“Now no one can ever burn an American flag again!” Donald said as he signed the Executive Order with a...

“Bear witness!” the hat said grandly as Donald opened the vault. “Yay, a bunch of hats,’ the hair said with...

The hat rode Donald onto the stage, an enormous American flag behind them both. Donald smiled at the...

The hat and the hair’s phone beeped. A text message. and I’m here The hat groaned. The hair groaned as well....

“Does the Epstein List even exist?” the hair asked. “I’m not sure anyone knows,” the hat said. “I said I...

“Rubio is next,” Donald said, “He’s got to go.” “Hey, hey, ho, ho,” the hat chanted. “I don’t like the way he...

“Fucking Massie,” Donald rumbled, his bald head cool in the summer morning. “He’s a libertarian,” the hat...

“It’s horrible, it’s terrible, and most of all it’s just a goddamn shame,” the hat said. “I know, I know,”...

“We’re at war, we’re at war!” the hat squealed happily. He made whooshing jet plane noises for a full thirty...

“DONALD!” “Wot inna bloody ‘ell is all this then?” the hat asked in his sleepy bedtime voice. “DONALD!” The...