After yesterday’s hilarity, the girls have produced their first draft of my personal ads profile. How can I not share this?

The words others use to describe me are: elderly, fat, balding, and broke. But to make up for that, I have an abrasive personality, fascist political beliefs, and smell funny. I was just in a 15 year marriage to Superwoman, so you will always fall short of my expectations and disappoint me, which I will be unable to hide.

Do you have unresolved grandpa issues? Substance abuse? A history of bad choices? If yes to all of these, you have found your Mr. Right.

I’m old and decrepit, but potentially fun.

I can’t argue with any of that.

Birthdays today are not quite as thick on the ground as yesterday’s, but still, there was a guy more logical than Spock; an Ur-cultural appropriator; a delightful woman who lives on in most of the folks here; a woman who inspired hundreds of sick jokes; the guy who taught Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason; one of the icons of my childhood; a guy who made Dana Carvey; a piece of shit lawyer and politician, but I repeat myself; and a guy who made films almost as banal as Steven Spielberg’s.

We’re all here for the Links, not my stupid stories, so let’s get to them.

 

Speaking truth to power!

 

UK’s Hunter Biden, but will have a fantastic reign as King.

 

OH NO, LOOK WHO THE SUPREME COURT GOT UPSET!

 

Forelocks are tugged.

 

He seems nice. 

 

The hero we need.

 

“Mostly notable for its symbolism.”

 

Old Guy Music seemed vaguely appropriate.