Uhhhhhh.  Not again.

”Hello.”  I answered.  I don’t know how this gag still has legs but if they’re going to keep doing it… “Its 0300.”

”It 1400 in Abu Dhabi.  Mr. Swiss have several business interests on the Arab peninsula.  You know damn well your obsession with sleeping in why you still work for government funded industry instead of being truly successful like Mr. Swiss.”  Prathiba was on roll.

“Cry more, pussy.”

That was a bit harsh to wake up to.

”What do you want?” I asked.

”Mr. Swiss record instructions for you on a video.  I send to your email inbox.”  Prathiba answered.

”You could’ve just sent the video, and I’d watch it when I get up in 3 hours.”

”Maybe, but if do it that way, I don’t get a chance to ruin your morning.”

”Touchè.  Are we done here?” I asked.

*hangs up*

___________________

“Okay are we recording?”

”One second, Mr. Swiss…okay”

”That was three seconds.”

”Sorry, Mr. Swiss.”

”Don’t apologize, we do Swiss precision here.  Do better.”

”Yes, Mr. Swiss.”

”Oh, and don’t wear that again.  You totally kill that Dom outfit, and it may help maintain our office culture of fear but Sheik Mohammad Hussein Al Dha’haria asked me why there is a whore in my office this morning.  Had to talk my way out of that one.

”Yes, Mr. Swiss.”

Swiss waved Prathiba away.

“The Emperor’s Triumphant Return” – Artist unknown, 6 AD

”Mex! I am afraid between multiple lines of business in the Middle East, Eastern Europe, Catalonian Separatist movements, that Triad asshole in Hong Kong, and an Israeli company trying to take the Saffron market from Iran we will not have time for an Oktoberfest this year.  I realize this is something you look forward to each year, but this isn’t about you.

Its about me.  

Having conquered the world of Maskrugstemmen, I have taken an interest in chariot racing.  Why?  Because its fucking awesome.

You are still however, expected to do something Oktoberfest related before October.  This recording is over…

…okay how do I end it?”

Swiss pushed a button on his desk.

”Prathiba.  Kill the feed!”

_____

In no particular order:

Walter Station Brewing Waltoberfest:  3.6/5

Malty.  Locally produced (to me at least) so no skunk at all.  My only issue was the price tag.  $17 for a 4 pack so I grabbed a single.  A solid offering.

Joesephbrau Oktoberfest (Trader Joe’s house brand):  2.4/5

They make a good Pilsner and a perfectly cromulent Heffe so when I say this was disappointing I’m not coming from a place of disgust for the Trader Joe’s contract brewer.  Refreshing, but could’ve used more malt and a bit less simulated skunk.

Great Divide Hoss Oktoberfest:  2.1/5

From their website:

Hoss is based on the Märzen lagers of Germany. Rich, layered malt notes, with hints of cherry and dark fruits, dominate, while the unique addition of rye imparts a slightly earthy, spicy character.

Another disappointing offering.  I like creativity in brewing but this style just do it by the book, guys.  Better to repackage this one as “amber lager”.

Half Acre Lagertown Oktoberfest:  2.8/5

I had this one last year, and was not impressed.  I am pleased to report this year’s offering is much improved!

Sierra Nevada Oktoberfest Festbier: 2.1/5

They apparently used the wizards at Corporate Market Redundancy Marketing Services, Inc to name this one.  Too bad they didn’t leave enough room in the budget to brew beer.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

903 Brewing Marzen is the Case That They Gave Me:  3.2/5

Hard to hate on this one, other than its name.  Refreshing, malty, no skunk.  Nicely done.

PROST!