Clearly this is not a female superhero. Only Marvel superheroes count.

Batwoman

Firsts.  You either first 100%, or you didn’t first at all.   A first with conditions is not a first.  “Captain Marvel is the first woman superhero movie! Wait, we meant for Marvel, not for all time!” No. Not a first at anything. Black Widow was a major character in the modern Marvel universe first, and she was much better.  She Hulk was in the Incredible Hulk Show prior.  Captain Marvel was some Deux Ex Machina that wrecked a whole story line. Not a first at anything. Batwoman was far, far before that. And hundreds of others. Seems like today people want to celebrate every fart and come up with a way to make it a pathetic win.  First romantic comedy featuring a one-legged Presbyterian bisexual!  That is not a first at anything, it is a participation trophy.

OK, enough of that.  This movie is not to be confused with the Wild Wild World of Batwoman, which was mocked by Mystery Science Theater. Nor is this the new shitty Batwoman which was on CW.  Instead, this is a property lightly based on Bob Kane’s Batman character. The difference is we have a female Batwoman who strips down and fights crime when she isn’t wrestling or jet-setting.  Some of the plot points in our movie are a little unusual and I wonder what it may have inspired in the coming years…

For example, this is like something Hunter S. Thompson wrote, where wrestlers are being killed for their pineal glands. Only instead of tripping in a hotel, the mad doctor is making a superhuman gill man.  Luckily for us Batwoman is already wearing swimwear and will be able to quickly defeat this demon of the deep. Because she is always wearing swimwear when fighting crime.  God bless Mexico. Now am I going to swoon and say this is the first movie with a female superhero where pineal glands were mentioned?  No.

Photobomb! I am the first red Sleestak ever on film!

Let’s talk about that gill monster.  It shows up about 2/3 the way through the movie and it is clearly a prototype for a Sleestak.  That helmet for sure got reused in Land of the Lost.  The color changed from red to green for Land of the Lost, but that’s a Sleestak head. I like how the art department hid the monster’s air tank behind a giant tail that ran up his back. That is some classy work.

Our lovely actress tonight is Maura Monti, who is Italian.  And she is playing in a Mexican wrestling film.  Not a lot of information on this, I can only assume that after she was born in Italy, she got to Mexico as soon as she could.  She has a dual citizenship, Mexico and Italy. Cool, but also not a first.  Other than that, there isn’t a whole lot about her, sadly.  Her performance is forgotten, and she is not brought up in discussions of female superheroes.  In fact the entire genre of female wrestler movies is left our of the national conversation of female superheroes. I wonder why?

So watch!  Or don’t!  Everything is voluntary until you are forced to watch Captain Marvel in an education camp! Next week, we will… We will… Not be watching The Panther Squad.  I so wanted to show it!  I gave it another chance! It was edited by two blind cocaine addicts in separate dark rooms!  So flipping horrible!  And the trailer was so promising!  And it had Sybil Danning! Anyway, I will find something else to show. Or… Do any of you dare to watch The Panther Squad with me? Tell me in the comments!

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(h/t: The Hyperbole)