Verity Trueheart ran as if someone was chasing her. She was a gangly girl with bright green hair who believed abortion was a human right and the cruel regime of her stepfather wanted to oppress her. She ran from The Beast, with his bulging muscles and manly sweat. She was strong, brilliant, brave, clumsy enough to be relatable, and no one understood her.
“Should we really have to spell all this out?” Golden Cracky asked.
“Yes, you do. People don’t read so good no more,” Dark Cracky growled.
“Go on, Hunter, this is great!” Cracky said, shedding flakes on the laptop keyboard.
Verity loved like no one was watching. The beast made her lady garden tinkle and she didn’t know why. She was afraid of his huge penis that she saw when she watched him wash the blood of the enemies from his hairless huge body.
“Not ‘tinkle, Hunter,” Golden Cracky said, “you want ‘tingle’ there.”
“Should we make her Asian?” Dark Cracky asked. “People hate Whites.”
“No yellow,” Hunter said, drinking down his cold coffee.
“More,” Cracky said, “you should write more. 500 words a day, remember?”
In the forest Verity ran and ran. The trees where dark and full of ancient magic that only Verity could use because she was spacial. Verity wasn’t like other girls that made fun of her in Camp Princess, the camp for princesses that don’t know they are secretly princesses.
“Magic is a good angle,” Dark Cracky said, “bitches love magic.”
“‘Special,” Hunter,” Golden Cracky said, “not ‘spacial.’”
“Let the man cook,” Dark Cracky
Hunter took a giant drag off the bits of Cracky in a glass stem.
Variety Trueheart had a true heart and the trees could sense her true heart which is why the trees made her the Secret Guardian of the trees and owls and deer and the pony that made her tinkle.
“Holy fuck of fucks, you just cannot spell,” Dark Cracky said.
“He’s doing the best he can!’ Cracky said in a rare burst of anger.
“Yes, leave him alone,” Golden Cracky said in infuriatingly calm tones.
“We need money to run for President,” Dark Cracky said, “and monster porn is all the rage right now. We aren’t going to spit on paper and make bank any longer.”
Varity Truheart…
“Maybe just use ‘she” and “her” rather than writing her name all the time,” Golden Cracky advised.
“If you don’t say her name, how will the reader know who we are talking about?” Dark Cracky asked.
She communed with the trees and found herself touching herself in her special touching place as she thought about The Beast. He was huge and the only handsome half-ogre in the Royal Court she didn’t know she would one day lead in the third book.
“What was the name we came up with for the half-ogre with the huge penis?” Cracky asked.
“‘Warty Hugeman,’” Golden Cracky said.
“Dumb name,” Dark Cracky said, “No one’s going to believe a character is named that.”
Good to see Cracky back in the repertoire.
We’ve missed you, the light and the dark and in-between.
Also good to see that Warty Hugeman is not completely lost to the ages…
He’s on X…
Miss him here.
I saw him in July. He is mightier than ever. He can damn near deadlift the world.
Is he doing some weightlifting competitions?
He is into BJJ and has been in tournaments…has some medals.
It’s sort of funny, but many people think the nickname I gave him (the Hugeman part) was like me calling a big fat guy “Tiny.” But he is actually gigantic. His forearms are bigger than many men’s thighs.
wait… I thought it was pronounced “Huggy-man” because of his affectionate nature.
That’s really cool.
Nobody can eat like Warty does. Keeping that machine well fed requires a constant conveyor belt of…everything…flowing into his gullet. Lesser men have been caught up in the frenzy and been consumed.
“We need money to run for President,” Dark Cracky said, “and monster porn is all the rage right now. We aren’t going to spit on paper and make bank any longer.”
Dark Cracky is wise.
“monster porn is all the rage right now”
SF could make a killing if he wanted.
My buddy that draws henti will draw it for you.
He should have been writing it though as he is always dead broke. His fault though as he’ll do tranny elves but won’t draw furries.
People have to have standards.
It’s a redline for him.
Santa BDSM rape porn is not however.
If i could put the standing ovation or raised glass gif I would.
When do we meet the sincere unassuming twerp who steals her heart?
The organ traffickers show up a few chapters down the road.
Tim Curry has gone home.
I guess he’s no longer shivering with anticpa…
That hits. He’s phenomenal in Clue, and pretty much everything he worked in.
RIP. He was also 80? Gotta be hard on Dad. He’s 77 in a few weeks. He’s not handling his descent into age well. He’s still physically sharp for his age. I think his extra workouts are harming his mental faculties a touch.
His best line: “antici…………….pation”
I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Uptown Theater in Minneapolis in the early 90s with a manic pixie dream girl. There was toast tossed at the screen. There was audience dancing. There were alternate lyrics (Damnit, Janet, I want to screw!”)
manic pixie dream girl got meds and wasn’t as fun anymore, but also wasn’t a bunny boiler anymore either.
One advantage to living in Cleveland, we could get the Plain Dealer to hold over our heads at the rain scene, the very paper used in the movie.
TF? 80?! Unpossible.
Oldness crept up on us while we were distracted.
They call us “civilized” because we’re easy to sneak up on.
White menOld age have been sneaking up on us for years.Yeah, I would not have guessed he was that old.
Brilliant.
I’m tempted to send Hunter a link to the entire Cracky oeuvre to see his reaction. On the other hand, maybe somebody already did and that’s why we keep needing to prove that we are human.
Tim Curry has gone home.
You mean… ?
I’ve never seen Rocky Horror. Not even a clip. I’m a youngin’.
Think it’s more a group, enjoy together flick.
Indeed. It needs to be seen in a theater with a crowd of regulars who know all the established rituals of audience partici…PATION.
Yeah, it’s terrible otherwise.
Audience participation is a major absolute negative for me.
I saw it and was not impressed with it.
Tim did an outstanding job with his character though.
The Ross Theater on Washington Ave. used to show it most weekends in the 80s. I probably saw it 40 times or so.
I saw it a few times (in a theater, midnight showing, audience participation) way back in the day.
The whole experience was fun.
When I was in college, it was shown on campus one weekend a year – Friday night in North Quad, Saturday night in South Quad. I went with a group of friends two years, and both times the person sitting directly behind me threw up (not on me, miraculously.) 🤢🤮 I stopped going after that (and have had no desire to see it since.)
I wonder if it has any appeal to kids today. It was fun because it was transgressive. Now the rules mandate everything that once was outrageous and forbid everything it was challenging.
It came up a few months ago and my sister in law had never seen it.
We watched it on the couch with popcorn one night, not even a beer to help it along.
I had not seen it in decades.
We laughed our asses off. It is great, campy fun…. If you take it that way. Ya kinda have to go in expecting off-broadway camp for it to work, I think. Tim is absolutely fantastic.
Rhy is right.
I gave my niece (who’s 30) shit for not taking her younger brothers (18 and 16 now) to see it. She tried to say it was my responsibility as the uncle, but no. Sibling trumps uncle for taking the yutes to things like that. I may have to organize a Halloween trip to see it at the Cedar Lee.
That is the reference.
I love it. Glad to have you back sir!
*Salutes with tentacle
Music to read SF by: Nightcrawler.
I did not know Warty Hugman was hairless.
I should have finished before snarking.
Well played, sir.
I mean, he is now…
I’ve never seen Rocky Horror.
“I been to one World’s Fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a pair of earphones.”
Is Hunter delving into BookTokk style Romantasy? It’s going to take a lot of drugs. He’s going to be burning right through Cracky.
TIL:
Moscow is the biggest city in Europe, with a population of over 12MM people. I had no idea it was that big.
That is all. Carry on.
Why not?
Why ask why? Try Bud Dry.
Grrrr
You won’t see an actor go more “full send” on a possibly disastrous role.
Maybe RDJ in full blackface, but ya…
I seem to recall that Kevin Kline thought he may have ended his career with his performance as Otto in A Fish Called Wanda…he won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.
“The beast made her lady garden tinkle and she didn’t know why.”
I prefer tinkle over tingle in that. ‘Such strange moisture accumulating… and me no know why…. rather hot, bothered by it…’
I believe I first heard “lady garden” on Top Gear. Coulda been Clarkson or May.
Well, if she was in her 40s and had a few kids…
Boom… Her uterus fell out.
Well, just put a new one in.
(((Jarflax- good observation on the kids today. A gay guy in women’s lingerie is so far from the edge now, the jokes probably are offensive for the exact opposite reason they were funny back in the day. Luckily I still have Gen X sense of humor.
Indeed. For a while now, the most ‘controversial’ thing would be a FtM trans, incredibly devout Christian from the South, certainly a Republican, who only sits and watches their Stories on TV to pass time. (Oooh, she’s becoming a MAN?! So much more ick there than the other way. Why, then, the icky man would be converting to the A̵s̵s̵i̵g̵n̵e̵d̵ S̵e̵x̵ Chosen Gender! Yuckers.
So. Take a really boring old person, extra religious (ICKY!!!!), and make ’em extra-plus -gay somehow. That’s subversive!! But they’d never do that, now. One, too controversial for them, what with the ickyness. And they couldn’t possibly ‘make fun’ of one of their own by making them a *GAAAAAASP!!!* Republican! That would tarnish the truth to their varnish. *Their* Truth. Which is the Only Truth. Almost religious, eh? Huh. Some things never change.
If they were made Republican, they would most certainly be closeted.
Just read this. OMG, the meta-parody of SugarFree writing about an author with more typos than himself. Sublime.
inorite?
Just a random thought on the whole digital versus physical media thing. It is of course ludicrous that these companies have basically slowly but surely removed digital media as an option on so many things and then cite the sales figures showing digital is winning out to prove some dominant consumer preference. Many may choose digital if given the choices because it seems convenient at least at first, but truth is that the physical is very often not even an option if you want to purchase many games or movies or shows these days.
But something that’s kind of missed in this debate is that digital media doesn’t have to work the way it currently does and on many platforms it didn’t work this way initially. Yea you downloaded content digitally, but you did own it at first. It was on your hard drive. You didn’t need internet to access it or stream it. It wasn’t on some third party library you had to access. They took that away and it’s a deliberate choice. Nominally to combat piracy.
Piracy is really fucking easy if you aren’t brain dead and most young people can figure it out if they don’t already know how. You can basically find most movies streaming for free with quick searches. Ad blocker and things like that make it pretty much fine to use and access. You can of course torrent just about anything which is slightly more opaque but only somewhat.
There could be a world where digital media is actually more consumer friendly than physical media in nearly every way. It’s just not the world we live in. People who are buying your shit are already making the choice to pay you though for the most part. Most people actually have made a conscious choice to consume the media they care about ethically and they are now being forced with inevitably being fucked over by doing so by these corporations. Because with digital media as it currently exists it’s not a matter of IF you lose it, but when.
Christ, I’ve ranted before on how many of these gaming companies legitimately just want to resell you the same games. Not even remastered games. They literally just want to take the roms that are freely accessible online and dump them on their eshops. They may have even already sold you a digital copy of the game at some point, but they decided to redo their eshop and make a new account system so they could start over from scratch.
In short, these corporations are playing with fire as I see it. You can only push consumers so far and they really have no legitimate leverage. The boomer class who doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing will die off and if you make consuming digital media a case of being ass raped more and more people will just say fuck it.
I e pretty much said f it already.
Pawn shops and ebay for the physical media. We have something like 1000+ movies and series.
There are some series I like that are digital only which sucks but oh well. Some guy overseas will eventually put them on a DVD and we’ll buy it that way.
DVDs can decay.
The issue (although rare for properly stored DVDs) is called “laser rot” after it became widespread during the Laserdisc era.
Laser Rot would be a good name for a sequel to Laserblast.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laserblast
R.J.:
Warner Brothers had a big batch that were failing at a higher than normal rate. They announced a replacement program and set up an e-mail address. I never heard back from any of my e-mails to that address as I have a good half dozen that failed.
Gah.
I’m not a robot let me post!!!
Gosh, it’s almost as if WB just set the email up for PR to get ahead of the story and had no intention at all of replacing some old out of print DVD’s.
3Door – Have you tried being a robot?
The only thing good about a sequel to Laserblast would have to be the name.
I identify as a robot. My comments are being eaten at an alarming rate. I press return, “Are you a robot?” comes up, when it clear, it is to a 405 error. Sad, I am. I feel your pain, Threedoor.
“Your Resident Narcissistic Misogynist Rape-Culture Apologist”
I’ve only submitted two, maybe three articles here at most over the last near decade(calling them articles is being generous to myself) so without looking I can’t remember what my Bio is but I think it’s still
“…Lemon Curry?”
An ex-girlfriend of OMWC called me that, and was dead serious about.
She had a beautiful way with words.
Sounds like she was a fan?
Ex-girlfriend is generous. Is “swamp-bottomed mistress” a thing?
Whatever floats your boat, good sir. No shaming here.
Er…his. Beer-Thirty started early today.
I thought The Beast was a presidential limousine that Trump recklessly wrested control of during The Insurrection.
No, it’s a resident of a shady Californian hotel…also immune to steely knives.
The one thing is common? All three have a giant penis that makes your nether regions tinkle.
I wanted to see how The Beast handled the bumps on the way into turn 6 on a push lap but they didn’t show any footage.
Is “swamp-bottomed mistress” a thing?
Officious bossy-pants?
I like swamp bottoms I cannot lie…
You other fellows might deny…
“Holy fuck of fucks, you just cannot spell,” Dark Cracky said.
Holy fuck. Is Hunter Biden someone I know?
Creator of the original Topps Mars Attacks card set passes.