“Who, me? She said she was 16!”

Pete Rose returning to a MLB stadium turned into a shitshow. Good, fuck that guy. Rocco Baldelli is worked up. Watching the Astros is like riding a roller coaster this year. Somebody quit their job for reading a word out loud. (I assume it was the n-word. I also assume he was reading without really knowing what he was saying, since they were somebody else’s words.) Liverpool got off to an inauspicious start to the season, and I’m being generous. Man City were flying. And Man United looked like a bag of asses.  And that’s pretty much it for sports.

They bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting into. I say let em crash stay an extra ten days. With apologies to Jeff and David Zucker.

I like the cut of this guy’s jib. I especially like the reeeeeeeing it is causing for the so-called learned class.

I miss this simpler time.

They’re lining up the dominoes. Let’s see if they start falling. (fingers crossed)

You might want to lay low, Alec. There’s no need to fire off any more hot takes for a while.

Wait, it’s the other guy trying to overthrow what now? You do realize your job and oath is to carry out the duties of your job and prosecute people, don’t you?

Nobody cares.

Uh, it’s called “acting”. What an idiot. He doesn’t even realize where this would lead. No gays playing straights. No minorities playing anything but a minority. And no retards (like him) playing people of average intelligence. It’s astupid hill to die on.  Oh, also James Franco’s father was a Spanish immigrant as was Castro’s. So he’s pretty well-cast.

Uh, who the hell cares? But yes, they were pretty obviously gay.

How can this possibly be a binding agreement? One party never agreed to the terms and they are a passive service that people have to seek out and voluntarily do business with.  What’s next, will they claim every automaker has to pay them taxes on production and/or sales because people go to dealerships and buy them and then drive on public roads? Oh shit, strike that. I don’t want to give these greedy assholes any more bright ideas.

Going deep in the vault today. Bet none of you had heard that in a while. Hopefully you’ve heard this one more recently. If not, you’re welcome.

Now get out there and get the week off on the right foot, friends!