cartoon medley #13
About The Author
Derpetologist
The world's foremost authority on the science of stupidity, Professor Emeritus at Derpskatonic University, Editor of the Journal of Pure and Theoretical Derp,
Chancellor of the Royal Derp Society, and Senior Fellow at The Dipshit Doodlebug Institute for Advanced Idiocy
New troll level unlocked – get Taylor Switch to write a nasty song about you after you called her Slim Pickens.
I used to joke that the point of the Twatter’s was to yell at athletes when they lost you money and wish cancer upon them.
But really it’s potential is so much greater than that. You can mock world leaders, billionaires, and any celebrity you want. Even if they don’t respond, their petty egos will demand that they read it and they will let it consume them and drive their decision making.
You should only get cancer!
I second in your general direction.
I’ve had a couple answer a random question which was cool.
Ornithologists, koala, and kangaroo, WTF.
That’s ornithorhynchus, autocorrect.
Oh my!
Because of the pagination, that last one reads as Thou Not Shalt Kill. Which I guess is fine, since it doesn’t change the meaning.
“since it doesn’t change the meaning.” I believe that was the point.
You put RJ in the second toon?
Impossible to tell if that pictured alien is green or grey. Race is the most important thing.
RJ said that the Greys were well known assholes in the circles he travels.
They are known as the Buttfuckians from Uranus. And they are little naked assholes.
And yes, my résumé is damned impressive.
If your resume includes “Talent Acquisition” to find me mates, well. You should take that part off. You’ve not delivered anything, frankly.
(My girded loins are good for gals and greys, dont’cha know. Sorry, dudes. I’m just too impressive.)
So it looks like Laughing Cow has not yet revealed why the cow is not laughing.
(in case you missed it: https://finance.yahoo.com/media-advertising/articles/more-100-years-laughing-cow-153800619.html )
We should take bets on why the cow is not laughing.
Here’s some possibilities, ranked (by me) as most to least likely:
* Voting is important, democracy is under attack (by Trump/Republicans) and it is your civic duty to vote (for Democrats)
* Climate change
* Nothing political, it’s some stupid marketing stunt.
* Immigrants built this country so stop being mean to them
* Gaza
I’m betting it’s voting, based on the fact that they’re doing this right before The Most Important Election In History.
Also, I predict that the Muh Palestinians crowd will throw a shitfit if it isn’t Gaza.
Please include something about going vegan.
Turning Veganese, I think I’m turning Veganese
I really think so
RJ gets a LOL for a joke I was not expecting
Mourning the disappearance of the Land O’ Lakes Indian chick?
Let’s not forget Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben.
I guessed illegal aliens the other day when it was announced.
Those poor hardworking ‘immigrants’ make up the bulk of the workforce in the dairies, this is the line the southern Idaho dairy men use to justify their hiring of border jumpers.
I will take a vegan MRE over ham slice.
Yeah the ham was bad.
I guess you are too youbg the remember the 1st generation MRE horror show known as “Ham and Chicken Loaf”. There wasn’t enough privately purchased Tabasco to cover up that foul taste and texture.
We found some as a kid and ate a few cases of the ones in dark green bags with the freeze dried fruit and ice cream in them. I’m guessing from the late 80s as we found them in 94/95.
Most of the meals on them were bad.
Dark brown wrappers (up to mid 90’s, last one I had was issued around 1999 or 2000) were the best. Freeze dried fruit blocks were awesome. Came from Oregon Freeze Dry just up the road (they also make the arctic and long range freeze dried components as well as the commercial Mountain House brand).
Ham is gross. (Not gross, gross. But unless there’s nothing else, why?)
I’d take the vomlette over a vegan mre.
Ham slice was good. The veggie mre that came out at the end of my time was utter shit. The current menus, I can’t even. Let’s build our own tacos in the field!
The Chinese did some large-scale military exercises to prepare for their failed 1979 war with Vietnam. Part of it was given every soldier a 5-pound bag of flour and telling them to make sun-baked crackers with it in the field. And the soldiers were so overloaded that it was expected they’d discard half their gear before on the way to battle.
These are the people we’re supposed to be afraid of and at great expense. Maybe the Chinese just should have flown a balloon over them instead.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sino-Vietnamese_War
There was a Disney cartoon called Tailspin. It had an episode where the mock Chinese attack with airships.
The show’s burlesque of the USSR was Thembria and their Glorious People’s Air Force.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A9qFzFVVjw
Tailspin is awesome.
That last one should be “Thou Shalt Not Kill Switch”
Agreed!
#1 might be the only viable way out of that sorry mess.
I was on the fence about putting in the alien one until I went to a comedy show on Friday featuring Jonnie W. He’s a “clean comic” so you can guess what that means. Many jokes that I think are lazy, bad, or corny get laughs, so why not try some myself?
The comedy show was in a Baptist church, and they were knives and crossbows for sale in the lobby. Really. It was a fundraiser for a charity that takes in girls from abusive homes.
The best joke he had that night was “if you can’t think of something nice to say, write it down and save it for later.”
Sell the crossbows after the show.
Not before.
Unless it was both encouragement and a threat for the comedian.
He riffed on it, so good on him. Here’s one of his specials:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXlKLu36P4M
We watch se of the Drybar stuff form time to time. He’s familiar. Not one I’ve watched an entire act though.
I’m not a comedy aficionado but Bob Newhart was “clean” and one of the funniest motherfuckers I can remember.
I haven’t seen a show since Eddie Izzard was just a transvestite.
Eddie went down hard.
Seinfeld’s clean as well.
The family’s doing a Talent Show this Friday, in part for Dad’s bday. (The porta-potty the boys made will be first displayed.) I’m thinking of a clean bit I can do in the couple minutes I have. Will likely be about the 30 v 60min lunch time debate. That’ll make sense for the kids and easily clean.
I’m not at all anti-filth in comedy and it’s often essential. But I do like leaning away from their use, just to emphasize the actual written/spoken joke ya made. “Fuck” is cheap. (inb4 $20)
I like Dmitri Martin, Mitch Hedberg, and Steven Wright. None of those guys swear much. A great joke is still funny even if you just read it.
The pronoun play in his Wikipedia article is amusing. He’s all over the map but the article is defiantly “she” because, well… whatever. It all feels like part of his act to me.
Depends on the comic and their style. Like Louis Black, Sam Kinnison, Andrew Dice Clay, or Chris Rock… take away the raunch and the whole shtick falls apart. Then there’s just certain jokes that land better with a naughty word. A good example would be Ron White in his stand up specials vs. the sanitized versions for the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Acts like Emo Phillips or Steven Wright can get by without any profanity or vulgarity at all.
Kinison is another one of the most humorous gentlemen ever, and I’ve seen him live too.
I like Ron White best of the Blue Collar guys, though Foxworthy and Larry were/are funny too. (I found Engvall just OK.) Also like Steven Wright (“My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can’t get out.”) But the only comic (or if you prefer, “comic performer”) that I’ve ever paid (or would pay) to see is Jeff Dunham.
Going back in time, early Steve Martin stand-up made young GT totally lose it.
And just to prove I’m not a TOTAL traitor, I’ll give a shout-out to Judy Tenuta, Rita Rudner, and Ellen’s stand-up (sadly, now spoiled for me since she was outed as a bitch boss from Hell.)
I found Ellen rather funny before she disappeared up her own asshole.
Oh yeah I remember Rita Rudner now. She was very funny too.
Oh mercy… another story just gets more and more batshit insane. Sign of the times, I guess.
I stopped there because it’s all just so ridiculous and tiresome and IDGAF.
Tried to pull medical tubes out of ‘them?’ Uh, in a hospital? Cuz that’s crossed into some odd criminal territory. Far too batshit, and ‘trans’ anything was just the final straw on that camel’s non-binary back.
And ya know what? I don’t know, but maybe he WAS a disgusting, queer pervert. *shrug*
Well, apparently they (both?) killed him because he was abusing his kid(s?) in some manner I don’t care to research any further even though it’s going to be top of the page fodder for the next week or two now.
Huh.
Wait, wuh? I still don’t get it, “[The victim and] former executive transitioned from female to male in 2010 and got married to Jang in 2011. The estranged couple were set to be in court over the issue of custody this Friday prior to the shooting.”
Uh. That’s a FEmale to male?! Uh. Call those docs, cuz damn. That’s a man, man. Arm hair and stout build? Something ain’t clicin’ here, and it ain’t just me.
Another case of trans genocide.
*Massive eyeroll*
Also, shocking that a lesbian couple had history of domestic abuse.
Ya see, when you’re taught to see racism everywhere, and you’re a good student, well…
“The BBC is catching heat for an article claiming that the trend of leaving fingernails unpainted is a racist way of pushing “white supremacist standards of beauty.”
The national broadcaster interviewed Paloma Buddemeier, a London nail salon owner, who shared that more and more customers are asking to skip the nail polish after their manicures, a fashion trend synonymous with “quiet luxury.”
But the BBC claimed that nail art is “linked back to black, Latino and Asian communities,” and the viral “bare” look could “stigmatize bold manicures.”’
Oh, wow. It just keeps going. And WTmotherfuck is a “beauty journalist?” But! Get your bingo cards out!
“The outlet spoke to beauty journalist Kristina Rodulfo, who had no trouble connecting the seemingly innocuous beauty choice into a malicious act targeting communities of color. Bare nails, Rodulfo bafflingly claimed, “really promotes blankness and this kind of sameness and erasure of culture and identity that is so important to black and brown communities.”
“They are often called elegant or tasteful, and these are often usually euphemisms that perpetuate white supremacist standards of beauty,” she continued. Rodulfo pointed the finger at “white women or celebrities” for perpetuating the fad, claiming they “often conflate class and taste with that bareness.”
Riddle me this: Today, with phones everywhere, how the fuck is anyone’s culture or ‘identity’ being “erased?” It’s impossible to slap any sense-stick on that bullshit, so they just add more buzz words. It’s rather frustrating.
Anything that doesn’t celebrate whatever more authentic cultures are doing is erasure. Surely you know how this works by now.
And if white women were using nail polish she would be calling it cultural appropriation.
Blah, blah, this isn’t a serious person. She just needs to justify a useless job with useless blather.
You get it: you can’t win.
If white people move out, it’s white flight.
If they move in, it’s gentrification.
If they stay put, they’re racist.
Driving faster than the speed limit is speeding.
Driving slower than the speed limit is impeding traffic.
Driving exactly the speed limit is suspicious behavior.
What happened to her body her choice?
These people are demented.
Mammary Monday After Dark.
https://archive.is/YIEs4
NSFW.
Thanks. Beats watching anymore of the Eagles dogshit performance tonight.
It was worth wading through the captcha.
Things you didnt want to know, Ikea edition
https://x.com/RickD_GK/status/2104681067869569423
First comment. I don’t like this person:
I’m a 911 dispatcher, and I can honestly say this isn’t even close to the wildest call I’ve ever taken 🤣
Nuts to that.
Well played
Why do all of the web searches for this only yield a 2016 incident from Norway?
On the other hand, I like this person. She coulda maybe done it differently, but that’s rather touching. And, uh. Would. I’ve got lots of leukemia.
“Married blonde psychiatrist’s sessions with teen patient ended in forbidden sex: Naked selfies, explicit messages… and how she showered him with gifts right under lawyer husband’s nose
She was the trusted psychiatrist treating a teenage cancer survivor for crippling anxiety. He was a vulnerable 17-year-old high school senior who had survived leukemia.”
https://www.dailymail.com/news/article-16157789/psychiatrist-patient-sexual-misconduct-philadelphia.html
I hate The Big Bang Theory show, but they made a good point about Raiders of the Lost Ark. With or without Indy, the Nazis find the ark, open it, and die.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWE6M-rhh2U
8-year-old me did not think about these things while enjoying the movie.
Same deal for Last Crusade. Even if the Nazis got the grail, they couldn’t take it with them.
I’m nerdish and never cared for that franchise enough to rewatch. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Blade Runner and even the various Star Warses he appeared in are so superior it’s ridiculous.
69th.
Sleepieth.
You win.
Happy national coffee day day, you filthy caffeine addicts…
🤪☕️👀
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kyEtH4aauac
🎶🎶
Cocaine Smuggler Day you mean,
There’s nothing filthy about the caffeine from black coffee.
The other methods of ingesting caffeine, however, are just freaky.
Good morning, Sean, U, Ted’S., and homey!
Morning.
by no metric am I tired, but I just want to go back to bed and hide from the day.
Well, you survived your first day back to work after vacation. Was it rougher than you expected?
No. Work isn’t an issue.
Whatever is making you want to hide, I hope it gets better. 😟️
You just linked those kids the other day. 🎶
That’s OK I like it. I like this one too.
Hmmm. Perhaps a copy and paste #fail.
I’m not enjoying coffee lately. 🫤
Maybe I need to switch my brand or something.
Maybe you’d like this brand. ☕️
I was expecting this.
suh’ fam
what’s goody
Nothing.
my two shoes?
+ Adam Ant
Mornin’ all!
Finally got my ‘2 week follow-up’ with the surgeon. 1 day shy of 3 weeks, but so it goes.
The news is all good. Heart is in good shape, perforation all healed up. I’m cleared to resume the rest of my meds and ‘normal life’, whatever the heck that is lol.
One or two people were asking which ablation method was used — electrical burn.
The surgeon has done 1600 ablations over the past 2 years. This was only the second perforation. The standard is 1%, so…
I see him again right after New Year’s, when we’ll decide on reducing or eliminating the arrhythmia drug. If I stay out of a fib after that, no need for him to back in and do the other half of the procedure that the perforation interrupted. Hopefully that can be avoided, but if not, I have great confidence in the surgeon and hospital,
I feel great, much better than prior to the surgery, so I’m going with ‘so far so good’ 😉
Good morning, Beau! Delighted to hear that all indications are positive and, most of all, that you’re feeling so good! 😃️👍️
🤘🤘
Thanks GT & rhy!
(And others I may miss later)
Good news!
Good news.