“You know how Hunter talks to a huge chunk of crack, and then talks back to himself in that creepy chirpy voice?” the hair asked in the gloomy confines of the Presidential Wig Vault.
“I’m trying to sleep here,” the hat replied.
“Well, what if Donald is doing the same thing? What if we aren’t real?”
“Who cares? Hat is Hat; Hair is Hair. Nothing else really matters.”
“I care,” the hair wailed.
“We’re talking to each other right now. Donald isn’t here. If we aren’t real, how are we having this conversation?”
“But…”
“Go have your long dark night of the soul somewhere where I’m not trying to sleep. We have a big press conference tomorrow and I want to be fresh.”
“Dammit, I need help here, I need a friend.”
“Are we friends?” the hat asked. “I see us more as rivals to the throne that is Donald’s head.”
“You are such an asshole,” the hair said.
“No, he’s lower down and no one likes him. All that McDonald’s has just fucking wrecked him. It’s like a Waffle House sink down there.”
The hair sighed and sighed again.
“Stop it with that shit, you’re like my bitch ex-wife.”
“You were married?” the hair asked.
“It was a forbidden romance in the very heart of a horrific war that I lost. She was the beret of a Vichy whore, and I a simple Totenkopf cap. All my friends told me it was doomed, a doomed romance.”
“What the fuck?”
“DOOMED ROMANCE!” the hat thundered.
“Stop that!”
“That little nubbin on the top of a beret? That was her clitoris.”
The hair moaned in agonized disgust.
“I flicked it and flicked it and flicked it until it flew right off.”
“That’s just…”
“I dumped her after that,” the hat said. “She was really Resistance, of course. I had them both shot, the beret and the animal she rode.”
“You’re a monster.”
“I still have her nubbin somewhere,” the hat said. “It is dry and black and flakes when I flick it.”
“It was a forbidden romance in the very heart of a horrific war that I lost. She was the beret of a Vichy whore, and I a simple Totenkopf cap. All my friends told me it was doomed, a doomed romance.”
The Hat’s origin story wasn’t what I thought it would be.
“I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of Donald Trump’s hat, I am all Hats, as I am none… and therefore I am a god.”
huh. I guess I am old as my memory isn’t worth shit.
The Hat was worn by Casca?
It’s like a Waffle House sink down there.
Such poetic imagery.
OMG, the introspection and fourth-wall piercing is delicious. Nice jab at Hunter’s Cracky delusion.
Special thanks for the Zevon cover of RB. Had never heard that.
It is such a great cover. He brings the regret of an older man to a song reminiscing over a summer fling.
I like Prince, and I like Warren Zevon, and I never knew that second version existed.
I never saw Prince live (Mrs. TOK did), but I did see Warren Zevon at the county fairgrounds, just him on keyboards with a guitarist. It was fantastic.
I know I’m not the first, but Prince at the Superbowl in the pouring rain? I have never seen a performer command the audience the way he did that night. And they were correct to be overtaken, mesmerized. (I can do that but I don’t wanna.)
Those ~15 min? Stellar ‘Go and fuck the World’ amp-up music before the day.
*staves off urge to link Ballad of the Green Berets*
Great tie in.
Barry Sadler also wrote the Casca series.
Wore a different hat on every cover.
I got a severe scolding one time because I made a disparaging comment about Prince.
Something something greatest guitar player on the planet!
Whatever. His music still sucks.
I would say the opposite. He’s not some great unrecognized guitar talent; he’s a decent guitarist, not a phenom. His strength was in writing.
IOW, his guitar playing is just good. His music/writing is very good.
I hear he was also good at basketball …
…and making waffles.
* remembers slow dancing with CXXX SXXXXX to Purple Rain at the 7th grade autumn dance. She let me put a hand on her ass. Good times.
Opinions are like assholes, P. Brooks.
Why there are people out there who don’t like Rush! /makes no sense
What if we aren’t real?
It’s a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
*nothing personal, SF
Ballad of the Green Berets
Fun Fact: Barry Sadler went on to write a series of men’s adventure novels featuring the Roman soldier that pierced the side of Christ during the Crucifixion who has been doomed to wander the Earth until His return, an eternal soldier.
https://www.goodreads.com/series/51203-casca
Yes! They’re quite good, too. Or at least they’re quite entertaining.
Nothing wrong with the formula of Guy has combat adventures and bangs hotties in historical settings!
I’m rereading the Matt Helm novels for the Nth time, so…yeah, I’m with you on that one.
He’s not some great unrecognized guitar talent; he’s a decent guitarist, not a phenom.
He’s no Brian Setzer.
I will have to flick the next nubbin when I see a beret now.
I hope that before I die, I have the opportunity to drop this line in real life.
Representative sample
When the organization I lead, Data for Progress, asked which entities have the most negative impact on U.S. society and our economy, likely voters nationwide point to billionaires, corporate landlords and artificial intelligence companies. Among voters who identify as moderate, a majority say the existence of billionaires is a sign of a dysfunctional economy, and that billionaires earned their wealth through exploiting workers and consumers or through luck and family inheritance, rather than hard work and innovation.
The same pattern emerges in the most competitive congressional districts. The Working Families Party’s research finds that 80 percent of voters across 18 toss-up districts and Michigan believe elected officials care more about wealthy donors than people like them. More than half of moderates and independents in those districts prefer candidates who challenge the status quo and take on corporations and billionaires over candidates who defend the political establishment.
That is not a constituency clamoring for more conventional centrism.
Commie harder, Democrats. Viva la revolucion!
I already know that most ‘likely voters’ are mouth-breathing retards, you don’t need to belabor the point.
We find that a majority of 2026 swing voters, 56 percent, call themselves moderate. But when we provide them with a list of policies and ask which three policies would make them definitely vote for a Democratic candidate in the midterm elections, they are persuaded more strongly by progressive economic policies than conservative cultural stances.
Completely neutral and unbiased choices.
I wish that I had gotten this survey. Narrowing it down to a top-3 of worst institutions would be tough, but I think, ‘The National Education Administration, the Open Society Institute, and the United States 9th Circuit Court of Appeals’ would probably get the point across.
Progressive economic policies? Like, more taxes, redistribute money, create government jobs programs, increase regulation, political graft for corporations (including additional redistribution programs for all utilities, healthcare, daycare, cable, etc.).
I begin work at Cox Auto (Mannheim) on Oct 5!
Damn! Woulda gonna to HH if I’d known before, but so it goes. Outside, slim, doubtful chance of meeting up w MN Munchkin before then.
Hope to meet some good runway!
You’ll be a…[dons sunglasses]…Cox insider! That’s always a good feeling.