I came home from my shopping trip yesterday in a state of excitement. Let me give you a bit of background: Arizona is a very Mormon state. The community where SP and I live is very heavily Mormon. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, they tend to be really good folks, although their church’s forays into politics run to the moral-authoritarian side… In any case, when I was in grad school in Utah, I noticed that everyone at the grocery stores would load up their carts with sugary drinks (Hi C and Hawaiian Punch seemed to be particular favorites), cookies, candy, pastries, a cornucopia of sucrose and HFCS, much more so than any other place I’d lived.

My PhD advisor was a member of one of the (essentially) royal families of the church and was always happy to talk about religion and culture. I asked him about this observation, and he replied, “Look, we can’t drink. We can’t have coffee or tea. We can’t smoke. We can’t take drugs. We can’t screw around. Please leave us something!

This made perfect sense, of course.

Now the other half: there’s a chain of coffee stands here called Dutch Brothers that have a distinctive building appearance, insanely packed drive throughs (15-20 cars in line whenever we’d pass by), and amazing customer service (employees walking up the down the line of cars taking orders and handing out goodies for any pets in the car). And the coffee is really, really good.

So while out shopping today, I spotted a building with a similar size and shape as a Dutch Brothers, with an enormous line of cars, and employees working that line. It was a place called Swig ‘N Sweets, so I thought, hmmm, a drive up for mixed drinks? Beer? I pulled out my trusty iPhone, did a quick Google, and discovered that what they sold was sugary drinks. No alcohol, no coffee, no tea, just sugar and fat. And sugary eats to go with it. The drink names were supposed to evoke something sinful- but not TOO sinful. And then it hit me- this was Dutch Brothers for Mormons! And digging in a bit, I saw that it had started in Utah and the locations are all in heavily Mormon areas. I can assume that ten percent of their profits are fed back.

This was Peak Mormon and amused the hell out of me. I couldn’t wait to tell SP, who likewise had never heard of this and was likewise amused. OK, we amuse easily. And yes, one could point out the fake meat products that we eat as being analogous…

Birthdays today include a guy who could flatten the curve;  one of three generations of pieces of shit; one of the more interesting physicists of the 20th century (for example, he fucked Betty Friedan and was driven out of the US by McCarthy); an inspiration to Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris, who showed the way to political power is fucking actual skilled politicians; a guy who proved PT Barnum’s maxims; and a guy who took a rather shotgun approach to comedy.

Let’s get the news out of the way.

 

I have an alibi.

 

Completely useless and damaging move. Completely unanticipated consequences.

 

Wait, didn’t Big Tony assure us that Santa was immune? And talk about co-morbidities! Yes, he did.

 

Money shovel ready.

 

So the testing is bullshit, too.

 

Runs in the family.

 

Old Guy Music is a cover of a wonderful John Hartford song (as if there were non-wonderful John Hartford songs). It just seems unfair that someone can be such s superb guitarist AND singer. And yes, that’s Missy Raines tearing up the bass.