“¿Por qué perseguiste una camioneta llena de cocaína?“ the Venezuelan asked.
”I told you. No habla un sola palabra de español.” I replied. He motioned for his younger associate.
*thwap*
The Venezuelan hit me again in the gut. For some reason they seemed to avoid hiting me in the face so as not to disturb my hair do.
“Volveré a preguntar, ¿por qué perseguiste una camioneta llena de cocaína?” He asked again.
”I told you. We weren’t chasing a cocaine van. We were trying to catch the sasquatch chasing your cocaine van.” Supposedly, they teach you at SERE the problem with telling an interrogator the truth, is they’ll never believe your story.
The Venezuelans pulled out a sixer of some hazy IPA and cracked open all six cans.
“Sabemos exactamente lo que te hará retorcerte.” He said.
“Make me what?” I asked.
The Venezuelans pulled a black canvas bag over my head and pinned my head to the floor. They began pouring the warm beer over my face.
Ew. Okay. Ew. Hold your breath. Don’t panic. Ew. Always remember to bring your towel.
”Fuck. I’ll talk. Just stop drowning me in this shit.” The Venezuelans pulled the wet mop water scented bag off my head. They scowled intently.
”We were after the Sasquatch. He tasted your product, and wanted it all.” It was the truth. “Its why there’s enormous fist and claw marks all over the van.”
“¿Cómo espera que creamos eso?“
Then we all heard through the walls from the room next door. Was that Sugarfree?
“No hables mal del lump. El lump está limpio. El lump es puro. El lump te encontrará, se adherirá a ti y mamará la dulce teta de tu esencia.”
”¿Cómo espera que creamos eso?” Another voice asked. Why would they interrogate us where we could hear each other?
“El lump se transfiere de hombre a hombre. Alimentación del huésped. Convirtiendo su esencia esencial en un rico aceite del que llena su saco para nutrirse mientras busca otro huésped adecuado,” We all heard through the muffled walls.
”¿Está el lump en la habitación en este momento?”
”Sí. Está en tu amigo en la habitación de al lado.”
<hearty laughter in Spanish>
The Venezuelan motioned to his associate, and he picked up the black bag off the floor.
He stopped.
Looked awkwardly at the interrogator.
“¿Hay algún problema?“
”Hola, chicos… Hoy estoy aquí. Me pongo de pie. Y hoy lijo aquí. En pie. ¡Buenas noches a todos! A todos los trabajadores. Laborable. En pie. ¡Junto!” The Venezuelan said. He began to chew on the black bag.
He began scratching at the back of his neck. Twitching, he lost his balance and slammed his head on the concrete floor with a dull thud.
”I don’t mean to be rude, but was your friend just vaccinated?” I asked.
— Earlier that week —
I opened my front door to find Murdock staring back at me, unblinking. As usual he said absolutely nothing to me, or anyone else but he did hand me a note.
¡Saludos!
Vengo trayendo noticias de que mi imperio de tráfico de drogas se simplificó en los últimos años ha traído enormes ganancias a mi imperio, y deseamos compartir con todos nuestros amigos en la recompensa. Le invitamos cordialmente a asistir a una visita privada de Cocaine Bear en mi majestuosa villa en las afueras de Tampastan el 17 de febrero de 2023.
Firmado,
Don Brett
“How did Brett get a copy of the movie when it won’t be released until February 24?” I asked Murdock.
Again, he said nothing.
”Sounds great, I’ll be there.” Murdock handed me an itinerary for a flight with Southwest Airlines. “….he can afford to send you in person to deliver a note, but he’s flying me Southwest?”
“¡Buenos tardes! ¡Bienvenidos a la casa de Don Brett!”
“Hey its Brett!” Sugarfree said.
“Brett!” Swiss shouted.
STEVE SMITH looked up from the tray of deviled eggs he appeared to have claimed for himself. “HI COCAINE BRETT.”
”¿Confío en que sus alojamientos sean de su agrado? ¿Tienes suficientes bocadillos, bebidas?“ Don Brett asked.
“*burp* STEVE SMITH EAT WHOLE TRAY.”
”Yes. This is most exquisite.” Swiss said, as he scraped off a layer of Raclette onto a plate of reverse seared meat.
”You going to share any of that?” I asked.
Swiss stabbed the knife into the table.
”Nein.”
“Por favor, lleva lo que quieras al teatro. Simplemente no derrames sobre las alfombras nuevas”. Don Brett said, motioning us into his home theater.
”This is amazing.” Sugarfree said in awe of Don Brett’s home theater.
<uproarious laughter at absurd movie about a bear on cocaine>
*brrrrt*
”Was that you?” Sugarfree asked?
I shook my head no.
*brrrrt*
Everyone looked at Sugarfree. He just shook his head.
”Woof.” Swiss muttered.
*brrrrt*
”TOO MANY EGGS COCAINE BRETT”
We all turned to see STEVE SMITH in the back row to himself. He looked noticeably uncomfortable.
“El baño es la segunda puerta a la izquierda.” Don Brett replied.
<more uproarious laughter at absurd movie about a bear on cocaine>
”ALL HAIL COCAINE SMITH”
”Huh?”
”What?”
”Shhhhhhhhhh.”
”COCAINE SMITH NOT FEEL ANY BETTER”
Then we all watched in horror as STEVE SMITH took a dump on Don Brett’s carpet.
“No mis alfombras nuevas….”
”COCAINE SMITH WANT MORE COCAINE. FIGHT COCAINE BARE GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAH *burp*”
He stormed out of the theater in a flash, seemingly running into every wall and piece of furniture on the way out.
“COCAINE SMITH NOT TYPO”
”You had cocaine in the bathroom?” Swiss asked.
”Si.” Don Brett lamented. “Había 5 kilos debajo del fregadero. Ese fue mi premio después de golpear a los peruanos. Realmente enojó a sus intermediarios venezolanos”.
”He must be looking for the Venezuelans.” Sugarfree said, having never taken his eyes off the movie.
“Es un buen primer lugar para mirar.” Don Brett said, looking directly at me.
”Wait…you don’t have guys to hunt down STEVE SMITH?” I asked.
”No.” Don Brett replied in his customary Spanish.
”You don’t seriously expect me to chase down a cocaine fueled Sasquatch.”
Don Brett and Swiss looked at each other. They both looked at me, and nodded.
Sugarfree swerved Don Brett’s Fiat 500 around another minivan going to slow.
”Florida man is terrible at this driving thing.” He said.
”The van is too far ahead, you sure you can catch it?” I asked
”As sure as nobody is going to question this enormous plot hole we’re coming up to.” Sugarfree replied stepping on the gas.
”Florida man. Florida man. Does whatever Florida man can. Snorts a line, every line, chases hookers of any size.”
”What are you singing?” I asked.
”…is he high? Listen bud. There’s a ton of meth in his blood.”
”Just make sure you keep your eyes on the road.”
”Look oooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuut….here comes the Florida man!
It was then were were t-boned by a black suv. A group of Venezuelans pulled Sugarfree and I out of Don Brett’s Fiat 500, that somehow kept us remarkably safe in the wreck.
It wasn’t all bad. I managed to sneak out one of Don Brett’s collection. Great Divide Barrel Series Belgian Sour Number 1. The first in a series of experimental sours, this example being brewed over plums. This one is rather nice. Amber in color with the classic body expected from a Trippel Ale. Some woodiness from the wine barrels, and overall the tartness is nicely balanced. Reminds me of Three Philosopers, some of which happen to be aged in repurposed wine barrels as well.
Great Divide Barrel Series Belgian Sour Number 1: 4.3/5 9.3% abv
stop pretending you know Spanish you are not fooling anyone
¿Que? I’m pretty open about my ability to speak Spanish like a 5 year old.
Wow. Sugar Free, en español. Well worth the price of the new keyboard I will now need!
Belgian Sour – eeeww
where is everybody? are you people afraid of one sasquatch ? Weak.
Well since it is silent here, OT!
Authorities in the Mohawk Territory of Akwesasne said Friday one child is missing after the bodies of six migrants of Indian and Romanian descent were pulled from a river that straddles the Canada-U.S. border. The victims were trying to enter the United States illegally from Canada, said Lee-Ann O’Brien, deputy chief of the Akwesasne Mohawk Police Service. Their bodies, including that of a child under 3, were found Thursday in the St. Lawrence River near Akwesasne, Quebec.
https://english.elpais.com/international/2023-03-31/child-missing-after-migrant-bodies-found-near-canada-border.html
this made the local news due to the romanian angle. I did not know people died at the Canada border thought that was a Mexico thing
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frozen_River
why would anyone want to leave the Canadian paradise for the US hellhole?
I’d ask my ancestors, but they’re dead now.
dead dead? sad.
I know why mine left. My great grandfather was let out of the internment camp.
“According to official records, 8,579 men were held at 24 internment camps and receiving stations across Canada. This included 5,954 men of Austro-Hungarian origin, the majority of whom were Ukrainian. There were also 2,009 Germans, 205 Turks, and 99 Bulgarians. Some dependents of the male internees — 81 women and 156 children in total — were also voluntarily interned. Other internees included homeless people, conscientious objectors, and members of outlawed cultural and political associations. https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/internment
You’re gonna need a new plan, Pie. Looks like the administration is finally doing something about the massive influx of Romanian immigrants.
Another proud accomplishment of the Joe Biden administration.
That was fantastic! Thanks!
Gracias
Concur. I’m pleased to say that my Spanish studies allowed me to follow along, although a fair chunk was beyond me.
The entire part where Sugarfree describes the nature of the lump, I needed an assist from Google.
There’s something wrong with your autocorrect. Half that story is unreadable.
And the other half is in Spanish.
Patzie from the top rope.
* Roars at audience while standing over unconscious opponent *
Goddamn.
Here is where I’ll be today.
At long last, DELIRIUM DAY is here!
We’ve got:
Delirium 4 packs deeply discounted ✔️
Pictures with Pinky ✔️
Our guest, Alex from Delirium ✔️
An exceptional Delirium draft selection ✔️
AND to top it all off, for the first time, we’ve got 5L Mini Kegs of Delirium Red and Delirium Tremens!!!
Let’s get delirious!
But where’s Brain?
Holy crap. I’d Uber my ass to that in a heartbeat. No way I would try to drive home.
Sounds deleterious, and oh so delicious
But the subsequent hangover will surely be vicious
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lDDvYmuZSjU
I’m safe from our storm (Chicago area) last night. In case anyone was wondering.
👍🏼👍🏼
I wanted to take a moment on this International Firster’s Day to thank all of the Great Firster’s in history who united the people’s of the second realm through harmonic conquest. Cyrus the Great, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Napoleon, the Caesars, Khalid ibn al-Walid (even though he served a seconder – it was a complicated political situation). We could go on.
And of course, there is myself. I have been tasked with bringing the chosen people together who will repopulate the Firth in the aftermath of The First That Shall Change Everything. By establishing an order of natural and balancing dominance over all of you, I establish the new order of The Great Firster’s Kingdom here in the second realm.
April Fool’s!
Hive mind: More examples of how fiction shapes culture, plz? I’ve got many good examples already. I just don’t know which direction to take it. I’m thinking I want to do 3 disparate/discrete movements, e.g., Wilder versus Upton Sinclair-ish versus whowhowho???
Also, defining culture versus a movement. Movements come and go. Culture marches on, building on what happened last go-round. Does it also ebb and flow? Only more slowly than movements?
Or I could just go with one and discuss how at least 3 generations sort of absorbed Wilder’s tales of romanticized self-sufficiency so that it became part of the collective consciousness.
I don’t know. Must. Narrow. Topic.
how fiction shapes culture, – the bible, the quran, the torah etc 🙂
Literature also shapes our view of other peoples. How many vampire jokes has Pie had to endure because of Bram Stoker.
I blame Buffy myself
There was an episode with Dracula.
I was going to use Dianetics and Hubbard v Heinlein’s bet about creating a religion, but then I thought, “A) the followers don’t think it’s fiction and B) same could be said of the Book of Mormon and I’m not going to debate its historicity.” I decided to leave people’s holy books alone.
Wise.
For your third movement, why not Current Day wokism? Sets up a discussion of reinforcement of in group beliefs with overpowering messaging v telling a good story with the message in the background.
I’m thinking of how dime novels of the Old West shaped the American culture. Those led to how many Western movies and TV shows. Which influenced how Americans viewed themselves.
But more importantly, how Italians viewed Americans.
Excellent point.
I could do a collection of a “self-sufficiency and independence” genre: Wilder, Zane Grey, Twain. Then there are children’s adventure books like Boxcar Children, Nancy Drew, and say, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweller… and Wrinkle in Time.
A Wrinkle in Time is more science fiction and/or fantasy. What science fiction has shaped culture? Could we say A Lion, a Witch, and a Wardrobe et al did? Or did that cater to a culture already? Did Harry Potter influence culture? Or is that just a fad? Does Rowling’s outspokenness on trans issues impact culture or is she just bailing water out of a sinking boat?
“What science fiction has shaped culture? ”
Star Wars
2001
Bradbury
Star Trek
Wells
Heinlein
Harry Potter hugely influenced culture.
I’ll add Twilight Zone as well.
Probably many that I am missing.
And the pulps.
And comic books.
1984
As a guide book?
Has Lent finally driven you mad?
Si
Mojo- what about the fictionalized idealization of the American West and the homesteaders and pioneers?
I do not understand a word these Mary Cohens are saying.
Who said, “Go west, young man”? Was that Horace Greeley?
Also, Twain’s books, fictional and otherwise, about the west. Roughing it, for example.
If I recall, it was the man that owned the general store in Independence, MO that said that. Shortly before we all died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail.
discuss how at least 3 generations sort of absorbed Wilder’s tales of romanticized self-sufficiency so that it became part of the collective consciousness.
Speaking of… maybe things like the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew, which relied on independence, problem solving and courage, all of which are being explicitly stamped out these days.
That’s an interesting concept. Children’s adventure books and some fairy tales and Disney tales, the parents are often absent. Now, generally speaking, this is a storytelling device to keep word count down. If you have to explain how parents are hindering or complicit in the children’s adventures, there are lots more words. Relationships == inflated word count. So a practical storytelling device can actually have an effect on culture.
I never read Hardy Boys, but I did read Nancy Drew, and her mother was dead but her father had money and she had a car and freedom, and I remember she always carried an overnight bag in her trunk. She was, what, 16? 17?
Also, Boxcar children.
Or The Railway Children
Different but similar: Swiss Family Robinson and the resulting Lost in Space.
See also “Dennis the Menace”.
“No habla un sola palabra de español.”
Seems contradictory…
https://archive.is/ZM11B
Silicone Saturday.
Well, he did botch the conjugation of “hablar” . . . .
Its how the federales know I’m serious when I say that.
Damn, it’s warm out today.
It’s glorious. Until it rains again later.
So I did a radio show once with my first book as the topic, and I talked about how I had a lot of liberal and proggy fans because they could overlook the politics because the story was good. I said that conservatives can’t necessarily do that. The (libertarian) host said flatly, “Conservatives don’t read.” Subtext: fiction.
But they do read fiction. I know at least one contingent really likes Amish/clean romance. My mother reads mysteries. She doesn’t mind killing and suchlike but she doesn’t like sex or bad language. (I have an ongoing argument with her. She loves Anne Perry, but she doesn’t like what I write [not that she’s read it, but she knows me]. I told her that with Perry, “writing what you know” was obscene because she’s profiting off her own history. If Perry wrote romance, I wouldn’t have an issue with her, but a murderer writing murder mysteries? I draw the line.)
Conservatives do read, but they have little to choose from and what they do have to choose from is kinda milque toast.
Look at genre fiction for conservatives. Military sci-fi, Clancy, Reacher novels, etc.
You forgot the Bourne and the Left Behind series.
Did not know of her 😨
Yeah, that ain’t right.
“Conservatives do read, but they have little to choose from”
I disagree.
Conservatives don’t read
Agree. Ayn Rand and Robert Heinlein were non-fiction.
By the way, there is a great movie about “Anne Perry” as a young girl, Heavenly Creatures.
Google Translate es nuestro amigo
Y yo tambien
I have no idea what this means, but I’ll try some of these lines at the Mexican wedding I’m going to tonight. Hopefully they don’t turn me over to the local cartel.
Speaking of coke(aine): Coca-Cola produces as much as $2BN of pure COCAINE every year in a secretive New Jersey factory – all thanks to its iconic recipe and a VERY special arrangement with the DEA
Note the photos of “smoke”. Uh, that would be steam. Never change, DailyFail.
The party of freedom wants to free you from making choices.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/biden-admin-moving-forward-with-light-bulb-bans-in-coming-weeks/ar-AA19lTsY?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=ad28673418ce4f87b466fecf00979bd5&ei=52
One British paper sees at least part of the truth behind progressives. Of course it is already a lost cause there, and many places here,
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/the-left-now-has-a-demonic-new-aim-to-make-ordinary-people-poorer/ar-AA19lyKb?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=2038996222974b70ace9b3785c1e0fa4&ei=12
I was surprised to read that as I had thought that light bulbs were outlawed several years ago. We bought some cases while we could at that time. I was also surprised to see CFL’s on the “no-no” list.
Pssst. (quietly) “Hey buddy, got any incandescents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for an old lady?”
I bought a few extras but the Chinese bulbs have a short life span.
RE Second Article:
That’s because the modern left, despite what they may claim, can accurately be described as neo-feudalists.
They want the unwashed masses poor (for Gaia’s sake), ignorant (public and approved education only, absent alternative viewpoints), propertyless (you’ll own nothing and you’ll love it), and the QUILTBAG-lobby is working on unfettered sexual access to your kids by the anointed.
The rich and politically connected are the aristocracy, the “experts” and corporate press are the Church.
hearty laughter in Spanish
How do you laugh in Spanish?
Through your mouth?
Like this: jajajajajaja
” Hold your breath. Don’t panic. Ew. Always remember to bring your towel.”
Douglas Adams reference ?
…yeah. 🤨