God help me, this is a Disney movie.
This is my review of Dark Sky Brewing Best Friend Helles Lager:
This movie hits a bit close too close home. I’m being literal. Noelle begins where all Xmas movies meant for children should begin or eventually wind up: at the North Pole. This is a Disney version of the North Pole of course, so there are no nuclear submarines breaking through the ice to prove a point to the Soviet Union. That might make this movie more interesting…
Noelle is Kris Kringle’s daughter (played by Anna Kendrick), and for whatever reason this version of Kringle he has the opportunity to retire and even die at the throne of the North Pole. Naturally the role of Santa Claus is passed to his son, Nick (played by that annoying guy from SNL). Unfortunately, Nick takes on the role with a few reservations, one of them being he’s the worthless Millennial stereotype of not wanting to adult before he is ready to do so, which is to say never. Ultimately, he is convinced by his sister to take a week off before Xmas to get his bearings. Go somewhere warm or something.
A week goes by everything at the North Pole is running otherwise smoothly except fro the part the guy that’s supposed to deliver toys isn’t there. Time for a road trip, but where did her brother go? Phoenix, obviously. See? I told you I was being literal.
When Noelle arrives in town she seeks refuge at the Desert Ridge Marketplace. Which is a real outdoor mall located in North Phoenix and I don’t blame her for staying there nor do I blame the film crew for not filming on location for the same reason: it takes 20 minutes just to get out of the goddamn parking lot. Noelle enlists the assistance of a gumshoe named Jake to find her brother. Eventually she does find him working at a yoga studio. After a few attempts to get Nick ready, an encounter with the Phoenix PD, psychiatric evaluations, discovering Jake is divorced and also attractive, Noelle comes back to the North Pole but Nick will still not do the job. Noelle is nominated by her brother through some democratic process to be the new Santa Claus because there is no rule against women taking the role.
So she attempts to deliver toys to a Jewish family. I watched this movie every year for the past 4 years and I get bored enough with it that I doom scroll Facebook at this point. FUCKING FACEBOOK.
This movie was made in 2019 so it probably doesn’t have enough time to warrant discussing whether it should be made again. The answer is no. I will however be willing to entertain a version from Jake’s point of view as a noir. I should clear a few things up from the film:
- Yes, enough Suns fans exist that wearing a Suns shirt is enough to blend in
- This was not filmed anywhere near Arizona
- Yes, people wear pants in Arizona. I’m wearing pants right now.
- The county correctional facility known as “tent city” is a different facility than where one might be detained overnight
This beer was made with a bit of a somber overtone. When they were going to package and distribute the beer, the owner’s dog passed. Naturally, they decided to dedicate it to the memory of the dog. This is perfectly reasonable because there is nothing more pure than the love between a man and his dog. I assume he was a good dog to boot, because the beer is pretty good. Dark Sky Brewing Best Friend Helles Lager: 3.2/5
I’m wearing pants right now.
Are you even one of us?
This beer was made with a bit of a somber overtone. When they were going to package and distribute the beer, the owner’s dog passed. Naturally, they decided to dedicate it to the memory of the dog. This is perfectly reasonable because there is nothing more pure than the love between a man and his dog. I assume he was a good dog to boot, because the beer is pretty good. Dark Sky Brewing Best Friend Helles Lager: 3.2/5
Yes, perfectly reasonable.
I can barely get my children to wear pants. When we get them to out pants on they will take them off within half an hour.
This morning my wife was getting them ready to take to her mother’s place so we can wrap Christmas presents and told the boy. “Go out on some blue jeans.” He can follow multistep technical instructions like put the bolt in the back hole and tighten it while pushing down on it so I can get the nut on it from the bottom just fine.
He came out wearing tie died shorts.
“I told you to put blue jeans on” she acosted him with.
“Why?”
“Because I/she told you too” we said in unison.
He’s one of us.
A pantless anti authoritarian who hates property taxes as much as his old man.
I’m so proud.
Kid would drive a government school teacher to an early grave in a month.
*paging Arch Duke Pantsfan*
Are you even one of us?
I am constantly freeballing. I am in fact doing it right now. Its a habit I picked up in Iraq. War is hell.
The question is, are you?
Since the ’90s.
There’s nothing like an unfurnished basement for pure comfort.
Can’t do it.
The question is, are you?
I’ll admit it: At the gym I wasn’t.
There’s a reason the cute girl at the squat rack wants your membership terminated.
“God help me, this is a Disney movie.”
Any boobs?
Anna Kendrick so I’m assuming the answer is no.
You’ll have to narrow that down a little. Okay, a lot.
inorite
Our friend Jason at Engineering Explained decided to pitch his Tesla and get a Lucid. Normally I’d say good for him and new content. However, decided to frame it in an anti Musk video because DOGE shitcanned his wife’s BS NPS or similar agency.
I’ll still watch him if YouTube serves me one of his videos, but I unsubscribed and only watch videos I really care about. Before I watched many more of his videos if I had any interest. It’s my token protest for him bringing overt politics into what was previously an engineering and automotive channel.
Karma appears to have struck as he just explained to his over 4m subs what a software train wreck his new Lucid is.
Owning A Lucid Has Been Super Disappointing
Best part is him putting a scale on the cup holder to determine it takes 9 lbs of force to remove a can from it.
BS job!
I watched his previous video on the Lucid. He makes a decent case its an amazing machine. Still won’t buy one.
As I said below, the engineering is amazing.
The main team is a bunch of car guys that got fed up with Musk’s tantrums at Tesla and wanted to build a car and not an appliance.
I genuinely don’t know if 9 pounds is good or bad in this context.
Picture trying to remove a 9 pound can shaped weight from your drink holder. Don’t pull too fast and spill…
8 pounds for a gallon of milk.
Nobody wants to take over the family business anymore. That’s why they all sell out to private equity.
Right!?
Happened where I worked too. Only there was no younger family to take over, and the company was not sold to an equity firm (another larger business in the same line of work).
Our friend Jason at Engineering Explained decided to pitch his Tesla and get a Lucid.
Youtube puked that one up for me. I didn’t watch it because I assumed he’d use it to whine about Musk. I never watched the one where Elon “fired” his wife.
I refused to watch the Musk screed as well.
The Lucid on the hardware side superior to anything Tesla makes. Problem is in a new auto especially an EV, software is 70% of the experience.
This one is worth watching for just how shit 4 year old software remains.
I want one where hardware is 90% the experience.
Rugged parts.
Live axles on both ends
Mechanical connection between the shifter and transmission, manual or automatic and the parking brake.
Sealed beam halogens.
Wing windows.
Physical buttons.
High low beam switch on the floor.
Good visibility without a camera.
On the tech side I want a nice stereo and a Nav system built by Garmin that lets me enter addresses while I drive.
We aren’t allowed to have nice things anymore.
there is nothing more pure than the love between a man and his dog
I wouldn’t understand that love.
I give love to cats and they thank me for my servitude once in a while.
Journalistic integrity beat
Vanity Fair said it’s parting ways with journalist Olivia Nuzzi, whose relationship with Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has generated headlines for months.
“Vanity Fair and Olivia Nuzzi have mutually agreed, in the best interest of the magazine, to let her contract expire at the end of the year,” the parties said in a joint statement Friday.
Nuzzi, 32, began working earlier this year as the West Coast editor for the magazine, which last month published an excerpt from her new memoir.
Her contract with Vanity Fair came after her departure from New York Magazine last year shortly after she admitted to a “personal relationship” with Kennedy, whom she had profiled for the publication when he was a presidential hopeful.
Don’t be the story.
There’s always
substackonlyfans.Retail freshwater eel in the wild at Jungle Jims. Whole, fresh. Since it was brought up the other day
You went to JJ’s on a weekend in December?? You’re braver than I am! 😳
It was nuts but proudly exited the building only spending $100.00
That is a feat heretofore unknown….
I can’t walk out of that joint for under $400.
My last trip there I was somewhere between you two. $265 or so
Someday if we meet up Ill tell you the story about the affiliation between Jungle Jim’s, the Solid Rock Church, and the horse farm on the other side of I-75 from the church.
Retail freshwater eel in the wild at Jungle Jims. Whole, fresh.
Do they come in a hovercraft?
Regulatory overreach? That’s our job.
Musk has long stated his intention to legally challenge any EU sanctions, rather than make concessions to resolve the investigation.
Nonetheless, the company could have faced far higher financial penalties, with European authorities able under new legislation — known as the Digital Services Act — to fine offenders 6% of their worldwide annual revenue, which in this case could have included several other of Musk’s companies, including SpaceX.
——-
The confrontation highlights a growing division over the concept of digital sovereignty, which has transformed long-standing allies into competitors as Europe strives to establish itself as the global authority for digital regulation, and the Trump administration pushes back against perceived curbs on U.S. companies’ profits and freedom of expression.
So, experts warn, this direct punitive action against Musk’s businesses carries the risk of U.S. retaliation, even though the EU remains heavily dependent on American technology for a range of sectors.
“Lack of transparency” because they won’t let “researchers” have free access. Sure.
Nice business you got there….
At least they are up front I guess.
Stay the course, Europe. You can do it!
Regulation is our superpower!
/the EU
Include a VPN with every X subscription.
Tell the euros to go F themselves.
Ignore them.
This. Give them another ten years on their current path and they will be down to the point where Elon alone could force them into submission.
From the ded thred….
@Stinky
You assume too much. It won’t be long before he stabs someone else, but somehow he’ll be let go. Portland has gone insane and the entire fucking city should probably undergo federal stewardship for a few decades, in a modern day Reconstruction.
Hear me out. Give any Portland based Glibs in the area a warning to go visit elsewhere, then go all Rome ending the Second Punic War on the place. Sure, I’ll miss Powell’s Book (or at least the PB as it was pre-VID), but it is a reasonable price to pay.
Condon is a pretty nice place in OR.
Hoping against all hope they become part of Idaho someday.
https://www.hereisoregon.com/places/2022/09/how-a-powells-books-outpost-ended-up-in-condon-population-760.html
But then people in the Treasure Valley won’t be able to drive to Ontario to buy their weed.
He’ll be elected mayor.
He would have been out in less than six months
A nation built by men in dresses
“Folks, Donald Trump and his Republicans are trying to derail and distort our fight for equality,” Biden said, as the Democrat accepted a lifetime achievement award for his contributions to the community. “They’re trying to turn it into something scary, something sinister.
“There is nothing more American than the notion of equality. Nothing, nothing, nothing.”
Biden, who as president signed the Respect for Marriage Act, which requires states to recognize same-sex marriages from other states, said Republicans had “weaponized people’s basic identity and turned it into a political football”.
“They’re trying to turn it into something scary, something sinister,” Biden said. “But folks, it’s not really about anything that’s all that complicated. At its core, it’s about giving every American an opportunity to be treated with the basic decency, dignity and respect they all deserve.”
At gunpoint, if necessary. We can’t allow people to believe in things we disagree with. This is a democracy.
Equality of opportunity is a pretty pro-libertarian position. But that’s not what Joe actually means.
Or if scary black men use crack instead of coke like proper white men.
+3 strikes
Oh that’s rich. At an “LGBTQ+ leaders conference” where is using them to score political points.
Joe never gave a flying fuck about “the communitiy” until someone told him they are an easy source of votes.
Of that small minority group, largely based in Democrat strongholds, how many even bother to vote?
It seems a demographic that pandering to would make your opposition stronger than any small gain in votes to your side.
Here’s the thing….
They can’t name a single “right” that has been somehow “taken away” or even slightly diminished. No one gives a single fuck if an adult wants to mutilate his body in a vain attempt to become something he isn’t and never can be.
People give lots of fucks when patchy-bearded freaks walk around a woman’s locker room with his lady dick swinging about. They give lots of fucks when you’re pushing gender ideology on 6 year olds. They give lots of fucks when school systems feel like they can transition a student without telling parents. They give lots of fucks when a dude with his junk swinging back and forth wins a girl’s race.
But of course none of those are rights. No one gave a single fuck about trans folk until the gender ideology crowd started to push their bullshit ideology on the rest of us. They don’t want a “safe space” for trans folk. They want to invade the safe spaces set aside for women, and brainwash kids into believing they were born wrong. Those people can go take a long walk off a short pier.
This. I never cared one way or the other about them when they weren’t hurting anyone but now they are and doing so with malice. Now I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns.
Disrespect for marriage act.
Why the hell do you watch it every year?
I was wondering the same thing
I have kids.
Try to get in some Muppet Christmas, Carol or otherwise.
Muppet Christmas Carol is Best Christmas Carol
We also do My Cocaine and the Muppets every year.
“Political correctness is communist propaganda writ small. In my study of communist societies, I came to the conclusion that the purpose of communist propaganda was not to persuade or convince, not to inform, but to humiliate; and therefore, the less it corresponded to reality the better. When people are forced to remain silent when they are being told the most obvious lies, or even worse when they are forced to repeat the lies themselves, they lose once and for all their sense of probity. To assent to obvious lies is in some small way to become evil oneself. One’s standing to resist anything is thus eroded, and even destroyed. A society of emasculated liars is easy to control. I think if you examine political correctness, it has the same effect and is intended to.”
“Once they are demoralized they cannot draw a sensible conclusion about anything at all no matter how much information they have. If you cannot identify problems you cannot solve problems. If you cannot solve problems you cannot defend yourself, your family or your country.”
There is no excuse for what is happening in the west today. People have been told a hundred times for a hundred years. The fact is that despite our self-congratulatory description of man as the thinking animal, we largely are not. We are still in the monkey stage.
Finally done with clearing the driveway from last weekend’s winter storm. I managed to get 90% of the ice chopped up and pushed off the pavement.
Just in time for tonight’s winter storm. Fuck mother nature.
. Fuck mother nature.
Kinky.
You people are always head of us. We have to wait ’til Monday Eve to get a few more inches.
Thats what Winston’s Mom said
Mother Nature is a whore.
ICE is apparently struggling to hit Trump’s hiring goals and they’ve supposedly (per The Daily Beast) lowered standards quite a bit.
Is it time to consider hiring illegals to round up illegals? They do the jobs Americans don’t want to do, right?
Don’t they normally have issues with recruiting?
Maybe Dylan Mulvaney is available
Anheuser-Busch InBev (BUD) said the deal adds a world-class brand to its fast-growing Beyond Beer portfolio, which already includes Cutwater Spirits, NÜTRL Vodka Seltzer, and Phorm Energy. As a top 10 RTD brand in the industry, BeatBox was said to complement A-B’s Beyond Beer portfolio and bring flavors and styles that are incremental to the company’s current RTD offerings.
Just the thing for the AWFL juicebox crowd.
That’ll never work
President Trump is enamored with Japan’s cheap, fuel-efficient micro cars and says he wants automakers to build them in the U.S. so more Americans can afford a new vehicle.
Why it matters: Even if the U.S. finds a way to legalize them, as Trump has instructed Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy to do, the laws of economics and physics will almost certainly ensure it never happens.
They don’t meet U.S. safety regulations.
Automakers can’t build them profitably in the U.S.
Efficiency? Pfffft.
Why do I assume Axios would have thought this was the Best Idea Ever if Biden had proposed it?
I’d like a truck with 2 inches more leg room. I don’t need better gas mileage, I need something reliable (with 2 inches more leg room) that will get me home, come snow or high water.
Id like an old school 1/4 ton truck, not a I can pull a house with it truck.
2010s F150. Extra cab or quad cab.
I’m 6’5” and easily could have been 7’ and comfortable in it.
And yeah. Find a raptor or an FX4.
Raptor has in that vintage a rear e locker. It disengages at 25 or 35 mph.
The FX4 could be had with a front Elocker and a rear E locker.
So how did Smart Cars get away with it?
By not being very efficient for their size/weight?
muh safety reeeeeeeggggs!!!!!
I think that movie is adorable. Also, Anna Kendrick is adorable. Even when she’s an accountant in a thriller, she’s adorable.
🤨
She is adorable
I can get on board with Kendrick.
She was good in The Accountant.
Speaking of the need for smaller slower cars, I wonder if Ms Jalopnik Writer has voiced her enthusiastic support for Trump’s excellent plan.
I’d like a truck with 2 inches more leg room.
I’m guessing you’d also like one you don’t need a ladder to get into.
You’re wearing pants?
Pants are a symbol of oppression.
Jeans. They’re like pants in the sense a revolver is technically a pistol.
Bad news for Brochetta, apparently he’s stuck with Tomlin for another year: https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/47222043/sources-steelers-decide-mike-tomlin-option-march
As long as he gets a losing season this year, I’ll call it a win.