SugarFree was busy, so you’ve got stuck with my filler piece today from the Substack.
As craft beer declines, wine sales slump, and spirit sales collapse, there’s one sector of the drink industry that is experiencing growth. That’s the RTD (Ready To Drink) cocktail sector. To me, there’s a direct line between the wine coolers advertised in my youth (“Thank you for your support.”) and the modern BuzzBalls, canned, and bottled cocktails.
Now, back in the day, these were sickeningly sweet, commonly derided and mocked, and not all that good. As the wine coolers fade, some people noticed that they could make malt based beverages that didn’t need to be beer. Those who remember the 90s/00s will remember these. Think Zima, Smirnoff Ice, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and the like. Some crashed and burned, others stayed in the market and are still around today.
These FMB (Flavored Malt Beverages) continued to grow and become more popular, but were behind craft beer in growth. The next trend was the shift from FMB to hard pop/sodas, started with Not Your Father’s Root Beer. There were large numbers of brands launched to tap into this market, with nearly all of them gone at this point.
Now, brands have launched limited numbers of canned drinks in the past (Jim Beam and Coke was launched several times in my life), the normalization of drinking a hard cola at a bar helped to provide cover for an actual canned cocktail.
Before the modern brands took over, there were several different paths breweries and distilleries went with to launch RTD cocktails. There was a trend in the craft beer world for sours and strong ales “inspired” by cocktails. Some of the ones who were doing the alcoholic pop changed the flavors they were aiming for with items such as Tom Collins or Vodka Smash.
In the modern world, there’s a wide variety of RTD cocktails available, from the canned Cutwater (owned by AB InBev), to the Trader Joe’s Everything But the Bartender, to the OTR (On the Rocks) bottles, or even pouches. Are they as good as making a cocktail for yourself (or for someone else) from scratch? No. No they are not.
Are they convenient, accessible, and good enough for most cases? Yes.
Going to a location where glass is prohibited? Going somewhere without access to bar tools? Looking to do something for a lazy night in? Even wanting to get an idea of what a drink is supposed to taste like? All perfectly good reasons to grab some RTD cocktails and get them chilled.
One place I don’t think RTD cocktails deserve a place at is at the bar. If I’m walking into a bar, and I see a large collection of canned RTD cocktails sitting there, I’ll be honest. I’m going to judge them. If you don’t trust your bar to put out a Mai Tai, offering the Cutwater Mai Tai is not a substitute. This isn’t entirely rational or fair, as I don’t fault them for canned beer (but I generally go tap). If I’m at someone’s house and they offer me a canned Mai Tai, I’ll gladly take them up on it.
Now, I don’t have quite the same grace for the RTD mocktails that are priced the same as cocktails. To me, a RTD mocktail is pop, and should be priced accordingly. As an example, Fever Tree Blood Orange Ginger Beer is essentially a mocktail and a mixer. But that’s my preferences and how I spend my money. If that’s what you enjoy to spend your money on, you do you, and enjoy it.
If there’s any thoughts, questions, comments or condemnations, leave them in the comments.
You go and pre-empt my jokes with the opening line of your article.
*pouts*
The difference is, serving a beer from a tap is still just providing a premade product from a different package. Cocktails are supposed to be crafted by the bartender on site and represent their skill. If they’re selling premade cans, then you can assume their bartenders might not be up to snuff.
You say that… but there’s more to it than just turning a spigot and pouring. Are the lines clean? Is the CO2 at the proper pressure for the beer style? Are there kinks in the line? Beer glasses “beer clean” (that’s a real thing)? How much CO2 are you going to drive out through the pour?
I mean, it’s not rocket science, but it’s more than just opening a can/bottle and pouring it into a glass in front of someone.
HEY! I’m doing my part.
Bootlegging?
I’d never engage in such behaviors.
Oh, sorry. Didn’t realize you were a moonshiner instead.
Does evading PA taxes count?
Once I bought Stately R.J. Manor and started building the pool, I had to cut back. The entire liquor industry may collapse without me.
If I’m walking into a bar, and I see a large collection of canned RTD cocktails sitting there, I’ll be honest. I’m going to judge them.
But muh portion control.
Agreed. I don’t go to a bar to get a premixed cocktail in a bottle/can. I go there for a professionally made drink.
I absolutely enjoy premixed drinks at home though. There is a wide range of Old Fashioned from too sweet to harsh out there so buyer beware. I personally enjoy “On the Rocks” brand Old Fashioneds. It is a reasonable premix. It is right in the middle, kind of an average Old Fashioned you would expect at a hotel bar.
Locally, I’ll pull the trigger on the OTR stuff when it’s on sale at ~$10/375 ml bottle, but locally we’re also spoiled by Pope’s pouches at $7, but need refrigeration.
Fever Tree Blood Orange Ginger Beer
That sounds interesting. Or it could be awful.
If the orange tree had a fever, I’m not sure its fruit would be any good.
It’s all right. Q Mixer ginger beers are better but they don’t have an orange one. Their hibiscus one is nice.
Q Mixer? The brand with big tits?
The hibiscus ginger beer from Q is good.
And then you have the connoisseurs who pop the top on a White Claw, take a big slug and top it off with vanilla vodka.
Dear God.
Basically a Brass Monkey for the TikTok generation?
Few things have confused me more than when the girlfriend and I were at one of our favorite speakeasies, chatting with some other people inside when a new group came in. After we watched them struggle with the secret entrance (it’s a right of passage, and they open it for you after a couple of minutes), they came in, looked at the menu, and ordered four mango White Claws.
That very much made me hate the establishment.
They’ve had nine decades to fix that door and haven’t done so?
UCS:
You went to Quintana’s?
You have to walk to the back of the salon, ring the buzzer, get buzzed in the back door, go through the back of the spa, go upstairs, and enter the speakeasy. Velvet Tango Room has a hidden door for the back room, but not the main bar. Main difference is Quintana’s does not accept reservations (except for their outdoor patio), while VTR requires them for anything outside bar seats.
This topic made me wonder “Whatever happened to Wine Coolers?” I remembered them being a thing when I was little, then I hadn’t neard of them in ages.
Turns out they were taxed to death.
I wondered what happened.
You made me look when. 1991 – Everyone’s favorite “no new taxes” president signed that.
They were hugely popular in college. I don’t miss them. I also have some very unpleasant memories of overindulgence.
I liked Zima, even more when the stores couldn’t sell it fast enough anymore and the rest of the stock was like half-off for more than a year.
There’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time. Though I did think of it while I was composing the comment.
Zima, because zhit happens.
Safe at last
Virginia has enacted a long list of gun violence prevention laws shown to save lives by public health research.
——-
New policies include strengthened safe gun storage regulations, a ban on ghost guns, improved firearm relinquishment for persons subject to protective orders and expanded relinquishment requirements to include misdemeanor domestic violence crimes, and improvements on the Substantial Risk Order (SRO) process including an expanded list of petitioners. These laws are backed by rigorous public health research.
The Center for Gun Violence Solutions at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health’s efforts led by advocacy manager Lori Haas, were pivotal in making these strides for public health in the commonwealth.
No more gun violence. Sanity prevails.
It’s not like I didn’t already know that the entire field of ‘public health’ consists of dimwitted AWFLs pulling policy prescriptions out of their asses, but does everyone have to keep reminding me?
Yes. Yes we do.
I’ve said it before here, VA looked what it took NJ three plus decades to do and said, “I can do this in under 10 years!”.
The science is settled.
If there are no guns, there can’t be gun violence. The logic is irrefutable!
A few thoughts on these moves by the VA guv and legislature.
One. According to multiple websites the current VA state seal and flag feature a “standing allegorical female figure of virtue is shown having vanquished tyranny, symbolized by a fallen king at her feet. She has an exposed breast in the manner of classical depictions of Amazons. The motto shown on the seal, Sic semper tyrannis, means “Thus always to tyrants.””
In the short term a citizens group should propose a new seal and a pink flag featuring a standing figure of the current Guv wearing boots is shown with her boot on the throat of vanquished freedom, symbolized by the earlier allegorical “virtue” fallen at her feet. The motto shown on the seal, “futuis rusticos”, means “Fuck you peasants.”
Two. The counties of the state, less Richmond and the counties of the DC metroplex, should immediately start petitioning WV to be added to their state. Is it odd that coastal VA be part of WV? Of course, but at least they will be free of the current tyrant.
Three. The same counties should adopt “sanctuary” laws concerning the 2A, 6A, and 8A. What other rights do you lose upon a mere accusation or the conviction of a misdemeanor charge? None. I have personally seen, and had to deal with, the fallout of accusations stemming from messy divorces. In each case I dealt with, the accuser was weaponizing the court system against her soon to be ex. One case in particular was the only time when both a three-star general, and a US Senator saw fit to call me and ask what I was doing. The LTG was satisfied with my explanation, Senator Boxer wasn’t.
Hell no on Norfolk/Newport News area being part of a free state – let them get everything they want from Richmond. That’s where the shithead AG is from.
A great many rural counties in VA have already signed on to the sanctuary concept, for whatever good it will do.
I will defer to JI for which counties should join WV. I just was to see “huge…tracts of land” depart and VA’s remaining congressional delegation drop to 2-3 people.
rigorous public health research
I like putting my fingers up my arse, wiggling them around and pulling them out and sniffin’ um.
Self-proctology is counterindicated.
If it ain’t shit, it ain’t rigorous public health research.
I like some of the On the Rocks I’ve tried. I’m pretty lazy and drink alone so they’re fine for me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpzqQst-Sg8
I brewed a root beer and a ginger beer one summer. They turned out quite well.
I poured them at a beer festival, and a lot of people were shocked at how good they were. They tasted nothing like the canned hard root beer you find in the store.
You know, I think I still have 2-3 bottles of mead in my fridge.
How long do they keep before quality starts to degrade?
The mead is good for 10 to 20 years.
The issue in the corks in the bottle. They need to lie on their side to keep the corks hydrated.
If they have been standing upright for a long time, the cork will dry out and disintegrate when you try to pull it from the bottle. But you can always lay them back on their sides and the corks will recover.
Oh good, because I think they’re all standing up right now.
I’ve done several batches of ginger beer/ale, since I went bottle conditioned, they were much dryer than most commercial examples.
I have assumed that one part of the RTD trend is quality control. The club/bar can’t water down the drinks.
If I suspect that the drinks aren’t full strength, but I can’t boycott the place entirely, I will only drink from the bottle/can.
Very few places can get away with watering the drinks for too long, although swapping bottom shelf booze into expensive bottles does still happen.
I suspect that canned cocktails are more about speed. Bartending is basically piecework, and the more drinks that a bar can serve per hour, the better they’ll do at the end of the day. This especially makes sense for chain joints like Applebee’s, where *no one* is going to order anything off-menu. In fact, I’m a little surprised that Applebee’s or someone hasn’t done their own house line of RTDs…
I’m sure I have tasted it.. you can’t substitute Jager, Hennnesey, specific flavors… but they can seem weak.
Not often, but it happens. with RTD?.. well they are already well level vodka.
ES:
I know several chains have released RTD drinks/mixers to the public. One thing I’m seeing more frequently at the mid-range places is keg cocktails, which takes care of the mixing and changes it just to a quick pour for a drink.
Dr. Mossy:
It may not be intentional dilution, it may be an insecure bartender. Shake/stir too long, you’ll wind up with a watered down drink. There are also RTD that are going with call spirits instead of well.
No Hat and Hair? If feel lost. I guess I should try the cocktail.
No Hat and Hair? If feel lost. I guess I should try the cocktail.
Drown your sorrow
I hope he is working on a Swalwell/STEVE SMITH politician rape extravaganza.
That is a good cover. He is an early version of the original.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PCL9W54QVw&list=RD2PCL9W54QVw&start_radio=1
Now I have a yen for ginger beer. My mom and dad used to have it around sometimes.
I wouldn’t trust a ginger beer selling for 1¥
He didn’t say the quantity.
(Thought the same, however.)
Now I want a Moscow Mule.
standing allegorical female figure of virtue is shown having vanquished tyranny, symbolized by a fallen king at her feet.
Now the boot is on the other neck.
On the underlying topic for today, “Fuck you governments. Spend less.”
Interesting tweet if true. RE: IT H1-B
https://x.com/MeanHash/status/2044241318306541592?s=20
It’s totally believable, at any rate.
My answer is snarkier.
I’ll take any win I can get this morning.
Except it’s afternoon.
Ayup.
“I’ll take ‘Things We All Knew’ for 100, Alex.”
Just end all of the work visa programs. Pause the immigrant visas. Flush the system of the current set. Only allow a slow trickle of assimilationist immigrants who want to be free Americans with the restriction that they be barred from getting any government monies, ever.
In the meantime, tax each company using imported foreign labor at a rate of $1 per unemployed American per position filled with non-citizens, non-greencarded foreigners.
Might work at the fed level but a lot of states and localities will continue to shower them with tax dollars.
“Any state or locality which provides funds otherwise forbidden to foreign born persons naturalized under this law will be ineligible for any form of federal funds whatsoever.”
Speaking of Virginia, there was a story yesterday about gerrymandering the state in such a way as to apportion the northern votes in such a way as to virtually guarantee exclusively Democratic Congressional representation.
DEMOCRACY!
I saw the map somewhere. There was one red district left.
Asian enrollment at Johns Hopkins is skyrocketing. No one can say why.
It’s a total mystery…
https://www.thebanner.com/education/higher-education/johns-hopkins-university-asian-enrollment-K7SYLRTSLFB35JBTXDH46BVWMA/
Back in the Old Days, late ’60s liquor was rationed at the Class 6 (PX) store in VN. We were on the end of the delivery line so we didn’t get a lot of variety but generally quantity was available. When the hard stuff was limited there was some premixed martini and manhattan stuff in bigger bottles, a fifth or a quart, I don’t remember. They were something like 20 proof, in my lost memory. They were always available, ’cause no one would buy/drink that stuff.
Any way, my brother came to visit for a couple days, he didn’t have a ration card but I did so I bought him a couple bottles of the stuff, Hueblein? Would that be right?
He lived on a dry fire base where nothing was available, maybe a warm beer once in a while. He was much appreciative, said the old NCOs would welcome him back.
When I lived in West Germany the military rationed hard booze, tobacco, and gasoline. Beer, bier, and wines at the Class VI store were not rationed. Presenting your German army counterpart with a bottle of booze was a sure-fire way to get to use their ranges for “non-standard” courses of fire.
Of course this was in the Cold War when the Bundeswehr was still a good army.