How to Befriend Crows and Turn Them Against Your Enemies

Why crows?
Unlike ducks, crows are intelligent, self-sufficient animals that don’t have to be outfitted with diapers. They solve problems and communicate with one another. They’re smart—maybe as smart as a seven year-old human child. They even seem to have rituals and something like a culture. But most importantly of all, crows can recognize human faces. They will come to recognize my face as that of their master. Behold my visage ravens, rooks, and blackbirds, and heed my mighty caw, for I am Stephen Johnson, Master of Crows.

Is it legal to keep crows as pets?
It’s illegal in a lot of places to keep crows as pets. I’m planning to let the birds in my crow army live their own lives because I’m too lazy to take care of them, but if you’re planning on having an actual pet crow, you might have to hide it from the authorities, who often frown on the special love between a person and their crows.

How to attract crows
The first step toward crow mastery is to gather your crows. These birds want a safe, quiet place to do crow stuff, and that could be your yard, especially if you live in a city or suburb. Crows who live around people are less likely to be spooked by you—rural crows are far more suspicious.

You may have to make some modifications to your yard. Crows are not going to hang out around known bird enemies like dogs and cats, so you’ll have to give your current pets away. It’s a sacrifice, but worth it. If you have any wind chimes or other noise sources, get rid of those too. Crows don’t want to be startled.

Crows like bushes and trees—places to hide and plot—so make sure your yard is verdant. Crows also like having water sources, so install a birdbath so they can clean themselves and their prey.

 

Lady Gaga Got Hit In The Head By Something While Performing, And This Needs To Stop

Does it?

 

 

Built To Spill
“You Were Right”
Keep It Like A Secret (1999)

You were wrong when you said
Everything’s gonna be alright
Yeah you were wrong when you said
Everything’s gonna be alright

You were right when you said
All that glitters isn’t gold
You were right when you said
All we are is dust in the wind
You were right when you said
We are all just bricks in the wall
And when you said
Manic depression’s a frustrating mess

You were wrong when you said
Everything’s gonna be alright
Yeah you were wrong when you said
Everything’s gonna be alright
You were wrong when you said
Everything’s gonna be alright

You were right when you said
You can’t always get what you want
You were right when you said
It’s a hard rain’s gonna fall
You were right when you said
We’re still running against the wind
Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone
You were right when you said
This is the end

Do you have to think about it?