Dunham – 38

by | Aug 29, 2025 | Fiction, Revolutionary War | 79 comments

A | B | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14A | 14B | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30A | 30B | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37


PART II


MAY, 1780
BERKELEY SQUARE
LONDON, ENGLAND

CELIA SAW LORD TAVENDISH as soon as he entered the ballroom, prancing like an overly decorated mare on parade. His wig was two feet high and powdered pure white, as was his face, which had at least six ornaments plastered to it. His clothing was five years out of date and outrageous even by macaroni standards. His heels were higher than fashionable and painted a shocking turquoise that did not, in any way, complement his puce brocade coat, his puce-and-chartreuse-striped breeches, or chartreuse stockings. He had double—triple—falls of lace spilling from every cloth opening on his person. He minced and fopped and tittered, waving at people with a lace kerchief, calling out to them in a falsetto that grated on her nerves.

He had a woman on his arm, a young, beautiful one coifed with an elegant white wig and understated white robe à la française embroidered with heather and green flowers. Her stomacher and underskirt were a delicate mauve, and her panniers were so narrow they were barely fashionable. Her face was only a bit powdered and she had a small diamond-shaped patch on her cheekbone just under her left eye. She glided alongside her macaroni companion serenely, as if she were the owner of the overly decorated mare, proudly walking the animal around the ring.

“God help me,” Celia whispered, horrified that Bancroft had, just today, set Rafael aside to consider … that … as the more desirable candidate for her hand.

Rafael snorted with great disdain. Though his own high heels gleamed gold, the rest of his toilette—brown velvet coat, gold-embroidered brown brocade waistcoat, and buff doeskin breeches—was striking in its simplicity and rather too subdued to be fashionable. His cravat was not showy and his blond hair was both uncovered and unpowdered, caught back in a simple queue. No one would fault him for temperance though: By any standard, he was as beautiful as he was brilliant and could wear what he bloody well pleased.

“God help us if this is the best England’s nobility has to offer,” he muttered in Celia’s ear.

“Ah!” came Lord Tavendish’s high-pitched voice above the din. “And who have we here?”

He was talking to her, about her, around her, at her.

She kept her face perfectly expressionless as she watched him and his owner glide alongside him whilst he minced his way the last few feet toward her, her fern, and her lover.

He stopped short and looked around. “Where is someone—anyone—to introduce me to this ravishing creature?”

He was mad.

“Tavendish,” Rafael said coldly.

“Ah, Covarrubias, you handsome devil, you.” He winked and kissed the air at him.

Celia prayed desperately for a giant Scots corsair to burst through the doors.

“This is Miss Celia Bancroft, as you well know,” Rafael said stiffly. Lord Tavendish approached her, took her hand, and bent low over it. “Curtsey to the earl, querida,” Rafael rather conspicuously reminded her, as The Simpleton did have to be reminded of such things.

She did as she was bid, then looked up into a face from which gleamed the most lovely ice blue eyes she had ever seen.

It took every bit of discipline that had ever been beaten into her not to betray her shock, but knew she wouldn’t be able to.

Thus, she swooned.

• • •

HE CAUGHT HER, his overly muscled arms disguised under what she now realized was a coat cut and stitched so as to make his limbs and torso appear spindly. Only a sailor could manage to mince and fop and totter on those ridiculously high turquoise heels while striding through a ballroom carrying an unconscious woman to the nearest fainting couch.

“This way, Tavendish,” Aunt called to him.

You are British … What is your quarrel with your own countrymen?

That is not up for discussion, Madam.

Now she knew.

He placed her on the couch carefully while Aunt Harriet attempted to shoo off the onlookers.

“Tavendish,” Rafael drawled, and Celia wondered if he realized …

More to the point, she knew Judas had looked into her eyes and had not seen Fury. It was yet another blow, but she knew she had no right to expect him to recognize her. She had already deduced his place in the world, but he would have no reason to suspect that she would be part of his milieu.

Lord, what a predicament. If there weren’t so much at stake, she would make herself known to him, but there were too many extraordinarily curious people about.

Best to continue her ruse, as she needed time to reconnoiter her wits.

“I’m sure you have no wish to wed me, miss,” he whispered in her ear, the same way he’d whispered in her ear in the dark of night weeks ago. “I mean you no ill, truly. I do not care to foist myself upon innocents.”

Georgina!

Celia struggled not to laugh as every bloody detail fell into place, but kept her eyes carefully closed and her face blank.

It was a fight. He didn’t recognize her, but he knew she had not truly swooned. Was he intent on reassuring her of his intentions or lack thereof? Or did he not wish to wed The Simpleton and he was being gracious about it?

“My dear Conde,” he said in that falsetto that she already despised, but now realized held no small amount of contempt.

… Judas subsequently made it perfectly clear to me that he intends to supplant me in your bed.

“Could you please be so kind as to clear the room?”

Rafael could do nothing less to such a public and polite request by a noble of equal rank.

“Camille, love, could you fetch a glass of lemonade for this poor gehl?”

Celia heard a swish of skirts and felt the breeze. Love?

This situation was really more than Celia could bear. Not even the knowledge that she was once again in Judas’s arms could comfort her, since this—creature—was not her lover.

Celia stood at the wheel of the Thunderstorm whilst Smitty and Bataar barked orders to get the ship underway. She watched the flurry of activity aboard the Silver Shilling, looking for Judas, who suddenly burst through the ordered chaos to stride down the deck to the ratlines. He was bare-chested, clad only in tight white breeches that looked just like hers, and his hair was tied back in a queue.

He swung himself around the standing rigging, arms bulging as he climbed, then turned when he got to the lower yard.

“Fury!” The grin he cast her was pure wickedness.

“Give me my figurehead back!” she yelled.

“NO!” The roar coming from every man on the main deck made her laugh.

“Show us how you go in battle, my love!” he yelled.

With that, half the men on the deck of the Silver Shilling whipped around to watch as she pulled her shirt off and held her arms out.

“Just so?”

The strong, sweet wind caught his laugh and took it away, on ahead of them. “Exactly so.” And with that, he grasped a line, jumped out over the ocean, and rode the long arc until he landed beside her.

In the blink of an eye, he hauled her into his arms and kissed her lustily, palming the bare breast that could not feel. She wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled herself close, aware of the raucous cheers of the five hundred sailors who were witness to this, but uncaring.

“When we reach Rotterdam,” he whispered, “will you stay with me for a time before you go to London?”

“I—Judas, ’twill only make parting more difficult.”

“Please?”

“Aye, then. Two days. ’Tis all I can spare. Your mutiny is scheduled for five days hence.”

“Aye, I know. How do you?”

“My boys were listening carefully whilst I was singing.”

“Ah, good. ’Twill give me a good reason to toss some of my Navy ballast, now, won’t it?”

She smiled against his mouth, and then he was gone over the rails, swiftly climbing the rope hand-over-hand while it swung out over the ocean. He landed on his own quarterdeck and took the helm.

“Give Fury’s arse one more good polish, lads!” he bellowed down to his crew, who roared and whistled and stomped their approval. “I’ve a feeling she’ll be bringing us yet more good luck! Fury! Stay in London! I’ll find you!”

He had.


If you don’t want to wait 2 years to get to the end, you can buy it here.
Pirates!

About The Author

Mojeaux

Mojeaux

Aspiring odalisque.

79 Comments

    • rhywun

      I haven’t done “nightlife” in a couple decades so that’s news to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • rhywun

      Eek!

      As a person who is not susceptible to the “hot” side of that line, I can safely warn all of y’all… that bitch is CRAZY.

    • Mojeaux

      Ima say a hot/crazy matrix comment isn’t OT on a Mojeaux post.

      Never.

    • Evan from Evansville

      *Would spread his glitter in her front-vent.

    • Chipping Pioneer

      And then crack glitter fell out of her ass.

      • Spudalicious

        That’s a hell of a glitter bomb.

    • Spudalicious

      I can fix her.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        Attaboy. Go get ‘er.

  1. juris imprudent

    He didn’t recognize the burnt sugar eyes? Disappointing.

    • Mojeaux

      Eh, she’s out of context. Also, it suits my purpose. 😈

      • juris imprudent

        So is he, and yes, I know his eyes are more consequential to the whole history.

        Still…

        [you never took me for that kind of romantic, did you?]

      • Mojeaux

        His eye color is consequential to my entire Dunham universe. LOL

  2. cyto

    OT

    What happens when you screw with the wrong guy? John Rambo answered this question for cases when the wrong guy is a special forces soldier in First Blood decades ago.

    But what if it is a relatively poor, relatively uneducated, gay black dude who makes youtube videos with his monkey?

    Well here he is posting some W’s.

    https://youtu.be/437_E8F-_JM

      • cyto

        Hahahaha

        That hits so different with her voice. But at the same time…. damn! Voice actor is going all out. Really great voice acting, I must say.

      • Evan from Evansville

        Everything about that was glorious. That gal put her work in on that one.

        Reminds me of that Eastern Euro, (Polish?) woman who translated and voiced *ALL* the actors in Western flicks for the Regular Folk. Deadpan, dry, but The Voice of Western culture otherwise censored by the Soviets.

        Would throw gusto into her popcorn.

    • cyto

      For those unfamiliar, this guy posted police dashcam videos from a crazy series of stops in Georgia last year. One officer pulls alongside his rental SUV and seems to be looking in the car and at the driver. He pulls him over and claims he was following too closely. (The dashcam does not support this in any way).

      After some attempts at probing for probable cause, he sends him on the way. Dashcam (and later phone records) show that he calls a buddy cop from the next county, who pulls Ray over minutes later for…. following too closely. The dashcam shows that this is also not true.

      He proceeds to probe about the monkey, wanting to nab a notorious monkey smuggling ring or something. After much hassle he is on his way home, citation in hand.

      • cyto

        But this guy is really bright. And he has nothing but time on his hands and he is not taking it. He uncovers a scheme where the public defender is also the city attorney. He finds a judge with major conflicts. He finds 2 sheriff’s who lie and are willing to double down on criminal charges to cover up. He finds a DA who is representing 2 districts and has never been legally appointed.

        He finds specious behavior all across the board, within the clerks office and city council.

        And they find out that a sharp guy with Google and Word and lots of time can get up to speed on the law and tie them I knots.

        He got the first judge refused. He got the fake public defender fired. He got 2 criminal investigations into the DA underway.

        He got the GBI to investigate the cops. They found that they could not charge them because they claimed the violations occurred off camera, before the video starts.

        So Ray goes to the rental company and to Ford to get the computer data from the car. They resist, so he sues and after a pro se fight, he gets the data. It shows the police were lying in their GBI testimony that they thought got them off the hook.

        And now he is using speedy trial 6th amendment claims in an effort to get the case thrown out.

        Dude is a wrecking ball to their little small town incestuous feifdom.

      • Sensei

        Wow. I read parts of that, but never knew the whole story.

      • creech

        Reacher would clean up the fuckers in two days before hitching off into the dark.
        .

    • rhywun

      relatively poor, relatively uneducated, gay black dude who makes youtube videos with his monkey

      You have my attention lol

      Nice wins.

      • Chipping Pioneer

        The euphemisms…

    • Sensei

      They’ve been stayed and it’s off to the Supremes.

      Should be fun as I have no idea how they lean here. Appellate was 7-4.

      • cyto

        I know nothing about Tarrif law, but it sure seems like a bad way to run a railroad to have the president able to unilaterally levy and remove tariffs at his whim.

        At the same time – it also has shown how much one man can get done if he has the leeway to fully use that kind of leverage. For as long as I have been aware of politics (since Jimmy carter), the unfair barriers to US products has been a major issue that hasn’t ever really been solved. More recently, State subsidies and unfair labor practices undermining US manufacturing has been a major issue.

        Only Trump has seen major progress, with a one-man-band carrot and stick diplomacy that hasn’t existed since before the age of Television.

      • juris imprudent

        The feckless cunts of Congress thought they could foist off a power of taxation out of the House and onto the Executive. If that whole law gets blown out of the water because of Trump, how fucking grand would that be?

      • Ownbestenemy

        Congress actually doing congressional things? Dont you know they are too busy: stock trading on insider info and regulatory knowhow, grifting for their perpetual campaigns, grovelling to their financial backers, prepping book deals, angling for TV gigs, etc etc

        You think they have time for actual governance?

    • cyto

      SF link

    • rhywun

      I want to see them double or triple the fares as a means to approach real costs, and then watch rich white suburban commuters bitch about it.

      something something pigs fly

    • creech

      Lady Justice is always raising her blindfold to make sure there is no disproportionate effect on minority and poor communities. This is systematic racism in reverse of what progs are always bleating about.

  3. Evan from Evansville

    This is a fun one; good dialogue.

    I will admit, there are several colors referenced that I’m not intuitively aware of. (After ‘the’ rainbow, I’m much lost on color distinctions. I’m only a few shades above The Man in Black in my sartorial variance.)

    See also: Whipped cream is fucking bullshit.

    • Evan from Evansville

      *Clarity: Your writing is not bullshit. Whipped cream is. (My choices are ‘intended’ to make me less distinguishable through clothing alone. Cream can be important in concoctions, but the visual and flavor addition of the whip on top is flim-flam. Negative Distraction Dust, empty sparkle on top to disguise the drink’s inherent perks.

      We need more perkity in our lives. Wouldn’t dream of depriving us of our perky perks. Upon which, the universe lie. I keep abreast of the quirky particulars.

      • rhywun

        I do like puce a lot but it’s no cornflower blue.

  4. Threedoor

    What sites are the Glibs using for photo sharing?

    • Chipping Pioneer

      That’s, like, how they get you, man.

      • Threedoor

        They already got me.

    • Plinker762

      Onlyfans?

    • Sean

      Amazon

  5. Chipping Pioneer

    CELIA SAW LORD TAVENDISH as soon as he entered the ballroom, prancing like an overly decorated mare on parade. His wig was two feet high and powdered pure white, as was his face, which had at least six ornaments plastered to it. His clothing was five years out of date and outrageous even by macaroni standards. His heels were higher than fashionable and painted a shocking turquoise that did not, in any way, complement his puce brocade coat, his puce-and-chartreuse-striped breeches, or chartreuse stockings. He had double—triple—falls of lace spilling from every cloth opening on his person. He minced and fopped and tittered, waving at people with a lace kerchief, calling out to them in a falsetto that grated on her nerves.

    GAY

    • rhywun

      Oh, my.

      /fans self

  6. one true athena

    Glad at least one of them has figured it out, though lmao at Elliott out there Scarlet Pimpernelling it up at the party. Poor Celia.

    • Mojeaux

      Dammit! I’ve never read or seen The Scarlet Pimpernel, although I vaguely knew its premise, but that NEVER crossed my mind. 😂🤣😂🤣

  7. Evan from Evansville

    Wakey wakey! On the clock and ready to rock. Cutie’ll be here. *Happy face*

    The re-gerrymandering, openly to combat and offset each other’s ‘gains’ is just a bit absurd. And no one cares! Yeesh

  8. Not Adahn

    Good morning!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, NA, U, Sean, and EfE! (And maybe even Mojeaux??)

      • UnCivilServant

        Morning, How goes things with you and yours?

      • Gender Traitor

        Very well, thanks! I haven’t ventured outside yet, as it’s a bit cool for my taste yet (53 degrees,) but I plan to do so a little later…after I evict a certain Ninja cat from my lap. 🙄🐱‍👤

        Other than being awake earlier than you’d like, how are you?

      • Sean

        ꧁•⊹٭ Good morning ٭⊹•꧂

      • UnCivilServant

        Critches for 🐱‍👤.

        I haven’t decided how I am. I have to venture forth since I’m down to less caffiene than I’m comfortable with.

      • UnCivilServant

        *scritches

        I wish I knew how to type. The more I try, the worse I get.

      • Gender Traitor

        Scritches delivered. 😸

  9. Not Adahn

    I assume Fury is doing something to smell different?

  10. UnCivilServant

    Why am I up?

    Admittedly, 1am-7am is a better time to have slept than I’ve managed of late, but I both don’t want to be up and I don’t want to go back to bed.

    🙁

    • Gender Traitor

      On Saturdays, it is perfectly acceptable for adults to take an afternoon nap. (This weekend, that’s true for Sunday, too, since we don’t have to work Monday.) That’s how I rationalize getting up so early on Saturday mornings.

      • UnCivilServant

        Based on recent behavior, I can’t prove I’m an adult.

      • Gender Traitor

        That’s perfectly OK, too. You just have to pass for one, 😉

      • Fourscore

        I try not to take a nap, not always successful. If I watch TV naps come with the territory.

      • slumbrew

        Full time WFH means weekday naps, as needed.

      • Gender Traitor

        slummy, can you get away with that between 9a and 5p?? If so…are you hiring?

      • slumbrew

        If I need 20 or 30 minutes at 3:30, so be it. There are plenty of pre 9 am meetings and work that happens after 5 to balance it out.

        And, yes, we’re hiring ;-). My handle at protonmail if you want the careers link.

      • Gender Traitor

        I jest about the job. I have a spreadsheet counting down the days until I retire from my current 25+-year gig.

      • UnCivilServant

        I’ve got 12.5 years until I can go full parasite.

        Unless the state goes bankrupt.

  11. Tres Cool

    suh’ fam
    whats goody yo

    TALL WEEKEND CANS!

  12. Fourscore

    Up and at ’em, folks! Time’s a-wastin’.

    A little foggy this morning. I can check the bee hives from here to make sure they haven’t been molested overnight but a bit too much fog. So far the ‘lectric fence has kept out any intruders.

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, 4(20) and homey!

  13. Beau Knott

    Mornin’ all!

    • Gender Traitor

      Good morning, Beau!

  14. Evan from Evansville

    Lunch at 11 for the first time. Huh. Cobb salad adult breakfast lunchy time.

    Big bonus: Only two hours left afterwards? Huh. That’ll be nice.

    Hope your Sat naps and accomplishments go as you foresee. (But happy endings. (All kinds welcome.))