

      Oooh! Factions in the Praetorian Guard?