A deserted aircraft hanger, somewhere in California
“Concede, old man!” Joe demanded. “I have all the dirigibles!”
“Never!” Bernie shouted back, struggling to get out of his suit jacket.
“I’m gonna-gonna-gonna beat you with my things,” Joe shot back, holding his arthritic fists up in front of him and jabbing at the air.
“You don’t know what is even going on!” Bernie replied. “I’m the future! I am the rev-o-lu-tion!” He flapped his arms wildly until his suit jacket finally fluttered the dusty floor of the hanger.
“You’re no bigger than Corn Pop!”
“What the hell is a corn pop?”
Biden gibbered incoherently and shuffled toward Bernie aggressively.
“Why doesn’t anyone like me?” Elizabeth asked Bailey. She buried her face in the thick ruff of the dog’s neck and sobbed. “I couldn’t even win my home state,” she whispered.
She pulled back and looked into the labrador’s warm brown eyes. “But you like me, don’t ya boy? Don’t ya, boy?”
She felt the warm trickle of his urine ruining down her leg and cried even harder.
“It’s my turn!” Bernie said, swatting at Joe.
“It’s your turn!” Joe replied, a burst vein in his eye spreading out to an 8-ball hemorrhage.
“That’s what I said!’ Bernie said. He grabbed for Joe’s arm, his dry hands scrabbling for purchase against the dress shirt.
“I never said that!” Joe said, panting already. His left arm hung by his side, lifeless.
“Ow!” Bernie said, clutching his chest. “Not now! Not now!”
“It’s over, Mike, it’s just over,” Mike said into the mirror.
“Half a billion dollars down the drain,” said Mirror Mike. “We could have done some much with that money.
“I still have plenty of money, Mike,” Mike said to Mirror Mike.
“You make me sick,” Mirror Mike said. “You should really think about killing yourself.”
“No, Mike, don’t say that!” Mike said into the mirror. “I’ll run ads against Trump all the rest of the year! I’ll spend a billion dollars to get Trump out of the White House!”
“Chicken,” Mirror Mike growled. “More chicken!”
Mike ground a soggy drumstick into the smooth cold surface of the mirror and began to weep.
Bernie staggered backward to a metal folding chair and sat down heavily.
“Is that it?” Joe asked. He was trying to make the fingers of his left-hand move and the blood-blown eye had gone blind.
“Only,” Bern wheezed, “I have,” he paused for a few deep breaths, “The stamina,” he swallowed hard and farted, “To win.”
Joe limped toward him, grunting, balling up his right fist. “I’m gonna, thing, with, adverb, direct object, noun.”
“You demented old fool,” Bernie gasped, lifting his foot to hold Joe at bay. The shambling form dropped onto him, tipping them both back onto the floor.
“I’ll never give up the fight,” Bernie gasp, Pepsodent and the sharp reek of cell death fogging Joe’s face.
“I still love you, John Kerry,” Joe said.
Brilliant, just brilliant.
Because all men and women are created equal, thing, and… why am I stopping?
“I’m gonna, thing, with, adverb, direct object, noun.”
LOL
It’s practically verbatim.
Another Grand Slammer, SF.
Summed up the geriatric crowd. Kick the kids to the curb. Somewhere Putin checks a ‘W’ and waits for a summit.
I was really looking forward to the Trump v Commie
shout offsdebates. Trump beating up a frail old man with dementia is not going to amuse me.“Uh… One percent”
The worst part is the first voice in my head was someone’s parody of bernie, rather than his own stuttering insecurity.
However, it will amuse the hell out of ME. Trump can probably get Joe to the outrage point where he either has an aneurysm on stage or actually launches himself at Trump’s throat and is killed by the Secret Service.
Go long on Orville Redenbacher.
Joe did promise to punch him in the nose if they were debating….
Joe did promise to punch him in the nose if they were debating….
Trump should ask him to formally commit to refraining from any violence during the debate.
Just to set the tone.
Perfect.
And he likely will
You are a meaner man than me Mr. Candy.
I’ve already pictured this in my head.
I think it’s very likely that he has a full on meltdown on camera, if he makes it to the debate stage.
I see that too. I have a feeling Donald knows exactly how to push his buttons.
The one arena where Trump truly displays genius is in getting opponents to lose their minds. Joe’s has already gone bye-bye, so this will be like playing Madden on the rookie setting for Trump.
I have a preset in NHL where I basically become the hulk. It’s when gta murder isn’t going to do it.
Trump could probably get Bernie to have the same issue, but Joe is even easier.
Yeah, Biden’s going to lose his mind. I don’t *think* he’s going to do it in a way that will endear him to undecided voters.
What I’m worried about is that Trump does demolish Biden, but so thoroughly and meanly that some people will feel sorry for Biden and vote for him for that reason.
Go long on Orville Redenbacher
Um…isn’t he dead?
Hasn’t stopped Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
But his tasty popcorn lives on!
*opens cabinet door*
Nope. He’s right there on the shelf next to the cocoa.
Yeah, I’m disappointed, but not surprised, at all. Maybe at least the Bernie Bros try to burn down the convention stage, but it won’t work because of all the urine bombing that happened first. It’s going to be a repeat of 2016 with more senility, less coughing, and no glass ceiling or weeping CNN anchors.
It’s your turn!” Joe replied, a burst vein in his eye spreading out to an 8-ball hemorrhage.
I will be giggling about this for the rest of the day.
I’m gonna, thing, with, adverb, direct object, noun.
^^^
Winner
Also, what leon said.
I like you robc. When i’m libertarian dictator, you’ll be allowed to stick around.
Later leon: “Remember when I said you’ll be allowed to stick around? I lied”
Yes! Joe’s most coherent sentence ever.
Vice President Mad-Libs.
It’s just like 2016 all over again. Only this time, with no vagina. The dems have finally become the one true party of old white men. Much woke, many brave!
I don’t recall any vagina in 2016. And speaking of which, where’s Tulsi?
2 delegates!
So. Many. To Choose. From….
“She felt the warm trickle of his urine ruining down her leg and cried even harder.”
““Only,” Bern wheezed, “I have,” he paused for a few deep breaths, “The stamina,” he swallowed hard and farted, “To win.””
or
““I’ll never give up the fight,” Bernie gasp, Pepsodent and the sharp reek of cell death fogging Joe’s face.”
*continues to gape in wonder*
Yep. All of the same ones for me. Thank God no one is home. I’ve been howling freely.
I have to give the award to “the reek of cell death fogging Joe’s face.” Yeah, that’s a clear award-winner right there.
Bravo, SF. Truly wonderful. The best timeline – “God Bless Us All… Everyone!”
Since you’ve met SF, the irony of all of this is not lost on you.
We live in a world that’s even better than the best of all possible worlds.
” . . . world without end, Amen.”
Amen
SF should give thanks to whatever scary God he worships.
His whole life is one long paean to the Elder Gods.
. . . Pepsodent and the sharp reek of cell death fogging Joe’s face.
So stealing this.
Joe can hardly wait to get on the world stage and challenge Trudeau, Macron, Boris or the German lady to a push up contest.
Jan 21st 2021
Ladies and Gentleman, Chuck Todd here. It is my somber and sad duty to inform you that the President of the United States, Joseph Biden, Passed away today at 12:30, during a State meeting with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. He seems to have challenged Trudeau to a “Push up contest”, and his heart gave out. Vice President Hillary Clinton was immediately notified and sworn in to office at approximately 12:45.
Oh god, don’t even joke about that shit.
“Clinton valiantly tried to save the President, waving off Secret Service while administering CPR”
“When asked about the two bullet holes in the back of his head, Hillary responded, ‘what? Those were there before.'”
Those were there before.
Actually, that would explain some things . . .
Donations may be made in Joe’s honor to the Clinton Foundation.
Donations
mayshall be made in Joe’s honor to the Clinton Foundation.Donations.
“In unrelated news, Justin Trudeau’s Fondation Trudeau received an anonymous donation of 100 million dollars U.S. shortly thereafter.”
“Joe didn’t kill himself!”
Just wait ’til the Puppetry Majors hired by the DNC get the strings untangled. There will be no more ineffectual pawing at the air. Strictly business. The gravy train will be put back on the rails, and business as usual will return. There might even be a monetizable position for Herself in the offing.
VP for Biden. Hopefully, someone in his camp realizes that would be signing his
death warrantsuicide note.Warren. You want a VP who is massively more dislikeable as life insurance.
That would be the rational choice, but Joe is a couple mini-strokes away from rational.
Biden might not be allowed to choose his VP if it comes down to a brokered convention. Biden only has two more sure-thing states with a decent amount of delegates: Illinois and Florida.
Hillary isn’t massively more dislikeable as well?
Hillary still has a whole bunch of vile idiots who think she was the bestest, mostest, perfect and awesome candidate evar!
Hillary still has a whole bunch of vile idiots who think she was the bestest, mostest, perfect and awesome candidate and President evar!
Well, yes. It was stolen, you see. Stolen from Her!
Imagine how many of them will wail and rend her clothes if she has to take a VP slot? BUT SHE ALREADY WON!
The VP will definitely be a chick. Which narrows it down, as near as I can tell, to Klobuchar, Warren, and Herself.
The VP traditionally has two functions:
(1) Pull a marginal (home) state over into the W column. Only Klobuchar ticks that box, maybe.
(2) Be the campaign’s attack dog. All three are overqualified, but with the DemOp Media at full frothing at the mouth TDS mode, its not even clear that the campaign itself needs an attack dog.
Other than motivating the Vagina Uber Alles crowd to actually vote, its hard to see how any of the three would actually be an asset in the election. They might go “relative unknown” for the VP. Unless the economy tanks, the nominees are going to be up there to take one for the team anyway.
I wouldn’t count out Occluded-Cortex yet. Might not be a marginal state, but definitely attack dog and will use the racist angle to the hilt.
And if I were really cynical – oh wait, I am, – I would say Biden/anybody is a loser ticket so the DNC puts her on so she can be on the losing side and take her rightful place as a footnote in party history.
AOC isn’t old enough. You can’t be a VP if you can’t be President.
Aw shit. That means she’ll still be relevant in 2024.
It’s Warren. It’s already been decided.
What votes does having a female VP gain them? Is there anyone who thinks “I was totally going to vote for Trump, but “vagina!”, so I’ve switched to the D party”?
Or is just hoping to scoop up people that either were going 3rd party or weren’t going to vote at all?
The people who voted for McCain because of his VP?
It’s not to change votes, but to ensure turnout for those not happy they only had two old white men as viable primary candidates.
Ah, that makes sense.
What votes does having a female VP gain them?
Turnout, not mythical swing voters.
In theory, of course. They are all completely sold on diversity tribalism. “Won’t nobody vote for anybody who isn’t the same Identity as them”.
*chef’s kiss*
She pulled back and looked into the labrador’s warm brown eyes. “But you like me, don’t ya boy? Don’t ya, boy?”
*malicious chortle*
“I’m gonna, thing, with, adverb, direct object, noun.”
LO fucking L!
Overall this was one of my favorite so far, but something beautifully understated and sad about this just twanged my funny bone hard. My chest hurts from the laughing and/or some sort of secondary infection of the bronchi common in cases of lolololavirus.
It kind of made me sad, because the submissive urination made me think that the doge might have been abused.
The only thing that can beat Trump this fall is the economy.
Incumbent presidents with a sound economy do not lose re-elections.
And there is no reason to expect that crazy fucking Joe Biden will recapture the blue wall that Clinton threw away in the last election.
Joe being on the ticket instead of Bernie may save the House for the Dems though.
Plus, a good bit of Biden’s resurgence stemmed from his invisbility. Several pundit types have marveled at how Biden won states that he barely campaigned in and spent little money on while his opponents dumped millions in, but they’re missing the real story there: Joe Biden does better when he’s out of sight, out of mind. He’s not going to be able to lay low during the general election. He’s going to have to go out there day after day and speak, and when he does, he’s going to say a lot of ridiculously stupid things.
“I’m here in West Dakota asking you to candidate for senate or vote inequality.”
Joe Biden does better when he’s out of sight, out of mind.
Interestingly, the same goes for Her Shrillness. ///Loading . .
Okay, Walmart just pissed me off, but far be it from me to helicopter that shit, even if it is my problem.
XX has not been assigned a handheld scanner yet nor has she been trained on it. So her manager told her to use her phone and the scanner in the app. The app needed camera permission (natch), but she can’t give that permission because we have controls on her phone. There she was with a customer trying to scan the thing and embarrassed because she needed to be unblocked blah blah blah.
Mr. Mojeaux and XX are going back and forth about un/blocking this or that or some other thing (which is a longstanding and ongoing issue), with the customer right there. So now they’re both texting me about the other.
Me: WHY THE FUCK IS WALMART REQUIRING YOU TO USE YOUR OWN DEVICE TO DO YOUR JOB?!!! THEY ARE NOT PAYING YOU FOR THE USE OF IT!!!
And they both come back at me with the whole unblocking business. *headdesk*
THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE!!!
Not cool. Sorry you have to deal with that shit.
Yeah, I’m assuming Walmart is paying this month?
That’s some bullshit.
One of my work email addresses–the EPA-managed one, of course–goes to a mail server with an authentication policy that would lock me out of my own personal phone if I tried to unlock it and failed three times in a row. It also would require that I use a pin rather than biometrics. Naturally, I didn’t set my phone up to check that shit. If they want me to check work email on a phone they can lock, they can buy me a phone for that purpose.
Say what? Also not cool & I’ve never heard of that.
Yeah, old job had that kind of a setup with the company e-mail server. So they provided a company phone (the other option was that they pay $50 a month for your cell bill, but you had to transfer control of the number over to them).
Oh hell no. My company did not do that.
Yeah. One of my coworkers got burned by that. He figured that getting the money would be better then carrying two phones around. Then when he lost his job, he found out that the company wouldn’t give him his phone number back. He had to get a new number from the cell provider, and the number got ported to the company. I don’t even think it was ever used again, it was just company policy to hoard them for some reason.
Looks like Sensei’s got the same issue downthread. It’s an Exchange server, and the knuckleheads who administer it think we’re storing nuclear launch codes here or something. My university email is, surprisingly sensibly, through a G Suite account and just requires a password. No expiration date on that, either, and minimal requirements.
I had the same issue at a former job. They wanted me to agree to allowing software that would let them factory reset my phone remotely.
I said, i just won’t use my phone for work.
If they want me to check work email on a phone they can lock, they can buy me a phone for that purpose.
That’s exactly what we do.
I hear some stores are using cheap smartphones over WiFi for stuff like inventory scanning and so forth.
We’re about to sink some coin into hundreds and hundreds of IPods (iPhones, with no phone capability) that will be slaved to our wifi network for nurses and doctors to use. All kinds of cool interoperability with our electronic medical network and misc. networked health care gizmos.
Bonus: we will also tell staff who has one of these that they are not allowed to have their personal cell phone with them while working (something that is years overdue, IMO). I expect much wailing and gnashing of teeth about how they have to be in constant touch or their li’l snowflakes will die a horrible death.
My question: why hasn’t anyone taken five minutes to train her on the scanner? What is this, Progressive Insurance with magic scanners that only Flo can use?
MASSIVELY understaffed. It’s why they can hire teenagers at their first job for $11/hr who get to pick their extra shifts.
I have to turn my phone off some days to have some peace from getting it blown up. I HATE how Pavlovian I am to that fucking chime.
The nice thing about using stuff like that instead of dedicated scanners, besides the flexibility of apps, is that you don’t have to do much training because most of your users already have a smartphone and are more or less familiar with how they work.
Nope. My device, my software. Your device, your software. That’s the rules.
/my response when I get asked why I didn’t install Office or Teams on my personal phone
OTOH… I was OK with adding their email account to my phone in exchange for the $60 a month they were paying me for the privilege.
I am ok with the software on my phone in the exact same proportion as they are okay with me rolling in at 10:30 after answering emails by phone from my backyard for a couple hours.
Yeah. I’m alright with installing some software (stupid meeting shite) onto my home PC (where I can nuke it when I leave) in order to make my work from home days easier, or install some airline/rental car app. That has a benefit to me. If there’s an issue, they can call me.
I carry two phones, one is mine, one is my employer’s. They can set whatever rules they want for the one they own, but my phone is mine.
You’re right, Everyone else is wrong. Wal-Mart can pay for a phone or issue a scanner. They cannot and should not have access to her phone without due compensation.
Everyone else in this thread? No one in this thread has disagreed with me.
You’ve found the one true belief of all libertarians?
Property rights?
EL DORADO!!!!
I won’t allow my company’s email on my phone – same reason as others here – they have the ability to factory reset the phone and I can’t use biometrics.
So until they buy me a phone it’s not happening.
Everyone else was meant to refer to XX, Mr. M, and Wal-Mart
Oh. XX and Mr. Mojeaux are just engaging in an ongoing war and are not thinking of the bigger implications. They’d get it if they thought about it for 0.5 seconds.
If XX would PREFER to use her phone because it was more efficient, I would tolerate it.
Training for a barcode scanner. Oh, I get it, it incorporates an analog clock, that’s the problem, yeah?
This is the sort of thing Donald is up against.
Cake. Walk.
Yeah, go anti dairy, you Vermont senator.
My only desire for this primary season was for Warren to lose Mass. 3rd place was just icing on the cake.
I think Amy knew she was gonna lose here. I seriously doubt the deal she was offered was VP.
Senate committee leadership
I wanted a brokered convention, so I wanted Warren to win MA big and Bloomberg to do well enough to keep going.
for the whiskey geeks that hang here.
Well, this definitely tastes like it costs $11. Notes of melted plastic despite its glass bottle. However, there are definitely worse bottles out there.
4 Roses & Evan Williams are both solid. It is known.
Evan Williams single barrel (not pictured) is the best bourbon for the buck that you can get, IMO.
It isn’t my favorite, but the ones I like better are much more expensive.
This is like a scotch you put in a decanter, so you can’t see the label. It’s something you’d give the guy who’s trying to seduce your wife.
Guy is funny:
I’ve had Four Roses before. It’s actually pretty decent if you know what you’re getting in to. Old Crow, too. Both are good for mixed drinks.
Ballantine’s Finest
Made me laugh.
I enjoyed Paste’s blind bottom shelf Scotch, bourbon, and gin (no link to avoid moderation hell, but you should be able to search for it). They specified the cost range for each (Usually a $25 or $15 cap), and blind tasted them.
No Old Grand-Dad?
I’m working on a bottle of the 100 proof this week. *thumbs up*
Old Crow is better for $11 than most of the “$11/fifth” analogs in other spirits
Rebel Yell is actually good. I almost bought a bottle today but went with Bulliet’s Rye instead.
IT’S ALL TRUE
I mean, I really want it to be and that’s all that counts.
So her manager told her to use her phone and the scanner in the app.
He could let her use a tracphone out of the case for that, if the store doesn’t have enough scanners. The phone will run apps on wifi even if it is not activated on the phone network.
^This. I hear some stores are using cheap smartphones over WiFi for stuff like inventory scanning and so forth.
Which would be fine if the store’s wifi didn’t suck.
I’m pretty sure the wifi signal in our building will give you cancer. I swear I can feel hair follicles dying whenever I go past an antenna.
It’s a hospital, everything in it is giving you cancer, MRSA, or TB.
Don’t forget C. Diff.
Mmmmmmmmmmm. C. Diff.
Top notch.
So’s your avatar. It appears that she doesn’t care for your dad jokes.
Get used to it.
I sent my family a picture of her with my hand next to her head.
“Here’s [babydoom], and you can tell how big she is with my handy scale. “
Nice.
Welcome to the club.
Now that I have a kid in middle school, dad jokes are one of the great joys in life. Middle school kids are amazingly easy to embarrass. It is one of the few weapons that always works against their kind.
As a fellow middle school parent, you may appreciate this.
Where’d you get that tape of me? Did Ben send it to you?
I can laugh now, 40 years ago not so much. Fortunately Al Gore hadn’t invented cell phones at that time.
My most recent best entry involved a play on words with the name of the Pokemon character “Pikachu.” I knew it was good when I heard the 11 year old boy repeating 5 minutes later. He got a laugh out of it.
SF and I were just talking about how we just discovered the essence of 12-year-old-ness in one picture:
This is how COVID-19 started, in the food court of Disney Wuhan.
Why I say “Happy Holidays”:
Even ignoring the phallic implications of that design, it’s still terrible because it forces the user to stare into those cold plastic eyes whenever they take a drink. I can only assume that this was done deliberately, or while high.
The latter seems about right to me.
I thought that’s what made it hawt!
To the infinity bong!
Many years ago they made a Buzz Lightyear camera.
Somebody had a great sense of humor as many SLR cameras lenses have an infinite setting. In this case the camera had a setting to “infinity and beyond”.
http://www.digicamreview.com/2010/11/vtech-toy-story-3-buzz-lightyear-digital-camera.html
I thought it was a crack pipe.
Takeaways from Super Tuesday…
Probably explains why everyone except Warren dropped out suddenly.
(6) Without Warren in the race Bernie would have won seven states: Minnesota, Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Colorado, Utah and California. Biden would have also won seven states: Virginia, North Carolina, Arkansas, Alabama, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Texas.
While not quite “those were Bernies Votes”, this get’s awful close and so deserves a bit of a ‘Fuck off’. This is a counterfactual that might be supported, but who really knows what would have happened. I’m still not convinced that Warren would endorse Bernie.
That’s been my theory all along.
Warren is in it to divert hard left votes from Bernie. She’s been pretty much non-viable since her collapse late last year. She also suddenly has new sources of funding, so you do the math.
Whether Bernie would have won those states if she hadn’t still been in the mix, nobody knows. Still, every delegate she takes from his column is a win for the Party. Which, like a pack of fucking idiots, let a hard-left non-party member run in their primary. They should have just let Warren run as the hard left candidate (they pretty much have to have one, given the infiltration of the party by the hard left). How hard would it have been to say “Bernie, buddy, we all love having you in our caucus, but we just hafta limit our Democrat primary to actual, you know, Democrats. Sorry, man.”
But instead, they are playing scorpion-and-frog with the hard left, with predictable results.
A third-party run by Bernie would have assured a Trump win. That’s the threat he’s always held over them.
And still does.
playing scorpion-and-frog with the hard left, with predictable results.
Am i the only one who heard this fable as the Snake and the Indian boy?
That’s a new one to me.
In the story i heard, the Snake asks the Boy to carry him down from the top of a mountain.
Sounds like the low-budget non-Disney copycat fable.
I thought it was the lost cross-country skier and old trapper.
I thought it was the old pervert and the cute Girl Scout.
Kindly old priest and naive altar boy?
Salesman and farmer’s daughter?
Hunter and bear?
STEVE SMITH AND HIKER
The lost hiker and STEVE SMITH?
Sure, but couldn’t a simpler explanation be because her campaign still has cash to burn?
No. As I recall, the candidates are allowed to collect donations for their presidential campaign and then transfer left over funds to a senate or house campaign after they withdraw.
Keep those checks rolling in baby.
So then the simplest explanation is she is a power hungry twat that will never relent in the face of obvious defeat?
That’s it… we’re doomed. How to make your own hand sanitizer.
Soak you hands is kerosene and light a match – the only way to be sure.
Soap and water works much better than hand sanitizer. Just sayin’….
-0.01% super-germs
Just went to the jan-san supply store to pick up something. Guy at the counter looked defeated.
“What do you want?”
“I need some degreaser.”
“Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to ask me for 50 cases of hand sanitizer like everybody else today.”
Apparently, all of the municipalities, courthouses, schools, et al waited until this week to order massive amounts of sanitizer, masks, gloves, etc… Unfortunately, there are none available. Back orders are stretching out for at least two months.
:eyeroll:
In two months this will be forgotten.
“WHO THE HELL ORDERED ALL THESE FACEMAS….oh, shit…” *quietly alters purchase order*
I find this baffling. What on earth is the hoarding thing about? Even if you end up quarantined, you can still get products delivered to your house, ffs.
Well, not everyone can.
I pointed out today that every drug store also seems to be a cut-rate liquor store. So if they run out of hand sanitizer, just move over two aisles and get a handle of Popov Vodka. It’s cheaper, anyway.
State run liquor stores here in Ohio. Maximum of 41 proof outside of them (149 inside of them).
-151 rum
Might as well drink gasoline.
Sorry, I pulled a Biden on the max proof. It is 151, even though Bacardi ended that line.
The last time I had Bacardi 151, the bottle was equipped with a flame arrester. My 190 proof Everclear has no such device. I’m wondering if the laws have been relaxed (not likely) or if the flame arrester was just a marketing gimmick on Bacardi’s part.
IIRC it was due to a lawsuit where some kid burned himself trying to do dumb shit.
I was on an apple pie moonshine* kick a while ago.
I went to buy 2 large 1.75 liter bottles of Everclear. The clerk said there was a city ordinance prohibiting a fella from buying 2 large bottles. So I bought 4 of the smaller 1 liter bottles instead.
{taps side of forehead}
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/235346/apple-pie-moonshine/
There are other 151 rums still. But I do miss Bacardi. A 252 (Bacardi 151 and Wild Turkey 101) was one of favorite shots. My mind worked clearly while drinking them, but I lost all coordination and couldn’t walk. It was always a good time.
The natives still tell legends and tall tales about the things my body would go out and do after my brain would black-out drinking 151 and coke.
My head would go to sleep 4 hours before my body. How I never woke up in a jail cell…
Bob’s eyes crack open: “Why is my hair so greasy? Why do I have all these quarters in my pocket? Where the fuck did the pies come from? Wadda ya mean, there are pictures?”
I don’t drink rum anymore.
Or tequila, for entirely different reasons.
https://www.totalwine.com/spirits/rum/dark-rum/lemon-hart-rum-151/p/126178750
Shouldn’t that be a 126?
Do you wanna do math or are you here to drink?
Shouldn’t that be a 126?
My first thought was ” 151*2 != 252, dumas ”
2nd Thought: The “302”, aka “The Delaware Doubledown”
Purell is 140 proof (in case you’re wondering why the wetbrain parked in your doorstep is sucking on a bottle of it), but I would think that even 41 proof vodka could still be used to sanitize.
It’s like you don’t even read the linked articles:
You’re just a shill for big hospital!
Too lazy to find a source, but I thought I read somewhere that you don’t want stronger than 70% isopropyl for disinfecting because the water content is necessary to the mechanism of action.
Also, azeotropes.
Reading the linked articles is for suckers.
Vodka solves a multitude of problems.
For Glibs who hate big meetings, coronvirus is here to help.
My firm cancelled their planned women’s day meeting over the corona virus. Sucks for anyone infected, but the disease gave me three hours of my life back.
The company I work for has assembled a CORONAVIRUS RESPONSE TEAM
No word on whether they get cool superhero costumes
It’s the costume from Zardoz.
That’s going to clash ideologically with the “Xxxxxx bans guns on this property” signs.
The writer of that story is an idiot. It’s the same faces in the same order just moved outward so no one is too close together.
I was going to be visiting Belgium (Leuven) next week for work. Now all of those beers will have to be drunk by some other slub.
Thanks Coronovirus you are messing up my drinking. I’ll have to partake here instead.
I’m flying through Atlanta and Baltimore next week (one transfer on the way out, a different one on the way back), should I expect to die from the virus?
I’m flying to Prague (through Amsterdam) in a month. Should I expect a Mad Max sort of adventure before I die from the virus?
Lets hope there is a gimp playing metal at the front of one of the airport carts at least.
That’d be an epic way to go, mang.
Yep.
I was in Dulles last week and there are quite a lot of people concerned. The airport personnel are using big jugs of purell after each transaction or wearing gloves.
You’ll only die flying into BWI if you go into the city.
On the return flight, the choices were BWI or Midway.
Fuck. Midway. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good experience at that airport. Hell, last time we were stuck there for ~3 hours for a delayed flight, and they closed the bars and restaurants an hour into the delay.
No, but I hear that if you leave the airport in Baltimore, you should probably expect to die from something else.
Oops, too slow.
Probably explains why everyone except Warren dropped out suddenly.
Purely coincidental. No behind-the-curtain maneuvering. None.
Even if it isn’t true, they certainly went out of their way to make it look as if it were true.
1. Spend a couple of weeks whinging about who is going to derail the Bernie train.
2. Try pushing But-edge-edge to the front…. but get little traction. Try Klobutchar.. get no traction.
3. Panic that Biden looks to be a loser.
4. When Biden actually follows through and wins South Carolina as planned, all the moderates drop out – even But-edge-edge who is still in decent position. Everyone endorses Biden. Except Warren, who is billed as Bernie lite. She’s in it for the long haul.
Yup. Hard to spin that any other way than “orders from on high” said Biden is the anointed. That is the DNC thing, after all. That’s why they included the superdelegates, so the party could make sure that their man won. Remember what happened to all those committed superdeligates who were lined up behind Clinton in ’08….. Obama put on a good showing for about 2 weeks and everyone evaporated, telling clinton to hang it up. She dropped out almost immediately, knowing the party was not behind her. In 2016, she simply took over the party and rigged the primary, making sure there were no more spring surprises for her.
So I think it is gonna be tough to convince the Bernie Bros that they didn’t get hosed by the establishment. They already believe it going in, before he got it stolen in 2016. Now, the second time around?? Yeah, I doubt they’ll be buying in on Biden.
No behind-the-curtain maneuvering
This is known as “Rigging” if you are part of the Bernie Sanders campaign.
For a career politician, he really sucks at politics.
Vermont politics, which is about as hardball and smashmouth as your average grade-school student government campaign.
Like this: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0126886/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
I point people to this movie and always ask them of elections: “Do you think it gets more civil with more money and more power at stake?? Do you think that somehow, magically, better people just appear?”
And then the follow-on: Do you seriously believe that ‘honest-to-goodness, dedicated public-servants, Mister Cleaver!’ is what government is comprised of as a result of elections? Were you not paying attention during that Middle School Civics lesson when we had student elections? Don’t you remember that shitshow?!?
“But that’s just Tracey Flick!”
“Bitch, who do you think Elizabeth Warren was in high school, Molly Ringwald?”
Great movie
Coronavirus: Congressional leaders strike roughly $8 billion bipartisan emergency funding deal
Time to cash in.
Here comes the emergency pork.
Dashboard says 9 dead.
I was listening to an infectious disease doc on the radio yesterday and he insisted that this is Way Scary and Not The Flu, but I can’t get a good feel about how concerned I should be.
Even the CDC travel advisories don’t look too scary.
It’s definitely scary, if you’re over 80, or if you run an assisted living facility, or are at risk of being overwhelmed, like a hospital.
Or if you need those same services.
Yeah, ran into that last week with Mr. Mojeaux in the way overcrowded ER in a stuffed hospital.
I’m not taking it too seriously.
that seems like a lot.
https://smile.amazon.com/Purell-Instant-Hand-Sanitizer-Bottles/dp/B009R5PRS4
Prices have gone up a lil bit.
Is it time to start to price gouge?
Better to douse your hands in cheap vodka.
That’s only the first tranche.
If it continues to roll, and there’s no reason to think it won’t at this point, it’s going to cost a lot more both directly and indirectly.
The Salsa Laboratory for Infectious Disease has now been incorporated and ready for some sweet slush money.
*Sensible chuckle*
Cheetoh Jesus is entertaining as hell.
Brutal.
I think I am falling in love with this dude. Totally platonic though. I still dig chicks.
#NoHomo
When did you stop writing fiction?
Years ago, it seems.
Just a friendly reminder.
Vote BLC1 for President . . .he can remember his own name and doesn’t look like a cheeto!
Those are some convincing arguments there…
what free stuff can you offer me?
Unlimited Veto’s and pure entertainment . . . if you think Trump’s unhinged . . .
You better hire SF to handle your Twitter account.
^
And Milo Y. for press-sec.
Since he writes such wonderful children’s stories, I was thinking SF for Sec of Ed
Unlimited Veto’s what?
Sorry, I can’t vote for you if you abuse apostrophes like that.
Only you would scoff at FREE apostrophe’s.
Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders
Is this the same Labrador from the Subaru commercials?
No. Warren literally sent her Labrador, Bailey, to certain campaign events she didn’t have time to attend.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/elizabeth-warren-dog-bailey-campaigns-iowa-caucus-impeachment-trial/
I honestly think the dog is probably as qualified as Warren to speak to her economic policies.
Bailey identifies as a cat.
Cat, well that’s one way to say it. Bailey!
Lol, and I thought I went over the top when I wrote this as satire the other day.
Heh, just got a Bloomberg flyer in the mail. It says he’s undefeated. Oops.
Hey, you don’t technically get defeated if you quit
Hey, you don’t technically get defeated if you quit before you lose a bunch of races on Super Tuesday
Sorry, that ship sailed.
On the plus side, he now gets to pay every consultant he contracted with through the election to work for somebody else. The man is a genius at business, I tell ya.
He can also stop trying to pretend he’s a normal human being. That’s got to be a relief.
Well, guess we don’t have Mike Bloomberg to kick around anymore.
Can we at least shoot him out of the midget cannon?
Hey, he’s slightly above average in height (5’10”), and has the driver’s license to prove it!
pull the other one!
My drivers license says I’m 180 lb.
You mean 4’10”, right?
Well if it’s on the driver’s license then it must be true. And I’ve never weighed more than 210.
The question is how big was the box he was standing on when they took the picture? Klobuchar is 5’4″ and she’s noticeably taller than him.
I throught Bloomie was 5’7″ (which, ISTR, is what about half the Glibs roll in at), but here he is, next to wee Sarko.
So, 5’5″ or so.
Did the flyer say what would happen if he wanted to stay in the White House past 2 terms?
It says Mike will get it done… no matter how long it takes.
The coronavirus ain’t shit. It can’t even kill children. It was specifically bio-engineered to kill Baby Boomers. This is plain as day and I will duel any man who says otherwise.
It was specifically bio-engineered to kill Baby Boomers.
I figured China created it to thin out their elderly population.
Our own proggies were in cahoots with them. Since only our college aged kids are the only ones dumb enough to vote socialist and they aborted most of that pool, we’re going to have to thin out the Boomers to even it out.
That’s my neighbors only half-joking theory (she works in biotech, is between jobs and is avidly following all the covid-19 news)
China is hero
Maybe the Chicoms were just trying to kill off the vestiges of Confucian elder veneration after they seriously wounded it with the one-child policy.
Stop trying to make me like it.
“It was specifically bio-engineered to kill Baby Boomers.”
Do you have a newsletter I could subscribe to?
Bonk bonk on the head.
Sorry, HM, I need to see public sector pensions solvent again before I’m convinced.
I’ll take that challenge. Not that I have any strong opinions, I just enjoy pointless violence.
It was specifically bio-engineered to kill Baby Boomers. This is plain as day and I will duel any man who says otherwise.
So you’re saying it was made by benevolent aliens come to liberate us?
And McAfee drops out of the presidential race
https://crypto-markets.news/news/mcafee-dropsout-2020race/451
…but, he offers to run as Vice President under Vermin Supreme
/best timeline
I don’t know. It seems like whatever being that’s running the simulation is getting bored and is just messing with things. The being may just get bored enough to shut the whole thing down.
I wasn’t supportive of his views on fucking ladyboys, but his whale fucking ideas had merit.
He was in? I don’t even know what happened with the libertarian moment. It’s almost like someone just made that shit up.
That’s some good retconning right there.
Honestly, it is more believable than what really happened, so I am going with it.
The SHORT unhappy campaign of Mike Bloomberg. No pun intended, really.
Short and Unhappy
Poor Mikey, got up on the stage and got beaten up by Pocahontas, had no comeback, just stood there looking like a 3 year old toddler who just got a scolding.
He deserves credit, not derision, for the patriotic belief that his country needed him.
No he doesn’t. What that authoritarian asshole deserves is being held face down in a Big Gulp.
The one positive part of his campaign is yet another nail in the coffin of the theory that money buys elections. But like every other previous example, it will be ignored and hand waved.
yet another nail in the coffin of the theory that money buys elections
That was my first thought as well. You are also correct that it will promptly be ignored.
No one has more money than the Russians!
They’re so good, they only needed $100,000.
Imagine what damage they would have done if they had Bloomberg money.
They have the “rope with which we will hang them” multiplier.
+1 Palov’s secret research
I can’t imagine how much of a tedious, overweening prig one must be to not love this man.
I can think of one former neighbor (never proven)
If it were in the States, I would have taken my chances. I defy you to find 12 men who would convict someone for killing the motherfucker who poisoned your dogs.
Not guilty.
The John Wick defense.
And there was never any actual evidence against him, was there? I thought there was nothing more than a history of animus between the two men.
Very soon after moving in, I found a neighbor trespassing on my fields.
SSD: Hey man, you can’t walk around my property without permission. /Points to Doberman by side. I let her roam and she’d rip your throat out if I wasn’t here.
Neighbor: That’s okay. I keep a gun around to shoot dogs who bite me.
SSD: /Pats holster. And I keep a gun around for anyone who shoots my dog.
Neighbor never trespassed again. Can you believe that fucker? Threatening to shoot my dog on my property while trespassing!
That is some nerve. I often am amazed by the assholitude of some people.
I know a rancher who found a couple guys trespassing on his land to hunt.
He, naturally, was armed. He made them lay their guns down and back away, then told them to leave. If they wanted their guns back, they’d have to come to his house. Never heard if they did or not.
I certainly wouldn’t turn my back on an armed trespasser.
My neighbor trespassed recently. To bring me a beer.
He’s Laotian, though, so he probably didn’t know he was supposed to bring a sixer.
pictured
Poachers are dangerous. I mentioned I’m having some trouble with them the other day, and would have handled such an encounter differently than with this asshole neighbor. That was smart of the rancher to take their guns.
From what I gather, its SOP when Texas ranchers encounter poachers/trespassers.
As is, it goes without saying, the ranchers always having a gun handy.
He’s the best of us.
I’m sure the bond amount is the same as everyone else in the same situation.
https://www.denverpost.com/2020/02/28/brittny-lewton-grand-jury-indictment-arrest/
I thought jurisdictions weren’t using bonds anymore, innocent until proven guilty.
Look at the picture. Did they arrest her in a 4am swat raid? Cause that looks like she’s wearing a nighty, size 5XXX.
“Would” – John
And she’s a real looker, eh?
Jesus, have some eye bleach
https://i.redd.it/3d9hl22h5of41.jpg
Thank you my friend.
I remain unconvinced this is their standard opinion in all drug related charges.
Mark Meadows✔
@RepMarkMeadows
Michael Bloomberg could barely win a delegate in a primary with $500+ million—but if you ask Washington Democrats, a few Russian trolls spending 100K on Facebook ads swung the entire 2016 election. Got it. #CollusionHoax
THIS
Over and over and over again
You’d think everybody would be trying to hire those Ruskies – they’re clearly the Jedi Masters of all campaign consultants.
Lol
This is even better than my vision of Trump having a Big Gulp on the podium during the Trump vs. Bloomberg debates:
https://twitter.com/ComfortablySmug/status/1235299167385391104
Trump having a Big Gulp on the podium during the Trump vs. Bloomberg debates
And a cheeseburger, bucket of fried chicken and half a meatlovers pizza.
Have the Secret Service visibly stop and frisk Bloomberg before he gets on stage
Bloomy would try to take it and eat it.
Further on my “we don’t know ’nuffin about the Kung Flu”:
CDC just changed its guidance on transmissability and precautions for healthcare workers dealing with Kung Flu patients. Formerly, it was airborne, wear a virus-rated N95 mask. Now, its droplets, wear a surgical mask, face shield/goggles, gown, and gloves.
Not sure what the latest is on how long it can survive on surfaces.
Not sure what the latest is on how long it can survive on surfaces.
9 months, Or 4 years and 9 months. Depends on who wins the election.
Still hasn’t been updated on the website.
I wonder if that is actually the case or the CDC is just trying a mostly effective alternative to deal with the lack of N95 respirators?
For them to change from “airborne” to “droplet” would be a huge change with many knock-on effects, I believe. When I say “just changed”, I mean we got the word around noon, maybe.