Last week I my son was given an assignment at school that required I proofread a draft of a report on a certain species of cephalopod.  I pointed out something where I previously thought was incorrect, but he pulled something I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with a child doing to me:

 

….well….AKSHUALLY

This is my review of Elysian Punkaccino Pumpkin Coffee Ale

Where was I mistaken?  The report was on the octopus.  Due to my public school education, I was under the word octopus was a Latin root word due to the suffix -us.  This meant to pluralize such a word, you simply drop the -us and add -i.  Like the word cactus (cacti) for example I am often using in the vernacular.

The boy explained his teacher said octopuses was proper.   Which drove me to consult Merriam Webster, who said:

Webster wants to contribute to the dumbering of our children, it seems.  I then asked the only person with a tongue wicked enough to settle this disagreement, and Heroic Mulatto explained:

[…]because the “pus” is 3rd Declension, not second. The “u” is a long u because it itself comes from the Greek. It should be octopodes, but English usually uses the regular plural.

Which drove me to drink and perform some independent research on the subject.  Let’s face it, my weekly feature is pretty much me drinking and looking things up on the internet.

Fowler’s calls “octopodes,” the Greek plural, “pedantic,” and says “octopi” is “misconceived” and “a grievous mistake.” Another source, the Oxford Reference Guide to English Morphology, says “octopi”is “etymologically fallacious.”

Its pedantic?  Perfect—Octopodes it is.  Now if you excuse me, there are a number of Ocotillo Cactodes in my yard that I need to remove.

 

Since today is Halloween I went with this one.  It combines coffee and pumpkin, which is not going to do anyone any favors if they wish to not appear like they are some kind of hipster autumnal fertility potion.  If pumpkin ales are your thing, it hits the mark.  If you refuse to drink one out of some antiquated form of principle, its pretty much a pumpkin spice latte.  Yes, a pumpkin spice latte minus the part that makes a latte, a latte (milk, coffee, sugar, the fact that Starbucks is NOT selling it) and instead replacing it with alcohol.  And lets face it, for most of us the only actual objection to this is the person offering it to you for a reasonable price (possibly even for free out of an antiquated form of hospitality) is dressed like a retard, so clearly this must be hipster bullshit and/ or drinking it makes you a homosexual?

It doesn’t, but its not as good as others, to include other varies from Elysian. Elysian Punkaccino Pumpkin Coffee Ale:  3.75/5.