“Father, where is Uncle Elon?” Barron asked, in the baboon-hot Oval Office.
Donald looked up from the book he was reading, and said, “I’m sure he’s somewhere, son.”
“But I looked, Father. The DOGE office is empty, and he hasn’t invited me to play Dungeons and Dragons for two weeks.”
Donald put down his copy of The Camp of the Saints when he heard the distress in his son’s voice. “Let’s go sit on the sofa,” Donald said, spilling dried-up bits of French fries on the rug. Things scurried out the dark places of the Resolute Desk to snatch up the crumbs eagerly.
“Something to drink?” Donald asked.
Barron nodded and Donald hit the Diet Coke button twice and two cans rose from the desk, sublimated fog pouring out onto the blotter, mist purely for dramatic effect.
“I love that,” the hat said. “You know I set that up, right?”
“Of course I know,” the hair said witheringly.
Settled into the couch together and they both took a long drink of their Diet Cokes, Donald sighing.
“You have to understand, son,” Donald said, “Family is all that matters.”
The giant young man nodded solemnly.
“And we’re family by blood,” Donald said.
“Here it comes,” the hat said, suffused with joy.
“And Elon isn’t, you see?”
The boy nodded again.
“And then there’s the sort of family made up of citizens, good, honest citizens born in America.”
An eagle screamed in the distance.
“I wish I had hands to rub together,” the hat said.
“And Elon, well, he’s not blood and he’s not from here, so he had to go.”
“Isn’t because he disagreed with the new budget package?”
“Where did you hear that?” Donald demanded, “At that fancy school of yours?”
“No, Father, it was just on the news!”
“Watching the news is gay, son. You know that.”
“Yes, Father,” he said, contracting into himself.
Donald is going to make Elon move to whatever ghetto the new emigrant South Afrikkaans are going to be settled in.
“Donald is going to make Elon move to whatever ghetto the new emigrant South Afrikkaans are going to be settled in.”
This is the emigrant types we will end up getting from SA, not more Elons.
https://youtu.be/wc3f4xU_FfQ?t=55
ZEF!
NSFW language.
“Watching the news is gay, son. You know that.”
So say we all.
It’s why Obama learned about the IRS going after conservatives from the paper.
Super Gay.
“An eagle screamed in the distance.”
I had to take a moment when I read that. Superb.
“Donald looked up from the book he was reading…”
Trump reading a book is the most far-fetched thing ever put forth in this series.
He was skimming this.
There’s a comic book behind it.
But it wasn’t “Human Action.”
According to the NYT, only racists read that.
H&H the mostest un-fakest news on the inner tubes.
The eagle was *chef’s kiss*.
The book reading is a bit unsettling. I looked the book up and I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.
Relevant
The eagle is specifically trained to sound off when OMB says “America”.
I expect it’s the red tailed hawk call, right?
Probably more like this
The red tailed hawk…that was a constant when I grew up. That and the blue jay. I grew up in small farm/timber country.
An event I will never forget is after crawling around in a stinking fucking jungle full of the most backward kind of people you can imagine for nearly a year one of the guys got a bootleg copy of The Last of the Mohicans. In one scene the characters are in some woods in the summer and in the background I heard a bluejay calling. It made me so homesick I almost went into a panic. The only thing I could think was “I have to get the fuck out of here and go home.”
For the record:
The abomination du jour should be re-named. The Giant Ugly Stupid Clusterfuck Bill seems appropriate. Seeing it go down in flames in the Senate wouldn’t exactly cause me grief.
I want my tax cuts!
Call JG Wentworth?
I mean, yea. They’re going to find a way to increase spending. I’ll take lifting taxes on OT (if that’s in this, I don’t even know) and lower taxes overall.
Otherwise it’s a giant piece of shit.
I want mine too. I also want spending drastically cut and all the ’empire’ mentality rooted out and stamped to death. The vast squandering of resources and lives on bumblefuckery should end.
Nor I, although silencers being moved from the NFA to Title I would be okay compensation.
(Even that’s weak tea though. It should have been silencers, SBRs, and SBSs…)
And crew served weapons.
All good bills need to have something in it for the kids.
“I wish I had hands to rub together,” the hat said.
Disturbing.
https://bostonrestaurants.blogspot.com/2025/06/the-sports-bra-portland-or-based-sports.html
We’re saved! No bars are allowed to show women’s sports now, so we’ll finally have the option we all wanted.
(I give it 14 months)
“…while also planning to open locations in Indianapolis…”
Time for us to take a road trip, Evan!
The Lou Reed of sports bars.
A good place to pick up chicks… if you happen to be a chick.
Speaking of wimminzly sports bars- do they show female professional wrestling and MMA? Or just soccer?
Is mud or Jell-O wrestling still around?
If they show all the female pole vaulters, I might watch for a while.
Good one!
Yeah, female pole vaulters. I dont know what it is about that sport but it is…..something to behold. A true marvel.
What about roller derby?
Not that’s a bar I’d go to. Neph might as well, provided they make a proper cocktail.
I am ecumenical when it comes to bars, there is a time and a place for a dive bar, a cocktail bar, a beer bar, a sports bar, a speakeasy, a tiki bar, a pool bar, and a beer and a shot joint.
a dive bar, a cocktail bar, a beer bar, a sports bar, a speakeasy, a tiki bar, a pool bar, a
gay bar, and a beer and a shot joint
FIFY
slumbrew:
Correction accepted. We did have a group that would go to a gay bar once in a while, mainly because they played better music. The regulars didn’t seem to have much of an issue, as any passes were deflected with thanking for the compliment, saying they were straight, and then offering to buy the guy a drink. There’s also the punk bars, the Viking bars, the goth bars, the country bars, and more.
The few friends who made attempts to go to a lesbian bar did not have a good time.
Taken from last night’s thread by Ozy. This being a quote of TedS.
The actual order of things was:
1. I posted “off-topic” after 18 minutes and no comments.
2. I get some shit from Yusef, though nothing major.
3. Toxteth comes in and begins to attack me for no real good fucking reason.
I don’t care about being liked. Never have, never will. But that was all provoked by one person defending the honor of a guy who is a far bigger asshole than I am if I’m being blunt, though whom people feel sorry for because he’s old and has had personal shit going on.
Thanks to Moj for defending my honor, though it’s never necessary. Appreciated, but not necessary. I know I can be an asshole, though rarely if ever is it actually meant in a personal or serious way. Yusef is like one of two people on here I genuinely dislike. Even still, nothing about my comment was designed or aimed at stirring up shit.
The on-topic thing especially in the late night posts that are generally dead is ridiculous to me. No one is stopped from posting anything they want after I say what i have to say. It’s a message board in many ways.
I realize some disagree and find it disrespectful, but the reality is that alls you are doing is driving traffic and interest away from the site by trying to steer conversation away from topics people are interested in.
There’s only so many times people can say good job, thanks for writing/posting.
Good job, thanks for writing/posting.
(and it was a quiet comment section – don’t think it was some egregious faux pas posting when you did)
Good job, thanks for writing?
WE NEED CONTENT!
Yes, Sean, we do.
I keep proposing a series of elegant photos of the editor’s balls.
I will have my resignation letter at hand, should you prevail, SF.
What will be in your other hand, Swiss?
Hmm, hmm?
They would be tasteful. Black and and white. Very expressive, like the ball really speak you.
He’s talking about your rugby balls, Swiss.
I just wrote a tale, wasnt trying to start anything. If you dont like me you are in a big club, so no biggie bro, cheers!
A Brosplainer. Is this a first?
https://www.wfmz.com/news/area/poconos-coal/theyre-purists-there-mst3k-creator-returning-to-mahoning-drive-in-for-ultimate-fan-event/article_962079e2-c4a6-4159-a51f-e3b60c1d6096.html
Any MST3K fans?
Yes, back when it was on Comedy Central. Every Thanksgiving they’d have a 30-hour marathon called Turkey Day and I’d set my VCR to record all the episodes. And I’d get up in the middle of the night to change the tape.
At some point I entered an MST3K contest and they sent me a Comedy Central shirt with the globe logo. I loved that shirt, wonder what happened to it?
“WE NEED CONTENT!”
I am a lazy ass I suppose. I shall sit in the box of shame, or whatever y’all call that.
I will say that over time we have had some meh content, some bad but so what. We have also had member contribute some of the best content I have seen on the internet, ever.
Ozzy’s article last night would be in the last category. I am sorry I missed it but I go to bed with the chickens.
I will redouble me efforts to contribute something.
members….
https://www.nj.com/middlesex/2025/06/nj-couple-admits-to-operating-house-of-prostitution-at-family-owned-strip-club.html
“Was that wrong? Should we not have done that?”
They don’t care about the prostitution, just that they didn’t get their cut.
and failed to pay taxes on cash payments received from the illegal activities.
The real crime.
Gubbermint needs to wet it’s beak.
There is a reason the cops chasing bootleggers were called ‘revenuers’.
The description in the link implies there are strip clubs without prostitution. Huh.
Another tame episode.
Eventually the hammers gonna fall right?
In Response to the call for content, I’ve uploaded the first 17 articles of my review series I’m working on. I had said 18, but it turns out I’m still writing number 18, so it can’t be uploaded yet.
As a note: the one titled differently is actually the first installment. To be fair, most are not locked in to a particular order, just the first and articles 7-10 (which review a whole series and should be in order). But scheduling is up to you guys.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jun/04/karine-jean-pierre-leaves-democratic-party
Karine Jean-Pierre, who served as White House press secretary for Joe Biden, has left the Democratic party to become an independent, according to the publisher of her forthcoming book.
Jean-Pierre, who served two Democratic White Houses, is expected to detail the weeks that preceded Biden’s monumental decision to withdraw from the 2024 presidential race, per a preview of the book, which is set to be published this fall.
The book, titled Independent: A Look Inside a Broken White House, Outside the Party Lines, promises a detailed recounting of “the three weeks that led to Biden’s abandoning his bid for a second term and the betrayal by the Democratic party that led to his decision”.
Gimme some cash!
The party is complete theater. They are all performers. Likely if you sit down and talk to them privately and got them to be candid you would not recognize the person from the one you see in the news.
In any case they are clearly amoral.
Boffa.
I also want spending drastically cut and all the ’empire’ mentality rooted out and stamped to death. The vast squandering of resources and lives on bumblefuckery should end.
I wish somebody would explain why the Warbucks Department needs more money.
I keep proposing a series of elegant photos of the editor’s balls.
In a tasteful sepia tint?
Well, it depends on what you’re dipping your balls in first.
With a little vasoline on the lens for that gauzey appearance.
It’s called ‘gauzy because that is what you use. I had a saleslady give me the side eye in JC Penny’s once because I was buying about six different colors of pantyhose. I started to explain it to her but thought “Nah, let her have her fantasy”.
We talked about from nice gallium prints, but someone kept drinking all the gallium.
promises a detailed recounting of “the three weeks that led to Biden’s abandoning his bid for a second term and the betrayal by the Democratic party that led to his decision”.
Dozens await in breathless anticipation.
Dozens!
Yeah, it will be one of those revelations where you look at it and it is exactly what you thought at the time and so petty that you will think it is the intrigues of a 7th grade class president election.
Top. Men.
Without their teleprompter speeches written by others, none of the candidates were as articulate as 7th grade class presidents.