“Rubio is next,” Donald said, “He’s got to go.” “Hey, hey, ho, ho,” the hat chanted. “I don’t like the way he...

“Fucking Massie,” Donald rumbled, his bald head cool in the summer morning. “He’s a libertarian,” the hat...

“It’s horrible, it’s terrible, and most of all it’s just a goddamn shame,” the hat said. “I know, I know,”...

“We’re at war, we’re at war!” the hat squealed happily. He made whooshing jet plane noises for a full thirty...

“DONALD!” “Wot inna bloody ‘ell is all this then?” the hat asked in his sleepy bedtime voice. “DONALD!” The...

“Father, where is Uncle Elon?” Barron asked, in the baboon-hot Oval Office. Donald looked up from the book he...

“I love you,” Donald crooned, cradling the cheeseburger in his hands like a small dove. “He’s talking to his...

“I demand you take me to the underground city of rich people!” Donald yelled. “Mr. President…” Karoline...

Donald sat in The Oval Office, tapping a sealed envelope against the surface of his desk. When Barron...

Donald sat at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office and looked at the hat and the hair before him. The hat sat...