Ever find a story and ask yourself, “Huh.  I thought that guy was dead?”

This is my review of Wellbeing Intentional IPA:

The backlash to “retelling” works written by several writers to suit modern audiences took an unexpected turn.  You’ve likely noticed headlines about feminist retellings of 1984, for example and laughed at the memes pointing out the irony they decided to change small details to control language in a universe where the government has an agency dedicated to changing small details in language to maintain control of information.  By laugh I mean cringe and pour another three fingers of scotch.

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Then they did the same to Rhoald Dahl.  Many of us read his books as children, and were puzzled as to what exactly was controversial about Rhoald Dahl other than portraying feminism through a female athlete turned professional educator that terrorized everyone around her she thought to be weak.  What Orwell and Dahl have in common though are they are both British, both are commonly read in schools, and most importantly both are dead.

Which makes the attempt to censor R.L. Stine puzzling.  Stine wrote books for children but these weren’t exactly the type of books like Where the Red Fern Grows the schools are going to force kids to read.  His books were popular because they were easy to read, had screwball plot twists, and most importantly—short.  They were discouraged while I was in school in part because they are pot boilers, and they are in the “horror” genre, dealing with occult topics on an extremely surface level basis.  Kids still read them, because schools often had a specific number of pages kids were required to read to build an interest in reading and they couldn’t actually stop them.  Grudgingly, they allowed us to scribble up book reports about Camp Jellyjam.  I find it odd they attempted to go after him in spite of the fact he’s still alive to notice.

 

Today’s near beer is an IPA.  So naturally I hate this one even more.  It is indeed a proper dry-hopped IPA. But I assume this step is taken after they remove the alcohol.  Its more the “East Coast” variety so its not total grapefruit if you’re not into that.  Ultimately, this is suitable only for Yusef—In the event Yusef gets a CDL and decides he needs to fuck with everyone on the interstate by visibly drinking beer and throwing empty beer cans out the window*. Wellbeing Intentional IPA: 0.6/5 <.05% ABV

 

*Don’t do this.