cartoon medley #7
About The Author
Derpetologist
The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp,
Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy
Two seconds don’t make a First, but two Firsts do make magic.
I like the last one.
“Sapientia contra malum” is Latin for “wisdom against evil.” <– The more ya know. *taps noggin*
The cop looks like he's looking at the sketch artist instead of the mime trying to describe the alleged suspect. I may be missing something.
Grandpa looks far rattier than the youngin', freshly ashore. Gramp's is correct to be through w that kid's bullshit.
I had that thought too.
One thing that amuses me is the default art style that AI gives – not just here but everywhere. A sort of heavy line, clean style. Like an old comic strip.
Or The New Yorker.
Best thing about the New Yorker was the comics.
The pig should say “My wife is a slut.”
“I like the kitty.”
I’ve tried using “Christ, what an asshole!” as a caption, but no luck.
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/christ-what-an-asshole
***
Christ, What an Asshole refers to a frequently used caption in parodies and remixes of comic strips, particularly the one-panel comics published by the New Yorker. The phrase undercuts attempts well-constructed joke writing by focusing on the behavior of the comic’s subject. The original blog posits that the phrase can be applied to any New Yorker cartoon, while others say it extends to just about any comic.
***
Well, I appreciate the kid’s glimpse at *attempting* to understand, I guess. And this is hilarious:
“A transgender American who fled the US in a huff at President Trump’s reelection has been forced to return home to escape a notorious European asylum center — admitting that leaving was “the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.”
Software engineer Jane-Michelle Arc, 48, returned home to California after failing to win asylum in the Netherlands — and discovering life in the notorious Ter Apel refugee camp was far more terrifying than anything under Trump’s America.
Before returning, Arc gave numerous interviews decrying the conditions at the camp — specifically referring to anti-trans hostility from other asylum seekers, most from Syria, Eritrea, Somalia, Turkey, Algeria and Morocco.
“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done,” Arc previously admitted to the Guardian of the “Wildly stupid” decision to flee.”
But the US is still the worstest of the worst: “In a separate post last month, Arc admitted how much more “comfortable” the US is, but still complained that the “transphobia is quite overt.”’ <– Yeah. It's rent free in your head and of your "community" and political puppeteers. But, here's kinda a big one, uh, are you just fucking paranoid? It wouldn't matter *what* you thought they were staring at, would it?
Pro Tip: Maybe try to NOT stand out. You do you and I don't give a shit, but if you're worrying about everyone staring at you, *checks* Not a bad job, MtF. You now look like an upper 50s woman, possible lesbianism hinted at. *polite clap*
Another example of Lefties believing Lefty Lies: I want their reaction to be one of *anger* at being lied to and stupidly putting themselves in some fairly severe risk 'believing' in Lefty hokum. But it's just another ho-hum moment, it seems, when reality slaps these folk in the face. Religion do be like that, Mrs. Stencil.
Far be it from me to defend those savages but at least they can call out obvious bullshit unlike your typical westerner these days.
Woah, didn’t mean that to be so real-estatey.
“Pro Tip: Maybe try to NOT stand out.”
No one takes their trans show international, with widespread media coverage, to avoid attention.
Where to even start.
Every single detail about this person is more objectionable than the last one. She is like a comic-book parody of Islamic-supremacist antisemite nasty – except she is real. The mind boggles.
She really is. She’s hilariously worse than him, but where do you think he got it from / WhyTF they’re together in the first place?! They’re very much Team America puppet villains, the both of ’em. They actively, openly hate America, Jews, and I believe everything.
Is that Hassan Piker vid real? Him and Abdul El-Sayed happily saying out it’s about ‘fucking wives, daughters and taking over America?’ They’re just so… open about it. Again, the long-term Commie plan of graduating illiterates and teach them to hate America, uh — seems to be working well! My generation seems to dig this shit. It’s pathetic. And quite scary.
I’m not convinced Piker is anything other than performance art. Why actual politicians latch on to him is a fucking mystery to me, except that those like Abdul are just that goddamn stupid and hateful. Game recognizes game.
As for Mr and Mrs Z… the Jew hatred is, well, expected from them and their ilk. It’s the America hatred that really baffles. And it’s universal from all of them. And they are not shy about it – they openly tell you they hate the United States and anyone in it who supports the principles behind its founding.
Hitler was performance art, until he wasn’t. Don’t give that little shit any grace.
It is dispiriting that there are similarities.
It has been noted that DSA’s membership approaches 90 percent white, yet damn near all of their candidates are minority and, of that, one notices how many are either first generation American or naturalized. And they fucking hate the place.
They hate the people, but love the money and how it was made. You know, the money isn’t in the right hands and they’ll be happy to take it at the ballot box to start with.
Or how many are curry commies.
You used extra words.
Muslim suffices.
It’s funny that she made some post attacking American soldiers. Said they aren’t brave and that they’re slaughtering innocent third worlders.
Doesn’t stop her from asking for armed agents of the state. Protecting the socialist’s bourgeoisie wife is obviously much more honorable.
What does she have to fear in her homeland?
I feel sorry for the cops assigned to her.
There’s a high correlation between being a commie shitbag and treating the armed uniformed men protecting you like shit you scrape off your shoe.
I drive past this guy’s grave every day.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milo_Lemert
***
Medal of Honor citation
Rank and organization: First Sergeant, U.S. Army, Company G, 119th Infantry, 30th Division. Place and date: Near Bellicourt, France, 29 September 1918. Entered service at: Crossville, Tenn. Birth: Marshalltown, Iowa. G.O. No.: 59, W.D., 1919.
Citation:
Seeing that the left flank of his company was held up, he located the enemy machinegun emplacement, which had been causing heavy casualties. In the face of heavy fire he rushed it single-handed, killing the entire crew with grenades. Continuing along the enemy trench in advance of the company, he reached another emplacement, which he also charged, silencing the gun with grenades. A third machinegun emplacement opened up on him from the left and with similar skill and bravery he destroyed this also. Later, in company with another sergeant, he attacked a fourth machinegun nest, being killed as he reached the parapet of the emplacement. His courageous action in destroying in turn 4 enemy machinegun nests prevented many casualties among his company and very materially aided in achieving the objective.[1]
***
Sad. The war was almost over.
My job pays enough, which I’m happy about. I still hope I get the VA disability money as it would make my life easier and give me peace of mind. The psychologist who interviewed me said my claim is legitimate and that he’ll advocate forcefully for it.
I won’t be able to make New Yorker style cartoons with Bing’s image generator as they recently got rid of my favorite AI model (GPT4o). I guess they accumulated enough training data.
bonus cartoon
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2026/06/help-from-mysterious-rosner.html
I’m getting in touch with a disability lawyer and we’re gonna go over options. Going full SSA would be too restrictive, but we wanna see how I can best … arbitrage my possible benefits to maximize *jazz flutter hands* everything.
Big step today was applying as a State Eligibility Consultant in Indianapolis to ‘handle’ FSSA, SNAP and other gov monies. That could be remarkably fruitful. At least for now. Voca Rehab dude on Thurs to talk about other things, but also recommended (someone here, and sorry I forgot who, but thanks) Enrollment Agent to do tax stuff that I could manage. (Not the mathy bits.) That’s a great long-long-term idea but damn, it’s ~$1500 and ~3mo of training to take the IRS exams. Tho… if I (can) do that, I’m kinda set up for work or WFH nationwide? Huh.
I’m glad the brickin’s goin’ well enough. Within a week or so I’m sure I’ll be doing ~3/days/wk at Meijer as I search, probably Receiving and unloading trucks. Most chill gig ever. I may need to write about that one. It’s just simple, honest work.
I was on disability last year. The money is insanely generous. And you’ll get an advocate who walks you through it, at least I did and I don’t remember even asking for it through the haze of all the many hospital visits back then.
Big thing: On paper and in real life, I live with my parents. Unless I get creative with my accounting, AFAIK I’m not so much on the disability $ train, but I’m also shockingly ignorant. Hopefully, I get a consultation with that lawyer soon to help me iron some things out.
I quite imagine if I played my disability hard enough, I would be ‘entitled’ to many things. I don’t really think I ‘want’ to do that, though I don’t have a personal or moral problem doing such, but I don’t like the ‘can only work/earn $x much’ or ‘x hours’ stipulations that kinda come attached. For full SSA I’d have to have not worked for 12mo, unless I fall into some magically special bracket. (Annoying as it is, I kinda *do* belong in a magically special bracket. An extra sexy magical one.)
I’ll happily take financial assistance to get me independent, on my own, but I’d rather be gainfully employed in some manner that could lead to future ‘promotion.’ The ‘don’t earn more than x or your healthcare is cut off’ is an especially pernicious knife to dangle over folk trying to be upwardly mobile. It was unpleasant when I did it before, and I am in bit of a somewhat-special bracket for Medicaid.
Hrm. I’ll be thinkin’. I’d love to hear more about your disability advocate. I’ve never had my own.
The outfit is called “Brown & Brown”. I can’t really offer more than that.
The Red Sox have fallen back to earth, so far scoring their only run on a freak combination baserunning error and defensive indifference where both teams acted as though there were two outs instead of only one.
Watching the Mets here, trying valiantly to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in Atlanta.
We had the day off after 17 in 17 days. Went 12-5. Swept the Dodgers, 2/3 from Yanks, and more. We’re good. Our pitching just keeps getting hurt, but we can play. Fuck LA. Ohtani going hard in the first at Wrigley, only for PCA to do the same in the bottom of the inning, was *mwah* just gorgeous.
And that Toronto game, down 2-0 in the bot 9 w 2 outs and 2 strikes… 2-run homer to tie it then win in the 11th? Legit may be the most exciting game of the year. Hard to top the swings in that one.
There are now two AL West teams above 500. Their opponents need to do better.
1. People in power abuse their power, nothing new or insightful here.
2. People miss the “Big Picture” – again nothing new but well done on getting the zeitgeist correct.
3. I know nothing of your religion and it’s mythology so I’ll make no judgment.
4. Completely lost, do people not know how to describe a mime?
5. Old man asserting authority he holds only because the young guy won’t kill him in his sleep? Dark, and not Ha-Ha funny but the best of the lot.
Long pork on the last one.
alternate cartoons for his royal majesty
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2026/06/5th-amendment.html
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2026/06/miranda-rights.html
2. I took that as a comment on people not understanding sandwiches.
I’m just appreciative of the framing: sandwiches > the news.
The “Is it a Sammich” Thing was a Twitter/X/Facebook Stupidity a while back, which is why this may be the second best of the lot. It’s not incredibly poignant but Derp at lest hit on a kinda current thing.
The late, great RBG said hotdogs are sandwiches if the bread of a sandwich does not need to be in two distinct pieces.
https://www.foodandwine.com/news/ruth-bader-ginsburg-hot-dog-sandwich
A kid once asked me if vampires count as cannibals. I advised him to become a lawyer.
There’s a between-innings diversion that pops up periodically on the scoreboard of the local minor league baseball team. It shows various items of food and asks “Soup, Salad, or Sandwich?”
Is there such a thing as a false trichotomy?
A hot dog is a sausage relative. It does not necessarily need be served on bread or a roll. We often cut them up and added them to pasta.
UNITE TO END HUNGER!
Commercial just aired. The piles of dead starving children in New Jersey are stacked ten and twelve high. Is anybody really falling for this nonsense anymore? Smiling do-gooders handing fruits and veg to the poors. They must be so proud of themselves, doing so much good.
Are they handing out GLP-1 with it?
But a hotdog is a sandwich. It just has tabulated meat.
“tubulated”. I blame captchas.
Derpy, did you see my cartoon request this morning?
Yes, and unfortunately, I may not be able to any more New Yorker style cartoons. I will try to make it.
Yay!
The best I can do on short notice:
https://platedlizard.blogspot.com/2026/08/turing-test.html
Ha!
I shall get you a gold star.
Spot the Not: DSA planks
1. FINISH RECONSTRUCTION – End the legacies of slavery and colonialism.
2. HOUSING FOR ALL – Housing is a human right.
3. FEMINISM FOR ALL – Socialist feminism fights for queer liberation and the freedoms of all working class women.
4. END MASS INCARCERATION AND POLICE IMMUNITY – Demilitarize police departments, disempower police unions, and redirect funding to public services as steps towards fully abolishing the police and prison system which protects the rich and jails the poor.
5. END THE U.S. WAR MACHINE – Defund the Department of War.
6. LEGALIZE MARIJUANA – End the racist and failed War on Drugs.
answers here as I will be going to bed soon
https://program.dsausa.org/#communities
1?
I don’t think I’ve heard that or even can guess at what that is supposed to mean.
It means reparitions.
They wouldn’t mention reconstruction as that would remind people that the blood price to end slavery was paid and reparations are not owed.
#6 is not part of their platform.
I wanted to say 1 but you are right.
I can’t take them seriously unless and until they address the horror that is food deserts.
That one stood out to me, as well. I’d also agree with rhy on #1 if there’s some word trickery in play, as UCS may be hinting at. (“They wouldn’t mention that… or WOULD THEY?!!….”)
WARNING: POSSIBLE SQUIRREL.
NO SQUIRREL FOUND.
(that was @R.J and #6 Legalize Marijuana)
@rhy: Howd’ya feel about Jac Caglianone? He’s doing well, recently. I saw him at bat the other day, and I really didn’t like how swarthy-handsome Italian he looked and sounded. Pulls it off. Tall, quite thin. (His pants kinda show him off.)
So. The first time I met him, I only saw him from behind and it looked like some Korean KBO bat chick kinda doing her thing. I saw them thin, fit lets and was pleased with this Hankuk addition to the game… and oooh ya. Nice, athletic ass.
Then camera pans and I realize what I’d been (lightly) oggling. Dammit, Jac. He pulls off the look! *tsk* Well. Dammit, Jac.
I’m… uh… no, I have no idea who that is.
Handsome, I guess. I haven’t looked in his pants yet.
Mostly just an admission from me. We just played ’em and he’s been hot recently. Coulda swore it was a nice pair of Korean lady-legs in the on deck circle I was looking at, until it showed his face. That was a big downer. Such high hopes, immediately ravished against the shores of a bearded, Florida-born Italian man.
I’ll persevere.
To be fair, I’m not much acquainted with the look of Korean lady-legs.
Greetings my dysfunctional support group! I am happy to report I am alive and expected to make a full recovery. Last Wednesday was the surgery to have my upper right lung lobe removed, and although everything seemed to go to plan, it was a very major surgery. I had (still have) a temporary constant nerve block device put in and I know it helped because for some reason, after walking the halls Friday and having the chest tube removed I woke up at 2 am on Saturday morning in horrible pain, 10 out of 10, fucking fix it! Fucking now! Apparently no one checked the level in the nerve blocker juice and it went empty, and I felt it, all of it, for the next ten hours. My surgeon came by Saturday afternoon after the pain was diminished, and he suggested I stay another night to make sure I was good. I did not argue, I was exhausted. I slept through a vitals check and dressing check, and woke up much better Sunday. I told my wife to go sleep at home Friday night, and when she found out what happened she was sad she wasn’t there for me. I told her I was happy she wasn’t there, she couldn’t do anything but stress over me being in agony for 10 hours, which would have stressed me out even more.
Besides the nerve block, I’m on hydrocodine 10 mg every six hours, but working to taper that back. I was given straight up morphine shots in the ass at the hospital, but those made me nauseous so I ended those quickly (but they did make a return Saturday.) Problem with narcotics is constipation, didn’t shit for five days. Today, when it finally did happen, my thought went to when Winnie the Pooh got stuck in Rabbit’s door, and I wanted a Christopher Robbin parade to celebrate.
So now I’m trying to recover, it was a real ass kicker for this 60 year old man. I have pretty good genes and don’t usually see a 60 year old when I look in the mirror, but I did see him yesterday. Guess I’m quitting smoking now, haven’t had a cigarette since last Wednesday. Zyn and On nicotine pouches help. I am walking as much as I can, which isn’t much right now. Keeping track of vitals so nothing goes weird. Sucking on the voldine lung capacity thingy, I’m up to one liter now, which is an improvement, but still not much. The weirdest thing is I can feel part of my lung missing. Before the surgery I took a few minutes to sit quietly and just breathe, and I could feel the top right part of my lung working. Now I sit quietly and try it, and it isn’t there.
Going to set up a teams meeting with my boss and the HR lady (who is lovely in spite of the stereotypes) tomorrow to discuss how we move forward. Probably WFH next week, and hopefully light duty work (I’m a manager, it’s all light duty work) the next few weeks.
Thank you, again, for the support I get from this odd corner of the web. We’ve never met, so I still like you. Peace.
Jeebus that sounds terrible. I hope the rest of your recovery goes more smoothly.
And I’d say getting part of your lung removed is a great reason to quit smoking.
Agreed, what an ordeal!
Speedy healing.
“Since Ive had a lung removed, Ive cut my smoking in half”
-Old Cheech and Chong bit
Speaking of persevere! Well done and I’m glad to hear it! At least those 10hrs are no more. Yikes. Shitty hole, but everything’s up from there.
“The weirdest thing is I can feel part of my lung missing.” Huh! That’s queer. I guess it makes sense, a physical bit isn’t inflating, so I s’pose one would feel that. Hmm. You’ll get used to it. ‘Feel it missing’ is a much better sensation than ‘was ripped out.’
I’d probably like you until we met. Then we’d get to talkin’ and I’m sure that hot dog conversation’d start again. And I’m here to tell y’all, a hot dog is just a late-term pineapple pizza abortion slopped onto a well-folded slab of possibly bun-y bread.
Chicago dogs are great, but no tomato. Tomato on sandwiches, buns, etc ETC are stupid. They just soggify the bread. I don’t want more juice added to my sandwich. That’s what mustard + a bit of mayo are for. (Depending on sandwich or full-term meat delivery vessel.)
Rough.
Glad to hear you’re alive and past the cutting. Being withou the blocker sounds terrible. When I had my ankle done they intentionally withheld morphine. Fuckers. Agony.
I’m going under the knife and drill tomorrow morning. This one’s for me spooked.
New plastic in my fake
Ankle and bone graft in the cyst on my heal.
If it dosent work I’m out of a career.
Get your rest and do listen to their No Food+Drink rule tonight. Want that extra-strength, Ev-Grade Morphine to not have anything in the way.
We’ve got a fun cybernetic surgery club! (No Girls apparently applies to us, as well?)
🥳
I’m happy to hear you’re on the mend. I’m sorry about the tribulations, but recommend focusing on the bright side. You will continue to get better.
Always focus on the bright side of life.
lol been there
Best wishes &c
I haven’t had a cig since 2018 and I still want one every damn time I think about it.
PS. the patches work
I had given up hope that anything would work but… they do.
Necron… are you now a robot?
.
This is wonderful news This is some serious stuff, and it makes me pucker more than a little.
Huzzah!
Wow, good you’re on the mend N99.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
So glad to hear about your successful surgery! Sorry, though, about you having someone’s carelessness cause you so much pain. I hope your recovery continues well and you’re able to keep the pain under control without too many unpleasant side effects. Thanks for letting us know!
I’m late, Necron, just want to add my best wishes.
In my ex-smoker’s memory, the craving does go away, I switched over to cheap candy for a while and then exercise. And more exercise. Now I’m
disappointed that I can’t do the things I used to be able to do..
Get well, Bud, we need you!
So glad you made it. Yes, we were talking about it and I was going to email you if you did not jump online this morning.
Good morning to the mighty Glibberatti!
🏖️☀️😎
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oAPp1rtiTY
🎶🎶
Good morning, Sean, Ted’S., homey, and (in case you’re still around) Grumble!
OMWC would probably say they’re not real bagels
I’d be disappointed if he didn’t.
Eclectic vendors from every fringe ethnicity! Even (((them)))!
https://6abc.com/post/person-interest-theft-off-duty-officers-car-wanted-penn-state-student-murder-case/19658468/
This is the result of Democrat policies and politicians.
“Kadafi”? 🙄
Yeah, everyone knows it’s “Gaddafi”.
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/child-vaccine-schedule-reduced-trump-moves-dramatically-shift-medical-power-parents
suh’ fam
whats goody
Morning, Glibs.
Good morning. It’s good to be the king. Love the super voting majority.
https://www.wsj.com/business/see-how-a-tesla-spacex-merger-gives-musk-a-shortcut-to-his-1-trillion-payday-327bc491?st=FLdyEJ&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
That trillion is still dependent on the share price remaining at a certain level, right?
But lower.
Gulf States Accept a New Normal in Hormuz: Iran Is in Control
Oil-and-gas exporters dislike the emerging deal to reopen the waterway but see it as the least-bad option
This has worked out great!
https://www.wsj.com/world/middle-east/gulf-states-accept-a-new-normal-in-hormuz-iran-is-in-control-6db8908d?st=o1i9Px&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink
I’ll believe they accepted it when the construction on bypasses stop.
I’d argue the reverse. The acceptance is the use of the more expensive bypasses and increasing their capacity. They’d prefer use the Strait.
Depends on how you interpret “accepted” – acquiesced or resigned
I doubt this is true, Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, and Florida all tend to support our wars.
How many barrels come out of FL?
About a million and a half a year.
There’s a Florida Man joke in there somewhere.