Idle Hands

At this point in his life, he didn’t even know what a Robot Chicken was.

Idle Hands

The cast and crew at Sony pulled off a great film here with Idle Hands.ย  Watch it because you love Seth Green and Robot Chicken.ย  Watch it because you love Jessica Alba.ย  Just watch it.ย  This is a film that launched a bunch of careers.ย  And yet it made almost no money at the box office.ย  ย It was released and then pulled from theaters.ย  Try and figure out why as you watch this. When you give up, read this. To be discussed in the comments. Fuck Joe Lieberman, in particular.

Seth Green has some great commentary on the making of this film (Courtesy Onion AV Club):

“The best thing about that movie was that everybody working on it had a different mission statement. We all thought we were making a different movie. Me and the boys-the other actors, Devin and Elden–we were convinced we were making a high drama with some comedic elements, and we tried to make our relationship as lifelong best friends believable…The director, Rodman [Flender], was attempting to make a throwback Italian horror film, like a Dario Argento flick. The writers really wanted it to be Heathers. And the studio was listening to the test marketing and saying that…they really wanted the zombies to be cuter, and have more wacky antics, and apparently all the kids in the audience thought that there should be more pot-smoking, that pot should save the day, and somewhere, somehow, Jessica Alba needed to get her top ripped off. And that’s how that whole new ending got shot, where she’s up on the car lift and (removed to reduce spoilers), and (more spoilers removed).”

Tonight we are watching the alternate version as described by Seth above.ย  The original ending was seen as too serious given the tone of the movies to that point, so it was reshot. Here is that serious ending. That ending is on deluxe DVD versions of the movie, should you desire to seek it out.

I am exhausted from too much activity the past few weeks so this is it for the write up. I hope you enjoy tonight’s film.ย  It has that 90’s optimism on it, untarnished by the decades to come.ย  ย So watch!ย  Or don’t! Everything is voluntary! Next week, I hope to play a shoe gaze classic, Welcome to the Dollhouse.

Note:ย  If Biden’s Team Stupid keeps pushing COVID protocols, I reserve the right to interrupt the schedule and play Corona Zombies, with special bonus material instead.

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(h/t: The Hyperbole)

About The Author

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

161 Comments

  1. Common Tater

    I love this movie!

    • R.J.

      I didn’t know about the alternate ending when I started researching this.

      • Common Tater

        Pretty sure I’ve seen both.

        You also didn’t mention Devon Sawa, who was in one of the best horror movies of all time. (I’ve never seen the Chucky TV series.)

        • rhywun

          Came here to say I had no idea he did anything other than Final Destination.

          • Common Tater

            Final Destination is god tier. He was also “Stan” in the Eminem video (they look a bit alike).

        • R.J.

          I had a short paragraph and bullets points on careers this movie launched, and I deleted it because I ran so short on time to get this out. I did originally give him a bullet point. ‘Doh!

  2. Common Tater

    “Fuck Joe Lieberman”

    That’s what I always say. Two-faced midget dipshit following John McCain around like Mini-Me.

    • R.J.

      Best. Description. Ever.

    • rhywun

      Truth. CWAA.

    • Drake

      โ˜๏ธ

    • The Last American Hero

      Joe has no problem with teens slaughtering people or getting killed needlessly – just so long as it’s in a war zone and his friends in the MIC get to wet their beaks.

  3. DEG

    Watch it because you love Jessica Alba.

    Huh.

    • R.J.

      She looks great in this. Just starting out.

    • Ownbestenemy

      And when the lead singer of Offsping gets his scalp ripped off?

    • Chafed

      You can love her acting or hate her acting but don’t tell me she isn’t beautiful.

  4. DEG

    A fucking Nikki Haley ad.

    • DEG

      Movie starting.

      I’ll browse gun auctions during the ads.

    • R.J.

      I have gotten these amazing IPA beer ads with hand-drawn skeletons in adventures. I haven’t figured out whose beer that is yet, because the cartoons are so engaging and distracting.

  5. DEG

    I remember a house in central PA that was decorated like that all the time.

    • R.J.

      The parent’s home?
      I am way ahead, the daughter wanted to see this with me. Her first adult horror film.

      • DEG

        Yes, the parent’s home.

        • R.J.

          My wife’s parents’ house looked like that. Early 1980s.

  6. Common Tater

    “If Bidenโ€™s Team Stupid keeps pushing COVID protocols, I reserve the right to interrupt the schedule and play Corona Zombies, with special bonus material instead.”

    Well, let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

    Also, you could play The Crazies. The original Romero film is great, but the remake is OK.

    • R.J.

      Looks like the whole nation told Team Biden to go screw. So no need. I still think Corona Zombies should be played yearly, as a reminder. Plus it’s funny as Hell.

      • Common Tater

        The Crazies is great though, and relevant as it’s about a reaction that’s worse than the virus.

        • R.J.

          I remember! I will add it to the list. So many great films just appeared on Tubi lately. The Costello vehicle, “he 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock” appeared in my feed. And all those shoe gaze films…

    • rhywun

      It does feel like the Dems wanna ban breathing and/or the outdoors again real bad. They put out feelers with Kaiser Permananente and Lionsgate and got hard pushback so who knows.

  7. Lackadaisical

    Coronavirus? Is it a holiday?

  8. Common Tater

    “Tonight we are watching the alternate version as described by Seth above.”

    How long is this one? The one on my hard drive is 1:32:04

    • R.J.

      1:23:19. Check and see if you have the alternate ending?

      • Common Tater

        Tubi shows 1:32:07 where you getting 1:23:19?

        Scrolled through, no pool scene.

        • R.J.

          I am dyslexic. Looked quickly, reversed two numbers.

    • Common Tater

      Looks like they are both the same.

  9. Pat

    Watch it because you love Seth Green and Robot Chicken.

    Until this very moment, I had no idea Seth Green co-created Robot Chicken.

    Watch it because you love Jessica Alba.

    Still looking gorgeous, although for the life of me I can’t remember the name of the show she starred in that made her famous, and I don’t think I’ve seen a single one of her movies.

    When you give up, read this. To be discussed in the comments. Fuck Joe Lieberman, in particular.

    I was trying to figure out what in the blue hell Columbine would have had to do with this movie based off the synopsis, until I got to this helpful line:

    Sony pushed forward with Idle Hands’ planned release date, correctly citing the fact that the film bears absolutely no resemblance to the real-life tragedy besides involving high school students, but the damage was done.

    • Common Tater

      Dark Angel?

      • Pat

        That’s it.

    • R.J.

      “Green is a co-creator, co-producer, writer, director, and most frequent voice of the Emmy-winning stop-motion sketch parody comedy TV series Robot Chicken, for which he does many voices and has appeared in animated form. ”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3sOuEv0E2I

      • Pat

        The more you know…

        To be fair, I’ve only seen a handful of episodes of Robot Chicken.

        • rhywun

          Same. Did nothing for me.

          In my mind he is a contributor to Buffy and some other stuff that doesn’t matter.

          • Pat

            For me he’s always Scott Evil from Austin Powers, or whatever his character’s name was in the shitty Mark Wahlberg Italian Job remake where he played the guy who actually invented Napster.

            • rhywun

              Sufficiently nerdy. B+.

    • Ownbestenemy

      She was born in Pomona and young 15 year old me with my friend hung out with her at the beach and didn’t give her time of day….oh moments lost.

      Plus she is the cousin of Steve Alba

  10. DEG

    Good throw.

  11. Drake

    Hey, it’s Joe Isuzu.

    • R.J.

      See if you can spot Kyle Gass. You’ll have to look quick! He’s barely in it.

  12. DEG

    The blonde drives a VW. Nice.

  13. DEG

    Knitting to White Zombie.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    • R.J.

      I read that and thought “Cool. What’s DEG making?”
      Then I remembered the movie. I am way too far ahead.
      Daughter loved it, even though she was disgusted by the sex jokes and marijuana usage.

      • rhywun

        she was disgusted by the sex jokes and marijuana usage

        โน๏ธ

        • R.J.

          The youngest sentient generation, about 10-13, are so flipping conservative it boggles the mind. Did not come from me. She is just like that.

          • rhywun

            ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

          • Pat

            I was one of those youngsters with a bit of a stick up my ass, to be honest. Fancied myself a budding intellectual and too high brow for the raunchy teen sex comedies and fart joke flicks my friends were watching. Still isn’t my exact bag, but I long ago figured out that one’s taste in popular entertainment has little, if anything, to do with one’s intelligence, or lack thereof.

            • R.J.

              It goes way deeper than that. Some kids I have met had run ins with older freaks and cannot stand the current culture of depravity.
              Others cant even stand cursing. They hate the TV news, and make relentless fun of social justice warriors. I have seen many generations, and never have I seen this kind of visceral hatred of popular culture. I may not live long enough to see it but these kids are the ones that will tear it all down.

              • Pat

                Eh, power to them, we’re probably due for it.

              • Chafed

                *stands and salutes*

            • rhywun

              I was one of those youngsters with a bit of a stick up my ass

              #metoo

              That went out the window after a few months of college.

      • Common Tater

        Children often rebel against their parents ๐Ÿ˜‰

  14. Common Tater

    “Sadly, there was an effort by many U.S. politicians to try and blame violent movies and video games for the massacre, with former Sen. Joe Lieberman even calling out Idle Hands by name.”

    CWAA

  15. DEG

    Jessica Alba looks good in her costume.

    • R.J.

      Listen to this understatement. You must not be at the end yet.

      • Ownbestenemy

        Yea it gets…better

  16. DEG

    I miss bench seats.

    • R.J.

      Yeah. Never thought I would say that, but yeah. With just a fold-down armrest.

  17. Mojeaux

    @Toxteth:

    Aspirin inhibits prostaglandin production outside of the cells, which, in conjunction with caffeine, greatly prolongs the thermogenic effects and increased metabolism

    I never knew what the A was for, either, but I did it because that was what the weightlifters were doing. I FLUV orange baby aspirin and would eat it like candy if I could, so once upon a time when I was stacking fer rillz and very strictly low-carbing, it was a treat I got 3x a day.

    • R.J.

      #Paging Toxeth?

  18. Mojeaux

    I’m supposed to be working, but am I? No. I am watching football.

    • R.J.

      There’s a movie on where you could practice your medical coding….

      • Mojeaux

        I’m finished with my course, so no more 90s movies to code.

        • R.J.

          Aww…..
          *kicks dirt

          • Mojeaux

            On the upside, I got my grad cert and an overall A in the course.

            • R.J.

              This is a fine thing. Someday it will pay off.

    • rhywun

      I’m watching football with one eye on Teams to alert me to work.

      And there it is.

      • rhywun

        “We might have to cancel.”

        LOL 3rd time’s the charm?

        • rhywun

          LOL no I am not staying up until 4am. That was not in the program.

  19. The Bearded Hobbit

    Trying to watch the movie with the football game on muted. Lions are actually hold their own so far.

    Movie is stuck in buffering hell. 30 seconds of movie followed by 100 seconds of buffering.

    • R.J.

      Oh Lord! I need to mail you some bandwidth, stat!

    • Ownbestenemy

      Idle Hands is fun and uh…good eye candy

    • The Bearded Hobbit

      It seems if I put it on Pause for a while it catches up. Will watch Sideshow Bob in the meantime.

  20. Mojeaux

    #TFW you go to the local cheapo BBQ joint and get meat without sauce, then put their competitor’s sauce on it. The burnt ends are nice and fatty tho.

  21. Suthenboy

    I see that Trump is using his mugshot in his campaign ads.
    He continues to be the Troll Master of the Universe.

  22. DEG

    RIP the blonde.

  23. DEG

    Jessica Alba needed to get her top ripped off

    Part of her costume was ripped off, but it wasn’t her top.

  24. DEG

    The new ending was better than the original ending.

    • R.J.

      I agree. It was a good move to swap the endings. It should have been more of a classic. It only got a decent audience a decade later on cable.

  25. The Bearded Hobbit

    I knew the knitting needles were going to be used at some point.

  26. rhywun

    “Thursday Night Football only on Prime”

    LOL is that new?

    Remember the a la carte cord-cutting utopia we were promised? LOL I never bought into that fantasy.

    • Mojeaux

      Chiefs/Lions on NBC, but if I want to watch it on my phone, I have to use Peacock.

      • rhywun

        on NBC

        That’s this week only.

        • Mojeaux

          Ah, oh. Sorry.

          • rhywun

            Nah don’t be, it’s an obvious bait and switch.

            And it’s looking like ESPN is gone forever from my cable too. Well, unless I cough up more $$. So there goes Monday Night Football.

            • Chafed

              When you move, cut the cable.

              • rhywun

                The new building has some bargain deal with the (same) cable company. I have no idea what else is available in this town so I will pick that until I can see what else is available.

        • Gender Traitor

          So… Thursday night only on Prime. MNF on ESPN, which is blocked as long as the pissing contest between Disney and Spectrum goes on.

          I might actually manage to get more reading done this fall and winter.

  27. DEG

    I’m out for the night. Thanks RJ!

    • R.J.

      Thanks for coming!

  28. Mojeaux

    Must say โ€ฆ Lions’ defense is pretty good.

  29. DrOtto

    I had a job today with someone who was a Covid true believer previously. I like him, but was prepared to issue an ultimatum on masking/Covid nonsense if I got there and he tried to push me into any bullshit. Fortunately, no masks or anything in his clinic (he’s a physical therapist) and we had a good talk about investments/investing. I rarely masked previously, but mostly kept my opinion to myself. I’m not doing that this go around if they push this shit. I’m going to let everyone know my stance and encourage the same from like minded individuals.

    • Ownbestenemy

      I suspect ypu aren’t alone

    • rhywun

      I desperately need to see an eye doctor, but the few times I’ve looked recently it’s you-know-what with the feedbags. So I haven’t bothered.

      I’m moving to small- albeit college- town in a couple weeks so I’m gonna give it another try but I absolutely will put my foot down on that.

  30. Drake

    Damn I miss the 80s and 90s. Pretty girls dancing.

  31. The Bearded Hobbit

    Well, that was fun. Thanks, RJ!

  32. Brochettaward

    Football and political campaigning season collide.

    I saw this movie about a hundred times as a kid. Was always on the cable channels.

  33. Mojeaux

    Well. Crap.

    • rhywun

      Heh. That was interesting.

    • Gender Traitor

      Sorry, Moje! ๐Ÿ˜ž

  34. creech

    Did Kelce make so much difference?

    • Brochettaward

      Chiefs WR’s had some ugly plays, and then Mahomes started to press at the end.

      I couldn’t be bothered to watch the whole game, but I’d say yes. There isn’t much talent there plus what they have is new.

    • Lackadaisical

      God yes.

      Whenever they were in a bind Kelce got wide open and would make a huge play. I really hated him the last few years.

  35. rhywun

    Now I can’t watch Bob’s Burgers on FXX.

    I better get a nice fucking rebate on next month’s cable bill.

    • Chafed

      I’m sure the CEO is writing your check right now.

      • rhywun

        ๐Ÿค˜๐Ÿป

    • Brochettaward

      Isn’t the issue that Disney wanted you to be charged more for their wonderful package of channels?

      • rhywun

        Yeah, Disney needs to recoup the billions they threw at college football so therefore I can’t watch Bob’s Burgers or The View.

        • Gender Traitor

          I would think losing access to the latter would be considered a win.

          • rhywun

            ๐Ÿ˜‰ I just looked for the most ridiculous example.

  36. Beau Knott

    Good morning Glibs!
    Here’s a bit more Al Stewart to finish out the week:
    Sirens of Titan
    Modern Times
    Share and enjoy!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Beau, Sean, Roat, and Lack!

      • Lackadaisical

        ‘Morning!

        I’ve had a long week… TGIF. Next week promises to be fun too.

        • Gender Traitor

          I only work a day and a half next week before a long vacation…but I’m getting a little anxious about details I may fail to prepare for that could inconvenience coworkers while I’m gone. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ

    • Rat on a train

      Did he have a pre-existing condition like Covaxed?

      • Stinky Wizzleteats

        Death by capsicum? Thatโ€™s gotta be bullshit doesnโ€™t it?

    • Lackadaisical

      I don’t buy it.

      At the same time, it’s amazing it’s been allowed for so long.

  37. Grosspatzer

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie! No uncomfortable medical or dental interventions needed today, I hope!

      • Grosspatzer

        Hah, thanks. New choppers ate fine.

        Waiting a few minutes before taking my last Vicodin. Stone is barking loudly; I hope this means it will pass soon.

  38. Fourscore

    Top O’ the Morning to all the Glibsters, lurkers and wannabees,

    Fall has arrived in the Northland, at least there are no more bugs. Tomorrow we take the bees on a one way trip.

    • Grosspatzer

      Mornin’

      I hope the bees will have left behind a bountiful harvest and that a good time will be had by all.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, 4(20) and U! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

      • UnCivilServant

        I woke up at an hour that would have gotten me to work on a remote day.

        Just have to keep it going through the weekend and I’ll be in form to return to work. I’m not looking forward to it, but it’s bad form to miss the day after a vacation because I slept in.

        • Gender Traitor

          Good for you! It’s so easy to allow your sleep schedule to get disrupted while you’re off work. The important thing is to get well rested.

          I stay up too late for as early as I get up. I need to work on that.

          • UnCivilServant

            I’m naturally a night owl, but it’s hard to run errands when I wake up at noon.

            • Gender Traitor

              Especially given the virtual disappearance of all-night stores, dammit. Meijer in the wee hours was often convenient and sometimes even entertaining.

              • Grosspatzer

                That’s what you get for living in flyover country. In NYC there are plenty of all night stores. Shop at your own risk.

              • UnCivilServant

                There were plenty here before the illegal lockdowns.

    • R.J.

      Good morning! Last day of 106 F weather here, I hope. My aggravated muscle injury is healing and I feel less grouchy. Fall is in the air starting tomorrow!

      • Grosspatzer

        Better times ahead! Up here we whine about a heat wave where temps peak at 95; that’s a cool day in Texas.

      • UnCivilServant

        It’s supposed to get up to 87 and rainy here, but it’s in the 60s at the moment.

        Had a nice Loud thunderstorm roll through last night.

        • R.J.

          I would kill for a thunderstorm. Itโ€™s been three months.

    • Gender Traitor

      Is this gluing-oneself-to-the-ground thing some sort of stupid TikTok challenge? ๐Ÿ˜’

      • Grosspatzer

        They’re sticking it to the man!

    • rhywun

      Send them on a free one-way trip to Antarctica. They are free to hassle the rest of us if they can find their way back on unicorn farts.

      • UnCivilServant

        “Cheer up, if you’re right, it’ll be prime real estate soon”

        Though I’d rather not pollute that continent with idiots.

        • Grosspatzer

          “Cheer up, if youโ€™re right, itโ€™ll be prime real estate soonโ€

          +1 Lex Luthor

  39. Gender Traitor

    Last week my new dentist explained that it’s gotten harder to get in for dental appointments because there’s a shortage of hygienists, many of whom never came back to work after COVID. Now there’s apparently also a shortage of athletic trainers. What the heck is going on? Time to put on my carefully-padded tinfoil helmet?

    • rhywun

      Still a lot of plague pork sloshing around. There are shortages in all kinds of low-ish wage workers.

    • Sean

      I can recommend my dentist, but it might be a bit of a drive for you.

      • Gender Traitor

        I like this new guy. He came recommended by Tres Cool. Now I just hope he doesn’t retire any time soon.

  40. Grosspatzer

    And now for something completely different…

    https://nypost.com/2023/09/07/christian-school-teacher-confesses-to-sex-with-teen-students-sending-nude-photos-police/

    “Chrystal Frost, 35, a married mother of three, resigned last month from Crenshaw Christian Academy, known as Home of the Cougars for its football team after she was allegedly caught exchanging explicit photos with a student on Snapchat.”

    “Home of the Cougars”. Not just for the football team, apparently.