“It was cocaine, not crack,” Hunter insisted, Cracky perched on his shoulder like a flaky parrot.
“I understand that, buddy,” Cracky said, eternally chipper and chipped. “Baggie is my cousin. I want you two to be friends.”
“But I prefer you, Cracky,” Hunter said, patting his best friend.
“I know that,” Cracky said, snuggling into the sticky neck of his friend.
“Dad?” Finnegan called. “Are you down here?”
“I sure am!” Cracky called out.
“Dad,” Finnegan said firmly. “I need to talk to you.”
Finnegan walked into Hunter’s bunker-office and turned to walk back out. “I need you to put on some pants or something.”
“You’ve seen it all before,” Hunter said but struggled into his jock-strap and a pair of harem pants.
“Are you decent?” Finnegan asked cautiously.
“Never!” Hunter said, “But I’ve put on pants.”
Finnegan peeked through the bunker door and sighed in relief. “First, I want you to understand that Naomi is OK, she wasn’t hurt whatsoever.”
“OK,” Hunter said. He took Cracky off his shoulder and set him on his scarred, carved and partially burned desk.
Finnegan came in, looking in vain for a clean place to set and chose an overturned milk crate being used as a cage for a filthy Garfield doll.
“Again, Naomi is just fine, but there was an incident with her Secret Service detail. Thay had to fire on men trying to steal their official vehicle outside of her house.”
“It was Jews, wasn’t it?” Hunter asked.
“Jews? What?” Finnegan asked. “What are you talking about?”
“Jews steal, like, 90% of the cars in DC. Everyone knows that.” Hunter tapped Cracky on the desk until a small piece of him fell off.
“I don’t think that’s correct, Dad.”
“I can’t believe they tried to take the life of my only daughter,” Hunter said, loading the stained glass of his Bidencare crack pipe. Cracky made a keening noise.
Finnegan coughed theatrically.
“I can’t believe they tried to take the life of my only oldest daughter,” Hunter said, leaning back in his burnt umber office chair and hitting the pipe with a culinary torch. He exhaled a cloud of smoke and smiled contentedly. “All I have in this world is you and your sister.”
“Maisy, Dad,” Finnegan said.
“Have you seen her? That is not my child. Changeling. The Jews replaced my child with some sort of deformed Jew-baby.”
“That’s not, what are you talking about? I don’t think Jews have anything to do with Maisy, Dad.”
“Then why were they rioting yesterday?” Hunter said with his eyes closed in ecstasy. “So violent, so much destruction. They shit on a statue.”
“That was the pro-Palestinian protesters,” Finnegan said tiredly.
“Why would Jews be pro-Palestinian?” Hunter asked. “That’s ridiculous.”
Finnegan glared at her father and stalked from the bunker.
“You know, I’m 1/7th Jewish on my maternal grandfather’s side,” Cracky said.
“You’re one of the good ones, Cracky,” Hunter said, rubbing his friend fondly.
So Cracky is Jew crack?
Nah. Maternal grandfather. It would need to be the maternal grandmother to pass on from my understanding.
*does a quick search of “harem pants”
I learn so much here
I would have said “MC Hammer” pants, but I wanted to be inclusive for the younger members of the audience.
Hunter would never say “Can’t touch this”.
I thought they were called parachute pants.
Because men wouldn’t wear harem pants.
There has been some linguistic shift. Parachute pants in the mid-80s were jeans-cut nylon with many zippered pockets.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parachute_pants
“1/7th Jewish.” LOL
So Cracky is Jew crack?
Jew tricknology.
At a meeting Monday, one of our science guys was saying that they thought they could “trick” our gizmo with some programming into cracking one of the more stubborn microbiology diagnostic problems.
Thanks to this place, I now have our R & D team using the term “tricknology”.
Wait until one of them hears the term, doesn’t understand it, then quietly googles it so as to not look ignorant.
You, sir, are my hero.
I’d love to know whether the thugs knew they were trying to jack a Secret Service vehicle.
This happens quite a bit, especially with USSS and FBI. According to Tom Givens, of Rangemaster Training, about half of all FBI-involved shootings are because an assailant attempts to rob or carjack an FBI agent in plain clothes.
Maybe they should wear uniforms. just saying.
Khakis and polo shirts?
And a tiki torch.
It’s kinda interesting, that the FBI is often the source for statistics and information for private citizens who go armed. Partly because say what you will about the Feeb, but they’re good at doing studies. Partly because in many ways, FBI agents behave more like private citizens than ordinary cops.
Reminds me of a retort from a Lucas Davenport novel about the meaning of the acronym BCA versus FBI (approx wording):
“We’re called the BCA in Minnesota – the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension – because unlike the FBI, we don’t just investigate criminals, we actually go out and apprehend them.”
A girl I knew back in the day, her father was an ATF agent. His car got jacked in Fresno, with a trunk full of seized machineguns, as she put it. Turns out they quickly figured out it was a roller, and walked away a few blocks from where they stole it.
I once jacked a car in Fresno just to watch it die.
Tonio, I put something in the hopper.
Maisy? Is that the stripper baby?
Slow down there, hoss. I don’t think Hunter’s illegitimate daughter has picked a profession yet.
With the parents she has, her options are limited. Poor girl was born with a suspended drivers license.
Genuine LOL
Navy Joan Roberts is the stripper’s baby.
Maisy is one of the three legitimate daughters.
I’d love to know whether the thugs knew they were trying to jack a Secret Service vehicle.
I bet it has U S Government plates on it, if they were bright enough to look.
TheYou probably knew. And also thought (probably correctly) it would have guns and money in it.
I hate autocorrect. It automatically misspells.
Seen on FB recently.
The inventor of autocorrect has past away. The funnel will be held tomato.
May he rust in piss.
And now I know what I want on my tomestain.
Sounds write
“…overturned milk crate being used as a cage for a filthy Garfield doll.”
I don’t want to know what Hunter has done to that Garfield doll, do I?
I kinda do…
14yo girl voice “Ewwwwwwww….”
Not disappointed.
Harem pants? Does he have the shoes to complete the ensemble?
“Bidencare crack pipe”
I had forgotten about those. We don’t deserve to live in the times we are in.
Just wait till we get our Canadian-made Bidencare suicide kits.
I didn’t realize Hunter was married.
Talk about a speed pass.
I think he was ordered to marry to get him to slow-down on stripper-fucking and general whoring while Joe is in office.
What crime did she commit to deserve that punishment? She’s got to have STDs that defy categorization.
I imagine–like Katie Holmes–she is being paid handsomely.
She has a mask on in the photo. Apparently she’s not super proud of this.
Judging by her eyes, Cracky might be inside the mask.
We don’t deserve to live in the times we are in.
“Deserve” got nothing to do with it.
Great as always SF. You have me singing “Return of the Crack” by Mark Morrison.
I also like that Hunter has become Mel Gibson from South Park.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb-apMm1V2g
Can Finnegan hear Cracky or only Hunter?
Cracky is just Hunter speaking in a high falsetto. They all put up with it because at least he’s not fucking fucking strippers, nieces, and cousins any longer.
So Cracky is like Senor Pepe. https://youtu.be/ELy2ZOkxEHI?si=rfrpxKIhVRV2hnJe&t=36
Struggle for justice
United Auto Workers President Shawn Fain called Tuesday for Congress to “step up” for the working class and for the fight for “economic justice” to happen in “the streets,” characterizing a failure to achieve the goal as a “national security risk.”
Fain’s prepared remarks were scheduled to come alongside comments from Sean O’Brien, president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, and Sara Nelson, international president of the Association of Flight Attendants-Communication Workers of America, during a hearing before the Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions called “Standing Up Against Corporate Greed: How Unions are Improving the Lives of Working Families.”
——-
“We have no interest in being a private welfare state,” Fain said. “The working class needs this committee, and the entire Congress to step up. You all have an essential role to play. Not only in supporting our fights and other fights like ours. But to finish the job for economic and social justice for the entire working class.”
He added: “We need a pro-worker Congress, guided by a vision of liberty and justice for all, elected leaders who understand that economic justice is a national security risk for all of those who don’t have it. It’s a fight worth fighting for. We must bring that fight into the workplace, as well as the streets, but also in the halls of power in the chambers of the U.S. Senate.”
What a bullshit artist. He sounds like a 19 year old college commie.
“national security risk”
LOL There’s dozens of those our betters are actively ignoring.
Exactly what percentage of the American workforce does he represent?
A dwindling percentage
Sorry, the rabble are busy calling for the end of Israel.
If that dies down, maybe you can borrow them.
Exactly what percentage of the American workforce does he represent?
He is the voice of the downtrodden victims of capitalism. All of them, everywhere.
yeah Target
Don’t care how it’s folded, that wheelchair will never make it down the chimney.
Maybe it will be more of a Kool Aid man entrance?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_fjEViOF4JE
He’s magically. It will work.
It can with Black Girl Magic.
It’s ironic that the nutcracker is trans.
Thanks SF. And now on to my local horror…
New Jersey's first lady Tammy Murphy announces Senate bid
How incredibly originally and not conventionally Team Blue.
That is horrifying.
I’d point and laugh, but you know…Fetterlump and all…
*sigh*
Here let me kick a man when he is down.
https://www.inquirer.com/education/cbsd-school-board-superintendent-abram-lucabaugh-20231114.html
Does Central Bucks include your tax base?
Pretty sure it does. I saw that on the news this morning.
🙄
Some grade A bullshit right there.
They learned from the executive orders Obama signed after the 2016 election.
In what private employment would you be allowed to accumulate 219 sick days?
Last place I worked had did have a maximum accrument allowed for PTO, and there were several people who didn’t quite grasp the concept of work/life balance that were constantly up against that maximum (which was ~2.5x yearly PTO, from memory after 10 years that was something like 75 days). They did switch over to “unlimited PTO” as they were tired of paying out for all the banked PTO when the people moved on to other companies.
“We need a senator who will work every single day to lower the cost of living, protect abortion rights, end the gun violence epidemic, and defend our democracy,” Murphy said in an announcement video posted online.
Zipper nosebag overcoat harmonica.
Correct horse battery staple.
“Pee pee slippy.”
Always blaming (((them. ))) Everybody knows that Amish youth commit 90 percent of the D.C. carjacks.
It’s those damned dirty Mennonites!
They just haul them away with plow horses.
Rumspringa!!
The Amish Mafia is taking over.
“You know, I’m 1/7th Jewish on my maternal grandfather’s side,” Cracky said.
I wonder what position Cracky’s ancestors used to get only 1/7th.
Where’s Q when you need him?