“I am not a Russian agent,” Donald wailed, ripping a copy of The New York Times to shreds with hands shaking with indignation.
“Of course not, Donald. Of course not,” the hair said.
“I was going to do the crossword, you know,” the hat said.
“How could the FBI think that?!?” Donald asked the empty Oval Office.
“Well, you are pretty close to Vlad…” the hair ventured.
‘It’s not like that between us,” Donald said. “We’re just… friends.”
The hat let a small, strangled laugh escape.
“It’s all nonsense,” the hair said. “Nonsense,” he repeated, putting on a weird Britsh accent.
“Oh, nonsense, is it?” the hat replied in his own bad Cockney.
“Piffle,” the hair said. “Piffle and poppycock.”
“I have never felt more insulted,” Donald said quietly.
“Piffle, poppycock and profiterole, I say!” the hat replied, switching to a high-class twit accent straight from Monty Python.
“I think that last one is a dessert,” the hair pointed out.
“I say, I say,” the hat went on. “Harrumph, harrumph. Bring me my pipe and dressing gown! I say!”
“I wish Vlad was here,” Donald said.
“Oh, c’mon, big guy,” the hat said, slipping back into his Long-Island-meets-gravel-road voice.
“Yeah, Donald, don’t be sad,” the hair said.
“Let’s call Jeanine,” the hat suggested. “Jeanie always cheers you up.”
“I think Jeanie is mad at me,” Donald said.
“No, never,” the hair said. “Jeanie loves you.”
“If she loves me then why did she send me that horrible picture?” Donald asked.
“Horrible picture?” the hat asked, perking up.
Donald put his phone down in front of the hat and he used his bill to flip through the pictures app.
“Dear God, what is that?” the hat asked.
“I don’t know, I don’t know,” Donald said. “But it don’t look right.”
“Why didn’t you delete this?!?” the hat asked.
“What is it?” the hair asked, sliding over to look.
“A burn victim pulled out of a week dead in the ocean?” the hat suggested.
“I think it’s the underside of some sort of spider,” Donald said. “But whatever it is I don’t know why she would send it to me if she wasn’t mad at me.”
The hair started giggling, a tiny forest of follicular mouths opening.
“What?” the hat asked.
The hair kept giggling, his whole tangled mass shaking. “It’s a sext, guys,” the hair finally managed to say.
“No,” Donald said, pulling back from the phone.
“It can’t be,” the hat said. “It just can’t be.”
The hair snaked out a tendril and pointed to places on the phone’s screen. “See?” he asked. “Those are the nipples and that down there is her, you know.”
“That can’t be,” Donald said in dawning horror.
“What did she do to it?” the hat asked in horrified wonder.
“Is it upside-down?” Donald asked.
“Is what upside-down?” the hair asked.
“The whole thing,” Donald said. “Is it all upside-down or something?”
“It seems like she hates him,” the hat said. “There’s no other reason to send someone a picture like this.”
“Be nice, she’s like in her 80s, you guys,” the hair admonished. “And she’s our strongest ally in the press.”
“I still think she hates him,” the hat muttered.
So happy I’m not blessed with a picturesque imagination now.
I…I…all too well can see, in my minds eye, what horrors SugarFree meant to convey.
*fails sanity roll*
Pics of her Lebanese sausage parlor or it didn’t happen.
*fails second sanity roll*
IIRC, depending on the sanity loss, you now have a temporary (for now) mental illness, may I suggest autophobia?
I’ll check the table – I was hoping for dipsomania.
Careful there, IIRC the puritans considered being a teetotaler a mental illness.
They didn’t write the AD&D DMG.
It’s a good thing we’re not talking about AD&D, Chaosium published Call of Cthulhu which included the sanity checks.
Their insanity table included dipsomania? I must have forgotten that. I remember the Gygax one did, along with sadism and masochism.
*enters room with a flourish*
I’ve got gonorrhea!
Wait, what?
Swissy – it’s not as cool as you might think. Trust me.
*checks table*
4 hours only…whew.
Well, then you won’t be needing this.
I need bleach, stat
Well, there’s a twist I didn’t see coming.
Fortunately, I don’t know who Jeanine is.
Pirro?
She’s not 80. She’s in her 60s, I think? But I’m pretty sure in real life, that pic would show a penis.
But she knows the Donald……..
67 according to Wikipedia. And it says she’s Lebanese, so I’m not sure if you’d be able to identify the genitalia due to all the hair.
But Count Potato says she has a parlor for the sausage. Isn’t a parlor like a salon?
You mean you wouldn’t be able to find the genitalia due to all the hair.
I suspect this to be on par with an HM link… and shan’t click.
*hovers . . . hovers . . . moves on*
I Dream of Jeanine?
HOW DARE YOU DENIGRATE JEANINE?!?!?! YOU BASTARD!!!
*weeps quietly to himself*
Is everyone waiting until after lunch to read this so they don’t have to bother sticking a finger down their throats to purge?
No, I by default don’t read these.
Jaded?
I thought it was surprisingly tame given SF’s history.
Well, that took a turn. A sick, horrifying, vomit-inducing turn.
I notice you didn’t say “unexpected”. I presume that was intentional.
It is SugarFree, after all.
Down
on the plantationat the Atlantic, Vann Newkirk is cogitating on the racial wealth gap:The racial wealth gap is a straightforward issue that almost nobody can agree on how to fix. White people have way more money than everyone else, and it’s not just income: Although there are persistent differences in wage, salary, and benefits between races, much of the wealth gap is attributable to real estate and other individual assets, as well as disparities in familial assets and incomes. As described in a graphic in Warren’s video, and confirmed by recent studies of economic data, the median wealth of white families sits north of $100,000, while black median wealth hovers around $0, and might even be negative. And while the differences between white and black Americans are the most extreme, other underrepresented minority groups also face vast deficits relative to white families.
The cause of those wealth gaps is relatively straightforward, too: racism.
Reminds me of this: Everybody’s got nice stuff but me.
“The racial wealth gap is a straightforward issue that almost nobody can agree on how to fix”
Oh, I have the solution, you just don’t want to hear it. How about stop obsessing with race and let people fix their own problems? No, you don’t want to hear that, because it takes away your obsession with identity politics and victim creation.
How about stop obsessing with race and let people fix their own problems?
Add in a heaping helping of “stop punishing success”, and you’ve nailed it.
much of the wealth gap is attributable to real estate and other individual assets, as well as disparities in familial assets and incomes.
So, much of the wealth gap is caused by some people having more stuff than others? Shocking!
And according to this guy, it’s mostly the government’s fault.
Remediation how? By government assigning people where to live according to quotas?
+1 poor door
What’s always been most interesting to me is that the powers the government used to implement these policies were unconstitutional in themselves, but only became possible with progressivism (at least at the federal level). Rather than admit error, the progressive resorts to more interpretative readings of the constitution and demands more powers to fix what they fucked up to begin with.
See the drug war as another example – one far more clear cut. The powers needed to enforce it all came from the progressives.
Yep, I always love hearing that shit. Jim Crow is my favorite example. Jim Crow was always and everywhere a government enforced infringement on freedom. It wasn’t some kind of private thing that everyone agreed to do. It was a big stack of laws enforced at gunpoint.
He did a good job of identifying the problem. His failing is thinking that the same source can fix it.
I have an easy fix: Just marginalize white people in society, use media manipulation to demonize them in a way that would be unacceptable with any other race, and, when those attitudes have been sufficiently ingrained, use the force of law and taxation to take their stuff and give it to the disenfranchised. Easy peasy…
It’s working in Africa.
Then act shocked when those folks start identifying as an aggrieved and repressed minority and begin banding together. Don’t forget that step.
Then the circle of life is complete.
It’s true. Any time I’m running a little low I hop on over to the bank and get in the wypipo only line and tell them I could really use 10 or 20 K to get me through to my next patriarchy check.
Yeah, once I finally got my White Privilege card in the mail, I’ve been using it all the time to get free money and get let off for traffic violations and misdemeanors.
I still remember getting my key to the treasury like it was yesterday.
https://youtu.be/l_LeJfn_qW0
You could go give a lot of the poor money outright, and the vast majority would just squander it.
Considering the size of the welfare state for the past 50+ years, I’d say that has already happened.
C.F. Professional athletes and lottery winners
I am willing to experiment, as a lottery winner, plz.
I may spend it all on booze and whores, but I won’t have squandered it.
+1 George Best
I dont remember who came up with that theory but it was one of the first things we covered in Macro 101. Take all of the money in the world and distribute it evenly. In a year it will all be right back where it is now.
White people have way more money than everyone else
Actually, Asian-Americans and Indian-Americans have on average more wealth than wypipo, but don’t let facts get tin the way.
And then there’s the Jews with their gold.
Do they count as wypipo, or is it a situational thing?
hot jew girls are wypipo, the rest are poison mushrooms. /s
Do you even alt-right?
They have higher incomes, I don’t that’s the case with assets. I could be wrong though.
Higher incomes tend to lead to more assets.
and more ass
Dear Gillette: it’s not working, now what?
“Toss yourself off a bridge. Thanks!”
Eventually sure but part of the argument is that whites accumulated familial wealth on the backs of nonwhites who were implicitly or explicitly forbidden from doing so. I think Asians and Indians are gaining in that area but aren’t quite there yet.
My family were dirt poor irish fleeing the potato famine. My parents don’t have any assets, and were still not well off. Everything I’ve accumulated has been in my own lifetime, where I was actively discriminated against in admissions and hiring standards.
Wow, they still have Irish Need Not Apply signs up in New York? Those went away here with the death of the Irish mob.
Affirmative Action discriminates against white people.
Yes but you benifited from a system that has a vested interest in maintaining that wealth disparity. I don’t think this but it seems to be a reasonable approximation of the beliefs of the other side.
And who implements and maintains this “system”? Is it the “Illuminati”? The Masons? And what mechanisms do they use?
A: Putin, Social Media
There’s always Irish welfare – join the police/fire department!
Eventually sure but part of the argument is that whites accumulated familial wealth on the backs of nonwhites who were implicitly or explicitly forbidden from doing so.
What a load of horse shit.
The assets our family has (land) was accumulated over generations but we got it when no one else wanted it. It was worthless so most of the families there sold their land. Now we have to deal with a fair amount of envy from those same families.
*I know of one case where a guy sold his 40 acres for a bottle of whiskey.
How problematic, taking advantage of someone addicted like that. They should be able to get their land back for just a bottle of whiskey now.
/prog
The white man always taking advantage of the proud Native American.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/03/world/europe/scotch-whisky-auction-record.html
I’m right sure that my Dutch, English, and German ancestors were assholes. I’m pretty sure I didn’t benefit from it though.
My mom worked 3 jobs. My brother and I ate a lot of Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese, tuna helper, and baked squash while growing up. It was cheap and so easy to prepare that 9 year old me could cook it. I remember once we had mac ‘n’ cheese every night of the week, because that was all the food in the house.
I have an old company ledger from my grandfather when he immigrated here. Everything, including the forks on the table, was a debt owed to the company.
Guess I should clarify. He was recruited from Holland to start a farm in the fucking swamp in Eastern NC in the 20’s.
I mean, of course they don’t disclose their assets. We all know that they keep their (((gold))) hidden and that if you find it, they have to grant you three wishes but if you take it without consent they’ll hunt you down and murder you.
A ((jewprechaun)) would make a pretty good recurring cartoon strip character. Just sayin.
Could he have a (((jewpracabra))). The whole blood sucking thing should fit right in.
Given how much wealth is tied up in assets, over how long a time period would we expect a wealth disparity to level out (in the absence of external pressures, like, say, discriminatory policies or even individual bigotry)?
Of course, the “MUH RACISM” claim needs to deal with wealth disparities in countries that are not blessed with vibrant, multicultural societies. Can’t be racism there, so possibly there are other causes?
Why, its almost like homogenous societies are the control group for testing hypotheses of racism.
Gillette gets woke af
That’s hilarious.
Also, who pinches their wife on the butt? You give her a good baseball pat on the butt, like a gentleman.
Idk about you, but I do the full on grab and squeeze. Occasionally I do the twisted up towel thing
That is Mr. Mojeaux’s preferred method also. No twisted-up towels, though.
The wife who doesn’t let their husband smack them in the ass with a twisted and wet towel at his whim is asking for trouble.
Where does he stand on ambushing you at the door and savoring your startled yelps? There’s a few things I miss about living with a woman…
Startling me does not draw a positive response.
I, for one, am not turned on by the sound of a slide racking.
Embrace the power of “and” says I.
+1
And the occasional light smack.
I do the Charmin squeeze.
the full on grab
AKA ‘The Donald’?
“I was going to do the crossword, you know,” the hat said.
Huh, I would have guessed the Hair was more of the crossword fan of the pair.
I take it as more of an instance where he only asked for it because he knew it was out of reach. Either to put on airs or to be an annoyance.
Agreed.
Good Point – that does sound like the Hat.
There’s no App for that
https://www.news.com.au/technology/gadgets/mobile-phones/broke-teen-who-sold-kidney-for-an-iphone-now-bedridden-for-life/news-story/6e76c09316bfdff8a1eaf09243fc14e7
Wait…wait…China is a communist utopia where the smartest Top Men of all Top Men provide for all according to their needs. But you’re telling me there’s black markets? Fake news.
Hey, at least he got a phone and a tablet…
I can’t even.
I could.
Appropriate:
https://www.shots.net/videos/video/96868/libresse%252Fbodyform%253A-viva-la-vulva
Viva la vulva loca?
Ne le mettez jamais dans la folie.
*I know of one case where a guy sold his 40 acres for a bottle of whiskey.
What happened to the mule? Did he eat it?
Perhaps the whiskey was the courage he needed to express his love for the mule.
I asked one guy whose father had sold the homestead and he said “That ol’ farm was never nuthin’ but sweat and tears”. Back then no doubt that was true but now a lot of them are mad at us because my grandfather busted his ass in half all of his life to buy up what they were selling.
See Boberson’s article on Envy.
May survives no confidence vote 325-306.
“No, we don’t like you Corbyn.”
Would that our winged angel of death loomed so large in the American political consciousness.
He’s terrible but she’s worse. They need to get rid of that incompetent hag and let the chips fall where they may.
fall where they May.
*narrows gaze*
/Charlie Pride
Isn’t Corbin pretty much a full-blown commie jew-hater? Or am I confusing him with some other prominent British politician?
I’m somewhat surprised. Does she start proposing a brexit delay next? She seemed eager yesterday to cast delay or cancellation as the consequence of her plan getting defeated.
You know who else wanted a unified Europe?
The Habsburgs?
Dammit!
Boys will be boys.
Sergio Pugliese?
(fun trivia: Celine Dion won the 1988 Eurovision)
Any number of Holy Roman Emperors?
Charlemagne?
The Scorpions?
Carrie?
It’s what she, and most of the MPs, have been counting on all along.
No surprise. She’s been poison pilling brexit from the start.
1) Notify EU that UK and all it’s dominions are withdrawing from EU as of XX date.
2) All EU directives/regulations/rules/jurisprudence are null and void as of XX date.
3) Begin negotiations on border movement, tariffs, as if the UK was a sovereign country. Point to XX date if eurotards stall
The problem is that the civil service and most politicians are pro EU/anti UK sovereignty and at the very least want to continue all of the myriad Eurobureaucracy that was the very point of why people voted for Brexit.
I thought the Russians did it.
The people who buried their heads in the sand when Putin took Crimea are super cereal about Russian Facebook ads, yo.
Crimea was always apart of Russia.
The Crimean Tatars are here to see you…
Maybe, but it’s funny that Western democracy is on the line when Russian trolls are posting Twitter comments under handles like “ProudWhiteTeaPartier1776,” but not so much when Russian soldiers masquerading as insurgents staged a coup and shot a passenger aircraft out of the sky.
To be fair, Crimea did unconstitutionally remove a leader because they thought he was too soft on Russia, and we supported that.
“To be fair, Crimea did unconstitutionally remove a leader because they thought he was too soft on Russia, and we supported that.”
Ukraine, you mean. And yeah, no one wants to talk about it. Much like we don’t want to discuss the coup that we undertook in Honduras that has led to instability in central America.
Yeah, sorry.
Yeah, I heard that for the first time yesterday. I was astonished that intelligent people actually believe that.
Bring on the hard Brexit. It might be painful in the short run but the eventual payoffs will be enormous.
Every revealed preference and market indicator is that even that short term won’t be that bad in britain. In the EU, however… having talked themselves out of a negotiated split means they don’t get the alimony payments and the EU budget has a serious shortfall, and the member states are balking at paying Britain’s share.
Oh yeah:
4) stop payment on all funds transfers from the UK to EU as of XX date
Regarding the shut down – the entire thing has struck me as a futile and pointless episode, albeit an entertaining one. Trump was too late to force the issue on the wall, and the Democrats had no reason and would have no real pressure to cave. Even if Trump were willing to have it last months to get his way, the Democrats would stand more to lose than they would gain by a lot and they’d never be held accountable in anyway by the media.
There needed to be another card. Trump decimating the federal bureaucracy through some arcane procedure could be that trump card. The end game of a plot to fuck over the dems and Trump’s enemies. It was brought up yesterday in the links. It’s one of those things things that is just clever enough, but more importantly ballsy enough, to where Trump could win this whole thing and get his way. Even if he doesn’t get the wall, he could basically cut the limbs off the bureaucratic apparatus that opposes him in a way that he could never accomplish without a shutdown.
I don’t believe this is some grand strategy on Trump’s part here. But it almost has to be, and if it isn’t then it begs to question as to what value any Republican has in office. They’re at best speed bumps to the progs implementing their agenda. Trump doing this would be the ballsiest move a politician has taken domestically since…I don’t even know. FDR and his endless grasps for power.
I don’t see the bureaucracy being gutted. The Dems and Trump are holding out to please the base and they’ll negotiate on a solution that lies somewhere between five billion and zero. Both sides are just playing this so it won’t be them that appears to have caved.
The Dems won’t negotiate or give Trump anything. They have zero reason to do so. A government shut down, no matter how prolonged, isn’t going to force them to do so. The media is going to do a full court press to ensure that no one but deplorables holds them responsible.
The only way Trump actually wins is if he pulls something bigger off. Something that will permanently threaten the Democrats or get him what he wants. A national emergency declaration is one route, though it would be bogged down in the courts and wouldn’t force anything out of the Dems.
Though, I suppose even if Trump just kept the shut down going, he’d naturally purge the government work force.
I think they’ll negotiate based on the perception that they care more about undocumented immigrants than they do about federal workers, which is a correct perception in my view. They’ll feel the pressure when these workers miss a couple more checks and start pressuring them themselves. Trump’s immune to that for the most part because the feds don’t support him anyway.
Last night likened Trump to Mr. McGoo, blindly stumbling through, everything working out in the end.
I’m waiting for a Hawaiian judge to issue an injunction that Trump’s refusal to sign spending bill and shutting down the government violates the law. I have no doubt that they have been looking for some sort of convoluted legal justification for issuing one.
Excellent bet. We’ve all learned by now that the judicial branch is the one that gets to tell the others what to do when they aren’t behaving properly. It’s in the constitution or the declaration of independence or whatever.
“
ScienceConstitutionality is whatever we want it to be.”Dr.Judge Leo SpacemanWhy not? Can’t ask about citizenship on the census (yet all the non-Constitutionally authorized intrusive questions are totes ok) unless Commerce Secretary reveals his “real rationale”. How about the order is ignored until the judge reveals his “real rationale” for his own decision?
Can I put that on resumes now?
Feel free. 🙂
Trump decimating the federal bureaucracy through some arcane procedure could be that trump card. The end game of a plot to fuck over the dems and Trump’s enemies. It was brought up yesterday in the links. It’s one of those things things that is just clever enough, but more importantly ballsy enough, to where Trump could win this whole thing and get his way.
All this hysterical mewling and puking about the shutdown tends to run together into a foul porridge of boo hoo hoos, but-
Somewhere or other, i was reading a thing by some Deep State apologist who was claiming things which seem to be to be the exact opposite of true. Such as- the meritocratic cream of public servitude has risen to the top ranks of the various departments, agencies and bureaus. The finest minds (rather than merely those most adept at time-serving and intramural self-promotion) ever to have entered government service have been rewarded by promotion to the highest ranks of the Mandarinate, and those people will now resign in protest and disgust, leaving America at the mercy of those who would destroy her.
Seriously, the idea of meritocratic advancement as the norm in government service makes me laugh.
Well, I mean, if you define “meritocratic advancement” as apple polishing, ass covering, union politicking, working for the right politician, avoiding responsibility and ducking blame…it is.
+1 I don’t want nobody, nobody sent.
Well, this isn’t frightening at all – just Oregon trying to pass a bill mandating that “licensed home care providers” snoop around in the homes of newborn babies.
The “emergency” language that PJ media finds so special is the standard boilerplate for a law to go into effect immediately upon being passed and signed, rather than on a future date. It also has the feature that legislation passed with that clause can’t be referred to voters via the initiative process.
That’s the real point of it. Can’t have those pesky voters undoing the work of their betters.
“This isn’t something for people in trouble. This is stuff all kids need. Stuff my kids needed,” Allen said.
Not until your inspector spies that gun cabinet, anyway.
Stuff my kids needed
So the incompetent parent wants to parent us all.
“I witnessed an alt-right website being visited on his computer screen so I called for backup.”
You jest, but…
“Dog bed and toys observed in sun room; recommend visit by police for poodle termination.”
Yeah, you can fuck right off with that tyrannical shit.
There is no way in hell that this is intended for the benefit of the child, even if the morons pushing for it think it is. This is absolutely about power and making parents beholden to the almighty State, willing or not.
We’ll call it Charlie’s law.