I make a living working on concerts and conventions but it had been years since I’ve been on the other side of the curtain. I walked up to the Holiday Inn apprehensively. There were almost no cars in the parking lot, which didn’t bode well. I spotted a station wagon, completely filled with eccentric junk and covered with quirky bumper stickers.

 

Apparently it was done up like a fighter plane, because it says FLYING TIGERS P-40 WARHAWK on the back window. Yeah, there’s a flagpole on the back. I didn’t look too closely inside because I was intimidated by how weird it was but the car was chock full of what appeared to be survival gear. Like to the point you couldn’t fit a passenger in anywhere. I think he slept in it, and during the weekend he made a love connection with a pretty attractive lady with the air of a former groupie who told me that she used to be Julian Assange’s girlfriend. She made some fairly emotional statements about his heroism when one of the speakers mentioned Assange. She also was sleeping in the parking lot in a van.

 

 

Yep, I thought, I’m in the right place. I was expecting a weekend of autism-fueled awkwardness. Stepping inside, I immediately ran into Joshua Smith, the host of the Break the Cycle podcast. He was friendly and a brief chat put me at ease.

Inside the building the vendors had already set up shop with a row of folding tables. There were only a few. The entire event took up a large-ish conference room, two very small breakout rooms, and the hallway that connected them, and a few stragglers who mostly sat out by the pool. People were selling tshirts, trinkets, survival food, buttons, and bumper stickers. I used bitcoin to buy a shirt, the first time I’ve actually transacted with the currency. Some of the vendors lived out of vans or buses and said they moved around like gypsies.

 

The Conference Room. Caryn Ann Harlos (on stage), taking care of business.

 

The actual business of the convention was a dull affair. They stuck to Roberts’ Rules of Order, which comes across as the nerdiest thing imaginable, but is objectively very orderly.

There were a bunch of colorful characters, as expected. Gun nuts, cowboy hats, hipsters, skateboarders, dweebs in suits, Republicans, and people running for office. There was short man dressed like Crocodile Dundee with his surname tattooed on his forearm, accompanied by a young woman with a giant domesticated rabbit on a leash. He didn’t say a word all weekend. The city of Jacksonville sent a group of local candidates, who were a menagerie of incredibly Southern caricatures, specifically a stoutly-built redneck in a ball cap, an older Doc Holliday type, and a young, fast-talking black man with the build of a prize fighter but the delivery of a sleazy preacher.

Dave Smith (file photo).

On my phone I had the Discord app, by which I am plugged into the Mises Caucus group. I was there at their behest to vote for a candidate who was the opposite of the Bill Weld Raytheon-lobbyist type. Late in the first day, I saw Dave Smith sitting quietly in the back row. I gave him a look that said “oh shit, look who’s here” and he just looked back apprehensively. I realized later that many of the longtime LP people were hostile to him and he didn’t know which camp I fell into. I said nothing because I hate to come across as a fanboy. In retrospect I should have signaled my support to clarify the matter before moving on.

There was a special meetup that night at a local bar for Mises Caucus people only. Angela McArdle and Dave Smith spoke. The atmosphere was excited but weird. I don’t like the feel of being around a cult of personality. I noticed a very attractive well-dressed (like high fashion stuff) blonde woman in her mid-20s and as I was trying to figure out why she was at a nerd convention, Clint Russell of the Liberty Lockdown podcast stepped toward her, pulled her to him with an open hand on her asscheek, and deeply tongue-kissed her, all surrounded by buzzing Mises Caucus folk. Later I realized that was minor internet celebrity and libertarian OnlyFans performer Ashton Birdie.

Angela McArdle (file photo).

I had a strange feeling the whole weekend. The even was very cliquey. Clearly for many of these people the LP is a social club like the Moose Lodge. Officially I was part of the Mises Caucus clique, but I was clearly not one of the cool ones by the way they acted toward me. However I understand why people would be slow to trust those who are unknown to them and I don’t resent that. Hector Roos, now the LP candidate for governor, was kind enough to explain what I needed to do. I mostly sat by myself and at one point overheard someone (obviously a LP regular resentful of the Mises Caucus) say at one point “well, this is their party now”. There were, I should add, some libertarian women attending, and some even in the LPMC. Stereotype skewered.

At some point one evening a weird, excited guy came up to each person to invite them to his DJ gig in the main conference room. “Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat”, I thought to myself, and hid in one of the empty breakout rooms until it was over. Apparently the Pho-losopher (who is surprisingly diminutive and strikingly pretty in person) did some rap thing too. Sounds like a cringefest.

There was a Dave Smith standup comedy gig in the main conference room on the last night. Somehow a bunch of good-looking young women who were not present for any of the other shenanigans came out of the woodwork for it. They were sitting by Clint Russell and Ashton Birdie. I am a big fan of Dave’s but I drank too much (I bribed the bartendress with a wad of cash and got a tall glass of straight whiskey) and blacked out and can’t remember anything but the first few minutes, which was about the importance of starting a family.

Caryn Ann Harlos (file photo).

Overall the event was very sparsely attended. One of the scheduled talks in a breakout room was just me and the GOA rep, so we chatted for a few minutes and called it off. When it came time to nominate region reps, it turned out I was literally the only person from my region (which is a large grouping of a half dozen counties), and this was the case for another region too. I had the weighty power of deciding who would fill the role, and could even nominate myself. But I heard some guy who wasn’t present wanted it (and I definitely didn’t) so I gave it to him.

The last order of business was a motion to add to the state charter the intent for Florida to secede from the Union (again). I had no idea this was happening, but instinct was “fuck it, why not.” The establishment LP types gave mealy-mouthed speeches against. The Mises Caucus types gave passionate, inspiring, Thomas Paine-style speeches in the affirmative. I posted in the MC Discord the joke “libertarians who are afraid to say the word ‘secession’ wear Covid masks when they have sex” and got a bunch of upvotes, including from Angela McArdle. It passed. I felt great about voting for it. The Mises Caucus did well and our delegates are going to the national convention in Reno. Immediately we took the group photo by the swimming pool.

Wild stuff. Who the fuck are all these fringe weirdos? Why do so few people care about liberty?