Once upon a time, I was at a Sheppard AFB tech school.  In order to create the required number of volunteers to “clean up” the schoolhouse and parts of the base that may or may not be seen by some general visiting the base, the squadron commander orchestrated a plot to able to punish every Airman he could muster.  This way the clean up would in effect be punishment.

So he ordered a shakedown of the dormitory.

This story calls for an appropriate culture war beer…this is my review of Yuengling Lager:

Of course multiple NCOs storming through my room and found my stash of magazines were disappointed, and perhaps even dismayed that stack of magazines were all gun magazines.  Elsewhere they did however find something worth the hassle:  half empty gatorade bottles of brown liquid in nearly every other dorm.  They even got a drug bust style photo because one of the guys in my class managed to forget to throw away about 30-40 bottles locked away in his closet.  Why were so many Airmen at Sheppard AFB dipping? We weren’t allowed to smoke on base.

Which brings us to the latest moral panic.  Apparently, the product now is called Zyn, a smokeless pouch about the size of one of those little cinnamon gums (cue the promo for Big Red).  Designed to deliver the amount of nicotine found in a single cigarette or less, they also have one other selling point:  there is no need to spit.  Naturally, this has gained popularity in blue collar circles but also among the grindset bro crowd (TW: Vox) that tend to not only be younger, but conservative.  Its a stimulant, that keeps you up longer to grind, bruh!  Longer hours means closing more sales; always be closing bruh!  This panic has even spilled over into the last place on social media for moral panics to be found (TW: LinkedIn):

Reader, I must confess here that I have parked a Zyn. It was like drinking three Monster energy drinks then immediately getting on a roller coaster in the middle of a Skrillex concert. After 30 seconds, my gums were tingly and my saliva tasted like acid. After a few minutes, I felt my stomach acids gurgling up my trachea and my heart pounding. I unparked. My discarded Zyn, once a proud pouch, looked like chewed-up gum. As David Foster Wallace once wrote, “My chest bumps like a dryer with shoes in it.”

Why do the nannies always make these things sound awesome?  This naturally drew the ire of advocacy groups, which means they got the attention of politicians happy to make sure the only people getting a buzz at work are politicians themselves.  Which means of course, the counter culture picks it up.

 

What did Yuengling do?  Why they tried to cash in on Bud Light’s folly last year if you take the statement, “We never intended to be part of a discussion that divides people. We are in the business of bringing people together over beer,” to mean they aren’t going to market their product with trannies.  I take it as, “leave me out of this,” and that’s probably good enough.  Known for its amber color, mild hoppiness, and historical significance.  It has quite a bit more flavor than the average yellow lager while still still being cold, refreshing, and not particularly smug about the actual process of drinking beer.  Drink it, drink a lot of it.  You’ll be happy you did.  Unless of course you live west of the Rockies.  I found this by accident in Texas and while the score may reflect the novelty in part, it is in fact pretty good. Yuengling Lager:  2.9/5