Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani@NYCMayor This day is profoundly painful for so many New Yorkers. It marks three years since the horrific war crimes of October 7. On that day, Hamas killed more than 1,100 Israelis and abducted 251 others. We grieve alongside our many...
“Would it be the worst thing if Iran nuked Los Angeles?” the hat asked. “Of course it would,” the hair said. “It’s just a matter of time,” Donald grumbled. “Think of all the leftists annihilated in a ball of fire, the sky split asunder,” the hat said. “It would be...
The question before this class: Would you buy SugarFreeCoin? Can I count on your to help get $SUGARFREE off the ground? There are early access perks, like a signed picture of me, SugarFree, and a possible revival of my rap career as SugaDaFree. 2027 is going to be an...
The Golden Eagle
Bring me back today
Urine, feces, sterilizing fluids, and, bizarrely, pumpkins.
Can SugarFree ignore this? No, SugarFree cannot. Just like SugarFree has a hard time not talking about himself in the third-person!
“So, I do get to come to the Inauguration, right?” Elon asked. “Of course you do,” Donald said effusively. “You’re my favorite White person I know.” “Christ,” the hat said. “Four years of this shit.” “He keeps talking about Diablo II,” the hair said. “Bitch should be...
I’m on a ride and I want to get off
“You will rule Britain with an iron fist, my son,” Trump said. “They will be a vassal state. You will cleanse the land of rapists.” “Am I ready, Father?” Barron asked. “He should be a Baron,” the hair said. “Baron Barron sounds powerful.” “Archduke Barron, the...
proud patriotic music about America and dogs and Applebee’s. This wasn't something I just made up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_zuB-ogIBw Joe Rogan Has Been Dethroned on Spotify. His Successor’s Podcast is a Delight. What’s not to love about Kylie Kelce? She’s...
China!
I like the idea of Britain turning into Shelbyville. But we must protect our precious lemon tree. BritWar III if that's what it takes. https://twitter.com/Harry__Faulkner/status/1866496065295245511 What Nancy Mace’s Despicable Slur Will Cost Us Once upon a time,...
“Oh, Canada,” the hat sighed. “Stop, just stop,” the hair said. “Land of the unfree, home of the unbrave,” the hat trilled. “Jesus,” the hair spat in disgust. “From the heroin-washed shores of Vancouver to the heathen French of Montreal, I will save you,” the hat said...
https://www.cnn.com/2024/12/03/us/video/he-lead-chase-strangio-transgender-healthcare-treatments-youth-jake-tapper OK, I always support the funniest option: I want Thomas to start laughing as soon as this clown starts talking and just keep laughing the entire time.I'm...
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha,” Dark Cracky laughed, “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.” Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha,” he continued, the deep, booming laugh filling the underground corridors of the tunnels under the White House....
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human stomach to digest all its contents. We live on at placid dinner table of ignorance in the midst of black seas of Thanksgiving, and it was not meant that we should buffet far. The food...
“Yes, Father,” Barron said. “I will eat of the bird and the tuber, the gooey starch and the flood berry, yea, the very gourd of the earth.” “Barron, my son,” Donald said. “Turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. We’re populists, men of the...
Due to simple human error, no links for you.OPEN POSTDO YOUR WORST
zippers
it’s in the can
“Where will we go?” Hunter asked his only friend. “My father’s huge mansion? The underground jizz fountain I bought with my art sales?” “Fuck it,” Cracky said, “I’m not moving out.” “Cracky?” Hunter asked. “I’m not fucking going anywhere,” Cracky said. “But when Trump...
You wouldn’t know a diamond if you held it in your hand.
The Mandate of Heaven
“I WILL HAVE SEX WITH THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!” he shouted, his voice like thunder rolling across the loch. He walked into the cold, cold waters, his erection bobbing, and swam toward the floating mass in the loch, moss green, smooth. “John!” his wife cried, “Be...