Ninety-nine percent of the world’s lovers are not with their first choice.

That’s what makes the jukebox play.

–Willie Nelson

 

Thanks to all of you for your concern about some events that happened recently. I will try to explain as best I can. The story is as old as life itself but is heartbreaking as it happens. Some have had similar experiences, I’m sure.

A long, long time ago, in 1967, a Not So Young Soldier went off to war, believing in the cause as it was explained at the time by our leaders. He was a married officer with two young kids and a troubled marriage. He was assigned to a unit on a mountaintop, the highest one in Viet Nam, Nui Lang Bian. The mountain, in the Central Highlands, had a temperate climate but tropical seasons. Dry and dusty, followed by torrential rains and knee deep mud.

As an ambitious and experienced trooper he set out to do the best job he could and after a few months was reassigned to one of the safest and prettiest towns in VN named DaLat. DaLat had a French flavor, with expensive villas owned by the upper military echelons as well as the political cadre, hence the security was as good as it could be in a war zone. The Not So Young Soldier was assigned to a villa for living quarters along with other junior officers. He worked on a small compound a few miles away. His position was such that he had his own vehicle, an M151A1 (a jeep), as did most of the other officers. All of the people living in the villa worked in different sections, in different units, occasionally with each other but went to work at different times.

There was a little store near the front gate of Chi Lang Compound, where the Soldier worked. There were four young Vietnamese girls in their traditional ao dais (VN dresses)that worked there and the Soldier would shop there often, to tease the girls as they were learning English. One girl spoke good English, the others not so much but always tried. Another of the girls was very pretty with a smile and would always help the Soldier with his shopping. They all got off work at the same time and walked about a block to catch a jitney that would take them into town. One day the Soldier offered them a ride to the jitney and they all got in the jeep. Soon this became sort of a routine.

1968

One day the Pretty Girl was walking alone, either late leaving work or perhaps waiting for a ride. The Soldier, being a gentleman, offered her a ride home and as it turned out she lived not far from his villa.

This became a routine, the Pretty Girl was from a middle class family that had fled North Viet Nam in 1954, when VN divided (and the conflict escalated). Her father was a high school math teacher and she had 8 siblings, 3 sisters and 5 brothers. She would always get out of the jeep a half block from her house so her family wouldn’t see her.

The friendship developed, the two different people laughed and talked and were becoming serious friends. Somehow, driving a 4 on the floor jeep and their hands touched and so began a ritual when they were alone.

The Not So Young Soldier went on R&R to Australia and found himself thinking of the Pretty Girl and bought her a wool sweater and a kangaroo hide handbag. She was delighted with the gifts. When the Soldier mentioned he had taken several rolls of 35 mm slides she wanted to see them and invited him to her family’s home for the first time. Her parents were conspicuously missing from the living room but two younger brothers came in and introduced themselves. They looked at the pictures with one of those little viewers. She made tea and it was a pleasant evening for the Soldier.

The rides home from work developed into morning rides to work as well, with the hand holding, the laughs and the teasing. The other girls at the store would laugh when the Soldier would show up and they would tease their friend in English.

Then the inevitable came, the Soldier had to leave and return to the US. They had talked about it for days and weeks with much sadness. The parting was sorrowful, the Pretty Girl cried, the Soldier had a lot of dust in his eyes. The Soldier stopped in the US just long enough to gather his family and a passport and leave for Spain. The Soldier and Pretty Girl wrote many letters and exchanged many photos for almost three years. Then a big surprise! She wrote that she and a brother were getting passports and coming to Madrid, he to go to school and she was looking forward to the future.

Now the Soldier had to tell the truth, to confess, that while never lying he had never told the Pretty Girl the whole truth. He wrote her a very long letter but it was necessary so she could go on with her life. The deep sorrow and guilt he felt was depressing but deserved. A few weeks later he received an unexpected letter in return, chastising him for his gross treatment of a young and vulnerable girl. The Soldier was deeply remorseful and vowed to never repeat the lies, even by omission.

Just a few weeks later the Soldier got orders to return to Viet Nam. His marriage had continued to deteriorate but he loved his children and wanted to protect them. He found an apartment for his wife and kids near her parents, thinking they might provide some oversight while he was gone.

The Soldier’s assignment in Viet Nam would be as an adviser and he hoped to get assigned back to DaLat, to apologize to the Pretty Girl for the harm he had caused. Instead he was assigned to a team in the Delta, not far geographically, perhaps less than a 100 miles but enough to preclude any visits. He returned to the US to find his wife in deep schizophrenia, unable to cope with life. After several hospitalizations it was apparent that she would never stabilize and divorce was necessary, for the Soldier’s sake and the health of his young children.

Two years later he was divorced and now involved with a Vietnamese girl he’d met at the Defense Language Institute, where she’d been an instructor. As the war in Viet Nam was winding down fewer instructors were needed and the Lovely Lady lost her job. She enrolled at a college near Fort Hood where the Soldier was stationed and two years later, in 1974 the Lovely Lady and the Soldier were married. The war continued to de-escalate and in 1975 was suddenly over and the Communists came to power.

The Soldier was greatly saddened, not knowing what had happened to the Pretty Girl, was she alive? What happened to her family? It had been five years since they had said Goodbye, with heavy hearts and anguish.

Then some good news from another direction. The Lovely Lady’s family had all escaped and had arrived in CA as boat people. We soon had a family of 14 living with our family of 4. Hectic times, in retrospect, happy times watching 7 new kids adjust to our 2. The Lovely Lady had been gone from Viet Nam over 10 years and now was reunited with her Mom and sisters and brother and families. The joy we all shared can not be over-emphasized. Time passed quickly and soon the new people were restarting their lives and moving on to their own destinies. In a couple years we were back to our original 4.

Some of the new families stayed near by and all was good. A year later the Not So Young Soldier became an Old Retired Soldier and moved on to a new chapter in life. The Love Lady graduated and began a career search.

As the years passed the Retired Soldier always was wondering what had happened to the Pretty Girl. He kept her pictures in his brief case and would look at them a few times a year. He tried to remember on August 3rd, her birthday, to look at the pictures and savor the memories. He just could not forget her. She had a common Vietnamese name and as he traveled around the US for work he would check the local phone books, looking to see if she might be listed. There were a number of positive hits but no way to know if she was the right one and he finally gave up.

The years passed by, since that day in 1970 when the Soldier had written his last letter to the Pretty Girl. Ten, twenty, thirty years. He and the Lovely Lady had retired to the woods of Minnesota, young enough to still enjoy life and fortunate to be comfortable in their travels. One day, it happened to be Aug 3rd, 2000, the Soldier was watching TV when he saw an ad “PeopleSearch, find anyone in the US” was their claim. Was this an omen? He puzzled over the thought, maybe he would get a negative report but at least that would sort of answer some questions.

After a few days he called the number, answered the questions but they needed an SS number or a date of birth to start the search. The Soldier had never forgotten. They asked “When and where did you last see this person?” He lied and said, “25 years ago in California” since he knew that many Asians stopped off and stayed there. They said they would give him a written answer in three weeks. Three weeks came and went, four weeks and the Soldier called back to complain. They checked the file and told him he’d have an answer in a few days but wouldn’t tell him what it was. He asked if he would be happy with the results?. They assured him he would be.

The letter finally came, the Soldier was excited, shaking, opened the envelope to find that the Pretty Girl was alive! She was in Texas! And an address and a cautionary note about contacting a newly located person. He was ecstatic, He couldn’t believe it! He had found her! He was high-fiving himself, over and over. Then of course, what to do with the new information? Would she remember him? Would she still hate him? What to do? Finally he decided to write a letter, explaining that he was married to a VN Lovely Lady and retired. He sent the Pretty Girl a couple “safe” pictures, one of him catching a very small fish and one working at honey harvest. He also sent a picture of her from the days before. He didn’t know what to expect, if anything, but even nothing would answer a question.

About a week later he got an answer back. Again the excitement. He sat in the car at the post office, an adrenalin high. The letter started out, “I’m so happy to get your letter after 30 years” and she told him she was married to a Vietnamese man and had a grown daughter. Now she was asking the questions and then asked him to come visit her at work and gave him her work phone number and business card. There was joy in Podunkville after 30 years!

The Now Retired Soldier parsed every word, making sure he understood exactly what was written. Finally he got up enough nerve and made the call. It was received well and he continued to annoy the Pretty Girl at work, she finally said to call her at home at a prearranged time and gave him her home phone number. The calls were long and happy. There was 30 years of catching up to do and the calls were frequent. She explained all that had happened to her and her family after the Communists had taken control. There was some sadness but she and 7 of her 8 siblings had gotten out with 6 in the US (5 in the Houston area), 1 in San Jose, the brother that had gone earlier to Spain was a successful business man in Belgium and a brother in eastern Canada. Her sister that had stayed in VN had 9 children of her own and didn’t want to leave and died about 15 years ago.

Late November 2000

The Old Soldier and the Pretty Girl were so happy, to revisit the memories, now thirty years old. Of course they wanted to see each other. The Soldier and Lovely Lady always went on vacation to Texas in the winter, to visit many friends and family. So they went, the Soldier and Lovely Lady had different friends to visit. He was able to meet with his friends that the Lovely Lady didn’t like while she visited her friends.

The Soldier and Pretty Girl were able to meet in a mall, for the first time in thirty years. Both were very, very nervous, as they were walking towards each other. The Soldier recognized the Pretty Girl from a distance. She, on the other hand, walked past the Old Soldier and didn’t recognize him. Finally, the awkwardness was overcome, they shook hands like newly introduced people. She had told her sisters in advance and they wanted to meet the stranger. As they drove over to visit her first sister she took off her glove and laid her left hand on the console. The Soldier picked up her hand and thirty years disappeared. The first sister was a widow whose husband had died in a re-education camp. She had heard a lot about this stranger and was happy to meet him, though her English was lacking. They went to the second sister’s home, her husband survived the five year re-educational program. The husband had been a Lt Colonel in the VN army and spoke good English and interpreted for his wife. They too had a lot of questions for the Old Soldier and the Pretty Girl. The day was spent together, the Soldier and the Pretty Girl laughing and remembering, it was wonderful, being young again..The Pretty Girl took the next day off from work to spend a whole day with her Soldier.

It was a repeat of the previous day but this time together at a mall, with catching up on thirty years of family news and the joy of being reunited and together again. As the afternoon rolled around and it was time to say goodbye again they both knew that their lives would be changed. The next twenty years sped by, almost daily phone calls, birthdays remembered, occasional happy reunions from time to time but always knowing they both had spouses and those vows would never be broken. They laughed and teased on the phone, enjoying each other’s lives and consoling each other with their daily woes. The days together were so happy, so wonderful, like being teenagers again.

There were discussions of the future but it was a dream. The years crept by but with a bonding dream.

September, 2022.

Then on January 9th came a late evening phone call. The Soldier recognized the voice of the Pretty Girl’s niece, she was crying and very difficult to understand. Something, something “funeral will be Friday at (sob,sob) ‘something’ at 9AM at something, (address)”

Oh my god, was she telling the Old Soldier the worst possible news? No, no, no, it couldn’t be, no,no, that’s impossible! A sleepless night, tearful. The following morning, the Soldier located the funeral home at the address he’d understood and got an affirmation. His Love of fifty-five years had had a heart attack and passed away. No history, no explanation and had died in bed. Then more information from the niece’s husband trickled in via message. It was the worst day in a Fourscore’s life.

I am grateful for the extension of condolences and sympathy extended by the Glib Family. I have gotten through the shock portion. I have the memories of more than fifty years. The Pretty Girl can never be forgotten and I should be happy having known her for so long but it’s hard to understand why she was taken from her family and from me.

I was eleven years older. I expected to go first. We had discussed our mortality and she was always sure that she would be the one to pass away before me. I am so glad to have met her, to know her, to find her, so sad to lose her.

“We laughed together, now I grieve alone”