“You know how Hunter talks to a huge chunk of crack, and then talks back to himself in that creepy chirpy voice?” the hair asked in the gloomy confines of the Presidential Wig Vault.
“I’m trying to sleep here,” the hat replied.
“Well, what if Donald is doing the same thing? What if we aren’t real?”
“Who cares? Hat is Hat; Hair is Hair. Nothing else really matters.”
“I care,” the hair wailed.
“We’re talking to each other right now. Donald isn’t here. If we aren’t real, how are we having this conversation?”
“But…”
“Go have your long dark night of the soul somewhere where I’m not trying to sleep. We have a big press conference tomorrow and I want to be fresh.”
“Dammit, I need help here, I need a friend.”
“Are we friends?” the hat asked. “I see us more as rivals to the throne that is Donald’s head.”
“You are such an asshole,” the hair said.
“No, he’s lower down and no one likes him. All that McDonald’s has just fucking wrecked him. It’s like a Waffle House sink down there.”
The hair sighed and sighed again.
“Stop it with that shit, you’re like my bitch ex-wife.”
“You were married?” the hair asked.
“It was a forbidden romance in the very heart of a horrific war that I lost. She was the beret of a Vichy whore, and I a simple Totenkopf cap. All my friends told me it was doomed, a doomed romance.”
“What the fuck?”
“DOOMED ROMANCE!” the hat thundered.
“Stop that!”
“That little nubbin on the top of a beret? That was her clitoris.”
The hair moaned in agonized disgust.
“I flicked it and flicked it and flicked it until it flew right off.”
“That’s just…”
“I dumped her after that,” the hat said. “She was really Resistance, of course. I had them both shot, the beret and the animal she rode.”
“You’re a monster.”
“I still have her nubbin somewhere,” the hat said. “It is dry and black and flakes when I flick it.”
“It was a forbidden romance in the very heart of a horrific war that I lost. She was the beret of a Vichy whore, and I a simple Totenkopf cap. All my friends told me it was doomed, a doomed romance.”
The Hat’s origin story wasn’t what I thought it would be.
“I have existed from the morning of the world and I shall exist until the last star falls from the night. Although I have taken the form of Donald Trump’s hat, I am all Hats, as I am none… and therefore I am a god.”
huh. I guess I am old as my memory isn’t worth shit.
The Hat was worn by Casca?
It’s like a Waffle House sink down there.
Such poetic imagery.
OMG, the introspection and fourth-wall piercing is delicious. Nice jab at Hunter’s Cracky delusion.
Special thanks for the Zevon cover of RB. Had never heard that.
It is such a great cover. He brings the regret of an older man to a song reminiscing over a summer fling.
I like Prince, and I like Warren Zevon, and I never knew that second version existed.
I never saw Prince live (Mrs. TOK did), but I did see Warren Zevon at the county fairgrounds, just him on keyboards with a guitarist. It was fantastic.
I know I’m not the first, but Prince at the Superbowl in the pouring rain? I have never seen a performer command the audience the way he did that night. And they were correct to be overtaken, mesmerized. (I can do that but I don’t wanna.)
Those ~15 min? Stellar ‘Go and fuck the World’ amp-up music before the day.
I used to kind of like him, but my SIL is over the moon about him, then I read a biography of him, and now I’m a big fan too.
*staves off urge to link Ballad of the Green Berets*
Great tie in.
Barry Sadler also wrote the Casca series.
Wore a different hat on every cover.
I got a severe scolding one time because I made a disparaging comment about Prince.
Something something greatest guitar player on the planet!
Whatever. His music still sucks.
I would say the opposite. He’s not some great unrecognized guitar talent; he’s a decent guitarist, not a phenom. His strength was in writing.
IOW, his guitar playing is just good. His music/writing is very good.
I hear he was also good at basketball …
…and making waffles.
* remembers slow dancing with CXXX SXXXXX to Purple Rain at the 7th grade autumn dance. She let me put a hand on her ass. Good times.
Opinions are like assholes, P. Brooks.
Why there are people out there who don’t like Rush! /makes no sense
That’s called good taste Nick.
What if we aren’t real?
It’s a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
*nothing personal, SF
Ballad of the Green Berets
Fun Fact: Barry Sadler went on to write a series of men’s adventure novels featuring the Roman soldier that pierced the side of Christ during the Crucifixion who has been doomed to wander the Earth until His return, an eternal soldier.
https://www.goodreads.com/series/51203-casca
Yes! They’re quite good, too. Or at least they’re quite entertaining.
Nothing wrong with the formula of Guy has combat adventures and bangs hotties in historical settings!
I’m rereading the Matt Helm novels for the Nth time, so…yeah, I’m with you on that one.
Funny story, ES, but those came out around when I was in junior high and we read those alongside Mac Bolan and all of that dreck. But, by accident, a friend picked up a Vietnam war novel call The Short Timers, which was totally on another level from that stuff, fun as it was.
And, as I am sure you know, Short Timers was the novel that Full Metal Jacket was based on, got and I to read it before the movie came out. So, I got that going for me. Which is nice.
12-13 year-old SugarFree loved them, but not as much as Remo Williams. I ate those right up. They cost like a dime to quarter at used bookstores.
He’s not some great unrecognized guitar talent; he’s a decent guitarist, not a phenom.
He’s no Brian Setzer.
I will have to flick the next nubbin when I see a beret now.
I hope that before I die, I have the opportunity to drop this line in real life.
FRFR
Representative sample
When the organization I lead, Data for Progress, asked which entities have the most negative impact on U.S. society and our economy, likely voters nationwide point to billionaires, corporate landlords and artificial intelligence companies. Among voters who identify as moderate, a majority say the existence of billionaires is a sign of a dysfunctional economy, and that billionaires earned their wealth through exploiting workers and consumers or through luck and family inheritance, rather than hard work and innovation.
The same pattern emerges in the most competitive congressional districts. The Working Families Party’s research finds that 80 percent of voters across 18 toss-up districts and Michigan believe elected officials care more about wealthy donors than people like them. More than half of moderates and independents in those districts prefer candidates who challenge the status quo and take on corporations and billionaires over candidates who defend the political establishment.
That is not a constituency clamoring for more conventional centrism.
Commie harder, Democrats. Viva la revolucion!
I already know that most ‘likely voters’ are mouth-breathing retards, you don’t need to belabor the point.
80 percent of voters across 18 toss-up districts and Michigan believe elected officials care more about wealthy donors than people like them
Donors like unions?
Oh, they don’t care about the wealthy donors either. Caring has nothing to do with the situation.
I would challenge them to name one country with no billionaires and then move there.
We find that a majority of 2026 swing voters, 56 percent, call themselves moderate. But when we provide them with a list of policies and ask which three policies would make them definitely vote for a Democratic candidate in the midterm elections, they are persuaded more strongly by progressive economic policies than conservative cultural stances.
Completely neutral and unbiased choices.
I wish that I had gotten this survey. Narrowing it down to a top-3 of worst institutions would be tough, but I think, ‘The National Education Administration, the Open Society Institute, and the United States 9th Circuit Court of Appeals’ would probably get the point across.
Those are a solid top three.
Progressive economic policies? Like, more taxes, redistribute money, create government jobs programs, increase regulation, political graft for corporations (including additional redistribution programs for all utilities, healthcare, daycare, cable, etc.).
The list of policies in the survey:
Conservative social
1. Genocide of trans people
2. Genocide of minorities
3. Mandatory pregnancy of all women from 16-40
Progressive economic
1. You get free stuff
2. You get more free stuff
3. All the free stuffs
‘Cause there aren’t three Dem policies that are moderate?
I begin work at Cox Auto (Mannheim) on Oct 5!
Damn! Woulda gonna to HH if I’d known before, but so it goes. Outside, slim, doubtful chance of meeting up w MN Munchkin before then.
Hope to meet some good runway!
You’ll be a…[dons sunglasses]…Cox insider! That’s always a good feeling.
I hear they treat their employees well. They even throw parties every quarter. Those Cox Balls are legendary.
*Golf clap
As a Document Agent, too! Agents get sunglasses! So fetch me up a nice pair, chop chop. Don’t make me dock your Cox docs. Could affect the value of your car(s). (I left my cock out of it. Be thankful. (Or disappointed.))
I knew Cox ‘worked with’ Kelley Blue Book, but just learned Cox has been their parent company since 2014. “KBB operates within Cox’s Retail Solutions and Consumer Solutions groups alongside brands like Autotrader, Dealertrack, and VinSolutions.”
I got the job offer Sept. 3. Took long enough, jeez.
Stop politicizing our steadfastly apolitical government agencies!
“Any attempt to politicize grantmaking at the National Institutes of Health (NIH), or any other agency, by another means—whether an Executive Order or guidance—is contrary to congressional intent,” added Collins. “Imposing a political review on awards that have already been selected through a rigorous scientific and merit-based process undermines the long-standing principle that the government funds awards based on scientific need and merit, rather than political ideology.”
“rigorous scientific and merit-based process”
Stop it. You’re killing me.
So, Congressional intent is NO oversight of grants and OMB has no role? Check.
My dog rolls in what I can only imagine are dead animal parts on the ground that I didn’t catch. I imagine him telling himself that he has now become Death, the destroyer of worlds.
It doesn’t look like much besides dirts on the ground but he’s done it twice now. And then he promptly gets a bath. 6 in 3 weeks now from the rain/mud (he loves playing in puddles, but hates water) and the rolling around thing.
Rolling in filth is a dog thing.
It’s also occasionally a cat thing.
My male cat delights in rolling in dirt, then coming inside and sleeping on my bed..
I had a golden retriever that liked to roll in dead fish. She had to walk 4 miles home while I drove, because there was NO WAY she was getting in my truck smelling like that.
That is no way to treat a girlfriend, blond or not.