Linda Lovelace for President

Linda Lovelace for President

So, a movie that offends everybody, huh?  Challenge accepted!  Dive into the trash with me!  In case you ignored all other warnings, this is clearly NSFW.  My quick scan of this film indicates it’s a late-night cable soft-porn comedy with extra-raunchy humor.  Let’s see who gets offended! Or who falls asleep.  I don’t think anything produced in the 70s is going to offend me, outside of political speech videos. Certainly not a soft-core USA Up All Night movie.

For those of you unfamiliar with Linda Lovelace, she started her career as a porn star.  She became one of the most famous porn stars of all time because of her starring role in Deep Throat. She attempted to have a professional acting career after that, but it never took off. If you want to know more there is a film about her life which came out recently, just entitled Lovelace.  She had a rough life and a bad husband. I am not going to harp on that, instead let’s celebrate the raunchiness of this comedy which closely resembles my vision of the 2024 election cycle.

Note:  The only trailer of Deep Throat I could find was on Vimeo.  And I banned them after what they did when I tried to show Hebrew Hammer vs. Hitler.

This film definitely feels like a more adult version of an extended Monkees episode. No wonder, Mickey Dolenz is in this film cracking jokes as various characters.  Turns out Jack Margolis, who wrote for Rowan and Martin’s Laugh In was head writer on this film.  Makes sense given the rapid fire skits. You don’t have time to get bored watching this. There are a ton of cameos that just fly by, just like on Laugh In. My favorite of which is Scatman Crothers as “Super Black.”

There is another movie Linda made entitled Linda Lovelace, Secret Agent which looks equally… interesting. It has a just-for-the-movie James Bond style soundtrack. I made the executive decision to play Linda Lovelace for President since we are in the midst of election season.

Speaking of, who would you vote for if Linda Lovelace was running against Nikki Haley in your state primary? Let me know in the comments!

So watch! Or don’t!  Everything is voluntary! Next week, we watch… Something.  I give you a choice:

  • Something Newish: Benny Loves You (2019) – Man throws away beloved plush toy.  Murder and hilarity ensue!
  • Something Classic: Drive In (1976) – A night at a Texas drive in.

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(h/t: The Hyperbole)

About The Author

R.J.

Hello. My name is R.J. I am a Tulpa with extra cheese and sour cream.

139 Comments

  1. DEG

    This film definitely feels like a more adult version of an extended Monkees episode.

    I’m going to like this.

    Speaking of, who would you vote for if Linda Lovelace was running against Nikki Haley in your state primary? Let me know in the comments!

    NH primary is done.

    • R.J.

      But if it wasn’t?

  2. The Spaniard

    Hahaha, Ive never watched this movie before. Courtesy of the fuckin Rona (again) I had time to watch some nasty films from Tubi. My week has been productive. Will try to watch this one, I love Titis.

    • R.J.

      Good! Watch some boobs and relax. That is what Thursday night is for.

      • The Spaniard

        I’m watching the Stars game now. I may look for that movie later.

  3. DEG

    Is this a proto-libertarian convention?

    • R.J.

      Sure seems like it. Just needs a dude with a boot on his head.

      • DEG

        Had I gone to the Tuesday night dance at an Irish pub in Manchester, I would have met Vermin Supreme. I saw pictures from someone I know at the dance. He dropped in.

        • R.J.

          Nice. I hear he is a good guy.

    • The Spaniard

      I wonder what Javier Milei is doing tonite. Haven’t read much since que won the elections.

  4. Common Tater

    “Speaking of, who would you vote for if Linda Lovelace was running against Nikki Haley in your state primary?”

    Linda Lovelace. She would blow away the competition.

    Would you watch a Linda Lovelace / Nikki Haley sex tape?

    • R.J.

      Yes

  5. R.J.

    A quick note: “Drive In” will have expired by next Thursday. I have an alternate suggestion for a classic film, “Dr. Phibes Rises Again.”

    • The Spaniard

      Those are both great.

    • Ted S.

      How about Queen Kong? Someone on another site mentioned having watched that, and I don’t see any indication that it’s expiring at the end of the month.

  6. Common Tater

    Patton reference?

  7. Brochettaward

    Truckers have a saying that they’re going down to Le Tres Hole. It’s known countrywide.

    • The Spaniard

      We have Hot wheels to take care of the border.

      • R.J.

        Hahaha! Good one.

    • Brochettaward

      I love the notion that this would have been an “achievement” for the GOP to tout in the upcoming election. No, it would have allowed Biden to pass the buck on the border to the GOP and pretend it’s no longer an issue while knifing the GOP base in the back further demoralizing the voters.

      • The Other Kevin

        I didn’t read too far, but I’m guessing this was long on amnesty and short on border walls and deportation. Trump did them a favor.

        • R.J.

          I don’t believe Trump sank it. Senate republicans that aren’t useless RHINOs had already sank it. Trump just delivered a coo-de-grassy-ass.

        • Brochettaward

          The ones going for this are doing it for their egos and, most importantly, the donor class which likes their unfettered immigration.

          • dbleagle

            It has been known for decades that major bills don’t pass during election, especially presidential, years. Why the fuck were the GOP senators even considering this? It is not like it was an Dem collapse and them giving the GOP their wish list. Dumbasses the lot of then.

            • Sensei

              We don’t call it the stupid party around here for no reason.

              It’s how they got Trump.

              • R.J.

                “Las idiotas gigantes! Es… es… es…”
                *Imitates echo for dramatic effect

    • rhywun

      Now, Republicans on Capitol Hill are grappling with the reality that most in the GOP are loathe to do anything that is seen as potentially undermining the former president.

      Maybe they’re sensing that voters are fed up with being treated like dogshit. Border for Ukraine? AYFKM?

    • Grumbletarian

      The reason the border crisis exists is because Democrats are refusing to enforce current immigration law. Why sign a bill with more immigration laws the Democrats will ignore in exchange for sending yet another mountain of money to be laundered in Ukraine?

  8. R.J.

    Time for an NSFW check. Anyone offended yet?
    *checks for hands
    Nobody? OK. Onwards we go!

    • DEG

      Nope, not offended.

  9. DEG

    Huh.

    I’m not sure what to make of this.

    • R.J.

      Clearly it is the equivalent of Shakespeare.

  10. R.J.

    “My first wife was an orangutan.”
    This movie is like watching a Shakespearean play.

  11. DEG

    “Two assholes on one ass.”

    • R.J.

      That’s a good line.
      I ran out of time writing this (surprise surprise) but it turns out that “Linda Lovelace, Secret Agent” was also titled “Deep Throat II.”

      https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069957/

  12. creech

    Back in the day, Nixon went to see “Deep Throat” but, reportedly, couldn’t get it down pat.

    • R.J.

      *Golf clap

    • juris imprudent

      That should’ve been a simple trick for little Dick.

  13. Sensei

    Three times there were connectivity issues. Sure, one end was government so it is at least possible.

    The weight of the evidence establishes that Cruise played or attempted to play the Full Video depicting the pedestrian dragging in their October 3 briefings with the regulators and other government officials. However, in three of these meetings, internet connectivity issues likely precluded or hampered them from seeing the Full Video clearly and fully. And Cruise failed to augment the Full Video by affirmatively pointing out the pullover maneuver and dragging of the pedestrian.

    https://getcruise.com/news/blog/2024/cruise-releases-third-party-findings-regarding-october-2/

  14. Lackadaisical

    “strap on your NSFW pants ”

    Assless chaps?

    • R.J.

      I was thinking more like rubber trousers. But that works.

    • R.J.

      Fantastic.

    • Sensei

      I was never a King of the Hill watcher.

      That said the Japanese is on point to the English subtitles. Comments say Boomhauer is actually understandable. All the characters were understandable in the Japanese dub.

  15. Common Tater

    Sad that women like Linda Lovelace are now extinct — no fake boobs, no botox, no tattoos.

    • R.J.

      I thought about pointing that out. She was a regular person. No enhancements, facial surgery big lips, etc… And she was a major celebrity. Anybody could be back then. She really was the girl next door. A few years later the eighties came along and as a society we got weirder and weirder…

  16. R.J.

    The reverend’s name is “Soylent Greenlawn.”

    • R.J.

      Ah! I see. It’s the name of a pet cemetery.

  17. DEG

    Wow.

    That ended on a deep note.

    • R.J.

      You mean the nazi at the ending credits?

      • DEG

        No, Linda.

        Though the Black Power bit with the Nazi was amusing.

        • R.J.

          Linda at the end is especially disturbing knowing her private life. Very true.

  18. Common Tater

    Hey, hey, it’s a Monkee

  19. UnCivilServant

    I hate when firefox updates break the UI.

    I just wasted too much time trying to get the tab bar back.

    • Common Tater

      Don’t update? I use ESR — fewer useless updates.

      • UnCivilServant

        I needed a bugfix.

        They should stop with the “features”

  20. Brochettaward

    A First with no beginning or end. A First that usurps time and space and invades your being from every orifice.

  21. trshmnstr

    “Drive In” will have expired by next Thursday.

    Speaking of drive ins, there’s a drive in theater down the street from me that just folded and is up for sale. If we hadn’t just plopped a ton of cash into our house and if I were a bit more of a movie buff, I’d try to buy it for cheap and give it a go.

    • Common Tater

      I don’t think people are into drive-ins anymore. The point of drive-ins is that you had your own little living room to do whatever. Now with way better televisions, people have actual living rooms.

      • trshmnstr

        People would show up to this one, but he made the mistake of doing first run movies, and because of that, the double features were mostly incoherent. That and it had to cost a fortune to get those films.

        • rhywun

          Yeah they should just show cheap B-movies. It’s all teenagers necking or families with little kids anyway.

          • Common Tater

            Teenagers necking can just Netflix and chill now.

            • R.J.

              Most of them just stare at phones, even when together.
              This might be good, Netflix is balls. My wife watches their original programming alot. It’s awful.

              • Not Adahn

                I actually like a lot of the Netflix stuff. Bodies, Suburra, Umbrella Academy, 1983, Kleo…

                Sturgeon’s law applies, naturally.

      • R.J.

        Modern ones work because they host bands with movies. Imagine a double feature movie with your favorite band. Or bands. Also using the property for other things during the day, like swap meets and hot rod shows. It can be a business model if you can keep the energy up. It becomes a social gathering place.

        • R.J.

          Also yes, no first run movies. Hire a guy like me to trash it up on the cheap.

  22. Common Tater

    I must have missed when Pie joined the tour.

    • R.J.

      He’s everywhere lately.

  23. Common Tater

    A pornstar singing Gospel?

    • R.J.

      Yeah. Seems like the main demographic to offend here was religious people.

  24. Common Tater

    “Linda at the end is especially disturbing knowing her private life. Very true.”

    I must have missed that?

    • R.J.

      Just screwing a guy and talking while looking at the camera with dead eyes.

      • Common Tater

        I don’t know about the dead eyes thing, but screwing a guy seems fine. She looked happy.

        70’s pornstars had a way lower professional body count than pornstars for the last 30 years. Sasha Grey and Riley Reid fucked more guys in a couple of gang bangs than her entire career.

  25. Brochettaward

    The Man And The First: The Story Behind The Story Behind The Story Behind The First

      • Sean

        Sideburns are cool.

        • Suthenboy

          No

      • rhywun

        LOL the soundtrack of my youth. That shit was everywhere.

        • Stinky Wizzleteats

          That song gives me the urge to purchase a Chrysler Cordoba with rich Corinthian Leather for some reason.

          • rhywun

            He is from my hometown so I heard it on TV all the time, plus an older brother had one or more albums. It was inescapable.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., rhy, and Stinky!

      • rhywun

        Mornin’.

          • Gender Traitor

            Good morning, U!

  26. Stinky Wizzleteats

    Linda Lovelace huh? She SUCKS!

    • Gender Traitor

      Probably, but they can’t call it a “master” list because that’s associated with slavery, so what would they call it?

      • rhywun

        “no-fly list”?

        • Gender Traitor

          Probably means I got that “Real ID” for nothing. Meh – I didn’t really want to break my “no airline travel” streak anyway. 😒

          • UnCivilServant

            Look at it this way, at least you didn’t get a Shady FakeID

            • UnCivilServant

              🤔 If I had a fake ID that said I was born in 2005, how would bar staff react?

            • Gender Traitor

              The very first driver’s license I got had my age wrong – added ten years to my birth date. Voila! Instant “legal” booze buying! But of course, like a silly person I got it corrected because at the time I thought (possibly erroneously) that I couldn’t pass for 26. And I wouldn’t really have been able to take advantage of it for a couple of years until I went off to college.

              • UnCivilServant

                My first driver’s license said I was 24.

                Sadly, it was accurate. (I hadn’t had the money for a car before then.)

              • Grosspatzer, Superstar

                My first driver’s license said I was 38. Also accurate.

          • rhywun

            No “real ID” for me.

            I am lazy.
            I don’t want to fly anywhere.
            Especially for work.

            ^ One or more of these excuses apply.

            • Gender Traitor

              I have no plans to fly. I just figured I’d finally get together the paperwork I’d need to account for two name changes in case I ever found myself in a position where I really needed to fly in an emergency. Foreign travel is still right out because I don’t have a passport.

          • Grosspatzer, Superstar

            Does a “Real ID” provide anything beyond a passport (other than the convenience)?

            • Gender Traitor

              At some point within the next four years, I believe you may not be able to fly commercially (i.e. via U.S. airlines) without one.

              • rhywun

                It starts next year, and I don’t remember if a passport will be accepted.

              • Gender Traitor

                👍

            • Not Adahn

              Nope, I use my passport card instead.

              • Gender Traitor

                Will that still work after the Real ID deadline (5/7/25, per the DHS website?)

              • Not Adahn

                I don’t see why not? It’ll get you into the country after all.

              • UnCivilServant

                Well, you don’t need documentation to get into this country anymore…

    • Not Adahn

      Will there ever be another Fappening?

    • rhywun

      Yeah, I saw the articles where everyone is “horrified”. Where have you been for the last several months?

  27. Grosspatzer, Superstar

    Mornin’, reprobates!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, ‘patzie!

  28. Not Adahn

    This winter sucketh. Every time we get some snow, some warm rain comes along and remuddifies the place. The only good thing about living here is the natural beauty and I really don’t need spring to last from December – May.

    • UnCivilServant

      This has been an abnormally rainy winter.

    • rhywun

      I’m loving it. I was over winter already. 50s today. 😮

      • Not Adahn

        When Lily wrestles in the snow, she’s cleaning off, when she wrestles in the mud my house requires multiple vacuuming.

        • juris imprudent

          No dog washing station in your house? We don’t have one either, but then we have short-haired dogs.

        • rhywun

          I don’t wrestle in the mud. 😌

  29. R C Dean

    What a shitshow:

    “A prestigious literary award for science fiction, which was hosted in China for the first time, has come under fire for excluding several authors from the 2023 awards, raising concerns about interference or censorship in the awards process.”

    “Recently released documents showed that several works or authors – some with links to China – had been excluded from the ballot despite receiving enough nominations to be included on their respective shortlists.”

    “McCarty did not respond to a request from the Guardian for comment, but shared what he said was the official response from the awards administration team on Facebook: “After reviewing the constitution and the rules we must follow, the administration team determined those works/persons were not eligible.” He declined to elaborate on what the rules were.”

    https://www.theguardian.com/books/2024/jan/24/science-fiction-awards-held-in-china-under-fire-for-excluding-authors

    • Gender Traitor

      I had a feeling the Hugos were hurtling toward irrelevance.

      • juris imprudent

        I thought they were looking at irrelevance in the rear view mirror.

    • Not Adahn

      This makes puppies sad.

    • slumbrew

      The Hugos continue their match to irrelevance.

      Great job, everyone.

      • slumbrew

        Damn your nimble fingers, GT!

      • Not Adahn

        But the Hugos LOVE China (Miéville)!

        • slumbrew

          Appropriate name – ISTR he’s a literal communist.

  30. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    yo whats goody

    /TALL UNEMPLOYMENT CANS!

    (TestingCorp™ gets my 2-weeks notice today)

    • slumbrew

      Dang – congrats?!

      • Tres Cool

        It wasnt a good fit. I think I pointed out on here before that I had some real issues with how they view safety.

  31. UnCivilServant

    🤣

    Amongthe stack of electronic bits I ordered was an Ardunio “Build your own Uno” kit. I’d been thinking about how I’d push code to the thing since I’d be using it off at my workbench instead of near my desktop. My first thought was a laptop, but I realized I’d be better off using the Raspberry Pi, since it has more USB ports, so I can use one of my nice keyboards, plus, it’s likely to be at the workbench anyway, for electronic projects where it gets involved like the shift register investigation. I even have a portable display to use as a monitor, so I’ve got that all worked out – except for the fact that my Resin printer is in the spot where I’d be working. Gotta move that under the workbench so I can accidentally kick the crap out of it.