Hi guys, I’m pinch-hitting for SugarFree, and like the World Champion Houston Astros, our pinch-hitters do just enough and strike out often. I’ve started trying to stretch my stomach in preparation for Thanksgiving next week. I need to bring my A-game. My parents are hosting for the first time in years, and even though I like my spatch-cocked turkey, there’s a huge difference between eating my cooking and eating mom’s cooking.

I hear Skeletor was all set up to challenge Cocaine Mitch for Senate Majority leader before, well, neither was eligible for that position. Looks like McConnell is going to get some payback.

I didn’t realize we had a Jeopardy! clue writer among us. Insensitive and tasteless is our brand!

These assholes let a bunch of tiny monsters loose to protest… something. 10 kilominks will decimate the local small animal and bird population. Good job you tree-hugging morons.

Fed suffers wound from dropping an unholstered firearm at a wine-tasting. I’m sure anyone with a carry permit in Florida could have this happen.

A pretty little song for those of you old enough to remember mix tapes.