“Thousands of eggs?” Sandy asked. “Thousands,” the doctor said gravely. “Woo!” Sandy crowed, “I’m the egg queen!” “No, ma’am,” her emotional support intern said, shrugging in her leashed harness, “it’s a dangerous medical condition.” “You are experiencing a condition...
Slate offers advice to deaf ears. There’s One Word the Left Needs to Start Saying if They Want to Win Hong is tempering herself here. You can find a ho-hum plea for unity in her answer, as well as a guarded concession that Thanksgiving is a holiday that the vast...
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha,” Dark Cracky laughed, “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.” Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha,” he continued, the deep, booming laugh filling the underground corridors of the tunnels under the White House....
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human stomach to digest all its contents. We live on at placid dinner table of ignorance in the midst of black seas of Thanksgiving, and it was not meant that we should buffet far. The food...
“Yes, Father,” Barron said. “I will eat of the bird and the tuber, the gooey starch and the flood berry, yea, the very gourd of the earth.” “Barron, my son,” Donald said. “Turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. We’re populists, men of the...
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zippers
it’s in the can
“Where will we go?” Hunter asked his only friend. “My father’s huge mansion? The underground jizz fountain I bought with my art sales?” “Fuck it,” Cracky said, “I’m not moving out.” “Cracky?” Hunter asked. “I’m not fucking going anywhere,” Cracky said. “But when Trump...
You wouldn’t know a diamond if you held it in your hand.
The Mandate of Heaven
“I WILL HAVE SEX WITH THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!” he shouted, his voice like thunder rolling across the loch. He walked into the cold, cold waters, his erection bobbing, and swam toward the floating mass in the loch, moss green, smooth. “John!” his wife cried, “Be...
JOY, damn you! JOY!
The Future
Will you stay down on your knees?
MMDA
manuscripts of unpublished rhyme
There’s no such thing as a digested lunch.
It’d be tragic if those evil robots win
Demographic are destiny
Eat it raw.
JOY
#blackpill
the worm speaks
