“President Biden,” Hunter said dreamily. He was in his favorite tattered robe and he had been masturbating to pictures of his hottest cousin until Cracky made him as soft as steamed celery. “I could be the first President Biden.”
“And we’ll fix that darn Reflecting Pool,” Cracky said, ever chipped, ever chipper.
“Algae,” Hunter said, “you can’t even smoke it.”
“Green and gross,” Cracky said and Hunter made him nod. One of his googly eyes fell to the floor. Hunter had a big Amazon box full of them by his Victorian fainting couch and fumbled until he had another to stick on.
“Wait, can you smoke algae?” Hunter asked his only friend. “Is the Reflecting Pool a huge drug farm?”
“Maybe that’s why Trump is building a fence around it,” Cracky said. “Keep all that slime chronic for himself.”
“That’s why all those people keep jumping in,” Hunter mused. “They are getting high.”
“Your voting constituency!” Cracky said excitedly.
“That’s why Trump doesn’t chlorinate it,” Hunter said. “Don’t want to mess with his supply.”
“He probably puts it in his Diet Coke,” Cracky said.
“We need a sample,” Hunter said. “Imma dry, imma smoke it.”
“To Washington!” Cracky said.
“It’s the middle of the night, and like a two hour drive.”
“I can keep you awake,” Cracky said. “Smoke of my flesh and we can do anything!”
Hunter stood, wobbled, fell back on his fainting couch, stood again, gathered his robe together, put Cracky and his crème brûlée torch in his robe pocket, and stumbled out of his childhood bedroom.
“Where are my keys?” Hunter asked.
“Where is your car?” Cracky asked.
“Do I have a car?”
“I don’t think so,” Cracky said.
“Wake the chauffeur!”
“It’s three o’clock in the morning,” Cracky said.
“Wake him!’ Hunter said, still stumbling. At the top of the stairs down to the foyer, Hunter missed the first step and tumbled down the rest of the hard wooden steps.
“Have I hurt myself?” Hunter asked Cracky after a bit of moaning.
“You broke me into three pieces,” Cracky said “Three pieces, three o’clock in the morning.”
Hunter lay there, trying to figure out if anything was broken, when Cracky began to sob.
Hunter lay there, trying to figure out if anything was broken, when Cracky began to sob.
This is kind of a sad ending.
I know! Cracky was broken into pieces!
With a spoon and a burner, he can be rebuilt.
“We can rebuild him. Make him better than he was. Better. Stronger. Faster.”
I’ve got it. We turn the reflecting pool into a USDA experiment for feeding the poor nutritious natural Poverty Chow made from algae.
Anyone caught vandalizing the pool should have to drink the water for a month.
If reality is imitating Soylent Green, why not go all the way and feed the poor people other poor people?
Most poor people would pass USDA livestock inspection standards for food. Too much disease, too many foreign substances.
*would not pass
I type slower than my brain runs.
I’m holding out for burbclaves.
Sorry, best I can do is favelas.
Most of our fat poor people could be rendered down for their oils and used for heating oil and bio-diesel.
Dude, Where’s my car?
“You broke me into three pieces,” Cracky said “Three pieces, three o’clock in the morning.”
Three voices?
Crackys can form a Huntr/x tribute band!
The Cracky trinity.
It’s 3 am
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hAuo8IOFNuE&pp=ygULRW1pbmVtIDMgYW3SBwkJQQKjtWo3m0M%3D&rco=1&ra=m
The media obsession with the pool is just fucking stupid. Local news guy managed to work in a comment about it while reporting on Trump’s visit to the Mack factory.
🙄
The media so want this to be an example of waste, folly, and incompetence. The left wants this to be an example of their “everything he touches [he ruins]” narrative.
They’re piggybacking this with the ballroom. It’s a tactic. Take several small non-issues, bundle them together, and suddenly they’re evidence of a real issue.
I have so missed Cracky.
There is plenty of chaos in my life, but this makes me feel like something is right with the world, however small.
Agreed. And now we have three Crackys!
How long have you been sober?
The media so want this to be an example of waste, folly, and incompetence. The left wants this to be an example of their “everything he touches [he ruins]” narrative.
If only we had spent a billion dollars and studied the potential environmental impacts for five years we could have avoided this fiasco.
This book review may be of interest.
‘1942’ Review: The Year the Nazis Lost
Hitler’s assault on the Soviet Union aimed at controlling valuable oilfields. It ensnared German forces in a catastrophic fight for survival.
https://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/books/1942-review-the-year-the-nazis-lost-bce12f93?st=xSbPon&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
Kind of an off handed rant I guess, but I’ve long been tired of how military history gets discussed and understood. Even among historians. Today the myth is that you can’t defeat a dedicated insurgency. I once sat through a lecture with some little academic twerp who said that the Iraq war was “unwinnable” and tried to use data from around the world where sectarian violence was a problem to justify it. It’s the ghost of Vietnam echoing through today. It’s amazing that these territories have been conquered and reconquered so many times throughout human history, yet today that can’t be done in their completely decayed state and it’s ridiculous to point out the flaws with our political class and how they send us off to fight wars that they have no idea how to win let alone win the way they want to do it.
What I’m getting at here though is the notion that the Nazi invasion was doomed to failure because Russia was too big, and had too much manpower etc.
Reality is that many, many Russians were willing to welcome the Germans into their territory just to be done with Stalin’s regime and the commies. On top of just being generally unprepared, most of the military had no desire to fight and die for the communist regime.
The Nazis were only doomed to fail because of their dogmatic worldview and their brutality. Even a demoralized coward will fight if that means there is a better chance at survival. If the Nazis didn’t come in looking to eradicate the people deemed inferior, the Soviet Union would have collapsed because it was fucking rotten and most of the people knew it.
This is an interesting take on Barbarossa: https://newbooksnetwork.com/david-stahel-operation-barbarossa-and-germanys-defeat-in-the-east-cambridge-up-2009-3
Stahel argues that Germany’s failure to secure a decisive victory in 1941 was the turning point. He argues that, after that, it was impossible for a German victory.
Also interesting is The Greatest Battle. The author there supports your view. He makes the argument, based on a lot of other studies, that Stalin was basically expecting to be arrested and shot in the summer of 1941 for the failure of his German policy. Certainly indicates that a different Nazi philosophy might have worked for them. OTOH, if the Nazis had a different philosophy that may not have invaded in the first place.
I just really despise when history gets reduced to platitudes and talking points used to justify current worldviews. Libertarians are very guilty of this as are most people.
We can argue all day on the morality of war, but you shouldn’t conflate whether a war should be fought with whether it can be won. And I feel like that happens a lot. You didn’t want a war to be fought so you paint the actual results on the ground a certain way or think policy of how its fought even should be dictated by your notions.
As a country I’m a firm believer that if a war is going to be fought, then you need to do what it takes to win it. That doesn’t always mean be as brutal as possible either. The questions on the morality of it are for before the war is started.
I contend that lend lease propped up the commies.
We shouldn’t have given them a singe grain of wheat.
Being brutal is different than using overwhelming force. Germans won thru overwhelming force, but lost due to brutal tactics in securing the captured lands.
Also, had Germany timed Barbarossa til ’42, after they’d secured the war in the west, they could have could have taken down USSR anyway they wanted to.
If they’d concentrated on Britain before going after USSR, we wouldn’t have had any Allies to join up with once Japan drug us into war.
There really is a social media campaign to get Hunter to run for President.
….versus Harris or AOC. Hmm…
Hunter/Piker 2028
Chose the form of your destroyer!
Truth is even stranger than SF fiction?
Most of what I write in the form of political satire fiction is far less worse than what is actually going on. It often makes it difficult. And doing this forces me to be a bit of a news junkie.
Satire/Fiction? Sorry I’m not buying it. We know you have deep cover agents feeding you this information.
yes they tried to make hunter cool on X.
hopefully not many fell for it.
I’ve been seeing lots of people fall for the PR company running his X account.
It was just a little too over the top.
Needs moar twitter.
Coming soon- wax paper shampoo bottles?
In a May news release announcing regulations under the law, state officials said the changes would fight plastics pollution while protecting the interests of taxpayers and local governments.
“California is shifting the responsibility of managing single-use plastic and packaging onto the producers. New packaging reforms lower waste costs for communities and decrease garbage and pollution across the state,” Environmental Protection Secretary Yana Garcia said in a statement. “This approach pushes producers to innovate and design packaging that truly supports a circular economy.”
Government sponsored innovation; it will work this time.
Just go to the store, pay 50 cents and squirt some shampoo in your hand.
“How much for one rib?”
slumbrew:
Fuck the cup, just put it in my hand!
Just look the success of Canadian bags of milk!
milk bags existed here in the 90s but fell out of fashion.
They are called women, Sensei!
Once again California is solving the most pressing problems that the rest of the world is ignoring. If only the entire nation could benefit from Gavin’s benevolent leadership.
The comments on that article are something else.
“We really would all benefit if we used re-usable bottles for things like shampoo and such.” So am I supposed to take my reusable bottle to the store and refill it from the shampoo vat? How much extra time and money and other resources am I supposed to consume to do that?
“I suppose manufactures could go back to using glass.” That means the bottles will be heavier and cost more to ship because they use more fuel which is bad. Also, I don’t want a breakable glass bottle in my shower where I go with my bare feet.
I remember when all the major supermarkets had a station for refilling water jugs.
That was so popular. 🙄
I still go to the local grocer to fill water jugs.
Of course, my well sucks.
And I buy 20 or 30 gallons at a time for making mead or brewing beer.
Drinking water comes in single serving plastic bottles that will end up in the ocean and kill the dophins.
Fuck gaia.
This was in the big city. It was also common to have a coffee station where you could grind coffee beans right there. Both of those disappeared sometime during the 90s.
When I lived in the college town, the upscale grocery still had the grind your own coffee station. With 30+ varietals. And they also had the bulk grains aisle.
And you just know who shopped there.
I’m pretty sure The Fresh Market still has in store grinders.
The hippie mini-chain in my college town has bulk grains too. 🙄
I don’t like shopping there because it usually smells like hippies.
I do use reusable bottles for soap. I buy the refills (https://www.drbronner.com/collections/all/products/citrus-pure-castile-liquid-soap-refill) and use them to replenish the spiffy little soap dispenser in my shower.
Things you don’t think about: Some of my teammates bring spare hotel bar soap and shampoo with them on our hockey trips, because those of us who can’t stand can’t reach those dispensers they have at some hotels.
Nice. I just left a note to myself to bring suction-cup grab bars to a hotel I’m traveling to in a couple weeks. Hotels rarely have that and I’m not so steady on my feet anymore.
Feels like this will end up like a discussion with your wife about where to go to dinner.
“You need to get rid of plastic bottles.”
“Ok how about we do it this way?”
“No.”
“How about this?”
“Absolutely not.”
“This?”
“No way.”
“Ok, then what do you suggest?”
“I don’t know, that’s your problem.”
There really is a social media campaign to get Hunter to run for President.
He can keep the chair warm for Zeron.
Looking back over history, this wouldn’t be the first time a waterheaded, booger eating, inbred scion of an ignoble and ignominious family gets pushed to the head of a government extortion machine.
Although I’m challenged to think of a family that is a better example of low class white trash than the Bidens.
Also, because I’m kinda dumb that way, I really want to hear Hunter imitate his potato headed father and say, ‘On my honor as a Biden’. I’ll laugh until I burst.
Zohran?
I can’t wait for him to share the warming glow of collectivism across the entire country.
You know what’s going on that Walmart VIZIO branded TV?
https://www.wsj.com/business/retail/walmart-in-biggest-deal-in-two-years-buys-advertising-tech-firm-ccd6c03b?st=mfMyRG&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
Some peak WSJ herp derp sidelinked there…
I’m convinced. Sure they bring lots of crime, suck up billions of tax dollars, and are a major cause of the “affordability crisis” Democrats pretend to care about but at least they can play soccer.
https://www.wsj.com/opinion/world-cup-u-s-mens-soccer-team-immigrants-birthright-citizenship-0e9b5082?st=KLErhQ&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
There’s a difference between birthright citizenship of the children of lawful residents, lawful temporary visitors, and illegal aliens.
Thanks to the amnesty for all left and squish right, those are starting to get conflated into one.
I’ll just take them at their word on the citizenship status.
Soccer is a sport most Americans don’t care about. It’s only getting the viewership right now because it’s a novelty, but also because they’ve imported a group of people who like soccer. It’s a self-licking ice cream cone.
I don’t think our national immigration policy should be based on our success or failure at soccer or athletics in general. Athletes aren’t all pieces of shit, but they sure as fuck aren’t all swell individuals either and they are basically dancing monkeys who get paid large sums of money. In short, they contribute very little that’s tangibly beneficial and we already have a wealth of great athletes here already.
Why not point at baseball? You know a sport that’s more popular here in the states with a large number of immigrant players?
Vizio was my first flat-screen tv a couple decades ago. It was cheep.
Same here. I think I got it from TigerDirect.
Save the CRT!
“China’s actions are deeply destabilizing,” a spokesperson for the American Institute in Taiwan, the U.S.’s de facto embassy in Taipei, said Wednesday. “We urge Beijing to cease its military, diplomatic, and economic pressure against Taiwan and instead engage in meaningful dialogue with Taiwan’s democratically elected authorities.”
Now that is some effective “diplomatting” right there. What would we do without China and Taiwan’s usual kabuki theater?
https://www.wsj.com/world/asia/chinas-assertions-of-authority-over-foreign-ships-near-taiwan-draw-u-s-rebuke-d0546eb0?st=mc3ZRy&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
I call upon the Maoist rebels in Beijing to lay down their arms and accept the rightful administration of the Republic of China, temporarily headquartered in Taipei.
I laughed out loud.
Hey boyz and grrls,
Just a quick note as we dash out the door for our mandatory evacuation. There is a fire just west (upwind) of us about two miles away.
We’ve been expecting this. Not a drop of rain for months and hottest days of the season recently. Monsoons are due but I don’t know if they will get here in time.
Stay safe – hope the fires don’t touch your stuff while you’re out of town.
+1
Indeed! Stay safe.
Be safe!
You are not my supervisor!
Can you leave a soaker hose on the roof?
Sprinklers on the roof have saved a lot of homes.
Best wishes and good luck.
have you tried using a tarp to smother the fire?
if that did not work best of luck evacuatin
hope all is well for you two, Hobbit!
Best wishes
Eep! Best of luck to you and yours! Update us when and as you can.
^^^
This!!! 😟
Continuous air traffic overhead from the firefighters. Heavy smoke in the air.
Got clothes, meds, computer files, guns, and photos. Leaving in a few.
Good luck BH. We’re all counting on you.
Looks like a quarter of WA state is under a red flag warning.
Too bad it’s not Olympia and Seattle both need to be cleansed.
It’s lease – I don’t care.
https://www.reddit.com/r/IdiotsInCars/comments/1udxkfw/oc_500lbs_of_concrete_premix_unsecured_on_the/
What could possibly go wrong?
Hunter/Piker 2028
Stephanie Kelton, Secretary of the Treasury.
“Smoke of my flesh and we can do anything!”
The body of Cracky, amen.
For all these, Ferrari had to have a scapegoat. This time, the firm’s long-serving chief marketing and commercial officer, Enrico Galliera, was escorted out of his office. The man had been in the position for 16 years, since April 2010, and built a reputation that got him the “Dr. No” nickname.
He’ll just have to suffer with his millions of euros.
Ferrari Fires Marketing Boss Following Luce Launch Backlash, Because There Is Always a Scapegoat
https://www.autoevolution.com/news/ferrari-fired-its-marketing-boss-after-the-luce-launch-backlash-because-there-is-always-a-scapegoat-271960.html
He should be forced to drive it as his only car for the rest of his life.
The thing is – he didn’t design it. Ferrari is basically upset he wasn’t able to market their way out of a disaster.
I was joking. Besides, it is probably a nice EV, hardly a punishment. It’s not a Ferrari, I get that. But it isn’t the most hideous thing ever, by far.
Hunter and the Crackettes?
Well, I hope that wasn’t a mistake. Just ordered brake parts from Amazon for the Element. Rotors/calipers/pads. I finally got the rotors off, to make sure the parking brakes weren’t completely junk.
The rear brakes have been dragging for a while, apparently. That might explain the disappointing fuel mileage. Fortunately, the wheel bearings don’t appear to be cooked.
ps- good luck, Hobbit. I had a couple of local fires in Montana. Not fun. And my place was never in immediate peril.
I had an Element. It did eat pads. I suspect an overactive traction control that overused the brakes.
So, now you are out of your Element?
Ferrari Fires Marketing Boss Following Luce Launch Backlash, Because There Is Always a Scapegoat
He’s lucky the tifosi haven’t hung him upside down from the front gate.
And the lady that’s not his wife?
I had an Element. It did eat pads. I suspect an overactive traction control that overused the brakes.
This one is pre- abs and traction control. I think the slider pins were just galled or corroded. I could barely rotate the hubs when I pulled the wheels off.
Wow – Wired and the Top. Men. at Ars Technica would like to alert you that an employer controls the software on the phones that it owns and issues to its employees.
White House app auto-downloads to government phones, can’t be uninstalled
“It’s shooting pure unadulterated propaganda into our veins,” says one worker.
https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2026/06/white-house-app-auto-downloads-to-government-phones-cant-be-uninstalled/
In other news, water is wet.
This lack of understanding confuses me.
Work phones are not your property, they belong to work. This is why I carry two phones – one is mine, the other belongs to the state.
Of course there was the cop who claimed carrying multiple phones was a suspicious indicator of criminal activity. I bet you if the department looked at his work phone they’d find inappropriate materials.
Conversely, personal phones don’t belong to work. You want me to install an app for work? Be on call? Provide the tool.
Yup.
I did relent and installed a two factor application on my personal phone because otherwise I was going to get some USB key or annoy my boss for a company phone just for two factor.
However, no company email client, MS-365 package or anything similar.
Same. The authenticator app is the only piece of work-related software on my phone.
Sensei:
Yeah. MFA apps are the only ones I would install on my personal phone for work. The last couple of places I worked kept pushing to install Office on our personal phones, “So we could be reached via Teams.”
That’s is really not something I’m interested in to begin with, let alone giving access to my work to remotely wipe the phone as part of it.
🤣😂
Greatest troll ever.
FR
Love the trolling, hate the tariffs.
People are attaching their phones to their circulatory systems now?
Wendy’s hits over seven-month high as retail traders spark meme-like rally
https://www.reuters.com/business/finance/wendys-jumps-20-retail-traders-spark-meme-like-rally-2026-06-24/
I used to like Wendy’s and thought it was a cut above the slop from McDonalds. Every time I’ve gone back in recent years it was a dry flavorless lukewarm patty.
I don’t know what they changed, but they changed something and it’s pretty gross. Like fast food was always shit, but it was at least stuff that included the right things to make it kind of addicting. Now it’s like something you have to force down your throat and I can buy frozen meals that taste better.
Their fries went to shit too.
Had they been cooking with lard or butter in the past?
“It’s shooting pure unadulterated propaganda into our veins,” says one worker.
Unlike, say, the CNN app, or MSNOW.
I’m assuming it involves the full Ludovico Technique, forcing them to look at the content.
If Cracky breaks into three, do we have The Father, The Son, and The Holy Junkie?
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Smoke.
This thing has been a roaring success for Boeing.
NASA, Boeing committed to Starliner-1 launch despite unclear timeline
https://spaceflightnow.com/2026/06/23/nasa-boeing-committed-to-starliner-1-launch-despite-unclear-timeline/
https://realgoodfoods.com/products/lightly-breaded-chicken-breast-fillets
To all my fellow low carb enthusiasts…
Give them a whirl (4g net). I made chicken parm with them over the weekend with a local fresh made vodka sauce and provolone & parmesan
I did have those! There are chicken nuggets too.
This thing has been a roaring success for Boeing.
Man am I glad my dad convinced me to dump my Boeing stock before everything went to shit.