“Hello. My name is Joe Biden. I am standing here on land stolen from the Nacho Truck peoples.”

“Cut! Grandpa, it’s the Nacotchtank people.”

“Necco wafer?”

“Nacotchtank. Na-coat-shh-townk.”

“I am standing here on land stolen from the No-coat shit-town peoples.”

“Nacotchtank. Nacotchtank. Nacotchtank.”

“I would love a Sanka.”

“Some people call them the Anacostine.”

“Call who, sweetheart?”

“The Native people who were indigenous to the Washington D.C. area.”

“Are some of them here? Does my hair look OK?.”

“No, they are gone, Grandpa. We stole their land.”

“Who stole it? It wasn’t Hunter, right?”

We stole it, White people.”

“Well, that’s just horrible. We should tell the Whites to give it back.”

“That’s what we are acknowledging!”

“Give Anacostia back to White People. Cut! That was a good take. I was really squinting my eyes to look serious.”

“You don’t say ‘cut,’ I say ‘cut.’”

“OK, OK.”

“I’m going to reset the shot.”

“Your grandmother had the best body.”

“I know, Grandpa. You’ve told me this before.”

“I should find those Polaroids and show you, sometime.”

“Ew. No. Stop.”

“She was a very sensuous lover.”

“Yes, you’ve said.”

“There’s nothing gross about the physical expression of love between two people who just happen to be your grandparents.”

“OK, Grandpa. I wrote you some new cue cards.”

“Excellent. I’m ready to go. Let’s go.”

“And… Action!”

“Hello. My name is Joe Biden. I am speaking to you from lands stolen from Native-Americans. I am tall and I have white hair. I am wearing… wait, why am I telling them what I am wearing? Why do they care what I’m wearing?”

“It’s for the visually-impaired.”

“Shouldn’t they just be listening on the radio?”

“No one listens to the radio any longer.”

“Well, maybe they should. I never cared what anyone was wearing on the radio. Wolfman Jack could have been buck naked for all I cared.”

“It’s just how things are done now. You state your name, you say who you stole the land from and you describe yourself and what you are wearing.”

“This is dumb. I’m in a studio and you are filming this on your GameBoy.”

“It’s an iPhone 14 Pro Max. Steven Soderburgh shot an entire terrible film on one of these.”

“I don’t know what any of that means.”

“Please just read the lines.”

“OK, fine.”

“And… Action!”

“Hello. My name is Joe Biden. I am speaking to you from lands stolen from Native-Americans. I am tall and I have white hair. I am wearing a blue suit jacket, a white shirt, a red tie, and no pants whatsoever.”