Falafel is one of those Middle Eastern dishes that everyone claims, everyone has their own version, and everyone uses to demonize the Jews. And it’s the equivalent of hamburgers to Israelis, an everyday meal available on every street corner. The Israeli version uses chick peas (garbanzos) so of course that is correct. Egyptians use fava beans. Israelis stuff the falafel into a pocket pita with a salad and tahini sauce. Lebanese serve it on its own as a side dish or part of a mezze. But the Israelis won the wars so their version is supreme.
- 1 cup dried garbanzos
- 2-3 tbs garbanzo flour (besan) – optional
- 1-1/2 tsp baking soda
- 3 cloves of garlic, minced
- 1 small onion, minced
- 1/2 cup chopped flat leaf parsley
- 1/4 cup chopped cilantro (optional- it really works, but some genetic defectives have an aversion)
- 1 tsp cumin seeds or 1/2 tsp ground cumin
- 1 tsp coriander seeds or 1/2 tsp ground coriander
- 1-1/2 tsp salt
- 1 tsp freshly ground pepper
- 1 ripe tomato, diced
- 1 cup shredded romaine hearts
- 1 cucumber, peeled, seeded, and diced
- tahini sauce (a mix of tahini, salt, lemon juice, water, garlic)
Soak the garbanzos for at least 24 hours in 3 cups of tap water with 1 tsp baking soda. Drain thoroughly. Grind the cumin and coriander seeds (I keep a spare Braun coffee grinder for spice use- you should too, it’s easier than a mortar and pestle), then add the soaked and drained beans, the cumin, coriander, garlic, onion, cilantro, parsley, salt, pepper, and the remaining 1/2 tsp baking soda to a food processor with the metal blade. Pulse on and off, scraping down the bowl, until the mixture is the consistency of very coarse sand. If you grab some and squeeze, it should hold together. If not, add the garbanzo flour a tablespoon at a time with a little water and pulse some more to incorporate it.
If you’re tempted to use canned garbanzos, don’t. You can also use dried fava beans or a mix of fava and garbanzo- this is more of the Egyptian style, and let’s face it, Egypt is a shithole with the military prowess and bravery of France. But their version is pretty tasty nonetheless.
Heat oil in a deep fryer to 360°F. I prefer a blend of corn oil and peanut oil, but wouldn’t argue with some refined olive oil. Don’t use canola unless you want everything to smell like a lesbian locker room. Form the falafel patties- some do it by hand, I go the pro route and use a falafel scoop, a nifty spring-loaded device pictured below, which gives me rapid and consistent molding. I dip it in cold water between patties for good release. Mine was a gift from a Palestinian lady whose son worked for me; she was apparently grateful that I hadn’t murdered him or appropriated his house and land. Her falafel is stunningly good, but I haven’t gotten her to cough up her secrets yet- the Mossad should eventually come through for me. Nonetheless, my version is still better than 99% of the restaurant ones I’ve had; they mostly use a mix or frozen shit from Sysco. Yahweh will one day destroy them.
Deep fry the patties for 5 minutes or so until medium brown and crispy. Drain. Serve stuffed into pita with the tomato, romaine, and cucumber, drizzled with tahini sauce. For the last, blend tahini with pureed garlic, salt, lemon juice, cayenne (I substitute sriracha just for a little more appropriation), and enough water to form a smooth sauce.
Enjoy the flavors of oppression, genocide, and fake Arab tears. If you really want to twist the knife, this goes great with a nice bottle of Chateau Musar Blanc, a Lebanese wine made from a blend of merwah and obaideh grapes. Or, frankly, a fine Belgian ale. Piss off those Muslims good and hard.
I don’t have a food processor.
Or a deep fryer.
Tell your orphans to go acquire one of each, preferably before dinner.
I’ve also got a dad who prefers very plain food.
So beef and wheat and corn, no rice, or lamb, or other hilly produce?
I don’t think the ancient Egyptians did either.
The trendy new kitchen appliance of the moment is the mortar and pestle.
They used their dishwashers to mince. It’s really a universal tool.
I need more photos of the taste tester. For research purposes.
Be sure to dip it in cold water between patties for good release.
Are those on the menu at the Terra Cotta Cafe?
It doesn’t seem to be on the online menu…but (gasp!) ham and pineapple pizza is!
Ham and pineapple you say?
I’m in.
We’ve done a trial run that was well received. It’s more of a daily special thing.
Los Angeles, home of the political sophisticate
Born in India, Raman moved to the United States as a child and earned degrees from Harvard University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where she studied urban planning.
——-
Tanika Vickers, who works for a housing nonprofit in Los Angeles, said that she felt like she was part of a group of people who work and pay taxes but have been “forgotten.” She said she was frustrated with the way tax dollars were being spent, especially “throwing” more money toward homelessness without results.
She said she voted Raman for mayor because she was most qualified to execute her plans and fulfill what the city needs.
“I think that we are all looking for change,” she said.
Not enough of those dollars were being thrown in her direction. The Maoist urban planner will fix that.
Do either Raman or Vickers make falafel?
Raman is more into noodles.
They used to make aircraft.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vickers
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Typical Non-Profit Employee. Let the confident mid-wittery wash over you!
I thought she already conceded? In tears, no less.
What is she, some kind of Indian giver?
PS. and I thought there was still days of counting left.
Why waste time continuing the count when we have the right result now?
So you want the one who will flush even more billions down the toilet? And how much are they paying you at the housing “nonprofit” to achieve no results, hm?
Urban planning.
Get ready for more bike lanes and $1,000,000 a piece roundabouts!
If you put falafel
On a waffle
It might taste awful
But is it unlawful?
Ogden Nash is from your home planet? I guess I’m not terribly surprised.
I usually hate extra storytelling when I’m looking at a recipe. But no other recipes have included the phrase “shithole country” and some choice insults.
That does look good, and not just because lunch time is approaching.
“The Israeli version uses chick peas (garbanzos) so of course that is correct.”
Same as the street meat Halal carts here in NYC. I probably have falafel over rice roughly once a month when the mood strikes.
I did not know there was a difference. But chick peas are superior to any bean so yeah.
Yeah when I did that they always tasted great so it had to be chick peas.
Lard is better.
Probably treif. OMWC would use schmaltz.
Next you’re going to tell me that there are acceptable frying fats other than beef tallow for making samosa and pakoras.
damn it i missed this comment
From dedthred:
I can’t speak to the Glibs position, but here’s my answer: Okay, so we believe in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. What we do NOT believe in is the Trinity (where somehow they’re like an egg or something or, I don’t know. I was taught this in Baptist school. I didn’t get it then. I don’t get it now.).
Thus, protestants don’t consider us Christians, to wit:
but then trashy says:
I don’t know what Mormons you’ve been talking to, but that’s absolutely, categorically, terribly false.
Jarflax is correct (sideways) and I appreciate both the precision and nuance of the answer, which is as broad as it is deep.
“As man is, God once was. As God is, man may become.”
That said, we only worship OUR Apothete [I made that word up. I like it.]. We don’t know or worship any OTHER Apothete, and trust me, I had to wrap my head around that when I was a child.
“But Daddy, if this is TRUE then we have grandfather gods and uncle gods forever.”
“Yup. But we don’t talk about that because they don’t concern us.”
Of course I am, but this fact is incidental to the subject at hand.
The result of apotheosis is just Theos. The process of become God results in a God. But as a prospective Thea, you are free to call yourself an apothete, so do not let me stop you.
But not an apostate! (Let the Greek jokes fly!)
You’re not God, so you can’t stop her anyway.
I didn’t want to work that hard.
As an agnostic I find the “are LDS Christians debate kind of meaningless. To the main Christian sects, the answer is almost certainly no, since the LDS have several beliefs that are at odds with the traditional definition using the Nicene creed. To the LDS, the answer is obviously yes. So, overall the answer is always going to come down to “depends who you ask.” There are many aspects of LDS belief I find very unlikely and suspect, but the apotheosis idea is an intriguing one. I think to make it believable you need reincarnation though.
I actually have wondered about this.
Christian raised on the edge of Mormon country.
Hard no.
I think that all of the 19th century cults had to pretend to be Christians as the freedom or religion in the first amendment was understood to be freedom of the existence of Christian sects rather than differing faiths. What Mormonism was at the beginning (wife swaping sex cult) and what it is now (corporate mom organization with a tax exemption) is different.
Autocowrect does not like MLM.
Does your recipe leave out whatever it was in the falafel I’ve had that left the stuff mostly appealing yet somehow reminiscent of dirt?
The cilantro?
I’m pretty sure I don’t have the cilantrophobia gene.
Burnt bean bits
Fie on your gods and stone age cults.
Iron age thank you! and for the LDS, why they are Steam Age!
Joseph Smith, steam punk sorcerer.
I just can’t get into falafel. It needs meat. Or maybe it’s the oil it’s fried in, I can’t do seed oils anymore now that they have been cut out of my diet, when I have some I get terrible joint pain.
Maybe if it was fried in bacon grease like my wife cooks with I would enjoy it.
I would try OMWC’s. Other kinds I have tried are like extra-dry hush puppies.
Last ones I had were at some haji joint in Hillsboirough OR. Tasted like shit and gave me the shits.
They must have formed it with their left hands.
Well – oil is a deadly weapon in CA.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/mcdonalds-worker-suffers-severe-burns-face-body-coworker-throws-hot-oi-rcna348995
I’ve no issues with significant criminal charges, but come on.
All the charges look appropriate to me. That monster deserves serious jail time.
Side linked there:
“rival groups”. LOL
Seems to me 20 lashes with the cat o nine would be appropriate followed by a couple years of hard labor.
Speaking of cults
Donald Trump was booed loudly by fans inside Madison Square Garden when he was shown on video screens during the national anthem as he became the first sitting president to attend an NBA Finals game.
Chants of “U-S-A! U-S-A!” echoed through the arena as Avery Wilson sang “The Star-Spangled Banner,” but they they gave way to boos moments later as Trump was displayed on the jumbo screens giving a military salute. The jeers ended when the U.S. flag followed him on the screens, and fans cheered when New York Knicks players were shown. Mentions of the San Antonio Spurs also elicited vociferous boos.
The president was unfazed. “It was, I think, mostly cheers,” he told reporters after the game before boarding Air Force One to return to Washington. “It was loud, and it was very enthusiastic.”
Everybody with a soul hates him.
“Let’s go Brandon!”
Well, the stands were loaded with prog celebrities – that is probably where all the boos came from. That and the fanbase is probably more, uh, diverse than for some other New York teams.
I remember this from Benny Hill:
“They were booing.”
“Not all of them was booing, some of them was cheering!”
“They were cheering the booing.”
. Israelis stuff the falafel into a pocket pita – to much carbs
The Israeli version uses chick peas (garbanzos) so of course that is correct. Egyptians use fava beans
and you do know what the difference between a chick pea and a fava bean is, right??
that being said I though all falafel was made from năut
One is a pea, the other a bean. What do I win?
What’s the difference between a chick pea and a fava bean?
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I’ve never paid to have a fava bean on my face.
a man of culture I see
I prefer a blend of corn oil and peanut oil, but wouldn’t argue with some refined olive oil.
I would propose pig lard to own both the Muslims, the Jews, and the Vegetarians… but I do not think falafel would be good in pig lard.
“I do not think falafel would be good in pig lard.” Maybe not, but it’s worth a try.
Everything is better with bacon.
Falafel is delicious. Perhaps my go-to favorite ‘Levant’ food.
The 5yo learned to ride his bike this week. He’s a very funny human and enjoys playing games with me. Mostly throw /catch games, and he’s good for his age. He’s out now seeing Sheep Detectives with my mom. (She liked it. It looks like good, simple fun. Which is kinda hard to pull off, and I think Hollywood has been distinctively against such cuz they can’t shoehorn a damn Message into it.
“SHEep are better detectives than the HEap we normally work with!” <– Stupid line not included with flick. (To my knowledge.)
so you are not all about that paste?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLGUFaizAHs
It took my boy until seven to ride his bike. He just couldn’t even. Then one day he picked it up, took a training wheel off, had me take the other one off and then rode away.
My daughter learned to ride a bike somehow one day I came home from work and she was riding it.
My wife said she just got on and started pedaling.
Youngest son took one time of me pushing him to figure it out.
Middle child could not get the hang of it.
We attempted it together many times, but he never got too frustrated.
He was about 10 when he finally developed enough coordination to figure it out.
I still can’t ride one. I want stability before I start to move, even though I know stability is imparted by the rotational momentum of the wheels in motion. The logic of physics just isn’t winning me over when it’s so wobbly at a standstill.
Where’s the meat?
(((We))) stole it
There’s a Turkish place that supposedly has good falafel I still want to try.
There is a doomed commercial location downtown that hosted a Syrian joint that had actually different variants of the “pastes to be eaten with pita” cuisine. That location currently hosts https://www.bocagechampagnebar.com/
Urban planning.
Get ready for more bike lanes and $1,000,000 a piece roundabouts!
She’ll turn Pacific Palisades into a combination hobo jungle and nature preserve.
With paved walking paths.
The gyro place I take my wife to sometimes has falafel, but I’ve never tried it.
https://papagreeks.com/
They do make an amazing baclava, so maybe I’ll try it next time and if I like it, give this recipe a shot.
Voted Best Greek Food in Virginia Beach – the competition must have been cutthroat
I don’t know any of the competition, but they do have tasty gyros.
But do they help keep you balanced?
Balaclava. https://www.etsy.com/ie/listing/730860218/baklava-balaclava
Balaclava.