IFLA: The “Are You Sure?” Edition of the Horoscope for the Week of April 26

by | Apr 26, 2026 | IFLA | 29 comments

Huh. Things are not supposed to suck? For an extended period of time? Really? Yes, really! For those of you that like to follow along at home, get your orreries out and spin the planets into today’s position. OK, see how you have the Earth, Mercury and Venus roughly equidistant around the Sun? That balance is only going to get more perfect until about Cino de Mayo with a couple of extra-bonus beneficence on the 28th and May 1. This particular balance is all about pleasant novelty, stability without boredom, and general nice times. The 28th may be a bit more in the novelty-oriented days with the Moon participating with Mercury, while on the end/beginning of the month the Moon’s influence is more directly joining with the Sun in favor of the home life. So enjoy this week, the stars can be bitches.

Caveat: Aries currently hosts a not-great collection of planets- Mars, Mercury, Saturn. Otherwise known as War, Chaos and Ending.

This week’s draw… holy heck. EIGHT majors?

Taurus: Ace of Cups reversed – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.

Gemini: The Lovers – Attraction, love, beauty, trials overcome. 

Cancer: 3 of Coins –  Métier, trade, skilled labor, aristocracy, renown, glory.

Leo: The Emperor reversed – Benevolence, compassion, credit, confusion to enemies, obstruction, immaturity.

Virgo: The Hierophant – Marriage, alliance, captivity, servitude, mercy and goodness; inspiration.

Libra: 9 of Cups – Concord, contentment, physical bien-être, victory, success, advantage, satisfaction.

Scorpio: The Hermit reversed – Concealment, disguise, policy, fear, unreasoned caution.

Sagittarius: The Empress – Fruitfulness, action, initiative, length of days, the unknown, clandestine, difficulty, doubt, ignorance. 

Capricorn: The Star reversed – Arrogance, haughtiness, impotence.

Aquarius: The Hanged Man – Wisdom, circumspection, discernment, trials, sacrifice, intuition, divination, prophecy. 

Pisces: The Tower reversed – Misery, distress, indigence, adversity, calamity, disgrace, deception, ruin, unforeseen catastrophe, oppression, imprisonment, tyranny.

Aries: 6 of Cups reversed – The future, renewal, that which will come to pass presently.

About The Author

Not Adahn

Not Adahn

Despite all my rage, I am still just an impeccably dressed rat.

29 Comments

  1. Gender Traitor

    That balance is only going to get more perfect until about Cino de Mayo with a couple of extra-bonus beneficence on the 28th and May 1. This particular balance is all about pleasant novelty, stability without boredom, and general nice times.

    I picked the right time to take a few days off work! 😃

    • Threedoor

      And of course the Mexicans mess it up.

  2. The Late P Brooks

    Sagittarius: The Empress – Fruitfulness, action, initiative, length of days, the unknown, clandestine, difficulty, doubt, ignorance.

    Look both ways before crossing the street.

    • dbleagle

      Bravo. That got a laugh out of me.

  3. SarumanTheWoefullyIgnorant

    “Leo: The Emperor reversed – Benevolence, compassion, credit, confusion to enemies, obstruction, immaturity.”

    Yes, yes, yes, no, no, very much so.

  4. Sean

    “ Cancer: 3 of Coins – Métier, trade, skilled labor, aristocracy, renown, glory.”

    I shall be worshipped. Sounds on point for the week. 👑

  5. The Late P Brooks

    A world socialist dictatorship is the cure

    The European Union, too, plans to accelerate clean energy deployment to help alleviate electricity bills. “Every delayed investment in the energy transition risks greater cost for society at a later stage,” a draft European Commission proposal states. The plan comes ahead of a conference in Colombia this month where representatives from 85 countries will gather to craft a roadmap on how to move beyond the fossil fuel era.

    The Iran war is a case study for the need to make this transition, according to the United Nations. “Clean energy is the antidote to fossil fuel cost chaos, because it is cheaper, safer, and faster to market,” said Simon Stiell, the UN’s climate chief. “Wars don’t disrupt the supply of sunlight for solar power, and wind power does not depend on vulnerable shipping straits.”

    The mounting toll of the climate crisis, though, is the primary reason to ditch coal, oil and gas, advocates argue. Such impacts are increasingly apparent in the US, as well as the rest of the world, with the country enduring its hottest and driest start to a year in recorded history, with record-breaking March heat and punishing bouts of drought, heat and wildfire strafing much of the US west.

    A global board of technocrats pulling solutions out of a magic hat will solve all of humanity’s problems. And an Energy Fairy with a magic wand to abolish physics.

    • Ownbestenemy

      Dump fossils to decrease costs?

      • rhywun

        Flat out lies but half their audience believes it with all their heart and all your tax dollars.

    • dbleagle

      Wars may not stop sunlight but any teenager with a bunch of rocks can. Anybody with a small caliber weapon can stop a windmill with only poor marksmanship.

  6. Animal

    A tad late, but I just stumbled across the news about Hayek. Saddening, and she was 14 years younger than me? That’s way, way too young. I remember her very fondly from many, many Friday and Saturday night Zooms during the Covid scare. She was always gracious, cheerful, smart as a whip, and her being beautiful (in all respects) didn’t hurt any, either.

    She was one of the good ‘uns. She’ll be missed. And, fuck cancer.

    • Ownbestenemy

      For my childish crassness she was indeed one of the smartest persons I have ever met.

  7. juris imprudent

    Not sure what sign to put this under.

    Millwall have received an apology from Westminster City Council for the “insensitive” use of the club’s official logo to “illustrate the historic problem of racism within football” in a children’s education booklet which was distributed in schools.

    • Raven Nation

      I’m going to go with stupidity and/or ignorance on the part of the person doing the illustrating. According to a quick google search, the Millwall badge was put on a KKK member. This raises a number of questions but, apparently, this did happen: “The illustration was intended to depict a real incident from the 1980s where former Chelsea player Paul Canoville was subjected to racial abuse by individuals in KKK-style white hoods during a reserve match against Millwall”

      That’s a pretty obscure reference since it’s not clear how may game Canoville played for the Chelsea reserves. That said, he did pen an autobiography so maybe he wrote about it there. But, from what I can tell, he was more focused on the abuse he received from Chelsea fans.

      • juris imprudent

        Well, and ignoring the several black players that are on the squad!

        That’s the shit I’m so done with. If there were rampant racism amongst the supporters, it wouldn’t be only opposing teams catching the abuse. Vinicius catches abuse because he’s so thin-skinned, the latest incident was essentially being called a fag, not a nig. But he cried “racist abuse”. He doesn’t realize every time he shows how effected he is by it, he guarantees there will be more of it.

      • rhywun

        guarantees there will be more of it

        Almost like he plans it that way.

  8. R C Dean

    get your orreries out and spin the planets

    Starting strong with a euphemism, I see.

    Weird, in that within the last few days I somehow started thinking I wanted an orrery. Sadly, good ones are very expensive.

  9. rhywun

    Meanwhile the supporters group of almost every other club is more or less explicitly Antifa. Totes OK.

  10. The Late P Brooks

    Exploring deepest, darkest America

    When the highway opened in 1926, such a journey would have been unthinkable. But over the past decade, Route 66 has welcomed a string of EV charge points along the route that now, just in time for its 100th birthday, reach all the way to its endpoint of Santa Monica.

    We calculated that travelling by e-car would save between 150 and 180g of CO2 per kilometre, and the soaring cost of petrol made our decision a no-brainer. But how would an electric journey compare to the traditional experience?

    We’d soon find out. My friend pressed his e-car’s start button, and we were off to take our place in Route 66 history.

    What wonders and dangers might our intrepid explorers encounter?

    I can’t help wondering if that is a net CO2 savings including the generation of the electricity used for recharging. They wouldn’t lie, would they?

    • rhywun

      For bonus points they floated across all the icky flyover states on a wave of unicorn farts.

    • Grumbletarian

      Three days to get from Chicago to St. Louis in a car that emits more smug than my truck emits CO2.

    • juris imprudent

      Look he hired a retarded leftie to be his social media operator. Even if all of the strings were connected, the movements would still be herky-jerky.

  11. Evan from Evansville

    Taurus: Ace of Cups reversed – House of the false heart, mutation, instability, revolution.
    ===
    Eh. This doesn’t really fit. Boo. And I want my two-bits back! Had a good first week of my contract. Feels nice to have a normal schedule. I’ve also had some great days with the 5yo, today included. He’s not going w the 11 and ~13yo to England /Paris w Bro+ later this month. (I’m curious what they see…) That’ll be interesting, cuz we’re gonna have him for a little under two weeks, I think. I’ll still be working in my ClostOffice, and ‘rents are thinking of different activities for him.

    For Dad, that means ‘places to take him,’ which is fantastic. But that’s a lot of moving for the two of ’em, in very different gears. *doubtful face, affixed*

    It’s the first time I’ve gotten to uncle when they’re this old. He may be crossing into the Stay This Age Zone. Much more verbal than his brothers, he’s *very* interested in telling you 5yo things. Highly quotable.

    • Evan from Evansville

      “The 28th may be a bit more in the novelty-oriented days with the Moon participating with Mercury…”

      I strongly, strongly approve.

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