“Juden raus!” Graham’s tattoo growled.
“Would you just chill out?” Graham whispered.
“Maine will be cleansed,” the tattoo replied.
Graham walked out on the union-assembled stage, loose bolts and writhing electrical cables.
“Everyone… the next Senator of Maine!” the small purple-haired announcer called to hoots and hollers.
“Soon,” the tattoo said. “We will be close and destroy him,” the tattoo said, his crisp German-accented English muffled by the layers of morning infotainment-grade make-up.
Graham took the microphone from the announcer. Even outdoors he could smell the sour of odor of her sweat, the death-scent on her breath.
“‘”An animal will never know what it is to die, and the knowledge of death and its terrors is one of the first acquisitions that man has made in moving away from the animal condition,’” the tattoo quoted.
“I am so happy to be here today,” Graham said in a squeal of feedback. The audience recoiled.
“You are terrible at this,” the tattoo said.
“I am just a simply oysterman,” Graham said, “I crack shells and poop pearls just like the rest of you.”
The crowd emitted a smattering of polite clapter.
“At least it is mostly pearls,” Graham said. The crowd’s short laugh was more nervous now.
“Pooping?” the tattoo asked. “Why are you speaking of pooping. The will to power is all that matters!”
Bernie came out on the stage and crossed to Graham.
“Do not the Jew touch me!”
Bernie pulled Graham into a sweaty hug and used it to take the microphone from him.
“His sweaty Jew breast was against me!” the tattoo screamed. “Take me home! Wash me with bleach!”
“Calm down,” Graham said.
“This Jew-humliation is just too much!” the tattoo said. “When will I be in the Senate! Fetterman must be destroyed!”
Miles and miles away, The Lump’s lump-sense began to tingle. “He is talking about me again.” John grunted in reply.
The thought of Bernie Sanders sweating….
That’s from his erotic fiction is it not?
Bernie Sanders writes erotic fiction? Interesting. I’m envisioning a lot of jackboots, riding crops, and tailoring by Hugo Boss…
Kinky stuff. (No, seriously.) He used to publish it in his commune newsletter.
https://archive.ph/MO8gx
Meh. I’m disappointed. Non-consent fantasies are the Sriracha of smut – spicy, but overdone.
Consent is a bourgeois conceit! Sex, like any other good, must be distributed by the State to serve the Party!
welcome home
Nothing matters but power.
O. M. G. Once I deduced what was happening from the first line, I was already laughing. This was awesome.
Welcome back.
Ditto!
“Do not the Jew touch me!” Best. Line. Ever.
Timing is everything. After I started reading (welcome back, Sugarferee, hope you are well) No Friend of Mine popped up on the music feed.
Perfect. Timing.
I have confidence that the Lump prevail over the Tatt.
The best way to find out is another cage match on the White House lawn.
Die Tatt-enhosen im Lumpen-teariat!
FETTERLUMP SMASH OYSTER MAN!
Most excellent to have you back, SF!
You say that, but the screaming in my head had dwindled almost to inaudibility and now it is back!
It saddens me that I have come to like Fetterlump.
Like is a strong word.
How about tolerate?
“tolerate” would not result in sadness
I have a certain amount of admiration for anyone who tells the Party to go fuck itself.
Especially the Democratic party, which these days enforces their message discipline like the KGB…
I crack shells
My life is full of omens.
But hopefully it’s just a coincidence that announcement that we’re getting industrial-strength roombas at work came at the same time as this.
I misread that as your life is full of onions.
Are industrial strength roombas the same size but with bigger motors, or bigger overall?
Had to say since there’s nothing in the shot for perspective, but it looks quite a bit larger.
Also:
Robotic Cleaning Unit Horror Theater.
“Exterminate. Exter… I require assistance! Assist me!”
“Life is like a box of onions; you always know what you are gonna get”
There was a full-size floor zamboni at Sam’s last time I was there that was fully automated. Fucking never stopped beeping. If I worked there, it would have an accident within an hour.
If you hear “Destroy him my robots” get the hell out of there fast.
The best option is to instead pre-empt that and make them your own minion robots.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GoWyqQorqOY
You just need to keep your sonic emitter nearby.
Walmart had those robot cleaning machines. They’d beep and step if they ‘recognized’ someone (or thing) in the way.
I really fucking hate them. Creepy, bastards.
While manufactured goods continue to get better and cheaper, it boggles my mind that robots are now cheaper than Mexicans.
I could have sword I had venison tenderloin in the freezer, so I went looking for it. I found two corned beef rounds, four quail (pre-spatchcocked), an ungodly amount of beef liver, a bottle of barenjager, a box of tamales, potstickers, and some freezer burned stuff that I should throw out. But couldn’t find the venison.
I realize I’m risking more stuff falling victim to freezer burn if I don’t start using it. At my current portion sizes, that is weeks of food. And I probably wouldn’t eat the tamales or potstickers for the carbs in them. I still hold out hope that the venison is in there but hiding behind everything else.
If I find it I’m tempted to get bison and make some three-beast chili with the corned beef, venison, and bison. If not, I need some ideas for things that can be cooked, portioned, and re-frozen.
Make you a forever pot of soup…keep it at 151 degrees and you can just add to it for years.
I’d overeat.
I’m trying to make use of the food resources I have on hand while continuing to lose weight.
I’m probably going to make three beast chili even if the third beast is pig nstead of deer. (I might include the bacon regardless and risk four beast chili)
Screw it.
Even if there’s no venison in my freezer, I can get more. Corned beef, venison, bison, bacon, bell pepper, jalapenos, onion, garlic, cumin, paprika, chili powder. I’ve got cans of tomato paste, but I don’t know if I need to bother with it. It might have the wrong color if it’s not in there.
Parcel it out into sealable bowls, stack them in the freed up freezer space, and thaw them out in batches for reheating. Add cheese at time of consumption.
That sounds good actually.
My delight at your return cannot be contained!
I just cleared the room here with my delight.
Or was that the vapors?
I thought it was the ammonia.
No. Ethyl mercaptan.
🤢
Maine is already 99% judenfrei, though much WASPier than Aryan.
Are there any Persians in Maine at all?
There is a small Iranian community around Portland.
As a side note, there are lots of Somalis around Lewiston.
OMB still nattering on an hour after he began the press conference at G7. The guys standing behind him are looking like they need to pee. Is there a cure for “running at the mouth” other than the obvious solution the Left would prefer?
OMB has the Burt Reynolds “bottle in a boot” to pee in. He won’t need a break. Part of the humiliation of the G7 is to make them pee their pants.
Theatrical buffoonery
An affordable housing bill limiting how many single-family homes major investors can buy is poised to be signed into law before the end of the month after key lawmakers in the House and Senate reached an agreement Tuesday.
The bill, which is focused on increasing the supply of homes, would not include a controversial provision requiring major investors to sell any housing units they build within seven years, but would cap the number of single-family homes they could buy at 350.
That will fix everything.
Much like 99% of what Congress does this is blatantly unconstitutional.
The FYTW clause covers all.
Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., who has helped helm the bill as the top Democrat on the Senate committee overseeing housing, said the bill is important not only because of the focus on affordability, but what it means for how Congress handles private equity.
“Never before has Congress put any restriction on the ability of private equity to move into whatever industry they want, buy up whatever they want and destroy whatever they want,” she told CNBC in a short Capitol hallway interview. “This bill is historic because it puts a big fat ‘no’ right in front of private equity’s growth as it tries to mow through our neighborhoods.”
This is how we fight fascism.
Why do you hate democratic socialism?
Why do you hate democratic socialism?
How long do you have?
Welcome back Sugarfree!
Miles and miles away, The Lump’s lump-sense began to tingle. “He is talking about me again.” John grunted in reply.
Ominous.
Thank you for the welcome backs. I’m doing better. Still a lot of medical follow-ups to come but I’m off the cane. Which I didn’t mind so much, because I like to be prepared for ruffians and the like.
You can still carry the cane even if you don’t need it to walk.
Indeed. Tactical canes are a thing.
They can be utterly devastating. And they are completely legal to take anywhere, even on airplanes.
Indubitably.
I recommend a good stout Shillelagh — a weapon disguised as a cane.
https://www.oldeshillelagh.com/
In other cane news, I have finally been given to green light to by my sorta nephew a sword cane.
But I have a nice cane my sister-in-law bought me years ago, super-angry eagle head, nice and heavy, the beak would do a lot of damage to the average soft-skulled ruffian.
Welcome back!
Good to hear, good to hear. Hospitals suck ass.
Off the cane or off the ‘caine?
Glad to see you SF!
Sugarcane free?
Which one of you posted this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/IdiotsInCars/comments/1u7pjb2/oc_my_wife/
Entirely predictable, however I expected more carnage.
I figured the truck that was waiting for her was going to do something dumb.
He probably won’t notice the dent in the sofa when he’s sleeping on it.
A mirror, what is it for.
And Reddit is going to stop me from looking at their site soon as I refuse to download their spyware.
I missed you.
Trump starts spinning. My favorite bit
He said he didn’t want to be compared with former President Herbert Hoover, who was president during the 1929 market crash that led to the Great Depression.
https://www.wsj.com/world/trump-defends-iran-deal-says-he-wants-to-avoid-economic-catastrophe-cdf41846?st=c7TfMT&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
A few minutes ago he was on CNBC at the G7 and I saw the headline cross the tape. Fortunately we have no sound at the office.
Also WSJ has leak of the MOU.
https://www.wsj.com/world/middle-east/an-annotated-analysis-of-a-u-s-draft-of-the-iran-deal-6a9ec49f?st=U3p2Yj&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
The United States undertakes, together with its regional partners, to create a comprehensive plan agreed upon by both parties for the rehabilitation and economic development of the Islamic Republic of Iran, while ensuring financing of at least $300 billion. The implementation mechanism of this plan, as part of the final agreement, will be formulated within 60 days.
Is the shrink-wrapping extra or included?
I’ve tried to avoid the TACO quip, but this really is pathetic.
Don’t start a war that you don’t have the plan, or the balls, to finish.
Neocon Don is very different from the Trump who campaigned two years ago. Did somebody get to him? Did the money sway him? Did he just abandon his principles because shiny? Only he knows.
“Principles” should’ve been in scare quotes. He has always been fast and loose with any thought deeper than a mud puddle.
He was infected by the same nanites found in Bolton’s mustache.
War lice?
Mister, we could use a man
Like Herbert Hoover again
My brother in arms (and pricked fingers). Welcome back! I knew that hospital couldn’t hold you.
It was pretty bad. 36 hours of hallucinations and delirium. And not the fun kind.
Glad you are doing better!
It’s the thought that counts…
Upper management celebrated a project milestone by grilling hot dogs and burgers.
I find it quite ironic that:
a) the event has been postponed (schedule “shifted right” in management speak) several times already,
b) they hadn’t planned for the rain, and only put up a canopy after the griller was already drenched (no contingency plan),
c) they ran out of hot dog buns before hotdogs (“improper planning”)
d) the one guy manning the grill couldn’t keep up with demand (“production shortage*”)
e) the burger patties were still frozen (“poor planning”), mine was still pink inside (“poor quality control”)
f) there were no drinks, no chips, no sides (unaware of customer expectations).
It’s almost a metaphor for how this project is going…
* I wanted to ask to griller how he was going “recover the schedule”, but he was miserable already.
Anyway, back to my mandatory 60 hours a week for the foreseeable future…
Let me guess – This is also how business projects go.
I have been asked repeatedly how I am going to “recover the schedule” after a less than favorable test.
“I still have the schedule – we’re just not on it anymore.”
“recover the schedule”
It’s recoverable in the the sense the individual asking needs to “reset expectations” with whoever his or her boss is.
But I was told that next time I would receive a piece of cake.
Maine Kampf
(Stolen from Twitter)
Also, Oystergruppenfuhrer.
🤣😂
https://x.com/mynorthwest/status/2067062462223200595
Now do voting or speech rights.
Voting is a privilege.
A reboot I could stomach
https://x.com/accentssouthern/status/2067225702735163852
Routine shootouts with the minions of Opie the Meth Kingpin?
Might as well put Mr. Rodgers in tactical gear while you’re at it.
I hate it when the left/woke betray the source characters. And I also hate it when the right does it too.
“It’s a beautiful day on the two way range!” 🎶
I see this as more of a joke than a betrayal.
Mr. Rodgers should be in an anti-stab vest.
I keed!
I agree with you, I get tired of all the skin suiting.
Ghandi can take him.
This helps me feel better about humanity.
Cellphone video from the chaotic scene showed motorists rushing to rescue those inside the jet. One swung a sledgehammer to try to smash open the cockpit glass. Others used makeshift levers to pry open the plane’s door as the fuselage burned.
Of course they likely didn’t realize just how just about impossible it is to break that glass.
Not a riskless activity given the chance of thing igniting. Also NetJets and not some fly-by-night outfit. The settlement or lawsuit will likely be epic.
https://apnews.com/article/texas-plane-crash-9d1eb45ec3c4482f2362ec3a39693a82
https://apnews.com/article/texas-plane-crash-9d1eb45ec3c4482f2362ec3a39693a82
Did they kill an owner? That’s bad for business.
Nice. The tattoo missed an opportunity to say it was Jew-miliated though.
I have been asked repeatedly how I am going to “recover the schedule” after a less than favorable test.
“We’ve got a week of days and a week of nights.”
Nice clothesline tackle by Portugal.
The Europoors wish they could afford a clothes dryer.
Also, Portland sucks
Under Armour is closing its Portland office and moving most of the jobs to New York and its corporate office in Baltimore, the Baltimore Business Journal reported Tuesday. It’s another blow to the region’s footwear industry.
“This will help us move faster, collaborate more closely, and better align our teams around serving athletes and building the brand,” Under Armour said in a statement to the Business Journal, which reported the Portland office employed 60 people.
Who needs them?
If NY and Ballmer are better choices, Portland must truly be awful.
Came here to say that. Did a Hellmouth open up in Portland?
UA was founded and HQ’d in Baltimore. They opened an office in Portland for shoe sales, which aren’t doing well along with the rest of UA.
It’s a UA problem, not a PDX one. This time.
60 employees in a 70ksqft building. Not hard to math on that one.
Yeah and a bunch of blue-haired fat chicks came pouring out.