Now that I got your attention with the title, I will let you down by informing you that this is an article about the Disney+ series Willow. In case you aren’t aware, Willow was an 80s LucasFilm property directed by Ron Howard (brother of handsome actor Clint Howard) and the Disney+ show takes place 20 years after the original film. (Even though in real time the movie was more than 30 years ago and all the returning actors look it)
I hate myself. So of course I am watching this show. I have this thing where I have to watch things I know I will hate, just to confirm I was right. And, boy was I right.

Now, I am not a critic so opaque and bland to blame a story’s failings on things like ‘WOKE’ or ‘The Message!11’. In fact, a lot of the common story elements called ‘WOKE’ today I was advocating for my young nieces to embrace in the early aughts. ‘You don’t need a prince to save you’, ‘You can like what you like, don’t worry if it’s for boys or girls’. That kind of backfired. But really, the ‘WOKE’ stuff in She-Hulk, Disney’s Star Wars, etc didn’t bother me, it’s just how shitily it was written, directed and produced.

The writing for this show is utter shit. No matter which ideology it is espousing. There are so many anachronisms in the dialogue that it becomes stilted. It’s Ayn Rand level dialogue only for the AOC crowd. This is supposed to be a High Fantasy show, and these actors are speaking as though they are on Saved By The Bell The Millennial Years. Still, that isn’t what is bothering me. Val Kilmer played Madmartigan in the original film, and he really didn’t try to do any kind of accent or anything especially ‘Fantasy’ with his performance.

No, what ultimately broke my camel-back for this show didn’t happen until episode 3. Out of nowhere one of the characters comes across a cockney cowgirl and her mute lover…or sister…or lover-sister…WTF!? Fantasy in of it’s own has a very specific visual language. This being an established property doubly so. Not only the writers, but the entire production crew said, ‘Fuck-it, cowboys and Fantasy, it’s all the same’.

Just in case my description of this wasn’t enough for you to pass judgement, Disney+ thought this scene was so great that they released part of it as a clip. You can watch it here.

Fuck You! Cut Spending Hire me, I can write this shitty way cheaper!