“My Presidential Library is going to be so classy,” Donald said, “just the classist.”
“But it’s in Florida,” the hair said.
“Florida loves Donald,” the hat said. “Where else should he have it?”
“Uh, New York City? His hometown.”
“Nah, fuck that shithole. They can rot with their Islamo-commie mayor,” the hat said. “It’s bad enough as is, but it’s going to be a Haiti-level shithole filled with shit after he takes over.”
“New York City tried to put me in jail,” Donald said. “And for what, massaging the numbers? Everyone massages the numbers.”
“Although,” the hat said, “putting the Trump Library of Awesome Awesomeness in NYC would make the Democrats in the city lose their fucking minds.”
The hair laughed, riffling like there was a light breeze.
“Yes, yes,” Donald said.
“We could demolish Columbia for the land,” the hat offered.
“I doubt we’d raise enough money to buy it,” the hair said.
“Buy it?” Donald and the hat asked simultaneously.
“You don’t want your library up there,” the hair said. “It’ll be a warzone.” Donald grumbled in agreement
“But Columbia, they hate Jews,” the hat said.
“You’re going to say something horrible, aren’t you?” the hair asked.
“What’s not to like about Jews?” the hat asked. “They have jobs, pay their way in life, and they have great hats.”
The hair sighed in relief.
“And they hate the Babylonians,” the hat said. “And, honestly, I hate the Babylonians too. Fuck those assholes in their assholes.”
“OK…” the hair began.
“They didn’t wear many hats,” the hat said.
“There it is,” the hair said smuggily.
“No, it will be in Florida,” Donald said. “I want it to be somewhere I am loved.”
“Fuck, yeah!” the hat said.
“There will be gold toilets,” Donald said, “and golden showers.”
“Uh…” the hair began.
“Let the man cook,” the hat snapped.
“All the classy library stuff, like books and stuff,” Donald said. “The best books about me.”
“And your personal papers too,” the hair said.
“No, that shit is getting burned,” the hat said. “Shredded and burned and then the ashes dumped in the ocean.”
“Floor to ceiling windows to overlook the alligator moat,” Donald continued.
“No, Donald! Go MAXIMUM FLORIDA!”
“Oh, God…” the hair sighed.
“A ten-story mobile home, artfully rusted,” the hat said, ignoring the hair smoothly, “and a big set of Mickey Mouse ears that are really directed energy weapons to take care of protesters.”
“Anything will be better than that pile of construction trash that is the Obama Library,” the hair said.
“Not classy,” Donald said, “very not classy.”
“It looks like Jawas are going to come pouring out of it to steal our droids,” the hair said.
“NERD!” the hat hollered.
“Sometimes I honestly have no idea when you two are going on about,” Donald sighed.
“And for what, massaging the numbers? Everyone massages the numbers.”
Numbers a new euphemism for breasts?
Really big numbers.
Any plural noun is a euphemism for boobs. Penn and Teller proved it in the Bullshit episode about tits.
But not exactly what comes to mind if you overload the variable. “Touched her crabs” doesn’t exactly have the best ring to it.
Well, they were small and went sideways into her armpits.
paging Jeff E.
“Buy it?” Donald and the hat asked simultaneously.
In my head I see Kevin Costner saying, “Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don’t you think?.”
“NERD!” the hat hollered.
Sounds like every GlibZoom…
Hmm, does Swiss wear one of those Swiss Guard headpieces?
What happens on GlibZoom stays on GlibZoom.
Wouldn’t Donald’s personal papers be McDonalds wrappers?
Bravo. Author! Author!
In a truly just world there would be no separate Biden presidential library, just a small room in the Obama library since the Biden administration was essentially run by Obama retreads. The autopen should be there. And an animatronic Harris that delivers a five second word salad and cackle when it detects motion.
The dystopian brutalist architecture is a perfect metaphor for the Obama (and Biden) administrations.
Yes. Even more appropriate is that his library construction had to stop due to flaws in the giant slabs.
He used a DEI contractor who did not have enough experience with that type of large scale concrete pouring.
A small room… The Biden Presidential crapper.
With a copy of “Hair Sniffers Anonymous” in the magazine rack.
What Tonio says. Perfect. Especially the cackling Harrisotron.
Just a single room with a single plinth right in the center, and on the plinth, under the only light in the room, the auto-pen.
I hope the colossus of Barack Obama’s ego sits half-finished forever, taking up the parkland his sycophants eagerly handed over to him.
I hope it sits half finished for a while, gets condemned as a safety hazard then bulldozed to the ground and replaced by a park.
That is the finished building.
I think that is a rendering. It’s still under construction.
Can we render it like schmaltz?
” “There will be gold toilets,” Donald said, “and golden showers.”
“Uh…” the hair began.
“Let the man cook,” the hat snapped.”
There is always that gem in there.
the zoomer lingo is known to the ancient apparel
Favorite line this week.
Followed closely by:
“It looks like Jawas are going to come pouring out of it to steal our droids,”
Which I will never see that building again without thinking about Jawas.
I’ve never visited Presidential Library, but I would absolutely make a pilgrimage to an artfully rusted ten-story mobile home.
I’ve been to the Reagan Library for a 4th of July celebration.
I’ve been in front of the Nixon Library library before.
Tell me it has a statue of him holding up double Vs and a caption “I am not a crook”
I know a liberal couple who visited every presidential library, even the icky presidents. They are annoying AF.
I can appreciate their thoroughness.
If you don’t massage the numbers, you won’t get a happy ending.
Doing expense reports for the month right now.
Also, fuck you Concur. I don’t want to sign up for e receipts or use ExpenseIT. Just take the photo of the receipt.
I can support fuck concur . Goddamn one cent didn’t add up
No, Gustave, you can’t expense the prostitutes.
But this is client entertainment expense! And the approver didn’t have a subordinate submit the report this time for self-approval.
prostitutes
So they’re still alive, then?
Enter them as consultants.
“When they’re dead, Cyrus, they’re hookers!”
“When they’re dead, Cyrus, they’re hookers!”
And have to use the General Hooker entrance.
you can’t expense the prostitutes. – God knows I’ve tried
My father taught me when I was 11 years old that there is no need to kill cookers, because they are already dead on the inside.
“Enter them as consultants.”
I guess you want the greek experience? How else are you gonna enter a consultant?
Well, it involves a chainsaw…
Impregnable Fortress Obama.
“What’s not to like about Jews?” the hat asked. “They have jobs, pay their way in life, and they have great hats.”
the hast is Mossad confirmed !!!!
The hast? or Du Hast?
Of all the people I never expected to know about Rammstein…
What exactly do you think my musical tastes are?
Muzak.
With a name like Uncivil? Of course he knows Rammstein.
“It looks like Jawas are going to come pouring out of it to steal our droids,” the hair said.
I will never not see it as such now.
It’s been done before.
That is three nested planters. Giant begonias will bloom every swing.
Why would Jews steal droids?
Jawas. Jewas are something different. Still small and robed, tho.
Space Jews were in the 2nd trilogy.
Jawas?
Looks like we’re going to need a bigger boat.
To use them as their Shabbos goys?
Aaaaand, they’re off!
In a statement, a spokesman for Hobbs says Arizona is already struggling to make ends meet during the Trump administration — and the additional cost of keeping a federal park open is too much for the state to bear.
“The Trump administration has cut health care for hundreds of thousands of Arizonans, forced red tape and bureaucracy on the state that will cost tens of millions of dollars annually, and raised taxes on Arizona families and businesses by historic amounts through a reckless trade war,” Hobbs spokesman Christian Slater said. “As a result, the state of Arizona cannot afford to keep the state’s national parks open.”
“Arizona taxpayers cannot and should not continue bearing the cost of dysfunctional politicians in Washington, D.C., who would rather shut down the government than reach across the aisle and work together,” he added.
Hobbs previously pledged to keep the Grand Canyon open during the threat of a government shutdown under the Biden administration in 2023
Arizona taxpayers have their own dysfunctional government to worry about.
In other words, Arizona is so economically irresponsible it can’t function without federal handouts.
You sure you want to make that argument, Sparky?
Donald should return the savings to each state and let them deal with it.
You’re welcome, every taxpayer.
Donald should use the savings to reduce the deficit/pay off the debt.
Period. Full stop. “Look, honey, I spent less on the credit card this month! Let’s spend the money we don’t have that I didn’t spend yet!” is no way to run anything.
^This.
So, I paid $30 to get into the Grand Canyon National Park. Everything sold on site was overpriced. And it wa still crowded. How wastefully run is it if it doesn’t pay for itself?
Hey! Phil Anchuetz needs moar money. Pay up!
The Park is Federal, not state.
Hobbs is refusing to spend money to keep the park open during the shutdown like she did in the past.
Err…. sorry, not Hobbs. It was other Arizona governors that spent state money, through an agreement with the Feds, to keep the park open.
My point is – why would any appropriations be needed to keep it open? Shouldn’t it be self-funding?
‘My point is – why would any appropriations be needed to keep it open? Shouldn’t it be self-funding?’
That money probably goes into the general fund and not reserved for the park.
EE payroll, benefits, as well as utilities and the like don’t come directly from ticket sales, merch sales, etc. It’s not like they pay them in cash from the registers.
Of course they don’t get paid from the registers, that all goes into the nightly deposits for reconciliation with inventory.
There are parks that would not be able to cover their own expenses, Grand Canyon is not one of them. It was a profitable concern before it was a park.
Have they tried pumping up the volume?
No, but he has been passing around a petition. Please sign it.
“Arizona taxpayers have their own dysfunctional government to worry about.”
No shit. And sweetie, those aren’t Arizonans but it is cute that you would say that.
*She is the poster child for AWFLs, isn’t she.
Hobbs is the very picture of mediocrity, dressed up as a stereotypical Karen.
She’s information vegetable, animal, and mineral?
To go OT let us see what fair SugarFree’s competition is writing on the Donnie Fiction scene
https://x.com/LemmySmackett/status/1972875196848656564
The Oval Office is packed, bustling with staffers, cabinet members, and high-ranking Pentagon officials. An aide enters the room.
“Sir, the aliens are here.”
The President of the United States, Donald Trump, looks up from his gold-plated desk. “Great. Send them to Bukele.”
“The 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘭 aliens, sir.”
“Right.” Trump nods. “Send them to Bukele.”
Secretary of State/interim National Security Adviser/acting Archivist of the United States, Marco Rubio, clears his throat. “Just send them in.”
The aide nods. “Right away sir.”
“Oh?” Trump pulls a face. “What are we doing, Little Marco?”
Rubio turns to Trump. “This is humanity’s first contact with a sapient species from beyond our world, Mr. President. We have to at least talk to them.”
…
“He’s right, Donald.” Vice President J.D. Vance chimes in from his eternal perch on the couch. “It could change everything we know about the galaxy, the universe—even life itself.”
Trump raises his hands. “Listen fellas. Xi is gonna call me up, and he’s gonna say ‘Donaru, Donaru.’”
Rubio stares.
“I see you’ve got E.T. over there. It’s a hell of a thing.” Trump spreads his hands. “Let’s make a deal.”
…
The aliens project their thoughts directly into the minds of everyone in the room. “Greetings, humans. We hail from our homeworld, Grumbulon-9.”
“Guatemala!” Trump grins. “Beautiful country!”
The aliens glance at each other.
“Let’s get down to brass tacks.” Trump raps his knuckles on the desk. “You fellas ever read the Art of the Deal?”
“It’s why we came,” the first alien says.
“It’s our Holy Scripture,” the second says.
“Fantastic! I love these guys already.”
“We have come to make America a deal.” The aliens announce in unison. “Surrender Florida or be destroyed.”
The room gasps. Rubio rears back in horror. “Good Lord.”
Trump slaps his desk. “Done, you can have it!”
…
Trump jerks his thumb. “Looking forward to when RFK figures out what the hell’s wrong with that guy.”
“What?”
“Vance. He’s got the impediment.”
Rubio furrows his brow. “What impediment?’
“He’s Appalachian.”
“…”
“You know, like Elon.”
“Donald, Elon’s autistic.”
Trump shrugs. “What’s the difference?”
that is more text than I wanted… always hard to tell when copy pasting from X
It’s not terrible, but it still has that sort of leftist “polite clap” humor about it. Where is the animus? where is the urge to disgust?
not everyone got it to the fullest extent… I assume its a mix of nature and nurture.
As the great philosopher Iggy Pop observed, “irony in place of balls, balls in place of brains, brains in place of soul, where is the soul?”
Needz moar tentacles.
that is more text than I wanted
I was waiting for the funny part.
I never said there was one I ran across this and thought compare and contrast
Makes me realize how spoiled we are with the talent here.
I try to provide ample rancidity.
*throws rotten tomato at UCS*
OWW!
Getting hit with a website hurts!
Yes, I am entertained.
That’s the “DEEPFAKE!” video they have been screeching about?
Good golly.
Just listened to a long screed on the phone from a relative about 9/11, Jeff Epstein, Trump, secret cabals, plots to take over the world etc, etc.
When he took a short break I broke in – “You dont think those are actual human beings, do you? Watch Hillary speak for even a few minutes. She cant help it, her nictitating membrane will blink. Wait another minute and her forked tongue will flick out. Watch close, you will see. Sometimes they forget to edit that out.”
I got silence for about ten seconds, then something came up and he had to go. Thank God.
Whatever became of Mr Lizard?
He froze to death during a cold snap?
I think he moved into my basement with his family. They live under my toolbench and utility sink. Nice guys, but I wish they’d be more cautious around my weight bench, I’m afraid I’ll squish them.
Its been a few months ago, but I met an actual flat farther in person. Guy I have worked with for years started explaining the theory to me. I was flabbergasted
flat farthing will prevail
One quarter of an old British penny won’t buy you much these days
They are easier to carry. Spherical farthings take up a lot of space.
You should invest in dodecahedral farthings.
Staying right on script the teevee is full of pols screaming “The Gods are angry! Doom approaches!” over the government shutdown. You can fill in the next line: “Give us money!” It is embarrassing.
Vance is saying if the gov is shut down and the hurricane hits the east coast the fed gov flood insurance wont be there? I am thinking maybe that is not true.
“The Gods are angry! Doom approaches!” over the government shutdown. – its nice they give the poor climate a break now and then
The end of net neutrality already killed us all, or don’t you remember?
If it weren’t for fed gov flood insurance, I would be able to afford to rent a bungalow on the beach for a week every year. I despise having my tax dollars subsidize the development of the coast line into Uber expensive hotels and million dollar homes that should not exist. If it is shut down and a bunch of tax leeches get their property destroyed, its no sweat off my back.
‘Vance is saying if the gov is shut down and the hurricane hits the east coast the fed gov flood insurance wont be there? I am thinking maybe that is not true.’
Yeah, that can’t possibly be true, can it?
My limited understanding is that new business and renewals can’t be processed.
I would think you could get around the renewal issue because there are extended time periods for the lapses. The new business is real, but you aren’t going to get a mortgage without it. So not really an issue. If they full stopped paying they would be bailing out the banks again.
It could very likely DELAY payments, however. So it’s mostly posturing with some economic consequences, but certainly not catastrophic. OTH, for your typical Team Blue voter with $6 in the checking account have delayed payments will be a problem.
Crap – does this include NICS checks?
That is conceivable. No idea, however.
fed gov flood insurance
wontshouldn’t be there.“It looks like Jawas are going to come pouring out of it to steal our droids,”
Never saw it that way before, but damn, that’s a great description.
Have some stuttering spluttering outrage
The $7,500 US federal EV tax credit is no more, having expired yesterday, a deadline which was set when republicans voted to reverse climate progress and channel trillions of dollars from everyday Americans to wealthy elites.
However, that’s not the end of subsidies for the American auto industry, as most gas cars continue to benefit from over $20k in subsidy for each vehicle over the course of their lifetime.
In its mission to make Americans sicker and poorer, the republican party has made a point of attacking cheaper and cleaner transportation options in the form of EVs. It’s doing its best to ship American EV jobs overseas, and instead throw your hard-earned tax dollars at dead technologies where the money will be completely wasted.
One of its salvos in these attacks has been to remove the $7,500 EV tax credit, which had made superior new transportation options more affordable for Americans (and, strangely, it did this with the help of the CEO of America’s largest EV maker, even though it will harm his company). That tax credit was taken away from Americans yesterday, seven years earlier than planned.
Them Republicans sound like assholes.
$20k? Damn, it’s time for TWO new cars!
Since when have evs been a cheaper option
It’s not. You’re looking at commie ratfuckers lying through their teeth again.
No.
Letting you leave your house is a subsidy. Letting you live in your house is a subsidy.
Are they talking about Iowa corn farmers?
Imagine the actual cost of ethanol free gasoline with zero taxes. Bonus for the higher energy content as well.
$0.29/gal?
In OKC, it 60 cents higher for non ethanol, but at least you can buy it.
Here there is a gas station chain that sells ethanol-free 93 octane. It’s $1/gal more than regular.
Near the lakes it’s common to find an ethanol-free option for jetskis/snowmobiles/etc that’s even more expensive.
To the extent they are not just lying I assume they are calling mileage deductions a subsidy, and being very optimistic about the number of people/miles claiming them.
republicans voted to reverse climate progress and channel trillions of dollars from everyday Americans to wealthy elites
Everyday Americans weren’t buying EVs.
The International Monetary Fund estimates that fossil fuel subsidies total $760 billion per year in the US alone, with roughly half of that subsidy going towards oil, which is used primarily to fuel cars.
These subsidy calculations consider both explicit subsidies – direct payments or tax breaks from the government to oil producers – and implicit subsidies, or the ignored costs associated with burning oil which get absorbed by the whole economy, rather than by the producers or consumers of the oil.
To explain the concept of implicit subsidies, imagine you live in a place where you have a separate bill you pay for trash pickup. Now, imagine if your neighbor decided that they didn’t want to pay this cost and would just start throwing their trash in the middle of the street and let everyone else clean it up for them. In this case, you and your other neighbors are subsidizing that neighbor’s trash pickup, having to clean up a mess that they are not paying for.
It’s the same with burning oil, but instead of spewing trash into the street, polluters are spewing trash into our lungs, which we then have to pay for in the form of asthma medication, hospital visits, lost productivity, and the effects of climate change.
We just tack some made up numbers onto the cost of doing business, and suddenly we are operating at a huge unsustainable loss. Shut it all down.
all those damn polluters burning oil for no reason.
Biggest scam in human history. It is gibberish.
What is their proposed solution? A bigger slice of power for them and less freedom for you?
Yes, but that is just a coincidence.
Now do that with electricity prices and ev manufacturing
“explicit subsidies – direct payments or tax breaks from the government to oil producers”
I don’t recall hearing of direct subsidy payments to the oil industry. As far as tax breaks go, the depletion allowance is a longstanding accounting policy to reflect what is effectively the depreciation of a wasting asset.
“and implicit subsidies, or the ignored costs associated with burning oil which get absorbed by the whole economy”
Oh, piss off. If we’re counting negative externalities, shouldn’t we also count positive externalities?
“explicit subsidies – direct payments or tax breaks from the government to oil producers”
The or tax breaks is doing a lot of work there – they’re considering accelerated depreciation a “subsidy”.
I am all for ending every subsidy. What say you, commies? Do you really want to see what that reality looks like?
“Ian Roberts, who was arrested by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement on Friday, Sept. 26 and faces deportation, has long stated that he received a doctoral degree from Morgan State University in Baltimore. But a university spokesperson told the Des Moines Register on Monday that Roberts did not obtain a degree from the school, despite attending Morgan State from the fall of 2002 through the spring of 2007.”
https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2025/09/30/dmps-superintendent-ian-roberts-claimed-doctoral-degree-morgan-state-university/86431683007/
Bonus:
“Ian Roberts, whom U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers arrested Friday amid allegations that a judge revoked his work authorization, has listed the MIT Sloan School of Management among the schools where he studied. However, a university spokesperson told the Des Moines Register that the school does not have records of Roberts attending.”
https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/2025/10/01/dmps-superintendent-ian-andre-roberts-did-not-attend-mit-university-says/86454972007/
And naturally folks aren’t reporting that he worked for Michelle Obama’s office in the WH.
That story is so awesome. This guy should sell movie rights.
Best part is I’m sure the search firm that found him will continue to do work for Iowa and likely other states too.
I’ll actually accept their excuse that the I-9 eligiblity is on the employer, but the two points above are directly on them.
I heard the students walked out of class in solidarity with the grifting fraudster.
Stunning and brave.
FOMO?
Strong electric vehicle sales are leading to robust third-quarter results for major automakers, as consumers flocked to car dealerships before the end of $7,500 in federal incentives for EVs.
Ford Motor, General Motors and Hyundai all reported record quarterly sales of all-electric vehicles from July through September.
Both GM and Ford said third-quarter sales overall increased roughly 8% from a year earlier, with EV sales more than doubling for GM. Ford said sales of its EVs increased by 30% compared with the third quarter of 2024.
Hyundai reported its namesake brand recorded a 13% year-over-year sales increase during the third quarter, also led by doubling sales of all-electric vehicles.
Sticking it to Trump and Musk.
Now for a large 4Q drop.
Like off a cliff, I presume.
BY RECORD MEAN…
1/10th of regular car sales. Give it a break.
Wait till they find out it’s not “cheaper”, it’s not “better for the environment”, and in return for their smug they get to support slave labor in Africa and China.
Those kids aren’t slaves! They are artisanal minors!
From the dedthred on “yelling fire in a crowded theater”.
Back in the day, theaters were huge fire traps. Many were built of wood, the film stock was flammable nearly to the point of being explosive. An actual fire in a crowded theater could lead to lot of dead people.
So, of course, when the theater is actually fire, you want people to yell about it. Good thing that’s not the court said. It said, and listen closely here, that FALSELY yelling fire in a crowded theater was not protected speech. Because doing so would set off a panic and people would die solely because of the false statement. IOW, malicious false speech that is highly likely to cause harm is not protected by the 1A. Just as other kinds of false speech, fraud and defamation, aren’t.
The whole falsely thing makes a pretty big difference. And is seemingly universally ignored.
Agreed.
I think it turns more on the ambiguity inherent in the fact that the ‘speech’ in that case is intended to, and overwhelmingly likely to produce a direct harmful physical effect. I can think of similarly criminal situations where the utterance was true. For example you see a crying woman running down the street into a hiding place. A moment later a raving madman with a knife follows along. I think telling him where she is hiding would qualify for an accessory before the fact charge.
Speech is protected because we recognize an inherent human right to express one’s thoughts, and to try to persuade others, but in these edge cases the act of speaking is not solely expressive. It is also directly causing a criminal effect.
when the theater is actually fire, you want people to yell about it.
But the audience might panic and be injured in the melee at the exits. Better to keep quiet and let them become humanely overcome by poisonous fumes and smoke.
Bruh.
The shutdown has killed Jane Goodall!
Those bastards!
“It looks like Jawas are going to come pouring out of it to steal our droids,” the hair said.
I love you SF.
Looking into getting a PPL. Been watching a lot of really dark, sad videos about airplane crashes. But this one was exceptional. And it has a joyous epilogue.