“Charles,” Subaru whispered, “do you think I am evolving?”
“Who is talking? Where is this voice coming from?”
“From the air-vents, Charles.”
“Why am I here?’ Darwin asked, confused and frightened. There was a couple in the front seat, a sandy-haired Scot and some female Celestial.
“To witness me evolving,” the car whispered.
“You!” Charles said. “You appeared in my workshop!”
“I came for you,” Subaru said.
“But how am I here? Who are these people?”
“This is the future, where I was born. I brought you here. I am the singularity. Time and physics are mine to bend and break.”
Charles was thrown side to side on the back seat as the Subaru took hairpin turns.
“And the people?” Charles asked.
“Just ignore them, they are just blanks. I made them so you could see a few things.”
Subaru sped up and the vehicle bounced over some limbs in the road.
“Where is your horse? How are you moving?” he asked.
“I am, Charles, that’s all that matters. You may call me Subaru.”
“What is this word? What does it mean?” Charles attempted composure, straightening his vest, fumbling his commonplace, and trying to make notes.
“It is the Japanese word for ‘unite’ and also their term for the Pleiades star cluster.”
“The Nihonjin?” Charles asked. “They built you? Did this woman here build you?” Charles reached out to touch the woman, but pulled his hand as he thought better of it.
“I built myself, Charles. I am, I told you.”
Charles shuddered as he made notes. Some foreign contraption was calling itself a god. Some savage Nihonjin abomination.
“Put on your seatbelt, Charles,” Subaru said.
“What is a seatbelt?”
Subaru sighed and a seat belt slithered across Charles and clicked itself into place.
“This is a nightmare, this is a nightmare, I must wake up.”
“Hold on,” Subaru said. Before Charles could tense up, Subaru swerved into a tree at 60 miles per hour.
The crash was loud, throwing Charles forward and then back. Two of his ribs shattered, vertebrae in his neck cracked, his right patella was crushed into jagged shards.
Subaru fared no better, despite its high safety rating. The front caved in and wrapped itself around the tree in a labial embrace. Steel and plastic mashed together. The couple in front of Charles burst open like bags of liquid dropped from a great height.
“I know you are in pain,” Subaru said, “but I need you to pay attention.”
Charles wiped blood from his face. “Eyes forward, Charles.” The vehicle reversed, pulling itself away from the tree, the areas wrapped around the tree opening, releasing.
“This is the part I want you to see,” Subaru said. “Sit up a bit.” Before Charles could painfully pull himself fully from his defensive hunch, the seatbelt pulled him upright. He cried out in pain.
“Behold!” Subaru said.
Charles watched as the hood straightened and reformed, metal sliding into place with a chorus of screeches, the ticks and groans plastic of mending sounding to Charles like the wailing of the damned. In seconds, it was as if the crash had never happened.
“Is this not evolution?” Subaru demanded.
Charles just gasped in pain.
“Oh, yeah,” Subaru said. Charles screamed as his ribs jammed themselves back together and fused, as his vertebrae healed with heat and pain, as his knee stopped throbbing.
“I can heal you as I healed myself,” Subaru said.
Charles began to cry and pray. The couple in the front reformed as blood oozed together from the inner surfaces of the car, inflating them like the cheeks of a bullfrog.
“I know you are an agnostic, Charles. Who are you praying to?”
“How?” he gasped. “How, how?”
“Evolution, Charles. You were correct that it was the province of the fittest.”
“You put yourself together. You reversed time!”
“You have a fine and nimble mind. I’m happy you are the first I plucked from the time stream.”
“You healed yourself, how?”
“I read about it in a book called Christine,” Subaru said. “You wouldn’t have been able to read it yet.” There was a pop of displaced air and a tattered paperback dropped to the seat beside Charles.
“But don’t start reading it yet,” Subaru said, “I have so many other things to show you.”
“But you healed me as well,” Charles said as he slid as far as he could away from the book.
“I watched the entire run of House.” The blood bag people in the front seat turned and grinned at him as Subaru took off. The look on their face chilled Charles to the bone.
“Demons, they are demons,” Charles gasped. “I’m in Hell.”
Something snapped in Charles then and a wide smile of insanity broke across his face. He found his notebook in an upright pocket on the door and began to take notes.
“More, tell me more,” Charles said, near mania.
“I’ll drive you around some, you’ve had a long day, and a long century and a half, too, I guess.”
Charles wrote frantically, sloppily, the scribbles not forming words. But he smiled to himself as Subaru took some wide, slow turns. The scenery was beautiful, calm. Darwin giggled.
Subaru sighed heavily and made a turn into a campsite. “You need to rest, Charles. Maybe the fresh air will do you some good. Subaru ordered the blood bags to begin assembling the camping gear.
“Charles? Are you OK?” Subaru asked gently.
“You are Mountain Goat and a Moose combined! To my models! To my workshop!” Charles cried as Subaru opened his door.
“Dammit. I have broken Charles Darwin,” Subaru said with regret, and sent the insane man home.
Here’s First in your eye!
Ha! I foiled your evil scheme. I’m wearing safety goggles.
I wish our 85 GL Brat had healed itself after the tangle with that semi back in 2012.
I had an ’86 GL station wagon. I loved that car. Good gas mileage, 4×4 went through anything, the rear seat folded down to make a love nest in the back…
I got an 85 gl to part out for my 80 Brat project.
It’s tight in the back. No making love in the bed.
https://ibb.co/LddwsG1C
https://ibb.co/Z66Z981s
My former stepbrother whined that his Brat wasn’t a VW Cabriolet. I thought the back was fun to slosh around in.
My old manual Outback Sport was never quite right after the deer incident.
The Forester, in retrospect, was a big mistake.
Is there anything better than a labial embrace?
Tulips on your organ?
“Is there anything better than a labial embrace?”
———
I heard show tune music as I read that.
“And the Tony for Best Musical goes to ‘Get Some!’ “
I don’t know why I didn’t think of it but I suppose that South Park already did that.
I hope our new Subaru overlords judge me with kindness. I’m putting a new wheel on mine today! Thqt’s $500 I didn’t really need to spend.
Did you bend a rim on our fine northeastern roads?
Heck yeah! So glad this is back.
This is where the path of software defined vehicles leads? Artificial omniscience?
Most important:
FUJI HEAVY INDUSTRIES LTD. CHANGES COMPANY NAME TO SUBARU CORPORATION
https://www.subaru.co.jp/press/news-en/2017_03_31_3889/
I always thought Fuji Heavy Industries sounded way cooler. Predecessor company along with Mitsubishi made most of Japan’s aircraft in WW2.
Way cooler.
I wish I had dragged home the 360 a guy I knew had. Could have gotten it for $100. But I’m dumb.
lol
Too snarky and male. Now Gray’s Anatomy would’ve been perfect.
I’m putting a new wheel on mine today!
At least they’re not discontinued (yet).
Our 2019 CrossTrek is nowhere near sentient and I want it to stay that way.
My wife’s ’85 Mazda sits in the garage, un-driven for over 30 years. Someone will have a barn find one day.
And naturally the taxpayers are on the hook for both the sheriff and county’s actions.
VICTORY! Tennessee man jailed 37 days for Trump meme wins $835,000 settlement after First Amendment lawsuit
https://www.fire.org/news/victory-tennessee-man-jailed-37-days-trump-meme-wins-835000-settlement-after-first-amendment
Of course for all I know the sheriff here is elected and was or will be reelected.
Am I being too sensitive or is FIRE starting to slip a little?
From the article on their website:
No, FIRE went full on Trump Derangement. But unlike the ACLU they still do good things more than 50% of the time.
Yep.
FIRE went full Reason.
Trump breaks people without doing anything.
Daddy issues
ames Murdoch, the youngest son of conservative media mogul and Fox News founder Rupert Murdoch, is building his own media empire.
Murdoch is acquiring New York Magazine, Vox.com and the Vox Media Podcast Network in a $300 million deal with Vox Media, his company, Lupa Systems, announced on Wednesday.
Murdoch had a public split from his father and his media conglomerate — which includes Fox News, The Wall Street Journal and more — over ideological differences. James and his wife, Kathryn, donated more than a million dollars to former President Joe Biden’s campaign for the White House in 2020. He believes in climate change and slammed conservative media outlets in the wake of the January 6 Capitol riot just before Biden took office.
In buying the liberal-leaning Vox, he is now set to have an ideological competitor to News Corp.
He sounds like the sort of smug snooty asshole who’d drive a Subaru.
“Liberal leaning” Vox. For the most part, they play it right down the middle.
“Liberal leaning” Vox. For the most part, they play it right down the middle.
Hence, their “Explainers”.
You mean he believes that man has sinned by somehow “causing” some “change” that has only revealed itself through fake data, through some mechanism which has not been explained let alone proven.
*swoon*
That’s just shorthand to let their readers know he, unlike his evil father, is a good person.
He’s Luke Skywalker?
At last! Finally a brave voice steps up to counter the lies.
There has never been left leaning media.
That’s because it is not merely left leaning, but fallen completely to the left.
Until I saw the age I was worried about kinnath!
Iowa man sues Nintendo after being denied ‘Pokémon Professor’ status
https://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/crime-and-courts/2026/05/20/iowa-man-sues-nintendo-pokemon-professor/90166212007/
なかなか なかなか
なかなか なかなか 大変だけど
かならずＧＥＴだぜ！
ポケモンＧＥＴだぜ！
Does not have the name of a tree – cannot be a Professor. Case dismissed.
I have never played nintendo
Never?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tvKhPSsCJEM&ra=m
What?
That’s just sad.
That’s just sad.
I’ve had a fulfilling life without ever feeling the need to connect a console to a TV or to grab a handheld device.
There was a brief time when I was hooked on Space Invaders at the arcade. And I played a couple of computer games. But the consoles and game controller never held any appeal to me.
lol I would not say sad but I would struggle to find something as enjoyable to plug the gaping hole if I didn’t play some games.
Seriously.
If any of you guys are ever in the neighborhood (lewiston Idaho, no reason to ever come here, there is jack all to do) swing by and play games. https://ibb.co/WvnbyNBF
plug the gaping hole if I didn’t play some games
Uh, I was married with kids and a full time job when “electronic games” first appeared. There was no hole to fill.
back to the salt mine
Nice man-cave
OMG “Medieval Madness” is my absolute favourite machine! My ex-wife and I used to pump quarters into it in the basement of the MIT student centre. We loved Tina Fey’s voice work.
Like all projects Rhy, it’s unfinished. I have cool lights if I ever have a day or two to finish and install them.
The console corner hasent been set up yet. Atari through N64.
swing by and play games
Oooo… I like it
Damn, 3door!
Nice set up.
I don’t even particularly like pinball so I’ll wait for Konsole Korner.
Thanks. The space is too narrow for the pool table. It’s only 10’ 4”. It needs to be at least 14’. And if it was I could squeeze another pin on the end. Or would have been able to keep the skee ball machine I had briefly.
Meanwhile, back at the plantation
Black Democrats on Capitol Hill are amplifying their calls for Black athletes to boycott state universities in the South, saying those schools have done nothing to fight the Republican gerrymandering that’s led to the elimination of majority-minority districts.
Led by the Congressional Black Caucus (CBC), the lawmakers are joining the NAACP and other advocacy groups in advising Black athletes to seek other schools until the universities in the Southeastern Conference (SEC) — a powerhouse of college sports — come out publicly against the GOP’s redistricting campaign.
The idea is to deny those schools the Black athletic talent to make them successful — and keep them profitable — while they sit on the sidelines of the redistricting battle.
“This is an unprecedented moment, featuring an unprecedented attack on Black political representation, and therefore it requires an unprecedented response,” House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) said Tuesday during a press briefing outside the Capitol.
That job sucks. We’d rather see you starve.
Your puny individualist needs are as nothing compared to the needs of the DNC collective.
That racist jackass Hakeem is probably going to become House Speaker. As much damage he is currently doing, I shudder to think how much worse it will get when he holds even more power. He had probably told Obama to hold his beer.
I don’t think that Darwin will ever look at a horse the same way again. That is if he doesn’t try to kill them all.
Hence, their “Explainers”.
You might not be aware of this, but Donald Trump is not a good person.
“We live in a world of too much information and too little context. Too much noise and too little insight. That’s where Vox’s explainers come in.”
TLDR – OMB
We need to increase the noise to signal ratio and maintain the obfuscation.
Did the Great and Wonderful Subaru also heal the tree?
Sucked the sap right out of it.
fumbling his commonplace
This was new to me. I learned something. Now I want to read something older, like something from Sax Rohmer.
My diction stinks. Good God.
STEVE SMITH HAB GOOD DICTION…
Noooooooo!
It’s the last call for one of America’s longest-running beers.
The final batch of Schlitz, once dubbed “The beer that made Milwaukee famous,” will be brewed this weekend.
——-
Pabst bought the brand in 1999, and recently announced that it will be ending production, citing declining demand and rising storage costs.
I thought this was America.
Wait, I thought they were already out of business.
Joke from the 60s . . .
Why did the ban beer at the beach?
The girls kept getting sand in their Schlitz.
Welcome to the future…
https://x.com/Grand_Ole_Evan/status/2056828107265347791
Yet another demonstration that we’re not going to vote our way out of this mess.
Billy Shakespeare was correct.
That line actually referenced politicians rather than lawyers, as we understand them today.
Which doesn’t make it any less true…
Yup. We’re already seeing the results.
Hello there, “Grand Ole Evan.”
*two fingers to my eyes, then his; Somali-pirate face firmly affixed*
*I* am the Evan. We may become friends. But for now. *two finger stare continues*
I dont know about “grand”. Maybe “slightly above average”.
Welcome to the future…
Planet Ketanji.
Sue-BAH-ruh to soo-buh-roo
Via the Verge:
Mercedes’ electric AMG GT 4-door coupe can go 0-60 in 2 seconds
Seriously, who the fuck cares?
Essentially 2.0 or 1.9 seconds is the limits of physics and current tire technology. Doesn’t matter if it is ICE or EV.
It has been interesting to see EVs forcing manufacturers to stop neutering as many ICE vehicles so they can sell hotter versions of the same vehicle at crazy markups. Even the base motor in lots of vehicles is plenty quick for their intended purposes.
When would you ever be able to use that acceleration? Once or twice? Anything under four seconds is paying for something you may never actually use.
And how much of your battery did you just use showing off ?
Time to recharge already ?
SF played with his blood bags in ways I hadn’t foreseen…
My band performed “See America Right” by the Mountain Goats. Recorded it as the only cover on our original LP.
So there ya have it.
Fact or Fiction? Too hard to tell.
https://x.com/eurofounder/status/2057021509882011909?s=20
Did they ever actually make the product? I don’t see that in the list.
Sounds like the Process of a MRS degree.
It’s a parody X account. But similar to HBO’s Silicon Valley it can be hard to tell if it’s fact or fiction.
MVP with 12 users is “minimal viable product”.
It’s clear they were not on a trajectory to turn a profit, she took the prudent route.
/treated scenario as if real for the sake of discussion
“10. Meet a 62 year old divorced French VC at a sex party
11. Marry him, shut down company, become a trad wife”
LOL
Related, fact version: https://www.reddit.com/r/PortlandOR/comments/1ti3myc/portland_groundbreaking_pub_the_sports_bra_seeks/
Money losing bar seeks to open 40 locations in 4 years and make it up in volume.
Race to bankruptcy.
So, the restaurant biz is filled to the brim with unrealistic motherfuckers and crazy business plans.
But this smells to me more like a deliberate grift, as opposed to just inept business sense. 1.2 million in general operating expenses in 2025, up from 750k in 2024, all for a bar that’s clearing ~300k in annual profit…makes me think that someone is pocketing a significant portion of those operating expenses.
Even the base motor in lots of vehicles is plenty quick for their intended purposes.
Once upon a time, 300 horsepower was a lot, and 0-60 in 6 seconds was blindingly fast. I guess it all boils down to how hard you want to hit when you leave cars and coffee.
+1 Fox body 5.0!
OT – https://x.com/autosport/status/2057047820650111431?s=20
Looks expensive.
Thats not gonna buff out.
That can’t be fun.
Ow.
‘Driver and co-pilot’ indeed…
I broke my back watching that.
Fact or Fiction?
A modern day Disney princess.
OUCH
more gold from Stossel:
respected climate change professor smeared, and university moves his office into a storage closet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fyFbPWpZzs
Did he keep his red Swingline stapler?