A mild-mannered redneck, Cletus Spunkmeyer was catfish noodling when he was attacked and bitten by a radioactive meth-head. The incident gave him the incredible powers of poor judgement and impulsivity. Now he fights crime and the forces of evil with his trusty sidekick Gator Boy.
And now, our story continues in media res…
“Holy masturbating alligators, Florida Man! It’s your arch-nemesis, The Bureaucrat!”
“I see him, Gator Boy” mutters our peninsular hero as he cracks open a can of Skoal and lights an M-80.
“Foolish Florida Flan! I mean Flooish Florida Fan! I mean, well you know what I mean. Taste the wrath of my nefarious henchmen, the Paper Pushers!”
A heart-pounding melee ensues with appropriate music and sound effects!
POW! BIFF! BAM! ZONK! BARF!
“Curses, foiled again! Paper Pushers, retreat!” shrieks the Bureaucrat as he detonates a Red Tape smoke bomb to cover his escape.
“Manatee mammary, Florida Man. That fight was a close one.”
“Yes, Gator Boy, but it’s the close fights that make this job worth it. Now let’s get shitfaced and make lewd comments to the waitresses at Hooters.”
“Yay! I want to wear an onion ring like a monocle and call myself Count von Scratch-n-Sniff.”
“You’re a great American, Gator Boy.”
And so the day is saved once more by that most proactive of pairs, Florida Man and Gator Boy. Tune in next week for Strip Club Showdown.
bitten by a radioactive meth-head.
I hate it when that happens.
How else are you going to get meth superpowers?
“ Now let’s get shitfaced and make lewd comments to the waitresses at Hooters.”
STOP WATCHING ME
I’m so First that Hooters waitresses and strippers hit on me.
Meh, they do it to anyone who tips. Ask Winston’s mom about it next time she bills you.
I don’t tip., unless its telling people how to First more It is a honor for service employees to even be in my presence.
Saved by the Woke
We don’t have Hooters here anymore but we do have Twin Peaks.
I was expecting David Duchovny in drag. I guess David Lynch really took the reboot in a new direction…
LOL love the carefully constructed “diversity” in the pics. Well, except for diversity of female breast size.
I’ve never even heard of that chain and apparently there’s one near my office.
I went once. It was sad. Waitress 1- 8 months pregnant. Waitress 2 – super skinny, not svelte, like possibly with an eating disorder. Waitress 3 – surprisingly flat chested given the amount of junk in the trunk.
I kept waiting for the candid camera crew to show up but they never did.
It turns out I’ve seen this done on television before, but didn’t know what it was called. After a helpful web search turned up this video, I’m finding this activity quite intriguing.
Damn, she is cute.
Knew who it would be. Those videos have weird vibe.
Yup. I always expect to hear a banjo.
Dude, the national noodling championship is in Oklahoma every year.
Even Hayeksplosives has gone noodling near the red river. But since I value my digits, I mainly confined my participation to removing the catfish from the arm of the noodler who had just surfaced with said fish glomped down on his forearm.
Good to see you!!
Is there some official “rule” that says no matter how many times your proofread something an error will always creep in? I’m in charge of the program for a Rev War militia monument ceremony on Saturday. I pored over the draft ten times. Fifteen minutes after picking it up from the printer today, the “Marquis de Lafayette” contacts me about an error he spotted: I used two different years for one of the soldier’s death dates.
I looked for spelling errors, grammar errors but forgot about consistency.
Damn, see what I mean?
Yesterday I sent an email to a major national corporation after perusing their job site and seeing that in literally every single one of their job listings in a particular category, the following sentence was used:
While I do possess resiliency in spreading high stress situations evenly throughout an organization, I’m fairly certain the 20-something HR flunky making close to, if not well into, 6 figures probably had in mind defusing high stress situations. Ironically, I wasn’t qualified for the job.
You’re probably overqualified.
Sometimes the hiring manager writes those descriptions. HR just proofreads them/makes sure they fit corporate’s template/etc.
At my company, the hiring manager writes them, then HR edits them to add bad grammar and stupid buzzwords, then the hiring manager re-edits, HR adds completely new mistakes, hiring manager edits, HR goes back to original mistakes, etc. etc.
That first paragraph is gold.
I will now finish.
Good to see you back Derpe.
I see Sports Illustrated wants a piece of the Bud Light action.
https://www.foxnews.com/sports/sports-illustrated-faces-backlash-naming-transgender-female-pop-star-kim-petras-swimsuit-cover-model.amp
This may inadvertently be on topic since Derpetologist is tonight’s MC.
Sports Illustrated is worse than Bud Light by a thousand. They are most known for their swimsuit editions and they’ve destroyed the brand. They’re basically The Bleacher Report with less traffic at this point. They don’t really break news, they lost their top writers, and they feature obese women, trannies, and the elderly in their swimsuit editions.
I haven’t seen their subscription numbers in years. I just assume the year they ditched models for the swimsuit edition is the year they started their decline.
All print magazines are in decline but I’m real curious what the business plan was.
Hahah, the Bro beat me to it, but they really need a morbidly obese woman this year to round out the trifecta. I th8nk they may have already done that before tho. Maybe a woman with copious facial hair or a retarded girl for a change.
I think fucking retards or sexualizing them is still verboten on the left, but I’d need a ruling from a bonified Derpetologist to confirm.
Children can consent to sex, but not retards.
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/drag-syndrome-the-collective-of-drag-kings-and-queens-with-downs-syndrome_uk_5ef367bfc5b6aa825ac9d053
https://people.com/human-interest/mikayla-holmgren-hopes-to-be-first-woman-down-syndrome-sports-illustrated-swimsuit/
Round it out with a morbidly obese woman? I see what you did there.
Holy cow. How to destroy your sorority in 4 years or less.
https://www.nationalreview.com/news/we-were-blindsided-female-wyoming-students-break-silence-after-suing-sorority-for-admitting-male/
That’s one of them unicorn cases that supposedly don’t exist where a perverted guy completely abuses the transgendered thing to skeeve on women.
It’s true. It astounds me, in the age of gender identity, people will claim this won’t happen. Have they never met a 20 year old man?
That campus photo clearly shows it’s The Masons what is behind this.
Does anyone know what egould is up to? https://dailycaller.com/2023/05/16/man-travels-to-seattle-gets-stabbed-in-two-hours/
I know isolated events make terrible law but really… it sounds like this guy should probably have been in priz.
He seems to be the avatar of what’s going wrong in many deep blue cities. If they actually punished violent criminals, there would be far fewer of these stori
Stori = stories.
In fairness, I was in downtown Seattle last month and it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
How bad did you think it would be?
Pat McAfee sold out to ESPN.
If I were Rumble, I would have been backing up the brinks truck trying to get him. They need to expand beyond just political commentary badly, though I have no clue how much ESPN offered him. Outside money, I’m not sure what McAfee gets out of ESPN. Whatever is left of their passive audience who flip to it instinctively when bored?
I imagine it was a pretty hefty sum. I was never a big ESPN watcher but probably watched Sportscenter a couple of times per week until they went woke. I just found it unwatchable after that. I don’t recall watching ESPN since.
McAfee says they won’t be censored, but no one is buying it.
All of the top comments on his announcement video are people saying he sold out and that the show is dead. Pissing off your almost the entirety of your audience isn’t really worth whatever extra ESPN was offering, I’d say.
I suppose he’ll have a chance to convince them when the partnership officially starts.
Unless there has been major turnover in the executive ranks, I don’t believe it.
Next thing you know he’ll be wearing shirts with sleeves!
Per Yahoo!
Jeebus. ESPN must be paying him over $30 million per year. That’s Steven Crowder money.
Stop big sportz.
Watching Boomerang. I miss the 90’s.
24 year old Halle Berry…
Go on….
Eddie Murphy makes the right call.
I blame slumbrew and Kamala Harris.
https://www.nationalreview.com/news/massachusetts-u-s-attorney-to-resign-after-attending-dnc-fundraiser/
Wow, who did she piss-off? There’s gotta be more to the story. A Hatch Act violation?! Who was the last person to lose their job over that?
Oddly(?), I don’t pay that much attention to state and local politics, since the default mode is “derp”*. I had forgotten that she went from being a (Soros-backed?) soft-on-crime DA to US Attorney.
* the posts from New York, California and Minnesota remind me how much worse it can be. Mass is dumb, but could be worse.
You are probably right. She appears to be very sloppy. This may have been the administration’s chance to nip it in the Bud.
I haven’t paid much attention to MA local politics because I’ve been away so long. But my oldest is moving to Boston this summer. Daddy will once again be paying attention.
The Gov here bumped off the Secretary of State (no Lt Gov, so it’s the second highest position and stepping zone to the governors mansion or at least a contestant). The media and commenters are playing it like it’s a victory against corruption. I see fingerprints all over it though.
Just got back from dinner with a former GA colleague who now works at the Southern Outpost of the seattle company for which we both now work.
Every time one of these dudes comes up here I end up going out with them for dinner at least once during the week. The bartenders/waitstaff probably think I’m running an oddly specific nerd call-girl service.
Ah, whatever. We have fun reminiscing about the good old days. And only one of those colleagues gets the full service.
I am guessing in WA there is good money to be made running a nerd call girl service.
Would that be more Risky Business, Night Shift, or Dirty Work?
I’m thinking Night Shift. I could throw in some calculus tutoring and instruction on proper use of a slide rule as well.
I think you could do something with teaching the three laws of thermodynamics as well.
(Wink)
Two words: Edible. Paper.
🙂
The Whore of MENSA>/a>
“an oddly specific nerd call-girl service.”
Lulz
I’ve put Teachers on the backshelf in favor of Ballantines. Like Scotch Bourbon and a whole lot better than I remember from years ago when it languished for years undrank.
I was burning with my machine yesterday and almost got bit. It seems I shut the machine down precisely when I grabbed a probe, and it discharged through my hand, lucky to still be alive. But the new art is fantastic.
Dude!!! I admire your commitment to the art, but don’t be killing yo self over it!!
I got in a hurry, I also am finishing something I began for you a while back.
And I can’t create a coherent sentence🙄
Good morning Glibs.
Here’s some top shelf rock to get your day moving:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yg06B46VVys
🎶🎶
Happy midweek.
☕😃
Good morning, Sean, Roat, DEG, and, if you’re still around, Wrong Time Zone Glibs Yu and hayek! And in just under the wire, Diggy! 😃
Good news: only a half day of work today due to an earlier-than-usual-but-that’s-when-I-could-get-in hair appointment. 👩🦰
Bad news: the monthly Board meeting was last night, so it’ll be time to start writing up the minutes from the Zoom recording. 😒
Morning, GT.
Good morning, U! How are you today?
Grumpy.
🙁
::discreetly slides back to a safe distance::
Not Sleepy? Maybe you should see the Doc.
Mornin’
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/cherelle-parker-hospitalized-within-hours-of-winning-philadelphia-mayoral-democratic-primary-report/ar-AA1bhVsd
The party of retards and invalids? Or trouble with the alien implant?
Also, she looka like a man.
???? 😕
She couldn’t handle the tooth?
😄
Huh. I thought for sure the Bernie-bro (bra?) was going to win.
Well, I guess catastrophe slightly delayed.
https://www.nj.com/news/2023/05/gun-rights-advocates-win-major-challenge-to-njs-tough-concealed-carry-law.html
Yay? The trouble is that it’s still NJ, and even if you win now, you will lose eventually.
From the e-mail list of a Boston dance. They’re having a dance this upcoming weekend and want you to know that masks are still required:
Also, while the Federal COVID-19 public health emergency has ended, the actual COVID pandemic has not and we are still maintaining our precautions to provide a safer space for our whole community. Given that we are in an enclosed space in close contact with others while engaging in an often aerobic activity, we will continue to require masks while in the studio. If you have one, please bring/wear a mask (N95/KN95/KF94) when you arrive at check in. We’ll have extras at check-in as always.
Oh, yes, the perfect accessory to aerobic activity – restricted airways!
Boston Strong!
No.
On the plus side, masks will improve the appearance of that lot.
“OpenAI CEO in “historic” move calls for regulation before Congress”
https://www.axios.com/2023/05/16/openai-ceo-sam-altman-artificial-intelligence-congress
Translation: Please help me fuck over my competitors and enact guidelines that’ll screw people who disagree with me politically.
^Eat a dick guy.
The response should be a ban on charging for the use of AI.
It’s basically slavery.
Hmmm, is campaigning for AI rights a variant of Pascal’s Wager?
Mornin’ All!
It’s time to stop procrastinating and get to the gym. But first, a story about an attention whore.
“News”
Because coming off as a self-absorbed narcissist is SO much better than trying to make oneself attractive to others. 🙄
Awful lot of pictures there, probably selfies. Put those pics out there for nobody to look at, makes sense.
Taps out.
Isn’t “clapping back” a twerking move?
I donno, it’s some post-millenial stupidity that deserves to be responded to with a soldering iron to the eye.
This is why I keep coming back here. Where else can you find such a wide variety of useful information?
“I’m so not trying to get attention from others that I’m allowing a story to be written about myself about not trying to get attention from others. Make sure to subscribe to my TikTok y’all!”
*pats on head* Sure honey, sure…
Mornin’, reprobates!
Good morning, ‘patzie! How’s it shakin’?
Mornin’, GT. Hangin’ in there, 4 day weekend coming up – compny-wide “mental wellness” day Friday, taking off Monday to help the youngest Patzer move back after graduation. How is LBC doing?
He’s doing fine – as demanding of attention as ever. Scheduled to have the bad tooth extracted Tuesday, so of course I’m fretting.
Hey-O
Tough to survive as an English peasant.
Tough to reply as an American peasant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgyO31UaEMo
::looks at duration:: Bookmarked for later. Thanks! 🙂
Yeah, sorry, it’s not short.
Is it also not nasty or brutish?
Such is life.
It’s a really good, but really long. look at medieval life.
I’m pretty sure I’ve listened to several of Ruth Goodman’s books.
I find her plots entertaining, but waaaaay too complicated.
Plots? I’m talking about nonfiction. Most recently, a book on Domestic Coal. She’s a historian, and I’m not aware of any fiction she’s produced.
Who were you thinking of?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w
Quite the convoluted chain of logic you used to get there.
https://www.nj.com/news/2023/05/worlds-oldest-dog-turns-31-years-old.html
“Bobi, the world’s oldest dog in history, recently celebrated his 31st birthday, according to Guinness World Records.”
And his owners are still teaching him new tricks!