cartoon medley #18
About The Author
Derpetologist
The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp,
Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy
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We had enough Bigfoot robots to have extra? Uh… I mean. If we got ’em. Well…
Always reminds me of the Proudfoot family in the Shire. He was upset with Bilbo when he called the whole group the “Proudfoots.”
“ProudFEET!” the elder cried back. I’m glad they kept that in the flick.
THAT’S WHERE THEY PUT IT!!
Correct. *eyes widen, face un-turned, slinks out the door*
Dentists seems predictable, kinda similar with the disco ray, though I like that idea better. I’m not sure I fully ‘get’ Satan or the Pope. The dark Prince’s schemes seem pedestrian, and the Popester? I need the submarine setup. I’ll invent my own.
What does that globe have Atlantis on it?
That would be very cool to have.
Outstanding observation. I certainly saw the globe! I didn’t think anything was out of place… 🤔
The secret is out!
AI penetrated the secret home of the Lizard People and revealed it on Derpy’s cartoon?
And by penetrate…
The real dentist conspiracy is with the dietitians.
Brush your teeth before breakfast.
Seriously. Who thought that was a good order of operations?!
“Brush your teeth before breakfast.”
Who listened?
It’s crazy. It’s in a bunch of kids books.
Then you have to drink minty coffee! Blurgh!
See also: “The Berenstain Bears.” <– Nope. 'Berren-stEEN' bears, however ya wanna spell it. That one really is fucking goofy, cuz I've never heard anyone ever say it the 'correct' way, whatever that is. But.. "stain" is so much fun, just sittin' there. Why would we get that wrong? Highly unusual.
Minty orange juice with no natural flora to protect your teeth.
We have something like 50 Berenstain Bears books.
#1 is ithe Guild of Intersectional Dentistry planning to start a holiday where people give out vegetable flavored candy.
Little did they know that changing how ‘Halloween’ is pronounced wouldn’t be very persuasive.
#2 is Tip O’Neal trying to trick Ronald Reagan into giving up his Star Wars proposal.
#3 actually happened.
The plan failed. Instead of hippies liking disco, suburban white boys started to listen to NWA. And then rap took over the world.
Actual CIA plot.
I knew it!
Rap would never have caught on without the CIA.
Rush is a Canadian psyop.
They should have pushed Mitchell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXnTbmPxv5g&list=OLAK5uy_kvJ7pp5C7JUk6T8H96_J-f0EuJCAqpohk
#4 is Gavin Newsome and his hair grease plotting to take over the world.
#5 is a guy that thinks he’s St. Patrick, and a guy who thinks he’s an Irish Napoleon.
They’re planning to invade Scotland and steal all the haggis.
Dog is doing ten days of rabies quarantine. I don’t even really know where to begin with the fuckery that led to this and no where else I really care to vent to begin with.
Fuck face I live with had been taking the dog out once in a while at their insistence when I was gone. Mostly it went fine. Because of other fuckfaces in my life at work I ended up having to do a 12 hour shift and didn’t want to leave him alone that entire time.
I can’t tell people how much I’ve truly come to despise our third worlder friends and the fact that this fucking story involves them is truly something.
Some stupid Hispanic women who doesn’t speak English decided to approach babbling in a language the roommate clearly doesn’t speak and didn’t take the hint to go away. The dog being weary of both these people flipped the fuck out as the roommate attempted to pull him away and it takes very little for them to view their behavior as aggressive.
Dog is in the roommate’s name still. The dog in theory should be released to me in 10 days (and fully switched over, with zero contact between them going further). But if something stupid happens when he is in their care all bets are kind of off.
The little douche at animal control refused to even provide me details. You can hear the judgement in their voice the entire time as if they know the first fucking thing about it and like petty bureaucrats across the land they have decided to exercise their power to ensure the dog stays there for 10 days.
They know he doesn’t have rabies. He’s had his vaccines and is up to date. There’s legitimately no fucking good that can come out of keeping him locked up in a fucking kennel with strangers he doesn’t know or trust after that for 10 days. It’s not observation to see if he’s aggressive. It’s purely about rabies that they know he doesn’t fucking have.
Home quarantine is entirely on the table for the dog but the little fucking douche (I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him yet) fucking refused. There’s no fucking recourse. It’s the funniest shit how you can meet the pettiest, stupidest motherfuckers who work for government like that and you suddenly find themselves at their mercy completely. And boy don’t they seem to enjoy it.
There’s not a single rational reason to keep that dog for 10 days other than hoping the roommate changes their mind and wants to have the dog put down. Which is frankly exactly what I think the little fuck is probably betting will happen.
The dog is going to end up back here barring something stupid happening in their care. Delaying it 10 days literally does nothing but increase the chances of that. None of this bullshit has to do with fucking rabies.
What kind of dumb fuck approaches and then continues to approach someone who doesn’t speak their language to babble at them and then continues to do it with a dog freaking out to begin with?
I’m sorry but the quality of people I meet in general on the day to day…the migrants are bad, but it’s hardly just them. I’m told she didn’t speak a word of English but had a nice brand new car.
There’s just an astonishing level of ignorance and stupidity and complete disregard for everyone else.
Funniest part is when the dog redirected towards the roommate they cut tail and just fled. Didn’t even call anyone or anything. God what an enriching addition to the fucking country.
If it was seething fucking hate for these people before I’m there now.
I am sorry bro. That is a bad situation.
Let the hate flow through you.
Deport. Them. All.
I’m not crazy. Like I’d get keeping the dog if there was any reasonable answer to doing so. But they pretty much said outright that rabies wasn’t their concern. They talked about emotions and other bullshit. This guy – and I don’t know if he was animal control or not – refused to give any answers to me when I called at first. Went into fuck you I’m the authority figure mode at basic questions.
I’m sitting there waiting on the asshole to get their stitching done. I know the attack was bad. I also know a lot fucking more than you asshole. And beyond that I’m asking who makes the call on what happens to the dog and your fucking response to whether he’ll be put down is “it’s definitely on the table.”
Like fuck you you cunt. Who the fuck gave you power? The local municipality?
It’s like every gripe I have with the world and my life all coming together in one perfect shit storm and I just want to take care of my fucking dog. Like it’s the most humble and basic thing I could do with my life at this stage and it’s still too much apparently.
Guess I just have to look forward to when I go can bail the crazy little fucker out.
Cops were talking about shooting him so I guess it could be worse. Mind you this is a dog that curls up on my lap most of the day.
I’m not naive to what he can do. But he’s not a violent monster. The fuckface ‘roommate’ is viewed as the victim. The motherfucker created the situation from start to finish. They want to keep saying they didn’t do anything (like on this occasion). It’s a fucking dog. It doesn’t work that way when they start to view you as a threat they are actively looking for signs of you acting stupid.
It’s a freak situation and things had been calmer. They were *trying* to help and no good would come of going at them as much as I’d like to in certain moments. But fuck I’m tired of hearing about how the dog has issues. The level of crazy this person is capable of is something. I don’t want to hear about the dog’s response to it.
In some
Places the ASPCA is given cop powers. It’s vile. That organization should be burned to the ground with all of its employees and members.
People have title to dogs?
We both went to the adoption place. They were the one who wanted the dog. I was going to help take care of it as a courtesy. It’s obviously become my dog if you’ve seen my other rants here on the subject. Asshole kind of brought this out of the dog.
And even the two of them being back in interaction is because the fuckface couldn’t stop going in my room when I wasn’t there and engaging. It started slowly. Things *seem* ok but as I told them before we don’t know what will set the dog off with them at this point because of how they acted.
I’m not blameless. I got complacent and I didn’t keep my own priorities straight with regards to the bullshit job though I need the money at times. I used to work crazy hours but I can’t do that as much with a velcro dog like him.
And the people I work with can’t handle shit. It’s me. It’s a one-man fucking show apparently at all times.
Ugh sorry. I like cute dog videos but there is no way in hell one is ever going to stay in my home. I am 100% certain it would end badly for everyone involved.
The dog is a handfull but worth it to me. I mean, at least the little fucker is loyal to me. More than you can say for most other creatures out there.
He’s not innocent. He can do damage as has been proven. But my ‘roommate’ was the worst sort of person to end up with a dog with his temperament. A person who flies off the handle randomly, hit him at least once (I suspect more), rattling the fucking dogs cage when he’s a puppy for peeing…
And then trying to attack me right in fucking front of the dog.
I don’t need the dog to have a social circle here. He stays with me. I control him. He trusts me pretty fucking fully. If he attacks me, I’ll live with it but i don’t see that happening.
I feel like I failed the little fucker but it’s a shit situation.
Dang.
Neighbor’s dog bit me and he called the cops on me.
Guess which one the head sherrifs deputy believed?
Not me.
If the dog does it again I’m going to end it.
Embarrassing moment earlier: Clocked out, I had to pick up a pack before I went on a ~20min detour drive for the smoke home. Near the end, I remarked to myself “how time really moves fast,” as I was thinking of the darkness furthering for…. fucking nine more weeks!
I actually said “It’s like it happened overnight,” and. Then I remembered. Yes, Evan. It DID change overnight. Bastards. Who the fuck cares about children in the morning. They’re escaping the mines, anyway. They need back in.
When was the last time you saw a kid walking to the bus stop by themselves? They should be more concerned about making the morning commute at sunrise. If you are driving east in the morning the majority of the dopes on the road don’t know how to clean a windshield.
speaking of cleaning a windshield, does anyone have a good suggestion for managing the inside of a rediculously sloped really long windshield that is difficult to deal with by hand?
I don’t care if I lose some milage, I’d like a slightly more vertical windshield, but, it is what it is – how can I clean it easier?
The government views us as interchangeable. A trip down Glib Lane should certainly be enlightening to a bureaucrat.
Our handlers have to be taking a bunch of psych meds.